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#1 of 77 Old 06-05-2011, 07:08 PM - Thread Starter
 
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how their two children who are close in age are Just. Like. Twins. I may have to get violent.

I can't believe I thought the hardest part about having twins would be caring for twins. By far, the hardest part is the stupid comments.

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#2 of 77 Old 06-05-2011, 07:17 PM
 
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Hey, you have new babies! Congratulations!

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#3 of 77 Old 06-05-2011, 08:11 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks. orngbiggrin.gif And thank you also for not asking me if they're identical.

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#4 of 77 Old 06-05-2011, 08:17 PM
 
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You're very welcome. I will now specifically *not* ask that of any twin (or other multiples) mama. I didn't ask because it didn't occur to me to be something *too* ask, but now I won't ask it so they can have one person who doesn't ask.

 

 

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#5 of 77 Old 06-05-2011, 08:19 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I think it's OK to ask if the two are the same sex, both it's been really frustrating to explain to people-- including nurses-- that my babies can't be identical because she lacks a penis and he a vagina.

Sorry, it's been a day. bag.gif
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#6 of 77 Old 06-05-2011, 09:10 PM
 
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LOL, are we talking about stupid "twin" comments?

 

I get this one a lot - ARE THEY TWINS? Uh duh nope. I just happen to have a double stroller and two infants of the same size and age with me. I've started being a smartass and now I answer this question with "no, they're sisters."

 

ARE THEY IDENTICAL? Do they look the same to you?

 

DO YOU HAVE TWINS IN YOUR FAMILY? We do now!

 

DO THEY CRY AT THE SAME TIME? Yes

 

DO THEY DO EVERYTHING THE SAME? Nope

 

WILL THEY BE IN THE SAME GRADE? I hope so

 

IS IT HARD WITH TWINS? Absolutely

 

DO YOU WANT MORE KIDS? I hate this question so much I never answer.

 

DO YOU NURSE BOTH AT THE SAME TIME? Such a personal question but I love the look of bewilderment that I always answer Yes.

 

Then I get Twin anedotes like "My cousin's boyfriend's sister has twins." "I live next door to twins." "Your twins should be baby models" "Make sure you don't refer to them as twins so that they have their own identities" and the list goes on and on...

 

I realize the morbid curiousity that occurs when you see two human beings that look alike so I'm patient and try to answer at least one question. But people don't realize we're asked these same questions all day long!

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#7 of 77 Old 06-06-2011, 05:34 AM
 
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I remember getting those comments. Most annoying was from my MIL, when I was in the depths of early twin parenting, as she told me that she "nearly" had twins because there was less than two years between her eldest and my husband.  Ah, yes, of course.

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#8 of 77 Old 06-06-2011, 06:55 AM
 
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I am still on the other sides things being 36 weeks preggo with twins but it has already started.  The most annoying thing is the fascination with my "due date."  It frustrates people to no end when I say Juneish when they ask about my due date.  I even got this yesterday, "when are they inducing?"    Crazy!

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#9 of 77 Old 06-06-2011, 10:14 AM
 
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Ay ay ay... I even got it once from DH... he and his sister are one year apart, and he was all, My mom was home alone all day with two babies. Ooooooooooo I got so peeved! The difference between a one year old and a newborn is astronomical! It is NOT the same at all! (He's never mentioned anything like this again btw. Smart man.)


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#10 of 77 Old 06-06-2011, 10:39 AM
 
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A fun one I get is this.  When out in the side-by-side stroller, I occasionally get a baffled look and the question, "What is the age difference?"  (My twins are not identical, but similar enough that they are obviously related. They are now 17 months old.)  My reply is "About 15 minutes".  The look sometimes becomes more baffled, until I say, "They are twins".  Sometimes, the look becomes even more baffled, until I say, "They are not identical".  Finally, all confusion has been swept away, and I get a big smile and an explanation of how their cousin's brother-in-law's employer is a twin.

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#11 of 77 Old 06-06-2011, 10:55 AM
 
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My favorite is "You have your hands full".   I don't understand why people feel the need to say that.... I mean yes I probably do.  I have a three year old and almost 8 month twins... I am busy.  But the way "you have your hands full" comes out is just so negative, you know???   I love my babies and our life and hate that people seem so negative.    I dunno... maybe I am just sensitive.

