a bit of a rant... (long.) - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 8 Old 06-08-2004, 04:34 PM - Thread Starter
 
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i'm sort of new here, so if there is a more appropriate place for rants/vents, please let me know. i really need to vent on this though or else i might implode!

dh and i went to see a band play at a friend's house last night. we took the boys along because we weren't really there for the music (way too loud for little ears - band was in the basement, we were outside hanging out) but mostly to see a bunch of friends, including a couple who had been away at school/army for a long time. we pull up to the house and the boys are asleep, so we get out and stand next to the van and a bunch of our friends walk up to us... we are saying hello and explain that the boys are sleeping so we would just hang out by the van for a while to let them be and this girl who i did not know was like, "you're leaving them in the CAR?!" : but i'm thinking, alright, be cool, she obviously doesn't have kids, and i say, "yes, i can see them both, they're fine." and she ROLLS HER EYES at me. in a couple of minutes they both wake up, we're still all standing around talking and i take them out and this same girl notices that Jonah has a scratch on his foot. (his brother grabbed him while they were playing the other day... not a big deal at all.) she says, "what happened to his FOOT?!" i explained. she said, "are you SURE it didn't happen in the CAR while they were ALL ALONE?!" i said again, "i was right here. it did not happen in the car." dh goes to talk to some people, me and a friend take the kids and sit on the grass. this girl follows us and sits by us with a couple of her friends and begins to talk VERY LOUDLY about how she would NEVER have kids, and if she did, ONLY ONE...(like i had any control over having twins...) and how she would only get married if her husband would travel all over with her and take care of the kid FOR HER, blah blah blah, having kids young is a HORRIBLE MISTAKE (i'm 22) and she would NEVER destroy her life that way. my friend (who is engaged to be married) and i just looked at each other... so he said, loudly, "i can't wait to be married and have a couple of little guys too..." and i said, "yeah, being married is great and kids are AWESOME, you are going to love being a family man so much..."

i don't get what this girl's issue was. she's a friend of a friend and i don't know her personally. anyway... it's been really burning me up and i wished i'd turned around and said something more like, "you don't deserve to be blessed with little people, not with that attitude!" but i didn't. augh. do any of you run into this kind of crap? what is with the anti-child attitude with so many people today?? i mean, i know i'm young but i like my life so much more now with children than before... if i ever had to go back to that, i would be so BORED! anyhow, thanks for listening. i just needed to rant a little. :
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#2 of 8 Old 06-09-2004, 01:07 AM
 
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don't let her ignorance get you down
--she just doesn't know
parenthood puts you at such a different level
i was a young(ish) single momma w/ my first baby
and having my daughter changed my life
and my perspective so radically
i loved it but it was hard to connect w/ other people
with whom i was no longer on the same plane
now that i have 4 kids, it is still hard sometimes
even to hook up w/ my old friends who do have 1 or 2
my day to day life is just SOOOO different than theirs

when i was younger, i thought i'd never have kids or get married
when i met my husband, in our first conversation he told me that he never wanted to have kids (HA)
you just don't know until you find yourself there
i wouldn't let it bother you (her stupid remarks)
just laugh andthink fondly of the days when you were so carefree and ignorant - not that you'd go back there

elyssia

but YES it is difficult to be around people who are being very obtuse - like her stupid remarks about leaving your kids in the van - even if it's out of ignorance
and i can't stand being around people who don't like kids
but fortunately, i'm usually not
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#3 of 8 Old 06-09-2004, 09:35 AM
 
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I agree with Elyssia. One day she will realize what an absolute blessing and gift children are and will (hopefully!) be singing a new tune. Hopefully it will also help get rid of her rudeness and smug attitude as well! LOL!!

Karen - Mama to Haven (9/00) , Lillie & Faith (MZ - 12/02) and my first homebirthed baby, Willa (3/08)
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#4 of 8 Old 06-09-2004, 02:23 PM
 
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Saddly, that young woman may never change. Some women (or men) don't and their spouses and kids are miserable and neglected because they are so self centered. Let's hope she doesn't get married and have kids and meanwhile, just avoid her. Your time is too valuable to be taken up with annoying people.
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#5 of 8 Old 06-10-2004, 11:51 AM
 
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Oh, I think one day that girl will have a couple of kids. Eventually when she is just plain worn out one day, they'll fall asleep in the car. She'll know from prior experience that if she gets them out they'll wake up and so she'll leave them in there (standing close by of course). At that point, she will regret saying what she said to you.

I ate a lot of words that I mistakenly said, not after my first child, but after my twins. Having several kids can change anyone's perspective.

But on another note, we just did this. We went to a cookout and the girls were getting cranky. I put them in the car and we drove around for a bit. They fell asleep and I came back, parked and hung out for awhile beside the car. I did get some looks when people found out the girls were in the car, but no one said anything to me directly.
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#6 of 8 Old 06-10-2004, 03:06 PM
 
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I used to drive around to get them to sleep and then park in the shade and take a nap in the car myself.
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#7 of 8 Old 06-24-2004, 04:18 PM - Thread Starter
 
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just wanted to say thanks to everyone who put up with my ranting and responded with kind words. i guess i just need to get used to this kind of attitude, given that nearly all of my friends are childless.

when i told a friend of mine this story, she said that girl was being obnoxious because she was just jealous.

anyway, thanks again ladies.
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#8 of 8 Old 07-27-2004, 08:10 PM
 
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To add to what the above posters have said, you also did the right thing because she may very well have been in an altered state - drunk, stoned, a combination. Her intrusiveness and the aggressive inappropriateness of her behavior, combined with the setting, makes me wonder...

She also might have been talking out loud to try to impress a guy (or girl) she had a crush on and who she thought believed those kinds of things.

In any case, you did the right thing by not confronting her and remaining calm. It sounds like a potentially volatile situation which you handled with great dignity.
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