ugh mamas this is still so hard - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 9 Old 04-05-2011, 03:09 PM - Thread Starter
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They will be 6 months in a week.   I guess things are better than the newborn days... but now it's still nonstop.   I feel like they nurse more often (like every 1-2 hrs during the day/every 2-4 at night) but for shorter times unless sleepy.  So I guess that is better than the nurse a thons all day/night.   


But I still feel like I am a mess.  My house is a mess.  My three year old still is watching too much TV.   I can't seem to get myself to take them out much.   I am yelling at my daughter (3)   Did I say the TV is raising her?  Cus right now it still is.  


I'm so tired that I don't have the motivation to even go on walks.   


They arent on any type of schedule.   They fight sleep and then they are cranky.  I don't believe in CIO and I do cosleep to at least make nights a little better. 


I am having to work now on the weekends and hubby is home with them.   So we never see eachother.   We are so broke from me not working for like 9 months.   


I still worry that they are getting enough to eat when I nurse.    


I guess I am just feeling low... I'm starting to wonder maybe I am depressed?   


And I feel bad saying this but right now I just hate having twins.  :(

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#2 of 9 Old 04-05-2011, 04:21 PM
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Mommy take a breath, yes a deep breath.  Remember you are raising infant twins AND a three-year-old.  I give you a lot of credit, that you are still nursing at six months.  That is remarkable.  You should be very proud of yourself, that's extremely difficult to do with twins.  

I tried nursing.  I was all set for nursing.  I took the class, read the books.  I bought the storage bags, an extra large nursing chair, the nursing clothes, the boppy...  Then, the babies were born and wouldn't nurse.  I met with several LLL and nursing coordinators, no luck.  We wound up pumping for three weeks, but I wasn't producing enough for both babies.  


I was devastated.  So, to hear that you are still nursing at six months, plus you are taking care of your three year old?!  That's remarkable.  


Forget about the mess.  I can't believe that I am saying that- I'm a huge hypocrite.  It's true though. Years from now, no one is going to remember that the house was a mess.  Plus, no one expects you to have a clean house.


We only had our babies on a food schedule.  They were fed every two hours, then every three hours.  At 6 months, we made our last feeding at 11 PM.  They would usually sleep until 4 AM, so we were able to sleep from midnight to four (four blissful hours of sleep).  At 7 months, our last feeding was 10 PM.  We kept decreasing the last feeding by one hour each month, until our last bottle was at 6:30-7:00.  


Sleep scheduling didn't work for my twins.  We use a white noise machine and that seems to help them fall asleep, but it won't put them to sleep.  My babies don't like sleep- we're finally getting close to the 14 hour daily sleep requirement (we're at 12 1/2 hours).  I think the only reason they are sleeping more now is because they are so much more active (running, playing, "working").  


I understand how you feel, twins are a lot of work.  Twins plus a toddler is A LOT of work.  You're doing the best you can.  You're obviously a wonderful mother, or else you wouldn't be worrying about this.  


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#3 of 9 Old 04-05-2011, 05:13 PM
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I guess I am just feeling low... I'm starting to wonder maybe I am depressed?   


And I feel bad saying this but right now I just hate having twins.  :(

Ooh, you sound like me. I HATE BREAST FEEDING!!! My girls are only 3 wks old but I was a single mom for 12 years so taking care of babies again is a complete shock. Like you, the nursing part is getting on my nerves. I'm not getting enough "me time" so you know what? I started with the formula. At night they get a milk/formula bottle so that I can get some damn sleep. I don't care what anyone thinks. They're healthy, they're home, they're hitting their newborn milestones... I could give a damn what someone says about me feeding them formula at night. I own a home health agency and work from home so a lot of my work is on the computer but with the constant pumping and nursing I can't get anything done. I told my husband that I was going to supplement their feedings with formula or "canned" breastmilk if I had to. He is fine with it. He better be. 


Your twins should be starting on solids soon so they won't need as much breastmilk. Maybe they're ready for solids now and that's why they're nursing more. Do me a favor and go do your favorite thing. I wheeled my pack n' play outside in the shade and went swimming for an hour. It felt great! Sometimes I feel like the pro-nursing agencies are little idealistic and don't know me. If nursing is driving you mad, then stop! As for the 3 y/o - give her some light duty chores. Toddlers love helping mommy. :)


Girl, you'll be fine. XOXO 


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#4 of 9 Old 04-05-2011, 06:14 PM
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It really will get better mama.  That first whole year is so hard.  My twins are now 7yo.  There were so many times when I just wanted to ditch the whole nursing thing too.  In fact, we did do bottles at night, because at the end of the day I was d.o.n.e.  They did, however, bf for 16 months.  When they were your twins age (6 months), going on a walk was a life saver.  We went every mid-morning, and that time became their naptime, and I think I fell in love with BOB doulie.  Six months is also a good time to start introducing solids, giving your body a little break. 


Is pre-school a possibility for your 3yo?

Mama to twins, my little guy, and
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#5 of 9 Old 04-05-2011, 09:30 PM
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Oh yeah, mine fought sleep a lot too. I got two of the FP papasan swings, and those helped a LOT with naps. They would sleep for sometimes 2-3 hrs in the swings. I didn't get them until they were about 4 months old -- I should have gotten them WAY sooner! 


I couldn't do anything other than take care of the babies until they were able to sit unsupported -- about 7 or 7.5 months old (5.5 mos adjusted). Because once they could sit, they were into playing with toys for like 10 mins at a time, so I could step away and shower. 

