What crazy things have people said regarding your multiples? - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 22 Old 01-24-2013, 10:01 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I had to share this because I literally didn't know what to say to this woman! I was at the grocery store with DH and each of us had a baby asleep on our backs in the their mei tais. Our elder DD was in the cart. This woman looks over and says, "Oh twins. How sweet. It was like I had twins... no it was like I had triplets! I had a 2 year old, an almost 1 year old, and a newborn. They were so close together the two weren't even a year apart!" Uh.... what? My daughter was a year when I had the twins and I would never say it was anything like having triplets. In those early months/years every single month makes a huge milestone difference and it just is not the same as having them the actual same age.

 

I just stared at her thinking, "Unless you have multiples DO NOT EVER SAY IT WAS LIKE YOU HAD MULTIPLES!!!!!!" Wow, rant over and I feel better. What do you say to people?? Or do you just smile and nod like I did?


Emelee married to J in 03/07. 12/10 our DD C was at 41.3 weeks, and 06/12 our fraternal DDs A and V were hospital birth at 41.1 weeks.
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#2 of 22 Old 01-24-2013, 01:10 PM
 
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Ignore them. People want so badly to relate to the experience that many will claim that thier experience was "just like twins". And others will argue that twins are easier than an infant and a one year old. It's easier to just nod and say some vague response.


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#3 of 22 Old 01-24-2013, 02:47 PM
 
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I have had some of those comments too.  If I don't know the person I always try and keep it really positive and say what a blessing they have been.  My other kids are standing there and I hate to complain in front of them or act like the babies ruin everything.  Instead of using words like harder (I mean come on is there a test for hardness) I try and say something to the effect that their situation must have brought up some unique stuggles.  Personally I do think the irish twins are harder but I usually don't admit that to someone who wants me to tell me how hard there life has been. 

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#4 of 22 Old 01-24-2013, 02:59 PM
 
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Yep, I had an older lady tell me how hard it was when her 11 mo was starting to walk while she was 9 mo pregnant.  I have kids close in age, too, but really, I never projected that it was hard like twins.  Even when I had a 20 mo revert to nursing like a newborn when his brother was born.  Nope, nothing is like twins.  And triplets, I would imagine, are a whole 'nother thing, too.  You don't even have the luxury of tandem nursing everyone in that case.  But I just smile politely and move on.  


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#5 of 22 Old 01-24-2013, 05:35 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Red Pajama-You're right, I do try to just ignore but this was so ridiculous that I was talking to my DH about it for hours!!

 

mylilmonkeys-I thanked all the gods when my DD finally started walking at 13 months. I was already 20+ weeks pregnant with the twins and I couldn't wait for her to be on her own 2 feet. I don't know why anyone doesn't want their kids walking, lol.

 

star8kitten-How close were your Irish twins? I've known several (including my mother and aunt but it's an 11 month 3 weeks difference) and it would seem easier than twins because at least the older one is sitting up/walking by the time the new one comes.

 

I get the "it's like they were twins" comment all the time but this was the first time someone said "it was like triplets" and I thank all the gods every day that I didn't have triplets! I don't know if we would have survived!!


Emelee married to J in 03/07. 12/10 our DD C was at 41.3 weeks, and 06/12 our fraternal DDs A and V were hospital birth at 41.1 weeks.
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#6 of 22 Old 01-24-2013, 05:54 PM
 
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One of the families at my husband's school is a triplet family. At one point there was some relating of parenting infant stories. Husband told his tale, then said to the triplet parent: "I suppose you have no sympathy for me."  It got a good laugh, but the point is there:  at least with multiples, there is truth in "one-upmanship"


Twin boys (2/05) and little sister (10/07)
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#7 of 22 Old 01-25-2013, 05:47 AM
 
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Emelee - I don't have irish twins, sorry it does look that way from my comments.  I actually have four boys 7, 5, and the twins who are 19 months.

 

I have seen some of irish twin familes at church and I guess I think of when I can take a nap in the recliner nursing the twins while they have a newborn and a toddler who won't entertain themselves. 

 

 

But then I think about the fact that I did not sleep for six months for more than two hours at time!