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#12 of 77 Old 06-06-2011, 11:29 AM
 
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At church this weekend, an older woman told me how her youngest two were 11mo apart...and that is worse than twins.  Yeesh.  We have a large family, but never seemed to draw much notice like some large families go through, until the twins arrived.  They have apparently turned our family into a sideshow.  


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#13 of 77 Old 06-06-2011, 01:02 PM
 
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Originally Posted by mauri456 View Post

My favorite is "You have your hands full".   I don't understand why people feel the need to say that.... I mean yes I probably do.  I have a three year old and almost 8 month twins... I am busy.  But the way "you have your hands full" comes out is just so negative, you know???   I love my babies and our life and hate that people seem so negative.    I dunno... maybe I am just sensitive.


 

I get this, too. And I feel the same way you do. I think people just feel like they have to say SOMETHING. I also dislike the "double trouble' comments. 


mom to sam arlo (5), olive loretta (3)....and twin girls Annie and Ramona Jean, born 3/10.

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#14 of 77 Old 06-06-2011, 02:29 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by mylilmonkeys View Post

At church this weekend, an older woman told me how her youngest two were 11mo apart...and that is worse than twins.  Yeesh.  We have a large family, but never seemed to draw much notice like some large families go through, until the twins arrived.  They have apparently turned our family into a sideshow.  


OMGoah, I would break a commandment if someone said that to me.

When we found out we were having twinsa, DH said "This is great! If it was just one, everyone would say oh yeah, pastor's family is having another baby, yawn, what else is new... but twins? Now that's news!" LOL!

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#15 of 77 Old 06-06-2011, 02:31 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I get this, too. And I feel the same way you do. I think people just feel like they have to say SOMETHING. I also dislike the "double trouble' comments. 


Double trouble cheeses me off. I actually blogged about it... let me see if I can find it,

Here!
http://ourseasonsofjoy.com/twins/double-blessing/


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#16 of 77 Old 06-06-2011, 02:34 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I had a really sweet comment today at the grocery store. One of the clerks came up and said "Were you blessed with a girl AND a boy?!?!" in such amazed tone. It made my day!
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#17 of 77 Old 06-06-2011, 04:44 PM
 
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The stupid comments are enough to drive anyone mad.

 

I have become pretty stern in my delivery of "It's a different kind of hard," when somebody suggests that their three kids being close together is "the same as triplets."

 

I get a slightly different set of comments since I have triplets rather than twins; I get a set of stupid comments from twin moms, but I get far fewer of the fertility treatment questions since everybody assumes that triplets must mean fertility treatment.

Quote:
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I had a really sweet comment today at the grocery store. One of the clerks came up and said "Were you blessed with a girl AND a boy?!?!" in such amazed tone. It made my day!


Love that!  My favourite comment ever about the triplets was the pharmacist who we saw once when they were about 6 months old.  He looked at them in the stroller, asked if they were triplets, and then said "Holy cow. I could never cope with all those diapers."

 

And, my standard behaviour that really is about getting revenge on all the stupid comments (even though I know better, I can't help myself) comes when I am out without all my kids in a group that is talking about kids. 

 

The Other Person: How many kids do you have?

Me: Four.

The Other Person: How old are they?

Me: 7 and 4.

 

Always gets a reaction, and I have to say I enjoy it way more than is healthy.


Kate
mother of Patrick (7/31/03), and Michael, William, and Jocelyn (4/27/07)
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#18 of 77 Old 06-06-2011, 06:12 PM
 
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Take heart-- the comments made me hammer.gif for a long time, but once they're walking around, it seems like it eases up a lot.

I've shared before-- my favorite comment ever was the one where I was asked if they were twins, and said yes, and the person looked at me doubtfully, and said, "Are you sure?" Like maybe I was mistaken about having birthed two babies on the same day, maybe? Like maybe I was lying, for some crazy reason? Dunno.

I've also loved how once you get through the "mystified," and everybody understands that they're twins, all of a sudden everybody's got to tell you that their cousin's neighbor's husband was a twin. Like you really wanted to know.

