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-   -   Twins & "only one mama" syndrome, help! (http://www.mothering.com/forum/158-parenting-multiples/1399697-twins-only-one-mama-syndrome-help.html)

CupOfJoe 03-30-2014 12:46 PM

I feed on demand and am exclusively breastfeeding both of my 9wk old twins from the breast. We have not been using bottles because pumping made my oversupply go crazy & frankly I found it a pain since I'm home anyhow. They can feed together on the mbf twin pillow but both feed much better alone & sometimes fuss, pull away, & such until I feed them individually. I feed on demand so there's no "ok it's 3pm, let's get both of you on to feed". This means that sometimes one baby is screeeeaming while the other is feeding. I feel horrible for cuddling & feeding one while the other is crying but if I take A off up feed B then A cries, etc. sometimes my strategy is to feed A enough to take the edge off & then feed B to take the edge off and back and forth until they're both satiated. I especially do this at night if they both wake up together (we cosleep & I nurse side lying -- great success so far! I get great sleep & so do the babies).

Mostly I just want reassurance that if my husband is carrying & trying to comfort one while I feed the other (or patting one in bed while I feed the other) that it isn't CIO. & that I'm not a monster for ignoring my screaming child. Sometimes I just get frustrated because I feel like if I had one baby then no problem! Baby wants to eat? Great! Here's a boob! Baby needs Mama? No worries, I'm all yours. With twins I feel like I am constantly short changing one of the other & I feel terrible watching my baby get all worked up and screaming greensad.gif

synepona 03-30-2014 04:42 PM

You're not a monster, and you're not ignoring your baby! While my twins are not yet born, and I hope to be able to feed them on demand as you are doing, I know that I also have 2 other children, and there is still only one of me to go around!

 

CIO is a totally different thing than simply not being able to clone yourself!


rinap 03-30-2014 08:43 PM

It's okay. This is not not not CIO. If your husband is there, then the baby is comforted (and I did do some "nurse one for a few minutes then swap"). When I was on my own, I experimented with one in the swing right next to me and with one nursing and the other on the nursing pillow so we could snuggle, but not nursing (at about nine months tandeming got easier).

 

This is hard. It all gets easier.

 

Oh! The other thing I tried at times was feeding at the first signal of demand, so that the other one didn't have to wait quite so long. (or feeding when I anticipated demand, when they were being predictable)

 

But they will be okay. You're not stunting them, for all that it's heartbreaking.


rinap 03-30-2014 08:44 PM

(also, if your husband isn't there comforting them, and you are dealing with the needs of one baby (or your own needs), it is still not crying it out. Sometimes babies have to wait. And we do our best, but we are only one mama.)



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