Mama to twin boys born at 30 weeks. 5/21/10. 
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#6 of 9 Old 04-06-2011, 04:16 AM
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Yeah. I hated having twins, A LOT in the first 3 month, and still quite a bit until they were about nine months old. I only have the two, so I can only imagine how much more difficult it must be for you, but I found it so bloody hard! I was absolutely sleep deprived, exhausted, and just overwhelmed with having to care for these two wonderful and very needy little people ALL the time, no breaks, just me doing everything, day after day after day. Everyday I'd think and wish several times 'I wish I only had one baby, I can't do this, I HATE this'. Phew. It was so shit.


BUT. Then they hit 9 months. They started to really play together, chasing each other through the house, shrieking with delight, sometimes for 30 min! It was so fun and sweet to witness, and I had time to get stuff done, or just relax. They started to get into their solids and eat 3 meals a day. All of a sudden they'd only nurse once per night (they'd still wake up a few times, but would be resettled by just patting). They got into a day sleep rhythm where they now have two longish sleeps (1-2 hrs) everyday, at around the same times. Time for myself!! And in the last couple of weeks they've only woken once most nights, and even slept through a couple of times.

So you know, life is actually pretty sweet around here since about a month or so now (they're now 10 months). And for the first time in... well, EVER, I actually really enjoy having twins. I'm actuall GLAD there's two of them the same age. All of the sudden the twin thing doesn't seem all that bad anymore, and it actually seems worth it winky.gif.


So I guess what I'm saying is - Hang in there!

The first 6 months or so are just so so hard, and it only gets better. Really does redface.gif.


But also, in the meantime, maybe it's not such a bad idea to get yourself checked out for depression. I think lots of us probably go through it in the beginning, without even being fully aware of it, and if there is something - counselling, meds, or both- that help make your life easier - go for it. We need all the help we can get.


Sending you hugs, strength and a smile!



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#7 of 9 Old 05-11-2011, 08:50 AM
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It sounds like you are felling so overwhelmed, so exhausted, so sad. I'm sorry things are rough right now, mama. What you describe sounds very familiar. For me it was still very hard at 6mos. Now that they are a year old life is so much better. Even at ten months it was markedly improved. they play together now, only nurse every three or so hours, and sleep a bit better. Sure beats the all night nurseathons we used to have.

As it turned out, I did have ppd. At eight mos PP I went on zoloft - despite having sworn I would never use antidepressants - and it saved me. Truly.

If you need someone to pm to chat with/ vent with, whatever, I am here.

Hugs mama. It will get better.

mama to big brother Mason (Jan '05) and the littles, Adam and Holden (May '10)
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#8 of 9 Old 05-14-2011, 08:08 PM
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I have both a 2 and 3 year old not quite a year apart and boy do I remember those early days of thinking I was seriously going to lose it. It didn't help that dh worked all the time and I had no other help. I felt so alone, overwhelmed and very isolated. Hun, don't be so hard on yourself. So what if the 3 year old watches too much tv? You are doing the best you can, my house was a frickin nightmare (still is! now my problem is getting them to get along long enough to squeeze in a load of dishes, lol) But definitely see the doctor about the depression, I ended up with a very nasty bout of it and a lot of it is exactly whay you describe: low motivation, feeling down all the time, not interacting much with anyone, feeling helpless and overwhelmed, angry, scared depressed. Yes a lot of it is from sheer exhaustion at trying to accomplish an unreal amount of work each and every day, but then depression magnifies that times 100. It's snowballs and I found myself on the edge of a full out breakdown.


You need some help. Is there anyone who can come and give you a hand with the kids, even a few hours can work wonders and help rejuvenate you and make you feel whole again. My grabdmother ended up finally stepping up and helped me by coming up the odd weekend here and there. believe me, that was a lifesaver. Finally I didn't feel like I was drowning with no help in sight. My own mom died young and I felt alone and very very over my head. I really feel for you and hey if your near Toronto let me know and I'll come help you!! Not kidding, I really feel for you. My son also had colic BAD for the first 6 months so the stress was unbearable at times. And I felt so guilty because I kept thinking "good moms don't feel like this" well I found out thats a crock. Lots won't admit it, but we all have our moments where we find ourselves saying "What the ^$%&^ did I get myself into!!!??" Your not alone sweetie. Please though, get some help and see a doctor. I was put on an antidepressant and anxiety meds for about a year and it helped a lot. It WILL get better as they get a little older. This is the hardest time when they are babies. It's all consuming. But hang in there and before you know it it will slowly get easier and one day you'll look back and go, holy crap! it went by so enjoy the good times and their babyhood as mych as you can. It really does go by in the blink of an eye. Oh and one suggestion, check into preschool for the 3 year old. I did for my kids and they LOVE it. It gives them a chance to interact with other kids and do lots of fun stuff all while giving you a break. I even managed to get some of it subsidized because we too are broke lol. Best of luck and if you ever wanna talk just drop me a line. HUGS!! Jodie



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#9 of 9 Old 05-14-2011, 08:59 PM
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Just want to give hugs and say ditto to so many of the comments already made. HUGS HUGS HUGS


As for the question of being depressed - its a possiblity - its ALWAYS a possibility, so if you feel its a concern, keep track of how you're feeling in a journal - then you'll have something to go back to if you do decide to talk to a doctor, naturopathic or western medical.

Mum to 5 wonderful gifts!!
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