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#1 of 6 Old 12-08-2014, 08:23 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Question Give me ideas please please please :)

It's that time of year again. Office parties. Family get togetherness with relatives. All manner of connections and conversations. And right now I am just too tired to come up with things to say and questions to ask. Especially my friend, whose sister just had twins. So I'm asking for some help. What do you wish people would ask you?

If you could direct the other half of the conversation, what topics would the other person bring up? About your day, about your babies? About your older kids? About your hobbies? What questions do you get tired of hearing?

I feel like I always have the same conversations with the same people. Looking to spice it up with new things to talk about. X posted different versions of this in different forums. Tia
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#2 of 6 Old 12-13-2014, 08:05 PM
 
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Originally Posted by fayebond View Post
It's that time of year again. Office parties. Family get togetherness with relatives. All manner of connections and conversations. And right now I am just too tired to come up with things to say and questions to ask. Especially my friend, whose sister just had twins. So I'm asking for some help. What do you wish people would ask you?

If you could direct the other half of the conversation, what topics would the other person bring up? About your day, about your babies? About your older kids? About your hobbies? What questions do you get tired of hearing?

I feel like I always have the same conversations with the same people. Looking to spice it up with new things to talk about. X posted different versions of this in different forums. Tia
Huh...let's see...stuff I wish that people would ask me...

"What's the difference between identical and fraternal twins?" I am SHOCKED at the number of people who don't know this!

"Is it possible to conceive twins/other multiples naturally?" So many people assume that you have to do IVF to have multiples. I've been asked SO many times, "Did you do fertility treatments?", to which I simply answer, "No." I also was asked once if my twins were adopted. When I answered, "No," the man spluttered, "Well, how do you get twins? Don't you have to have--uh--that medical procedure--uh--I-V-what's-it-called?" Yeah. I'd rather you just ask me if twins can naturally happen.

"So, what did you do before you had kids?"

"What did you used to like to do in your spare time?"

"What's the best part of having twins? The worst? The most challenging?"

"Do you have any other kids?"

"What are your plans for when the kids get older? Do you want to work/go to school/change careers/move out of state/travel?"

Not that you'd ever do this, but one thing that drives me crazy is the person who is obsessed with having twins and insists that twins would be non-stop fun, fun, FUN! Also, the person who interrogates me about "why" I had twins. "Diet? Genetics? Your habits? Your caffeine intake? What's your secret? Tell me, tell me, tell me, I'd do ANYTHING to have twins!" Asking once, "Do twins run in your family?" or "Did you conceive them naturally?" is fine. Don't follow me around interrogating me about my sex life, diet, family history, etc.

TizTaz5, wife of a wonderful husband, mother of ( June '09), two (July '13), and a little due March '15. hopeful!
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#3 of 6 Old 12-13-2014, 09:13 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Um, yep I'm definitely not the interrogationy type. Lots of relatives are (it's so annoying! I don't want to be that way, all nosy and in other people s business. I just want to be part of their lives and get to know them better. Not too much better though! Everyone needs a little space). I love some of these ideas, especially, what did you used to like to do. Since right now I have no spare time to speak of and neither does anyone else I know!
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#4 of 6 Old 12-14-2014, 03:12 PM
 
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Hi, Fayebond. I am happy to see that you liked some of my ideas. I was worried that I came across as really snarky about some things. That was not my intention, I was just trying to be honest about things that I do and don't like people to ask me. Even if I didn't have twins, I'm just not someone who likes to be grilled about my life. People shouldn't do that, there are things that they should know better than to ask. You never struck me as that sort--if anything, the fact that you're vetting questions online before you ask them in real life says that you are a thoughtful, considerate person who thinks twice before they ask questions. I appreciate that. If you don't mind me asking, do you have twins/multiples yourself?

Also, for what it's worth, I've only encountered one person who really got after me about how they want to have a set of twins, of a specific gender, at all costs. That was just too weird, in my book. Hopefully, you have never encountered anyone like that, and won't. That, to me, is in the category of "Thoughts that I have that I should know better than to share with a complete stranger who's pushing a double stroller and looks completely overwhelmed."

One thing that also kind of bugs me, but I try to be patient and listen attentively, is when people come up to me and start telling me about someone they know/knew who had twins or more. Like the little old lady in Wal-mart who came up to me and just started telling me about, "My mother's cousin, now, you won't believe this, but back in 1932, she had a set of identical triplet girls! Can you imagine that? Anyway--" I just sat there and smiled and nodded, all the while thinking, "I just want to get my milk and toilet paper and get out of here before my kids start having a public meltdown!" So, yeah, if you're going to share these kind of stories, wait until someone isn't obviously busy or in a hurry to hear them. I like hearing them, but it's just stressful when it happens while I'm trying to get somewhere quickly or while my kids are melting down. At a holiday party, while my kids are playing in another room and I'm just sitting there, I'd probably be more relaxed and listen better and actually enjoy the conversation.

