Rant! I feel attacked by in laws - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 6 Old 06-28-2013, 11:01 AM - Thread Starter
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So my SIL sent me a horrible email about lots of things but the following regarding my parenting of my 9 month old twins and 4 year old were the worst! Tell me I'm bit crazy and she is rude and out of line.

She said at 9 months I shouldnt still be complaining that I'm tired and it's hard.

That because I used fertility drugs I have no right to complain, I prayed for these kids so I can't comply about the logistics.

She had three kids close together with no help so I shouldn't be putting stress in my husband my conplaining.

I shared with her what I called mOmmy guilt because u feel like there isn't enough of me tO go around and basically in conclusion age said that's ridiculous and I need counseling and medication.

I tried to tell her how hurtful it was coming from her bc she is such a great mom she said she doesn't believe I really feel that way bc we are nothing alike as parents, ouch!

So, thoughts??? In deeply hurt and super pissed!
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#2 of 6 Old 06-28-2013, 11:08 AM - Thread Starter
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I just want to add the only family I have is my in laws bc all my family is in SC, though they visit. But my SIL has only been to my house twice since the babies were born to visit so it's not like she is being put out by me. But apparently she thinks my MIL who comes at most a few hours a week is being put out. My MIL spent the last Minth in Italy abd travels a lot so I don't feel like a visit once a week when she is in town is to much! It sucks I feel totally alone and twins are hard for me and I am doing my best. So sad!
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#3 of 6 Old 06-28-2013, 11:20 AM
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I'd be pissed and hurt too! Yes, you hoped and prayed for these children but that doesn't make it any easier to parent, especially twins! I have a two year old singleton and expecting another single in a few weeks and I'm willing to bet that I can't even imagine some of the problems you have struggled with simply by having twins. I found 9-12 months very challenging and generally speaking I had a fairly easygoing girl. I think what your SIL said was completely over the line and probably has more to do with her than you. You are not responsible for her not having help with her kids and I think she speaks out of resentment of her own spouse.

I don't have much advice on how to deal with her. I think I'd just give her space and see if she apologizes at some point. I just want to say that no one can know what your life is like because every baby is different and every parent struggles with something. Wanted to send you hugs and say I'd be hurt and angry too!
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#4 of 6 Old 06-28-2013, 11:43 AM
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That's so crappy. It's hard. You have every right to complain. Screw her. 

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#5 of 6 Old 06-28-2013, 03:01 PM
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No you're not crazy, that was rude.
Originally Posted by ColoradoMama626 View Post

She had three kids close together with no help so I shouldn't be putting stress in my husband my conplaining.
I think this is the heart of it. She's jealous that you're getting help. You both have 3 kids, maybe she feels like you're getting extra attention or understanding or something because you have twins, and she was struggling and didn't get that. I had to deal with some family members' jealousy over my twins and this post just sounds very similar to the options that I was dealing with.

OF COURSE it's not easy for you, you have 9 month old twins! She's not going to be able to fully understand that because she had singletons.

If she's going to be so unsupportive and judgmental of you, I strongly suggest you limit contact with her for awhile. Certainly don't share your struggles with her or complaints. She's let you know that she's not a person in your life that you can open up to in that way right now. Maybe when you both have older kids the relationship can heal and grow, but for now you need to take care of yourself the best you can. Twins are wonderful and difficult all at once, and you need to surround yourself with people who get that and are there for you in your worst moments instead of kicking you when you're down.
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#6 of 6 Old 06-28-2013, 04:02 PM
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I'm sorry, WHAT THE??? I would be livid. She's nuts. If you have twins you can complain sun up by sun down and no one should say a darn thing to you. One is hard. Two??? That seems really hard to me.

She's not very nice. I would stay away from her. She's toxic!

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