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#8 of 22 Old 01-26-2013, 08:46 AM
 
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I think all of your stories hit upon one thing...it's annoying when people make these comments to us moms of multiples because...it is all hard.  Motherhood is hard.  Great, but hard. Having twins is challenging; having Irish twins is challenging (my SIL has them and I have seen how much she has struggled), and having a toddler and a baby is challenging.  It would be good if people could start coming together more to share their good stories instead of trying to compare their difficulties to moms of multiples.  Oh well, c'est la vie.  I haven't personally had many annoying comments because to be honest, we haven't been out in public much with my 16-weekers (13 weeks adjusted) during flu season, beyond neighborhood walks. I'm a paranoid first time mom.  But I did get a lot of the "you're going to have your hands full!" comments when I was pregnant.  And in any situation where one baby/kid was presenting a challenge "just think...you're going to have TWO!!!!"  yeah, no sh#@*!  ;-)

 

And then there are the pointed comments designed to determine whether I had fertility treatments or not, since I got pregnant at 40 and delivered at 41.  I didn't, but I mean, really, would it matter if I did??  I consider that quite rude.  Manners really go by the wayside these days. People's reproductive health is no one else's business, IMHO.

 

The best comment I had was from my former boss, who told me it was all in one's perspective.  He knew a family of triplets and they were saying how hard my boss and his wife must have it with three of different ages, because with trips, you get everything over at once.  And my boss thought it must be so much harder withe triplets.  So he told me, "just enjoy it and know that it is all how you look at it."  Good advice, I think. :-)


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#9 of 22 Old 01-28-2013, 03:05 PM
 
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We had all four (2 sets of twins) of ours at Costco and a woman told us she had seen us on TV!   Well, we have never been on TV.  DH and I shared a smile and then moved on!  We laugh about being on TV all the time now!

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#10 of 22 Old 01-28-2013, 03:50 PM
 
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People often asked if our boy-girl twins were identical.  (I would be like "well, they're a boy and a girl." and the person would generally say "yes, I know, but are they identical.   One has red hair and one blonde, too.   I rarely offered a science lesson. 

 

This is so funny now, though:  Dd is about half a head taller than her brother and more developed too.   They look like they could be three years apart so if someone new meets them then they never even think they are twins.  I have had kids and occasionally adults come up to me and ask things like:  "K told me that they are twins, she's joking, right?"  They are generally very surprised when I say it's true.

 

 

I also remember people saying things like "I just wish with all my heart that my daughter in law would have twins" and I guess it isn't crazy, but although I truly loved having twins I must say I would NOT wish it on someone else because it can really push you to your limits as well.  While I was going through some immense challenges living that reality, it rather shocked me that someone would say that about another person's life.


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#11 of 22 Old 01-28-2013, 05:57 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I just remembered another funny comment that my MIL told me. She loves to tell people I nurse the babies and she got a comment along the lines of "Well they look so healthy for only being breastfed". That was a good one. I'm glad I wasn't standing there when the person said that I probably would have laughed.

 

 

Star8kitten-Yeah it is very tough trying to entertain a small toddler when you just want to sleep while the twins sleep. I also think it would be very rough to be so pregnant while carrying around a young child because they're so dependent on you before a year old. Either situation has it's own challenges for sure!

 

siddal-Funny you mention fertility treatments because the only person who asked me if we used them was my own mother!! I had surely thought she knew enough about my life to know I hardly had time between pregnancies for fertility meds. I am happy that I'm going to have all my kids out of diapers in about 2 years from now and never have to worry about it again! That is a great perk I hadn't really thought of!

 

QMtwins-Wow, I'm sure you must be crazy busy with all those kids! I bet your older girls just love their new sisters. Were your older 2 potty trained by the time the next 2 arrived? I thought 3 in diapers was rough! I think I'm done with kids because I'm worried I'd have another set of multiples!!

 

littlest birds-I can't believe people would ask if boy-girl twins were identical, that cracks me up. It is just beyond crazy to me. I've had people insist that mine were identical (they're not) even though they only saw them for the first time but surely if they were different genders people wouldn't be so silly!


Emelee married to J in 03/07. 12/10 our DD C was at 41.3 weeks, and 06/12 our fraternal DDs A and V were hospital birth at 41.1 weeks.
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#12 of 22 Old 01-29-2013, 08:14 AM
 
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We had all four (2 sets of twins) of ours at Costco and a woman told us she had seen us on TV!   Well, we have never been on TV.  DH and I shared a smile and then moved on!  We laugh about being on TV all the time now!

