Help! I'm totally stressed here. - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 5 Old 10-01-2004, 12:58 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I know having twins is stressful, but I'm just having a really tough time of it right now. I was able to stay home with them and my 2 year old until school started up (about 8 months). I teach. I've gone back to work. I'm soooo stressed that I wake up stressed. I can't seem to 'go with the flow'. I have SO much to do in the mornings and evenings, and many times, I'm the only one doing it. Here's an example of my typical day:
  • Get the boys fed (dh helps by giving one a bottle)
  • Get boys dressed
  • Change twins' diapers
  • Comb boys' hair, wash faces, clean their teeth
  • Get dd out of bed
  • Get dd dressed
  • Get dd's hair brushed, teeth brushed, face washed
  • Get myself dressed, makeup etc.
  • Get lunches packed (usually done at night; I'm just putting them in the bags)
  • Make sure I've got what the dcp needs
  • Load kiddos in the van (dh helps in this)
  • Take kiddos to dcp
  • Go to work
  • Teach all day
  • Go to dcp and pick up kids
  • Come home
  • Play with kids
  • Get dinner ready, set table etc.
  • bathe the kids (dh does the bathing part; I get them in their pjs. Also, we don't do this every night but once every other day if we miss one night)
  • Feed babies dinner (before baths)
  • bottle before bedtime (usually dh is bathing 2 year old when I do this)
  • read stories to all the kiddos
  • If dh isn't cleaning up the kitchen while I read, I try to get that semi-clean
  • shower
  • go to bed

Yes, I know dh should help more. I'm soooo frustrated right now. We've talked and talked and talked about it. He gets off later than I do from work and his commute's about 45 minutes on a good day and 1.5 hours on really bad days. In the mornings, he just has 1 speed. He just doesn't seem to be able to move any faster no matter what's going on. Oh, and just so you know, I can get all my a.m. stuff done by 6 a.m. or 6:10 if I'm having a slow day or dd insists on wearing something I can't talk her out of, or wakes up all grumpy.

By the time I'm ready to leave for work, I'm ready to plop back into bed. I go to bed at a reasonable hour. I get fairly restful sleep. I've been "letting" dh get up with the cranky, teething babies lately, but now he's getting annoyed that he is the one "always" getting up.

He also thinks that I don't see what he does do. I do, but it's just simply not enough to take much of the burden off of my shoulders. I'm so darn stressed and tired (guess I've said that a few times, huh?).

Not sure what I'm looking for. Suggestions? Help? Advice? Just a place to vent?

Ok....off to eat my lunch while supervising my lunch detention kids. Yay for me!
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#2 of 5 Old 10-01-2004, 01:12 PM
 
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Your life really does seem full!!! You beed to get in more time for you. You need to let somethings go too. Would it help you if you woke up 15-20 min early to do some yoga?
Or mybe hire a mothers helper to come in after school to help prepare meals and do a few chores so you don't have to? They are cheap because you are still there and not necessarily caring for th echildren. You need a break mama.
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#3 of 5 Old 10-01-2004, 01:27 PM
 
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It sounds like you're both stressed! I think the suggestion of getting a helper to come after school might be nice for you. I used to have a teenager come over and give her $10 or so for a couple of hours of playing with the kids. She liked it. She was 14.
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#4 of 5 Old 10-01-2004, 02:20 PM
 
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wasn't working but I was finishing up school when my boys were about 18 mos. & I totally understand the dh issue because mine might hold a bottle if he was home but that's about it.

What about these lunches you're making, who are they for? If it's dh, I'd let him fend for himself. If it's for the kids, maybe you could take a week's worth or a few days worth to the dcp so you aren't dealing with it every single day?

Next is the after work part. When I first went back to school I always went straight away to get the kids & then it was crazy stressful at home all night. Then after a while I found that it was a much less stressful & more enjoyable situation for everyone for me to go home first, change clothes, get the mail, start part of dinner etc because I could do it so much faster alone plus I could decompress for a few minutes & was just a more enjoyable person to be around. I guess I usually took about 30 minutes or so to do that & then go get the kids. Then once we got home the whole rest of the evening was more smooth. If it isn't too far of a drive, maybe you could try that & see if it would work for you?
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#5 of 5 Old 10-04-2004, 02:12 PM
 
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You poor mama! I hear ya. It is never ending isn't it!!

How about dh taking sole care of dd in mornings and you get boys ready. Then at night vice versa. That way each parent has own child(ren) to care for and you don't get stuck with doing it ALL. My dh and I do that. Sometimes I'll say if you take ds today I'll take the girls. This makes him feel like he is getting the easier job cause it's only 1 whereas I have 2...plus with nursing I kind of have to have the girls.

Or how about telling dh that these 2 things needs to be done so which you would like. This way he gets to pick and may be more likely to do it. Tricks that work with kids usually work with dh too. :LOL

And what about him helping with the drop off/pick up. You drop off and he picks up or vice versa. I like the idea of pp where you pick up kids after you hit home first.

Can you afford to order dinner in a few nights a week to spare you a few minutes of prep and clean up?

If can't get mamas helper can grandma commit to 1 night per wk to come over and help.

Can you throw all 3 kiddies in the tub together to shorten bath time?
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