HELP! Had surprise twins last week - how to ap everyone? - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 26 Old 03-29-2005, 12:59 PM - Thread Starter
 
Wildcrafter's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Maine
Posts: 770
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
We homebirthed (vbac!) 2 full term twins, which we thought was one large babe, on the 17th.

How do I attachment parent the both of them AND my 3 year old. Need tips, suggestions anything. Nursing's going well but I feel like that's all I do.

I have lots of help right now but next week I will be on my own and am pretty nervous about that.

Thanks mamas,
Mary
Wildcrafter is offline  
#2 of 26 Old 03-29-2005, 01:12 PM
 
Potty Diva's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2003
Posts: 7,184
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
YOU GO MAMA! Congrats on your double bundle!

As for Aping, I would suggest while your nursing to pick up a few good books on attachment parenting, such as "The Discipline Book" by William and Martha Sears. They also have a book about attachment parenting twins, though I can't recall the title. Another good one is also by Sears called "The Successful Child".

Aside from reading..don't try to be the supermom and do it alone. Your Dh can help a lot by taking time with your three year old, and one of the twins while you spend quality time with each child one on one. Take time for yourself. When your babes rest, you rest, read, do something you enjoy...

Yes, easier said than done, I know
Potty Diva is offline  
#3 of 26 Old 03-29-2005, 01:15 PM
Ame
 
Ame's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: BA, Oklahoma
Posts: 1,051
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
WOW

I don't have twins but my advice would be to not worry about keeping the house clean or doing laundry or cooking dinner for a while. Try to just focus on keeping you, your toddler, and those babies satisfied while you're home alone.

Luckily little babies sleep alot and you'll have a bit of time to adjust before they need your undivided attention all the time.

Do you have slings? Do you have a community that you could turn to for volunteers?
Ame is offline  
#4 of 26 Old 03-29-2005, 01:38 PM
 
gotmilkmama's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: St. Louis, MO
Posts: 208
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Oh my goodness!!! I can't even imagine 2 popping out when you thought it was 1! No time for mental preparation for you! Way to go on vbac and home birth! CONGRATULATIONS!!!!

Sorry I'm not much help on advice for ap'ing them. I'm still trying to figure it all out! :LOL Alot of patience is key! I'm sure you do nothing but nurse right now...and that's all you should be doing! It's ok to let the rest go for awhile.

For me one of the hardest things was splitting mommy time between the new babies and my older child (he was almost 18 mos when my girls were born). You have this same dilemma with your 3 yr old. I did alot of time on the floor with a big family blanket spread out that I laid the babies on and my ds played on and had snacks etc. That way I could sit there with him with the babies nursing (used a boppy pillow under them). Also ds was used to lots of cuddling and now with 2 new babies in my arms his cuddle time was cut short. I then did lots of hand holding with him (he could still get his hand in mine even if I was holding both babies), and him sitting next to me while I nursed the babies, or laying his head in my lap, or laying his legs under or over mine. We found someway to have contact when my arms were occupied. I'd also have special time where he got to be in the sling while the girls were sleeping (although they very rarely slept unless in my arms).

Hope some of that helps. Hang in there mama!!
gotmilkmama is offline  
#5 of 26 Old 03-29-2005, 01:41 PM
 
gotmilkmama's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: St. Louis, MO
Posts: 208
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Oh forgot to mention how STARVING you'll be nursing 2! Have dh or someone go to store for lots of EASY healthy things to eat that can be eaten with one hand too. Things that you can just grab. If you have to 'fix' something you may go all day without eating and you need that fuel!!
gotmilkmama is offline  
#6 of 26 Old 03-29-2005, 01:44 PM
 
IdentityCrisisMama's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2003
Posts: 10,763
Mentioned: 5 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 109 Post(s)
Congrats!!!

Mama to DD September 2001 and DD April 2011 *Winner for most typos* eat.gif
IdentityCrisisMama is offline  
#7 of 26 Old 03-29-2005, 07:46 PM
 
MamaAllNatural's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Nearest chair with *ONE* nursling!
Posts: 7,185
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Wow! That is so cool! I secretly hoped for surprise twins with my last one. : :LOL

I know my sling maker taught mamas how to sling their twins at the same time. I also know of a really cool mama here who slings and CLWs her twins. I will PM her and point her to this thread.

