Ideals vs. Reality - Mothering Forums
Parenting Multiples > Ideals vs. Reality
Megs Mom's Avatar Megs Mom 04:18 PM 09-13-2004
So ideally, my kids are with me all the time, I don't use child care, etc. In reality, I'm losing my mind. I desperately need some "me" time. I had to pray for the grace last week just to not beat the hell out of them (I don't even spank). How do I get through a day of wiping a$$e$ 14 times, nursing a ton, trying to positively discipline a spirited toddler, etc., without losing my mind? I seem to have forgotten...

Fleurette's Avatar Fleurette 09:40 PM 09-13-2004
It's hard, isn't it? 2 I felt the same many a time. To be honest, sometimes I feel "lucky" that I "get" (the reality is if I don't, we lose our house, sooo....) to go to work. Don't get me wrong. Love my kids, but work offers me an escape sometimes. I miss them so much but I feel a bit saner when I get home and I can kiss on them and love on them and not feel so frazzled. When I was home, as soon as dh got home, the babies were handed off to him so I could get a little "me" time. I really thought I'd implode sometimes or just go looney before anyone got home to rescue all of us. Is there any way you can get out for a while? Will the babies take a bottle of EBM from your dh? Sometimes getting out for some "me" time away from the crying, the whining, the constant need for you can do wonders to rejuvenate you.

Hang in there. You're doing a fabulous job.
lovetimestwo's Avatar lovetimestwo 01:50 AM 09-14-2004
Had that kind of day today. Made me wonder if we all would be better off if I did go to work.

I think there really is something to what they say about taking care of yourself first so ca give to your family. If I get a little break I come back so refreshed. Without that my patience just dwindles.
sleeping queen's Avatar sleeping queen 09:35 AM 09-14-2004
That first year is so hard. I have a young lady. You really need a break once a week if possible. That is how I kept my sanity. This young lady's mom called me when the twins were about 4 months old and said her dd's ministry was to spend time helping others. It has turned into a great relationship between her and me and all the children.
Anyway, my twins are 20 months old and it has gotten much easier. My only advice is you'll probably want to be much firmer with your discipline as they get older. My house would be total chaos if I hadn't set a few understandable boundries. : Another thing that helped me was naptime is the same for everyone. We're down to one nap a day and usually it is at least 2hrs. I know I'll have time for a break then.
mommybritt's Avatar mommybritt 12:21 PM 09-14-2004
You need a break - hugs to you! Do you have family around or someone you trust (or maybe a few people with 3 kids to watch- lol!)? Or a mother's helper where you're still in the house and available if needed?

I understand where you're coming from and the whole ideals vs reality thing. I absolutely have had moments where I've had to stop myself from lashing out at my girls and it's such a horrible feeling

Is Meg in preschool? Maryn has just started back and she loves her school and I love the 3 afternoons a week it gets me with just the babies!

Are you getting enough sleep? Okay, stupid question, of course you're not... any way you can sleep in a few times a week or get a nap or go to bed early?

Are you getting one on one time with each child? For me, especially with Maryn, spending time one on one with her reminds me of how wonderful she is and why I'm parenting the way I am.

Do you go to LLL meetings or API or something? A friend of mine has started a breastfeeding multiples group through our local (and very NOT breastfeeding friendly) multiples group. This small group keeps growing and is amazing.

I say, take your "me" time whenever you need to...does dh understand how needed it is?

Many, many hugs to you. We're 2/3 of the way through the first year - we are awesome, super women who grew and birthed 2 babies at the same time!!! We rock and we will get through this first year (and every year after that!) because we love our children fiercely and are passionate about our mothering.

But we do need to get a pedicure every once in a while...
mamadawg's Avatar mamadawg 09:41 PM 09-14-2004
2 to you, mama. It's tough, I know. And I don't have another little one in addition to my twins. Good luck to you. Can you possibly hire a mother's helper to come in & help you out a bit? I did this for a while and it helped somewhat. Then the kids are with you & you still get a little break. I also started getting regular massages & acupuncture to alleviate my stress and it really helps! But my insurance covers it--it can get kind of spendy. But do SOMETHING to pamper yourself. Even if it's a short walk outside by yourself.

Sorry, no words of wisdom. Just wanted to commiserate.
mum2lillie's Avatar mum2lillie 02:08 AM 09-15-2004
Hey sister-Just wanted to say ditto cuz I'm right there with ya! I think I"m going to look for a mother's helper this week.
Megs Mom's Avatar Megs Mom 03:44 PM 09-18-2004

Thanks, Mamas. I'll be back later with more but things are going better...
amnesiac's Avatar amnesiac 01:42 PM 09-20-2004
If you can afford an occasional massage or pedicure or something, just an hour or two alone once in a while can be such a treasure. Heck, even a 10 minute drive to the post office alone can do wonders!

My mother used to come over every Friday afternoon & hang out, cook lunch, help with the kids or anything around the house that needed doing. I really looked forward to Fridays! Even still, I can't even remember the number of times I found myself sitting in the kitchen floor in tears.

Hang in there-- it really does get better!
Megs Mom's Avatar Megs Mom 07:22 AM 09-24-2004
Well. It seems C has a double ear infection and P is wheezing. We are all coughing like crazy. That explains a lot...
hotmamacita's Avatar hotmamacita 07:24 AM 09-25-2004
I totally understand, MM. One second at a time is how I live my life...and Grace. God's Grace keeps me kind.