TizTaz5, wife of a wonderful husband, mother of ( June '09), two (July '13), and a little due March '15. hopeful!
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#5 of 6 Old 12-15-2014, 12:07 AM - Thread Starter
 
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It was snarky in the funny entertaining way sounds like you get a lot of unwanted advice, is your family like that crazy details lady or do you just live in an outgoing kind of town? I get grilled about things by different people too, usually only when something "hot button" is happening in my life (being pregnant most recently). When you are in the throes of being grilled regular like, it gets grating. Lately no one chats me up except to say, wow,three under three, you are busy... and silence. I'm rather thrilled to be free to chat about what I want, I just don't want to turn into the annoying needy person who hogs the conversation after that point. But I guess I feel a little needy or I would not be here

I don't have twins. I would be happy to get a pair... in about thirteen years. No time or energy right now, my three kids three years old and under are quite enough. Besides I have a cs /ubac/vbac history already, I don't really feel like revisiting the OR until I have had a couple more calm ordinary natural births. Plus I am slightly jealous of the organization level required to parent multiples. A sister of a friend recently had twins, and I wondered if there was any special things to bring up or not. I would like to spend more time with this friend because our kids are the same age and we live close. Her sister's husband was probably the person who grilled you, they were so hoping to have twins. My husband finds his ensuring "young stud" act adorkable. They aren't the only ones though we have several other friends who are older and ended a large family with twins. Do you know any other parents with multiples or are you the only one?

But I also have decided, I really just need to get out of my own head more. The list of annoying questions made me realize how often I let the other person lead the conversation, and I get frustrated by the fact that they get bored. Well duh, they are asking questions for which I don't have witty answers. OR They don't understand my life so they are asking things that really don't apply. I need to work on that.

I am happy to report a most interesting and spirited conversation the other day, about theology. Specifically, do the finer details of a person's end times eschatology really impact their overall spiritual health and outlook? We had the most energetic and fun time. This relative is quite out to convert the Christian world to her theme so it is going to be a nice helpful side note during the holidays ( I do wish I was as outgoing as she is in this area, onlyabout the actual gospel). So, it seems my main thing this year will be unraveling any destruction in the wake of this too (she has a tendency to yell when she gets enthusiastic, it's a holdover from all the mutual Jewish and Israeli friends we have, not a problem with our side of the family... his prefers conversation that is less, robust. And while tact is not her thing, Christianity is not everyone else's). It's going to be fun balancing that when she is around. Hopefully I can apply the idea to areas of theology that are more my forte.
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#6 of 6 Old Today, 03:04 PM
 
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We are very used to receiving tons of comments...some good, many stupid, and even downright inappropriate questions, because of our large family/closely spaced children. Now we have the twin comments and questions coming when people learn there are two on the way.

Honestly, I'd like to be treated like a normal woman, and not a science project. Ask me about things not related to parenting/having babies. Or, if you do ask me things about parenting and babies, respect the fact that I am not telling you without being asked. In other words, I don't run around giving out my opinion and advice! So if you ask, and I take the time to tell you, realize it's because it works well for us, and you asked ME after all!

At one point in history, it was natural to have many children..twins were often part of the deal, because inevitably, without birth control, twins are more likely to come along eventually. When it was natural to have many children, the "oh you are having a baby/ies" was a good thing, and then move onto something else conversationally. Now, it's so frowned upon, that people think they get to question our sexual habits (as if we have nothing else in our lives but sex to produce this many kids...we have a good sex life, but the only difference between us and those that have two kids, is we don't prevent them from being conceived/born!) instead of asking us what vitamins we take to "get pregnant so much" (yep, really) ask us why our children are rarely sick, and what I've learned to keep them healthy without doctors involved...and don't ask us personal questions about if we are going to ever stop making babies...then I won't ask you if you understand how your birth control method is a potential abortifacient. Just saying. It works both ways. I've never bothered anyone about their choices that way.

So yeah, let's talk politics, health, cooking, baking, beliefs (aka religion), weather, art, music, history, yada yada!

Blessings and Merry Christmas!

Blessed Christian Wife and Homeschooling Mother to 8: 17 (our 1st homeschool graduate!), 12, 11, 9, 5, 4, 2 and with Boy/Girl blessings #9 and #10 due to arrive April 2015



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