Congratulations mama!

I just wanted to add:

Way to go on the twin HBAC!!! You deserve an award!

Just thought of another mama to PM.
MamaAllNatural is offline  
#8 of 26 Old 03-29-2005, 07:48 PM
 
twopeasinpod's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Posts: 566
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Congratulations Mama!

Get all the help you can - never say no to anyone who wants to help! Luckily we lived in cohousing when the twins were born, so food and laundry help were plentiful!

And if anyone wants to give you a gift, get a DOULA. We would not have survived with me stuck on that nuring pillow without a doula's emotional and spiritual supprort....my doulas are my angels, and I love them all.

O loved my camelbak while on the pillow, lots of liquid, and had a snack box next to the bed/recliner where I traveled back and forth while carrying the pillow. Do you need a pillow?? I have an extra I could send you.

Wishing you rest, plentiful milk, love and a happy babymoon,

Maya & Clan
twopeasinpod is offline  
#9 of 26 Old 03-29-2005, 07:49 PM
 
MamaAllNatural's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Nearest chair with *ONE* nursling!
Posts: 7,185
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
:LOL Maya, I was just about to PM you.
MamaAllNatural is offline  
#10 of 26 Old 03-29-2005, 07:53 PM
 
twopeasinpod's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Posts: 566
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I am just in awe of your story - you must be supermama - but please do not do it alone next week...do you need help finding a doula/postpartum support?

I have some books I could send you too, and I realized some cd'ing stuff to loan out as well - email me when you have a moment - realdiapers@gmail .com

wow....just amazed the more I think about it

Maya
twopeasinpod is offline  
#11 of 26 Old 03-29-2005, 10:20 PM
 
hotmamacita's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Posts: 7,210
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wildcrafter
We homebirthed (vbac!) 2 full term twins, which we thought was one large babe, on the 17th.




WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

Congratulations mama and way to go.

Quote:

How do I attachment parent the both of them AND my 3 year old. Need tips, suggestions anything. Nursing's going well but I feel like that's all I do.

I have lots of help right now but next week I will be on my own and am pretty nervous about that.

Thanks mamas,
Mary

Well, I've been there. And right now while you have lots of help? REST. REST. REST.

Ask your 'lots of help' to make & freeze meals...as many meals as they are willing and your budget will allow for groceries. THIS WILL HELP YOU TREMENDOUSLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ask them to help you get your house in shape for next week. BUt YOU NEED TO REST, really.

I don't think I got online for the first three months. I don't remember. I remember nursing the twins, playing with the 4 yo and trying to keep the 18 mo from going nuts. BUt I had no help and meals were pathetic. SO if your help can hook you up with meals, lots of them, in your freezer than that would be so helpful and so awesome.

My advice is to just nurse the babies and rest with the 3 yo at home. Read stories, colour in bed while you nurse or rest, watch TV (we were a no tv family until the twins came), read more stories, eat, and rest some more.

And trust your gut. DO what you can and give yourself the freedom to not do what you can't. ALl your children really want from you is your heart anyway, kwim?

: that your family and freiends make and freeze meals for you.

CONGRATS AGAIN.

Woo hoo. I am soooooooooooooooo excited for you.

Tell us more details when you are up for it.
hotmamacita is offline  
#12 of 26 Old 03-30-2005, 02:32 PM
 
mamadawg's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Posts: 2,823
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Congratulations!

What a crazy & beautiful story you'll have to share with your babies.

The biggest thing in the beginning is just to survive. Having twin newborns is really, really, REALLY hard. Just take one minute at a time. I know you said your help is going away, but if you can find someone to help you for a few hours so you can spend some time with your 3 year old, that would be ideal.

And nursing is pretty much all you'll be doing for quite some time. I didn't see that anybody mentioned Karen Gromada's book "Mothering Multiples" (published by LLL) here. Maybe I missed it, but it's an essential book for having twin babies.

