Younger siblings - how do they feel? - Mothering Forums

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Old 06-22-2011, 01:46 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Hi!

I'm new here, and not a native speaker - so please be patient with my English.

Those of you who got another child after the twins, how does this child feel?

We have twin boys who are 9 now. Their little sister is 6, and I feel so sorry for her sometimes.

She is excluded from lots of the games and has had to learn to play by herself. Of course playing alone isn't always a bad thing, but I often feel that I should play with her or give her stuff to do just to make her feel not so lonely when there is just us.

She doesn't say it, but we can tell from her behavior that she feels excluded and that is so heartbreaking to watch.

Wonder how she will talk about being a sister of twin brothers when she grows up.

 

 

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Old 06-23-2011, 06:39 AM
 
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I have 4 year old twins and a one and a half year old girl. Once she started moving, she just followed them around everywhere and actually yells at them when they don't play with her. There are some games that she can't play - she developmentally delayed and is not walking yet - so she can't run with them or play some of their puzzles, but other than that she has a unique relationship with each of them. My boys also play by themselves and sometimes one will come over to her and play with her by herself, which is great and we encourage it.

 

Maybe you can sit down with all three of them and play a game with all three of them together? Can you just take one of the boys and your girl and do something special and then switch the boys the next time getting them to spend time with her? Is there any way to get them to involve her in their games?

 

I was also scared that this was going to happen to our third, but so far it's been ok. Just waiting to see what happens as they get older.


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Old 06-23-2011, 11:39 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you for answering.

We do lots of stuff all of us together, and yes it happens that one of the boys play with her by herself. But still they play a lot more together the two of them. And for a 9 year old boy, he has to make sure his friends don't see him play with this little girl.

I can tell they love her a lot, but at the same time they constantly keep reminding her of what she is not able to do..

We've been talking with the boy a lot. Explaining to them how they hurt her feelings by telling her "that she isn't good enough", and that when they were her age, they weren't any better. That they make her happy and make her feel good when they encourage her instead of picking her all the time.

They obviously are nice to her when they are alone with her, but the two of them together sort of shut out the rest of the world.

 

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Old 06-23-2011, 01:55 PM
 
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Our boy/boy twins are 3 years older than their yournger brother.  He tags around them, and pretty much acts like he is 3 years older.  It could be that they are all boys, so it's easier to be inclusive.


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Old 06-25-2011, 12:04 PM - Thread Starter
 
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So good to hear your little one is accepted as a part of his brother. Yeah, I think that the fact that he is a boy too, helps a lot. 

 

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