My friend is pregnant with twins! - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 17 Old 08-09-2004, 12:41 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I was wondering if y'all had suggestions for little things I could say/do to be helpful and supportive. She isn't a very close friend, but she's someone I've known a long time and see often. She strikes me as being quite mainstream, but I bet she'd be open to different ideas if they could be shown to work.

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#2 of 17 Old 08-12-2004, 04:05 PM
 
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Just be there to help. Hold babies, do laundry or dishes, BRING FOOD!
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#3 of 17 Old 08-12-2004, 04:34 PM
 
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yes - bring food, do laundry, watch babies for a couple hours so she can sleep. The first week home my girls NEVER slept at the same time. One would go to sleep, the other would wake up crying.

single mama to 5 (12.5, 11, 10, and 8 year old twins)

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#4 of 17 Old 08-12-2004, 04:45 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Any tips for how to offer to do those things without making it seem like I think she NEEDS help? She has a huge, very supportive family, so she doesn't need my help; I just want to be a good friend and pitch in where I can.

Also, about AP-type things. She's planning on going back to work after only a short maternity leave, because she loves her job. I'd be surprised if she breastfed or cd'd, since those things tend to require time. On the other hand, I'd hate to see her spend her entire salary on formula and sposies. Any ideas on whether I could/should help her keep her mind open to alternatives?

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#5 of 17 Old 08-12-2004, 04:48 PM
 
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She can EP and still bottlefeed and work. quite a few moms on Twinstuff do that. She'll need a good pump like a Medula Pump in Style or an Ameda purely yours for that. A hand pump won't work. My twins were preemie and I had to pump for them for about 2 months before they really got it plus pumped some for several months after even though I was home. It took mine a long time to catch on to nursing. My pump was $300 but it's paid for itself a long time ago.

oh and if she's got family to help - maybe ask her what you can do. Or just bring some freezer meals or something.

single mama to 5 (12.5, 11, 10, and 8 year old twins)

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#6 of 17 Old 08-12-2004, 04:55 PM
 
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Eh... you'd be surprised how fast large families clear out when they realize how much work twins are. I thought mine would have helped more too.

I'd just offer to come help WHENEVER she needs and bring food with you when you do come. Bring food even if it just means ringing the doorbell, dropping it off and going home. People bringing food for the first 6 weeks is the ONLY reason I ate then. I was FAR too tired to even pour a bowl of cereal (plus rarely was allowed to not be holding one or the other or both).

As for AP things, maybe give her a sling, a cloth diap and cover and a breastfeeding book as gifts? That way she has them, but you're not pushing anything by discussing it.
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#7 of 17 Old 08-12-2004, 04:57 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I wonder if I could find a book or magazine that would give her your advice. I feel weird giving it myself since I don't have kids. I wonder if I could find her something to read that would explain the purely practical, tangible benefits of various aspects of AP, without getting deep into the philosophy and without being judgmental of mainstreamers. Especially if I could find something that would be sympathetic to twin moms.

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#8 of 17 Old 08-12-2004, 05:04 PM
 
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There IS a book on APing twins (rather on twins, from an AP standpoint).

Mothering Multiples: Breastfeeding & Caring for Twins or More
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#9 of 17 Old 08-12-2004, 05:10 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks! Maybe I'll get that for her.

I was also thinking about Having Twins by Elizabeth Noble. I know there's a new edition out; I remember the old edition being really good but a bit out of date in places.

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#10 of 17 Old 08-18-2004, 02:58 PM
 
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hi Juliacat! I have 8 weekers. And a 19 mos old. I have a big supportive fam too but promises of help seem to have gone by the way side now that my girls are here. It is a handful. What I want and need is people to come over and do the following:

hold babies while I shower
clean kitchen floor since 19 mos old is going thru food throwing phase
fold tons of laundry
go to grocery store or watch a babe or 2 while I go
stock up on frozen foods to throw in oven and viola
take babies for walk so i can sleep out of earshot of crys and gives them fresh air
help with bath time
change all bedding that constantly has poop/spit up on it
clean bathroom
cut up fresh fruits and veggies and put in fridge for snacking

I also think others idea of giving a sling, bf book, etc as gifts is great idea. I work part time and pump then. I recommend the pump in style to her. works great for me.
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#11 of 17 Old 08-18-2004, 03:07 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Those are great specific suggestions! Thank you. But: Like I said, she's not a super-close friend, so I've actually never even been in her house before. Would it be weird to all of a sudden start showing up to clean the bathroom?