I didn't have another child when I had my twins, so I'm not much help with advice on how to give him the attention he needs, but you'll find that your dh will have to be very involved in the parenting tasks in the house. My dp worked full-time and then came home to a full-time job taking care of babies, laundry, housework, letting me nap for a few hours, etc.

Also, there's a yahoo group called apmultiples that you might want to check out. There are some really wonderful people on that list who have lots of experience & tips to share. The archive alone is a wonderful resource. The link is: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/apmultiples

Good luck. Hang in there. And enjoy this time, it really is magical.
mamadawg is offline  
#13 of 26 Old 03-30-2005, 11:33 PM
 
1Plus2's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Almost Heaven...
Posts: 1,401
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
How VERY exciting!!! I found out at 9-weeks that I was carrying twins and was shocked then...I can't even imagine what it must have been like to not find out until baby #2 was on the way out!! So cool!!!!!

I second the recommendation on buying the book "Mothering Multiples". You can buy it at the La Leche League site. www.lalecheleague.org. I also recommend you contact your local LLL leader if you aren't already in touch with her. She'd be an invaluable support to you...for free!! Here is a ton of great links from Kellymom.com on breastfeeding and AP'ing twins:

http://www.kellymom.com/bf/start/bas...multiples.html

Karen - Mama to Haven (9/00) , Lillie & Faith (MZ - 12/02) and my first homebirthed baby, Willa (3/08)
1Plus2 is offline  
#14 of 26 Old 03-31-2005, 05:01 AM
 
AmyY's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 1,197
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Congrats! Your routine - nurse all the time - sounds like my life for the first six months. You've gotten great ideas and book recommendations so I'll just second, third, and fourth what's been said.

You will nurse constantly around the clock for a long time to come. Find a way to do that comfortably. I kept myself literally surrounded by water bottles for the incredible thirst I felt all the time. I had people bring me food.

Find ways to rethink your being alone from next week. This is huge! You will need help. I still have family member help EVERY DAY and my twins (no other children!!!) are 18 months! Make job #2 (after the job #1 of nursing) be to find ways to gather your support team.

Don't even think about cooking, cleaning, or doing laundry, darlin! Nurse nurse nurse! If you want to nurse hands-free to have hands available for your other little one, consider getting a twin nursing pillow. I used my EZ2 Nurse for a year, believe it or not. It's available at www.doubleblessings.com.

You are truly doubly blessed! Don't worry that nothing gets done except nursing and the care of your older one. That's an enormous job and you're probably reading these replies with blurry vision from exhaustion so you know what I mean! You're doing to do great, it will get better - but get help!!!
AmyY is offline  
#15 of 26 Old 03-31-2005, 12:01 PM
 
hotmamacita's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Posts: 7,210
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
hotmamacita is offline  
#16 of 26 Old 03-31-2005, 04:10 PM
 
thyme's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 397
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I have no BTDT advice, I just wanted to say WOW and congratulations to you. You're amazing!

And please ask for help. Even having someone to hold the babes while you go to the bathroom would be valued in the beginning.
thyme is offline  
#17 of 26 Old 04-04-2005, 01:53 AM
 
msrog's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Arizona
Posts: 1,301
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Wow, what an incredible surprise!!! Congratulations on a smooth home birth and on your miracle double blessing! You are amazing.

We had church friends sign up to bring meals every other day for about 3 months, and boy was it ever a sad day that last day!! =O) And when people asked how they could help, I usually asked them to help clean the kitchen or do laundry. I could never believe how quickly laundry piled up... OH, and naps! You'll need to be militant about getting your naps.

I don't know if I'll be frowned upon by the super AP, but I did not want to get sick because I wasn't resting enough... So I would nurse one baby to sleep in bed (while I snoozed and rested), while the other was content in the swing or bouncy seat or car seat. I had one baby with torticollis, I found out later, which was making tandem nursing nearly impossible because she couldn't latch on right and stay on. If you can tandem them, you might be blessed to be able to nurse them lying down (propped up with pillows) and not have to leave one "alone" in the swing, etc.

