Twins losing their parents - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 9 Old 07-10-2004, 12:08 PM - Thread Starter
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I already posted that on the forum so for short, Eliza& her twin brother Raine lost their parents a few days ago.
Mariane&Ryan died in a car crash.
So, now I'm taking care of the two.

Raine was crying last night.

I know both since the day they were born.
I know that they both trust me and they know that I love them.

Eliza cryed her eyes out at the funeral.
Mariane's mother, the grandma of the twins, was not able to attend the funeral so basically it was me and the twins and Mariane&Ryans friends.
Dan was at home with Annie&Chantal.
I was glad she was crying because it was the first time she did.
I thought she would've realised what had happened.
But today she asked me "Lynn, when will mum be back?"
I didn't know what to answer.

It seems like Raine is taking it better then Eliza does.
I'm so....helpless.
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#2 of 9 Old 07-11-2004, 04:26 PM
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Wow--much love and best wishes of support for you. What an incredible thing you are doing.
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#3 of 9 Old 07-11-2004, 04:31 PM
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I'm not familiar with the story, but my heart is breaking into a million pieces reading this

Bless your heart for what you are doing for these children - you are truly an amazing woman and mama. Who will be raising the children in the long run? Did they have a will made out?
Just thinking about this scenario is making me shake.......
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#4 of 9 Old 07-11-2004, 06:16 PM - Thread Starter
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We're going to adopt them.

I don't know what papers we all need to fill out but we are definality going to do it.

Marianes mother lives in San Fransisco and the kids were born here in NYC and they live here and have their friends and everything.
It's fine with Marianes mothers, shes a great lady, we're going to do all that is needed to become the legal guardians.
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#5 of 9 Old 07-11-2004, 06:47 PM
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Once again, my thought are with you and your family.

I have never had to deal with this kind of thing before so what I am suggesting is not based on experience.

I think its a good idea to be honest with Raine an Eliza. Its difficult for them but they need to know that thier mommy isnt coming back but can still be part of them. This must be so hard for you!

I also think that while they are away you should speak with them as often as possible as Im sure they need as much contact with you as they can get.

Perhaps it would be a good idea to try and get them so grief therapy because I am sure it is difficult for you to have to comfort others when you too are dealing with your own grief and feelings of loss.

I wish you all the strength in the world to get through this difficult time. I second what others have said before - these children are indeed lucky to have you in their lives!
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#6 of 9 Old 07-24-2004, 06:44 PM
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Hello , I am totally lurking here (a friend just had twins). I just had to tell you what a great thing you are doing. I wish I had some advice, but really just awed by your strength and love.

Blessing to you and your family.
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#7 of 9 Old 07-27-2004, 08:43 PM
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Wow, how hearbreaking. They are lucky to have you in their lives.

As someone who used to work in therapy with children, I would encourage you to talk about their parents as much as the children ask about it...but try to be honest in an age appropriate way. It would be helpful if they could both get into see a good therapist. A play therapist might really help if they have a difficult time talking about it.

Avery & Natalie 10/14/02

Dana, mom to Avery & Natalie 7 , Cole 4 , and Baby #4 on the way!
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#8 of 9 Old 07-27-2004, 08:50 PM
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Those poor kids
I think that it is just wonderful for you to be there for them. It sounds like they really know you and trust you which will help them in this difficult time.
Blessings to you and your family
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#9 of 9 Old 08-24-2004, 03:46 PM
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How awful for those little girls! I don't have much to add except that I think developmentally most kids don't really understand the *permanence* of death until around age 8 or 9 (this is according to the textbooks), so it's not terribly surprising that she would be crying one day and asking when her mother's coming back another. I can't think of any off the top of my head, but maybe others here know of some good books about helping children grieve.

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