I tried to be patient, to be kind, to understand that people are just trying to be friendly and relate. But sometimes I just wanted to run out and buy a gallon of milk without having to be the public spectacle-du-jour.

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#19 of 77 Old 06-06-2011, 06:41 PM
 
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Our twins were not only a boy and girl, but my dd has red hair and ds blonde, and I was still constantly getting asked if they were identical.  

 

Of course now they are 11 and no one would guess they are even twins.  Dd is about six inches taller than her brother and boy there is nothing more different than these two, except for the fact that they are both generally introverted.  People are surprised when they ask how far apart they are.  "Eight minutes"  They look a couple of years apart right now, especially with that girls' head start on puberty.  Ds is disgruntled, dd gloats over her tallness, and I am just trying to figure out how to homeschool them next year at the same math level together.  The audience no longer flocks to us.  We are now boring.  La la la la life goes on...

 

 


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#20 of 77 Old 06-07-2011, 07:31 AM
 
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I do agree that folks are just trying to chat and relate.   It's just frustrating b/c with babies it's hard enough to even get everyone dressed, fed, happy, and out!!! You know you have a small window to do what you need to do!  And then you get stopped every 2 seconds by people saying the same thing over and over again.  The spectacle part really is  annoying. I feel like I've gotten better with it and am starting to try and take it more as a compliment/amazement in my sweet babies than anything else.   But I also really feel bad for my poor three year old too who is SO TIRED of the comments.   She acts up now when someone says is it twins and I know it has to hurt her a bit that everyone is so interested in the babies and then the second thought is her :(  I always try and bring her up quickly so the attention can be redirected to her a bit.

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#21 of 77 Old 06-07-2011, 07:52 AM - Thread Starter
 
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My seven-year-old has taken to announcing "Yep-- it's twins!" loudly if he thinks someone is looking at us. lol.gif

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#22 of 77 Old 06-07-2011, 01:26 PM
 
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My seven-year-old has taken to announcing "Yep-- it's twins!" loudly if he thinks someone is looking at us. lol.gif


That is so cute.  

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#23 of 77 Old 06-07-2011, 04:07 PM
 
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eh, it doesn't bother me so much (though its only been a short time)...i mean, i actually like the adult conversation...and its nice to be doted and marveled at for 'all my hard/omg impossible/hands full/busy work'...

 

and lately ive been getting more 'you're so blessed' comments and not as many 'holy crap you're insane' comments...though, sometimes i probably reply to their inquiries like i find myself crazy for the wild family i have and they feel like they have to console me. :)

 

in any case, i truly do love having twins and i'd probably be one of those looky loos if i saw a pair around.

 

my favorite though is when other PoM's approach me. :)


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mama to m (3/96), o (8/07), p (5/09) and our twins: r (2/14/11) and l (2/15/11) 

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#24 of 77 Old 06-07-2011, 07:29 PM
 
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Originally Posted by hergrace View Post
And, my standard behaviour that really is about getting revenge on all the stupid comments (even though I know better, I can't help myself) comes when I am out without all my kids in a group that is talking about kids. 

 

The Other Person: How many kids do you have?

Me: Four.

The Other Person: How old are they?

Me: 7 and 4.

 

Always gets a reaction, and I have to say I enjoy it way more than is healthy.



I love you. A lot.

 

I still find it baffling how half the population insists my twins are the most identical identical twins they've ever seen, and the other half of the population is just as certain that they are not identical at all. The other day they were walking side by side and actually wearing the same outfit (their choice, I don't dress them anymore!) and some woman asked me how far apart in age they were. She was totally baffled by "thirty-five minutes" and I had to actually use the T word.


Betsy, mama to beautiful, strong MZ twins Lillian and Kate, born 11 weeks early on January 10, 2006.
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#25 of 77 Old 06-08-2011, 02:47 PM
 
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OMGoodness... these made me giggle!! :o)

 

My personal favorites thus far with my little twinkles who are newborns...

 

The staple fave among this group...  when I say that I also have two older children that are 4 and 2: "oh you're going to have your hands full!" mmmmhmmm. Thank you Captain Obvious.

 

When I was pregnant: "maybe you'll have a boy and a girl" me: "no, they're identical" others: "well, can't you still have a boy and a girl?" Not so much.

 

Since they're identical: "can you tell them apart?" "are you going to dress them the same?"

