Thank you for being such gentle, warm mamas - Mothering Forums

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Old 04-13-2012, 09:51 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Can I just say something? I was over on the tripletconnection forum yesterday, checking old threads about helping triplets sleep longer at night (I'm not freaking, mine wake only 3 times, and all together... but having babies sleep through the night is a generally tantalizing thought and something I check around about once in a while winky.gif), and I was aghast. I literally had a hard time sleeping last night thinking about the "advice" moms were giving each other over there. I've heard about CIO before, of course, but for bedtime -- not for like ALL NIGHT LONG. In response to a woman who was sleeping on the sofa with one fussy baby in order to let the other two sleep, someone said "sorry, but I would NEVER let a baby decide over me and rule my life. They're too old to be sleeping outside their bed" -- they were referring to 7-month-old triplets (and probably 2 months premature, so 5 months adjusted). One mom said that letting them CIO over night is tough for the first few nights, but that "babies are smart, and they learn that they're not going to get anything from their crying." Wow. I'm just so sad for those babies. Generally, I'm the type of person who says every baby is different and every parent is different, so we have to be tolerant of what works in each family. Some CIO at bedtime might be the only way for some parents/babies, I don't know because I haven't been there. And some parents may need to be a little more proactive in helping their LO's learn to sleep longer stretches at night by rocking and co-sleeping rather than offering the breast every hour (say, if mom works outside of the home and doesn't have a chance to nap during the day). But letting babies cry by themselves off and on all night long? At 5-7 months old? My stomach is just in knots thinking about it. I try so hard not to think of babies in understaffed/underfinanced orphanages all over the world whose needs are not being met. Who just give up after a while and stop crying and just stare off into space. But babies who have parents who could meet their needs being ignored, that's just too much. It's a few months - maybe a couple years - of our lives, people. Goodness. 

So thank you, mothering mamas, for being such amazing, gentle, nurturing moms, and thank goodness there's a place I can go to get advice from people who think in similar ways regarding parenting. 


(35) Teacher, mother to DD '08 + triplets (identical boys and a girl) born at 36 weeks gestation in ´11.  Passions: gardening, cooking, painting, fishing, wild food gathering, reading, kayaking and more.

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Old 04-15-2012, 08:08 PM
 
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Amen!  I feel that way often when reading things on fb or hearing other moms chat.  It is hard sometimes to find like-minded mamas but oh-so-worth it.


Married to my love love.gif since 08/12/10, mama to E REPlaySkateboard04HL.gif04/06/01 and twin girls M and Z slingtwin.gif 01/08/11

 We are a  slingtwin.gif  familybed2.gif cd.gif   nursex2.gif family!  Expecting #4 and #5 in September - what a surprise!

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Old 04-18-2012, 09:49 PM
 
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Emaya I don't belong to TC but I do frequent a large triplet FB group & am always astounded by the hardcore CIO stance so many of these moms have. I must say though that being AP with triplets is very, very hard. Our bedtime is a lot of work and requires more than one person. If you've tried anything that works I'd love to hear it.


Leslie, mama to Paige 8, Zara 3 and Audrey, Sophia & Nina June 7/11 @32.6
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Old 04-19-2012, 09:31 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Leslie, our routine is working - but I'm humble enough to know that it's because of luck and their current stage of development. What works now I'm sure won't work in a month (or next week, or tomorrow). And certainly not when they're strapping 10-month-olds like yours. I remember 9-15 months being the hardest period for bedtime routines for my dd. I remember sitting by her bed "rump-bumping" (what we called bouncing her diaper - she slept on her tummy) for 1.5 hours, just willing her eyelids to close as dinner got cold. 

I read your "Bedtime with 10mth olds" thread, and the only thing that occured to me would be maybe trying an earlier bedtime for babies? Or is that too disruptive for the other kids in the family and the family's evening/dinner routine?

We eat early (5:30), bouncing the babies in their bouncy seats while we eat. Help change the babies into pjs and sleeping sacks (it's still cold here) at 6:15, then one person (usually my husband since my dd is very mama-centered a the moment) gets them their bottles (formula and breastmilk mixed) and feeds them all at once (handsfree bottles). We put on some white noise (rainstorm sounds from my home Hawaii) and transfer them to their bed. Sometimes there's a little crying, but mostly just complaining. They're asleep by 7:15. Meanwhile, I do my daughter's bedtime routine and she's alseep by 7:30 and I go to bed then too so I can take over for my husband around 1 or 2 a.m.

But like I said, what works so well now I know will not work in a day or a month from now. It's still good, though, to share ideas with each other.


(35) Teacher, mother to DD '08 + triplets (identical boys and a girl) born at 36 weeks gestation in ´11.  Passions: gardening, cooking, painting, fishing, wild food gathering, reading, kayaking and more.

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Old 04-20-2012, 10:53 AM
 
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Just wanted to say YES, and thank you for saying so. :) I love the kindness and openness of this community. It is very important to me have respect, compassion, and humility about parenting choices - certainly many, if not most, of the people we know IRL think we are half-crazy for our parenting choices, after all! And I have always been very grateful for the non-judgmental attitude that we are generally given. But I will say that there are certain parenting choices that are very difficult for me to respect, and I'm glad to have a place where those choices are not expected as standard practice.


Me + DH + DS ('07) + after a long and bumpy road, thrilled that our twin boys are finally here (DS2 & DS3, '12)

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Old 04-21-2012, 06:53 PM
 
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Emaya you're lucky that they go down so easily & that your husband is home to help. My girls were colicky at that age & cried all evening. My husband is a chef and isn't usually home until later in the evening. I have help from my family & a few babysitters, but the babies are at an age that they will only go to sleep for dh & I. Tonight I gave them a bottle of bm/cows milk just to see how they handle it since I'm going back to work in June. Two of the babies didn't nap this afternoon so they fell asleep drinking the bottle. The third is still awake now two hours later. At least she isn't crying as she often does in the evening. I'm going to keep trying the bottle at bedtime since I am going to wean them at their bday. Maybe they just aren't getting enough milk to pass out at bedtime. We'll have to just keep working at it.


Leslie, mama to Paige 8, Zara 3 and Audrey, Sophia & Nina June 7/11 @32.6
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