GD for Multiples ? - Mothering Forums
Parenting Multiples > GD for Multiples ?
sahm23boys2003's Avatar sahm23boys2003 10:47 PM 06-04-2004
My very lively 10mos old boys are going to be a handful I can tell They are very very precousious and very much interested in their whole world. They are also very much "touchy-feely". I think they are going to be the types of kids who must physcially handle things to get a good sense of the world. KWIM?

Riley especially loves to hold things and turn them over and over and youd swear he was getting ready for brain surgery! I have never had to use any thing other than GD techniques with my 5yr old. I'm wondering if using GD in all it's true senses is possible with multiples? I'm not sure what I mean bu maybe someone will understand LOL

Tigerchild's Avatar Tigerchild 12:36 AM 06-05-2004
I think it's possible.

By GD, I assume you mean no spanking or yelling, not that you mean no limits. Because I think anytime you have more than one child, period, you will probably need to set some boundaries.

I haven't had any difference in discipline between my daughter and sons, other than we childproofed a hell of a lot more this time around (now that we're zone defense rather than one on one or two on one), and it's unlikely the the boys will have as much freedom in public open space that Fiona did.

As a caveat, my partner is home full time as well, and all three of our kids have similar mellow personalities. So a different mix or personalities and support will have different results, I'd think.
sahm23boys2003's Avatar sahm23boys2003 05:24 PM 06-05-2004
Oh yes! ITA with the way you childproof wfor twins! With Sam we just put a few things away and gated off some space but our house now looks like fort knoxx with all the "security" features and lack of "stuff" hanign around.
I also know what you mean by having to set boundaries that are going to be a bit more strict than with only one babe!

I think that sam is/was a very mellow easy going baby who you caould always redirect, "reason" with and generally only have to "scold" for lack of a better word, once and he got it. With Riley I am constantly redirecting (moving him away from X,Y,Z) him from the same things many many times. Cole is better but he also must be redirected a few times. I am hoping that there might be some techiniques just for "multiples" situations because we all know that "I had mine 1,2 yrs apart and I KNOW what you are going through/I did this" just doenst fit in!

Thanks for your reply! Shold I post on the GD board? I didn't know where to put this realluy.
Periwinkle's Avatar Periwinkle 04:24 PM 06-08-2004
Yes it is possible. My dd and ds are 2 now, and we started using various GD "techniques" around the time they were really mobile, maybe 10 or 11 months. So what you're going through sounds about right!

I do think that the regular GD forum has been really helpful for me from time to time, as the way I've dealt with various issues - biting, food throwing, more recently hitting - I've gotten great advice from other moms there. In other words, I don't think there's anything tremendously different about twins than singletons in terms of what you do.

That being said, I have noticed that problems that fall outside the realm of, for lack of a better word (and I hate using this phrase b/c it has so many icky, non-AP uses/connotations) "natural consequences", have been much harder due to twins.. For example, throwing food - no big deal, I was able to handle the same way as I would have with just one, i.e., gently saying something like "Please keep your food on your tray" and then if they throw food again, saying "Seems you're not hungry now since you're throwing your food. Mommy's going to get you down from the highchair and when you're ready to start eating again, let me know." and then if they want to get back up, fine, but as soon as they start throwing again, down they go. No "send the kid starving to bed", no yelling, no spaking.... just the natural consequence of - you throw food, you get down from the table. Worked beautifully.

Now, what is the consequence when one child bites another? Or hits another? Or is mean to another? That has been more along the lines of the trouble we've faced, and I think because precisely since it's twins. Like, I can't just leave the room with the injured toddler or talk to the offending toddler, because I have to comfort the one who was hurt, kwim? That takes time, and by the time I'm done, often the biter/hitter has moved on to something else already, so the whole distraction thing doesn't work. We went through this a couple of months ago -- dd was really in a hitting phase and was just hitting ds several times a day. She thought it was funny. What I did was different than I might do for just one. I talk to her (and ds) throughout the day about what we CAN hit. We made it into a game... as in "What can you hit? A drum! What can you kick? A ball! Can you hit mama? Nooooo. Can you hit papa? Nooooo. Can you hit a drum? YES!" And she gets all excited saying what she can kick and who she can't, and so on. And then, when say she's on the changing table and threatening to give me a good foot in the stomach, we'll start the game, and she definitely "gets it" and stops. If she actually does follow through and say hit her brother, I pick up ds and carry him out of the room while just lavishing attention on him. Then after he is calmed down, I'll say to dd, "When you are ready to play again, we will come back and play with you. Hitting hurts and we don't hit." or something like that. But it took some creativity to figure out something to do instead of just reacting to bad behaviour all the time. The other moms on GD were really helpful.

I think the best thing that helped us around 10-12 months was to use the word "No" very, very selectively. This way, when you say NO it means no. Like when they're about to pull a lamp down on their head. But otherwise, trying to phrase it in short, easy-to-understand but positive ways, like, "Please touch the doggy nicely... like this" or "Please keep your Cheerios on your tray." The other thing that really has helped is to not provide any instruction whatsoever for which I didn't expect immediate or near-immediate compliance. So if I asked dd to do something (or not to do something) either she had to do it right away or I would go over and help her (all gently of course). I think a lot of times, moms say things (even nicely, playfully) like "Come over here!" or "OK, stop banging the spoon" or "Let's change your diaper" but without expecting instant compliance. I've just learned, especially with twins, you pick your battles (if you can even call them that) and only ask dd/ds to do something if you are ready and willing to instantly ensure they do it.

OK I'm really rambling here. Good luck!