Sharing toys and fighting - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 5 Old 04-30-2004, 11:29 PM - Thread Starter
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I was wondering what other twin moms do when their twins fight. Right now my two like to have tug fests over toys. If one twin is playing with a toy and the other twin grabs the toy I help the grabber give the toy back and help the grabber find another toy. Sometimes this works and sometimes it doesn't . THey sure can have one track minds. Sometimes they just seem to want the same toy and I give them time to resolve it themselves. I had an only child for 10 years before I had my twins so this squabbling is new to me. Ultimately , I want to be fair with my kids so they don't develop jealousy or resentment for one another. Any advice will be appreciated.
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#2 of 5 Old 04-30-2004, 11:32 PM - Thread Starter
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Okay , I'm a twit and thought I lost my first post and posted agian. Forgive my computer skills :
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#3 of 5 Old 05-01-2004, 04:09 PM
 
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My girls are just a year old and they do some of this too! I try also to give the toy back, speak calmly and then distract the one without the toy to play with something else. It doesn't always work well, but then I just remove one, or have an older sibling take her to another place and distract her.

Some really good reading as they grow is "Siblings without Rivalry"......it's very easy reading and really wise advice for so many situations. I read it many years ago with my husband, when we were expecting our third child. It actually helped me a lot with working through some issues I had with my sister. And then last year, when I was pregnant, I had an opportunity to attend a workshop series in our area that worked with the books on parenting written by these same authors, Adele Faber and ___Mazlish (?). Sorry, I forget the second one.......I really cannot sing high enough praise for their work.

Peace, Kathy
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#4 of 5 Old 05-06-2004, 10:49 AM
 
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my twins are 9 so they don't do this much anymore but when they were younger and would fight over a toy I found it helped to set a timer so they would know when it was the next persons turn. I used to have the one who wanted the toy to help me set the timer and seeing how much time was left til his turn helped a lot.
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#5 of 5 Old 05-13-2004, 11:03 PM
 
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If there is a particular toy that is causing a lot of squabbling, I just remove it when no one is playing with it. For the most part, my guys don't fight over toys too much, although they do have two of a lot of things (everything from my mom--who also happens to supply most of their toys). They know to go and get "the other one" if they want a toy that their brother has. It's actually their most favorite thing to play with the same thing at the same time (and I was really hesitant to allow two of the same thing, so this was surprising to me). It's like they both enjoy their toy more when they see that their brother is also playing with the same toy.

I pretty much DON'T intervene when my guys are doing the occassional tug-of-war, and because I never have, they don't really look to me to figure it out. 90% of the time, they are able to resolve things without tears. The other 10% of the time, I'll find another just-as-exciting object for whoever is left upset. If I noticed that one twin was always doing the taking, or always ending up with the desired object, I'd probably step in more. But it seems to be pretty balanced, so I'm staying out of it for now.

I like that I am not a referee and that my kids already know something about working things out on their own. They are just about 15 months old now, and get along really well most of the time. So, things could still change for us as we get further into the toddler years.

HTH!

Lex

Mindfully mothering SIX kids (ages 4, 5, 7, 8, 11 & 11) in a small house with a lot of love.
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