twins' school transition FAIL - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 5 Old 08-29-2013, 06:14 AM - Thread Starter
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Could someone point me to some research that supports forced separation of twins in Kindergarten NOT being beneficial?  I have a set of 5-year-old fraternal girls who started Kindergarten Monday of this week (it's now Thursday) and it has become immediate there are serious adjustment issues.  I also have a 3-year-old at home and am this week 36 weeks pregnant with boy/girl fraternal twins, so we are expecting imminent birth which will be a HUGE change for them.  My 5-year-olds have NEVER been away from me except for family once or twice a year for a weekend or so.  They never had preschool or daycare, and their Kindergarten is a full 7 hours a day 5 days a week with no opportunity for them to be with each other the entire day and it is very distressing for me as a mom to hear them crying to me after school and night about how much they miss each other (and me of course).  Please tell me how I can convince the school that their usual policy of separating my twins is just too distressing at least for their first year of school outside the home.  I honestly tried to make it work and have not even put it in my girls' heads they COULD be in the same class.  I don't meant to be a pain to the school etc but I am VERY worried about my girls and feel this could even permanently make them not like school :(

Melanie, vegan mommy to twin girls born Dec. 2007, and another little girl born Sept. 25th, 2009!
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#2 of 5 Old 08-29-2013, 09:25 AM
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Wow, PurpleMonkey, that must be awful. I'm a mother of twins too (6 yrs), and would be horrified if they were separated at such a young age. I believe it's beneficial to keep them together until they show signs of being ready. Having spent effectively all their time with you their entire lives, I'm not surprised they're upset every day. It's such a shame. I had a look for some research to see if there was anything that said with some conviction that it wasn't beneficial to forcibly separate but it does seem to be a bit thin on the ground. I did, however, find this link - Not sure how flexible the schools are in the US if you decide to 'put your foot down'?If it's any consolation it seems the separation thing happens here often too. We were even allocated separate schools so had to go private in the end. It really annoys me how the 'authorities' often don't think about the welfare of the children and the wishes of the parents when they make these decisions. Anyway, give me a shout if you like. Am new here too :-D

Tru Spencer, MotherFromMars

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August 2005 - Severe OHSS, chem preg then BFN ICSI #2 Jan 2006 - BFN ICSI #3 May 2006 - New private clinic, BFP!! Boy/girl twins born January 2007

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#3 of 5 Old 08-29-2013, 10:30 AM
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Hi, have you checked into your state's laws?  I learned from a multiples group here in TN that it is against the law for the school to force you to separate. They still try sometimes, though.  Two moms in the group had to bust out the proof this summer to schools that were trying to force them to separate. I totally get separating them if they want to, or if they are causing problems in a class, or if a parent thinks it would be best. But why force EVERYONE to go by that.  I have already printed out the proof so that when my girls are ready for school, I can use that if I need to.  Good luck to you and your girls. I'm sorry you have to go through this.  

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#4 of 5 Old 08-29-2013, 01:11 PM
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My boys were put in the same class by the school (they dont start til next week)...i got a vm from the secretary stating that they placed them together but if i wanted them in different rooms to let them know and they would do that. It would be awful to WANT them together and have the school refuse. I actually was conflicted about what would be best but for my own sanity (not being able to be in two places at once) i stuck with their decision, hope it works out. Have you spoken with the principal? Usually if a parent has a well thought out reason behind why they want to do something different the school is open to it. They should want the situation to work. 

Katherine, single homeschooling mom to Boy Genius (17) geek.gif  Thing One (6) and Thing Two (6) fencing.gif and one outgoing Girl (12) bikenew.gif and hoping for more through foster care and adoption homebirth.jpgadoptionheart-1.gif 
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#5 of 5 Old 08-29-2013, 08:02 PM
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While it wouldn't hurt to have articles and such to back up your plan to have them together, I think the first course of action is to ask for a meeting as soon as possible with the principal and the kindergarten teachers. Expect it to need to be early morning or after school. Point out the distress that the separation is causing, as well as the added stress on you as a parent to encourage them to "stick it out" , as well as keeping up with 2 different classes. You need to state that you want them together, that you apologize for not making that clear earlier, but you want them in the same class as soon as possible. It isn't their job as a school to promote their independence from each other. Their twin relationship is theirs, and until further notice, they should plan to have them enrolled in the same class.


Repeat as necessary.   I've been on both sides of the table, as a teacher and as a helper for my sister to advocate for her son. If you make reasonable requests in a clear way, the schools usually want to work with parents. If you encounter resistance, move up the chain of command. 

Twin boys (2/05) and little sister (10/07)
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