Are you sure you're not on TV? ...visions of Truman Show... LOL


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#13 of 22 Old 01-29-2013, 10:33 AM
 
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I think siddal hit it on those. It doesn't matter so much what is said, its the presumption that they know what your life is like and can relate to you after knowing you for 30 sec. You need to be involved in my life to have any idea what it's like. I dislike the assumption by strangers that twins must be a ton of work and a huge headache and a lot of trouble blah blah blah. Yes it's harder than one because there are two, but my experience has not been that its twice the work. But I would never presume my experience with any of my kids gives me special insite into other families lives just by looking similar. I think we resent the comments, no matter the intentions of the stranger, because of the assumptions that underly it.

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#14 of 22 Old 01-29-2013, 10:54 AM
 
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My two look very much a like but are not identical.  I have had people insist I must be wrong and ask me if I had them tested to be sure.  Geez!

 

If I had b/g twins and was asked if they were idenitcal I would sweet as pie say "they can't be identical if they don't have the same plumbing!"

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#15 of 22 Old 01-29-2013, 03:27 PM
 
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It's rare, but yes you can have a boy/girl identical twin. But like I said, its rare.


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#16 of 22 Old 01-29-2013, 05:14 PM
 
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How can two people be genetically identical and of two different genders?  headscratch.gif  Look the same, sure, but....


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#17 of 22 Old 01-29-2013, 06:12 PM - Thread Starter
 
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They cannot be genetically identical because one would have an X chromosome and one would have the Y chromosome. That's what makes them female/male and therefore they just cannot be identical. I have heard the theory of "half" identical twins where the egg splits before it is fertilized but I don't know if this is real or not. Maybe that's what you're thinking of...


Emelee married to J in 03/07. 12/10 our DD C was at 41.3 weeks, and 06/12 our fraternal DDs A and V were hospital birth at 41.1 weeks.
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#18 of 22 Old 01-29-2013, 06:58 PM
 
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I am always asked if my brother and I are identical or not when people find out I have a twin! And being pregnant with twins, the topic always comes up, too, and I've met many, many b/g twins who are always asked the same question. Oh, silly people...

 

I wonder what people will say about our fraternal boys? Maybe it will depend on if they look alike or not...
 


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#19 of 22 Old 01-30-2013, 10:18 PM
 
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It can happen as a result of a genetic mutation:

Quote:
Except....

 

However, there have been a few reported cases of a genetic mutation in monozygotic male twins. For some reason, after the zygote splits, one twin loses a Y chromosome and develops as a female. The female twin would be afflicted with Turner Syndrome, characterized by short stature and lack of ovarian development. It's extremely rare; less than ten cases have been confirmed. Given the odds, it's safe to assume that 99.9% of all boy/girl twins are fraternal.

http://multiples.about.com/od/funfacts/a/boygirlident.htm


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#20 of 22 Old 01-30-2013, 10:20 PM
 
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I wonder what people will say about our fraternal boys? Maybe it will depend on if they look alike or not...
 

I almost never get this question.  Our girls really look nothing alike.  They each have an older sibling they resemble much more than they do one another.  Actually, what I hear most frequently is people saying, "They're NOT identical, are they!"  


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#21 of 22 Old 01-31-2013, 09:27 AM - Thread Starter
 
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It can happen as a result of a genetic mutation:

http://multiples.about.com/od/funfacts/a/boygirlident.htm

I stand corrected Sheepish.gif That's fascinating! I have taken some developmental biology classes and I've heard of Turner syndrome but never it happening with twins! That would be so crazy to find out later after it happened! I know there are several groupings of genetic mutations including XXX, XXY, XYY, and so on so it makes sense that it could happen this way. Thanks for the link!


Emelee married to J in 03/07. 12/10 our DD C was at 41.3 weeks, and 06/12 our fraternal DDs A and V were hospital birth at 41.1 weeks.
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#22 of 22 Old 02-02-2013, 03:20 PM
 
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My favorite comment is, "oh you have twins!"  I just smile, nod, walk on.  Less publicity that way (I have triplets).  Even funnier when I say, yup and then walk on and hear the squeal of "oh it's triplets!"

 

The most bizarre?  I was being interrogated, I mean chatting about the babies, and another lady kept interjecting every minute or so with, "I'd just KILL myself!"

 

Certainly strange.


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