Does anyone have a high needs baby? - Mothering Forums
Parenting Multiples > Does anyone have a high needs baby?
milk4two's Avatar milk4two 05:08 PM 01-27-2005
Just wondering how you make it work when one baby is high needs.

1Plus2's Avatar 1Plus2 08:28 PM 01-27-2005
Hi, Adria. Oh, that question a blast from the past for me!! My oldest dd was the picture of high need. From the moment she was born she was barking orders and giving out commands. She nursed furiously and for LOOOOOOOOOOOONG sessions. I honestly had days where she nursed almost constantly. She couldn't be put down, had to be in MY arms - Daddy's wouldn't do. She wore me out...and I loved every minute of it. ONLY because she was my first and only child at the time. When I got pg with #'s 2 and 3 I was SO anxious about one - or both! - of them being HN. Both of my girls turned out to be very "normal" on the neediness range. I say to this day that God gave me my oldest to prepare me for twins. She alone was harder then the two of them put together. I can't help you with suggestions on how to deal with twins when one is HN. I haven't been there. However, do you have the Dr. Sears book? It was so wonderful when I found that book. He also has a web site with lots of info on HN babies on it.

BabyCenter also has a bulletin board for parents of HN children. I won't post that link because I believe it breaks the rules to do so. I'm sure you could easily find it at their site on your own. When I first went there I met a woman who had boy/girl twins and the girl was VERY HN. I also found that many of the mothers on the HN board there bf'd.

I don't know if any of your other children have been HN. I am truly very happy that my oldest was/is HN. She made me step up to the parenting challenge and made me a much better mother then I would have been had she been a "lump baby". And even though she is a VERY challenging 4-year-old (although what 4-year-old isn't??), her spirit and life are so amazing!
Ruby Pearl's Avatar Ruby Pearl 08:59 PM 01-27-2005
My first child IS high needs. Before I had her I had wanted 2 children and had wanted to have them close together. For the first 18 months after I had her I was convinced not only that I was the worst mother in the world, but also that she hated me for some reason I just couldn't figure out. The mere thought of having another baby would trigger a panic attack and give me nightmares. Around 18 months she turned into an absolute sweetheart and remained thus long enough to trick us into thinking we could handle another baby. Luckily it took us another 18 months to conceive and she was almost four when baby was born. Having the baby has actually made life easier in some ways because the baby takes a lot of her focus off of me. The baby is also high needs, bu not in the emotionally exhausting way her sister is, she just needs to be kept a really close eye on (she started walking before she turned 9 months old) and when she is unhappy she makes sure everyone else is unhappy too, but she is also very rewarding and smily and playful when she is happy. My first never smiled or laughed as a baby and people used to actually ask me what was wrong with her because she looked so serious. My greatest fear is that my second child would be just like her and that I wouldn't be able to handle it. Our fears are often much greater than our reality. You have survived life with a high needs child, you can survive anything. All of the things your high needs child has taught you will help you be a more confident and secure parent this time around. sorry for rambling, I am just so happy how things are different this time around.
charmarty's Avatar charmarty 08:28 PM 02-05-2005
both my girls were high needs. Honestly still are! And then some. My boobs are my best friends. Still are. Slings, long baths together and music with bass are all things I did to help us. My bum got flat from constantly sitting and nursing but hey, that can be a good thing right?
Alos, I lowered my expectactions of myself.

Good luck to you mama.
gotmilkmama's Avatar gotmilkmama 02:53 PM 02-09-2005
Originally Posted by charmarty
My bum got flat from constantly sitting and nursing but hey, that can be a good thing right?

Charmarty that makes me laugh. I feel the same. My butt has been flattened from my girls never letting me get off the chair with them too. That chair has become part of But I had a flat bottom already so not such a good thing for me. :LOL
MamaLeah's Avatar MamaLeah 05:17 AM 02-11-2005
My first daughter was maybe high needs, but as she was my only one, it didn't really matter so much.

Both my twins were...well, maybe more fussy. Let's just say they needed LOTS of holding, LOTS of nursing, LOTS of attention, and even with that they were not terribly happy much of the time. So I just wanted to give my two cents:

As someone already said, I had to totally LOWER my expectations. Trying to meet the needs of my two year old and my needy newborns was ALL I tried to do. Obviously, I let go of expectaions for household chores, but also for sleep, adult conversation, personal reading or e-mail, MDC. I accepted that it was a temporary situation, I had to totally give myself over to the tidal wave I was riding, and that there would be an end to this stage of our lives.

And, getting the hang of double-slinging and then simultaneous nursing while lying down totally improved our lives. They were really life-changing "skills" for our household.

Best wishes!!!!