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#12 of 17 Old 08-18-2004, 03:32 PM
 
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Would it be weird to all of a sudden start showing up to clean the bathroom?

:LOL Sounds weird but now that my babies are here and I get how REALLY crazy it gets I would love ANYONE to clean my bathroom.

If someone offers to do something now I say SURE! People are always saying to just let them know when I need them to come over and help. My answer to that is you can come over any day at any time and I will always need help with something. I won't refuse anyone!!

Somehow I feel bad asking for help because I know how overwhelming it gets. But if it's offered it's much easier to say 'Here fold this basket of laundry!"
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#13 of 17 Old 08-18-2004, 03:36 PM
 
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exactly Gotmilkmama! :LOL that's exactly how I am too! I couldn't care less if the queen of England were washing my laundry if she WANTED to. I'm loathe to ask but if anyone offers I DO NOT turn down.
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#14 of 17 Old 09-05-2004, 07:27 PM
 
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First of all try to get her to look into Dr. Thomas Brewer's blue ribbion baby diet. It worked for me and my twins were born 39 weeks 5 days and weighed 7 lbs 14 oz and 7lbs 15 oz.

Next I sell in my newly opened homebased breastfeeding business the EZ-2 Nurse breastfeeding pillow. If she chooses to bottle feed it works fine for that too. I could not have nursed without this pillow!!!! They sell for $56 + shipping.

I also sell the Medela breastpumps and accessories. If she is working full-time the Pump-in Style is what she will require and they range from $309 - $349.

Line up people to deliver food on different days or have her give you the shopping list and go do it for her. It is unbearable trying to shop with twins!

My family was not much help when the twins arrived either. People just do not have a clue how hard it is unless they have been there and it is not comparable to singleton babies! SHe will be tired and stressed so just listening to her may be the best thing!
if she is not using cloth diapers then through her a diaper and wipe shower. You would not believe how helpful that is!

Hope this helps!
ANgie
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#15 of 17 Old 09-23-2004, 01:37 AM
 
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In addition to a regular gift you might include a gift certificate booklet (you could make one up youself on the computer) of things you could do. Such as the things mentioned like this entitles the bearer to
3 loads of laundry washed, dried and folded
2 hour nap
1 day of waiting on you hand and foot
1 day of housekeeping
a romantic baby free dinner

With a cloth diaper gift I would include something cute (many people still picture the old fashion diapers with pins and plastic pants) and a business card so she can take a look at their website
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#16 of 17 Old 09-23-2004, 09:52 AM - Thread Starter
 
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That is a SUPER idea, besttwins! I am already visualizing the content of the book I'll make by hand.

For diapers, I think I'll get her a pair of print Bumkins AIOs, which are a decent compromise between cuteness and utility.

And if she looks at me as though I've grown a second head when I give them to her, she'll have the coupon book to fall back on, so at least I'll have given her SOMETHING helpful.

Thanks!

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#17 of 17 Old 09-26-2004, 02:34 AM
 
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Great ideas! A very close friend is expecting twins in November (they are her first kids). Unfortunately she lives on a little island a few hours away and I have 3 young kids so I don't think visiting I'd be much help, rather I think we would just add chaos

She plans to bf...any tips? I think she got the pillow someone mentioned above.

Also, how do you carry twins...like do you use two slings...do they get heavy to carry faster or is the balance of carrying two helpful??

Jen

Jen Wife to Jason and Mom to Cassidy 10y Malcolm8y & Lucas 5y
living in Canada and Costa Rica and slowly exploring the world
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