 

While pregnant and post-delivery: "so are you finished having kids now?" you know, because we have four. And when I reply that I'm open to more, most people pause for a few seconds not knowing how to respond because they assume that I'm at my maximum family capacity.

 

And my most favorite is when people ask if our twins are "natural". Yes. Although many people have twins via IVF, God chose to bless our family with our little mono/mono twins. And frankly, I think it's somewhat rude of people to ask!

 

Thanks for the laughs ladies!! Twin motherhood is going to be a ride I'm sure!! :o)

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#26 of 77 Old 06-09-2011, 06:07 AM
 
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Although I am not a Parent of Multiples (I am a godmother to triplets, if that counts....), I want to share my "but they sure look like twins!" stories.

 

the first - when DD1 was a toddler, we became friends with a little girl her age and her mom.  Had lots of playdates and outings together.  I had a double stroller, so I would put them both in that.  People would stop to comment on "your adorable little twin girls".  the kicker - my DD is white/asian mix who looks very asian and her friend was white/african american mix who looks very AA, and they did not even look one iota related, let alone any sort of twins.

 

the second - DD and DS1 are almost three years apart in age, but have been close to the same size for the past 7 years.  (She's petite, he's quite tall).  One evening when I was pregnant with DS2 we were out to dinner, and waiting for our table.  An older lady looked at me and my kids and said "Do you think you are having twins again?".  I said "I've never had twins".  She said - "Oh, are they adopted?" (Which I actually used to get a lot because they look very asian and I am white).  I just said "no, they are brother and sister, but not twins".  She said "Are you sure?  Because they sure LOOK like twins!"  Um, yeah, I am pretty sure I'd remember that detail. eyesroll.gif

 

 

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#27 of 77 Old 06-10-2011, 08:44 AM
 
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I am so happy to find this thread. I am 12 weeks pregnant with twins and the multitude and depth of stupid questions/comments I am getting already is weighing on me heavily. I am on the verge of tears all the time it seems.

It seems none of our family is happy for us. The common comment is "Well, you are going to have your hands full". I feel like saying, "Well, please...don't inconvenience yourself by offering to help in any way...." Not that I EXPECT their help, but my nearest/dearest friends had such different reactions. They basically were saying, "Wow! How magical! Double blessings! You are a wonderful mom! I'd want you as a mom...." and they've already offered so much help and solutions and encouragement.
I think I have to develop a tougher/thicker skin and practice saying (in response to the negative comments," Thank you for that observation...but we are really inviting SOLUTIONS right now."

 

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#28 of 77 Old 06-10-2011, 09:47 AM
 
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I had twins and could never leave the house without hearing how full my hands were at least 3 times.  Then I had another one almost 3 years later.  A boy after girls and it was not only how full my hands were, but asking if they were ALL mine, how happy we must have been to have a boy after 2 girls, etc. 

 

Last fall the girls went to school after being home full time so I never went anywhere without 3 in tow.  So now I do most of my errands with just a 3-year old boy with me.  No one ever says anything to me.  It's kind of funny.


SAHM to F & P, : fraternal twins born 3/05, : I, born 12/07 & at 5 weeks in July 2009
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#29 of 77 Old 06-10-2011, 09:54 AM
 
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I just remembered a great one.  We were at a toddler music class when the girls were about 15-months.  They were running every which way, never the same direction, you know doing lots of things, none of which was singing with the other kids and Moms in the circle.  A Mom with kids 2-1/2 years apart, her baby clipped into a baby car seat in the snap & go told me that it was much harder to have a toddler and a baby than two toddlers.  It was such a preposterous comment I didn't even know what to say.  

 

I do think having babies 11 months apart would be very hard, but not the same thing as twins for sure.  I'm not sure why other people want to make it a competition anyway?  I hate comments like that.


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#30 of 77 Old 06-10-2011, 03:31 PM
 
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I was surprised:  My twins are 11, they are B/G, they have different hair color, dd is half a head taller than her brother, you know about as fraternal as it gets but still similar in the face--like any fairly different siblings.  So the postal worker at the desk was chatting with us and found out they were twins and scrutinized them for a short while and then said "You're right, they sure DO look alike!" 

 

 


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