My other suggestion is to pack those babies up in the sling, stroller, or car, and get out for your mental health. This is the easy age for carrying them to restaurants, the park, church, etc.

My son was nearly 6 when the twins were born, so I don't have pertinent advice there. We bought him a Nintendo Game Cube just before the babies came home and he spent an exhorbitant amount of time on there the first month. But man, has he been helpful!!! He loves the babies and helping Mommy. I hope your older child is as helpful for you.

Congratulations again!
msrog is offline  
#18 of 26 Old 04-08-2005, 05:44 AM
 
hotmamacita's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Posts: 7,210
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
How ya' doing?












Don't stress if it takes you a while to reply. :
hotmamacita is offline  
#19 of 26 Old 04-08-2005, 04:00 PM - Thread Starter
 
Wildcrafter's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Maine
Posts: 770
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I am hanging in there! Thanks to all you wonderful mamas for all the kind words of encouragement and helpful advice. It is very comforting to hear from others who have btdt (and those who haven't too!).

It's been 3 weeks now and yes I KNOW I SHOULD BE SLEEPING RIGHT NOW!!! But my 3yo son is at my parents for the day and twins are sleeping. Today I went for a walk with the twins, one in the sling and one in a stroller - it was wonderful. Tomorrow we shop for double stroller and a few other items.

I can sling 2 nursing babies at once!!! I AM WOMAN!

Still have help everyday, though not around the clock. And that will continue into the 4th week, at least. Playdates at our house for my 3 yo have been essential - getting him outside having lots of fun has done wonders for him and for me - just seeing him happy.

So far the hardest thing has been watching 3yo adjust - sometimes it's so sad. This am he said, "But who is going to hold me?" Breaks my heart but I know he will be ok.. Got a chance to snuggle with him yesterday during his/our naptime and that was bliss for both of us.

Thanks again, mamas, gotta go.

Mary
Wildcrafter is offline  
#20 of 26 Old 04-08-2005, 04:10 PM - Thread Starter
 
Wildcrafter's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Maine
Posts: 770
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
ps

I am now equipped with the "double blessings" nursing pillow, about 15 twin books (all donated - including a copy of the LLL book), 4 slings, a fridge and freezer full of food and dinners and most importantly, a bumper sticker that says, "Walk on the wild side, have twins". Family and friends have been great support.

Maya - what's a camelback?


So the question is - did you all have your infant twins sleeping at the same time for the most part and how long did it take to develop a schedule of naps (somewhat, anyway). Am I just wishful thinking? Did they sleep together or not, with you or not. Right now mine nap in bassinet and cradle but are in bed with me at night.

THANKS<
I AM NOW GOING TO LAY DOWN

Mary
Wildcrafter is offline  
#21 of 26 Old 04-08-2005, 04:23 PM
 
mamaBlue's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2003
Posts: 1,525
Mentioned: 1 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 12 Post(s)
Wow. I just read this thread. You are awesome. Awesome.

This is a camelback... http://www.camelbak.com/rec/recreation.cfm.

Married to my high school sweetheart. We have four awesome kids.
mamaBlue is offline  
#22 of 26 Old 04-08-2005, 08:22 PM
 
Still_Snarky's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: californ.i.a.
Posts: 3,228
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Still_Snarky is offline  
#23 of 26 Old 04-08-2005, 08:50 PM
 
flminivanmama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Sunny South Florida
Posts: 7,090
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
my twins slept together in the cradle, then together in my bed, then together in the crib... after about 6 months or so one started sleeping alone in the crib and one started sleeping with me or the crib... depending. Now they are 5 and still that same one sleeps alone in the bed and the other twin either sleeps with me, with him, or alone (or with his other brother)

they do eventually get into a schedule. they didn't nap for a long time but they did become pretty predictable

I'm Andrea - I have three boys - 12 year old twins & an 11 year old

flminivanmama is offline  
#24 of 26 Old 04-08-2005, 10:58 PM
 
hotmamacita's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Posts: 7,210
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
WC and

More later.....


hotmamacita is offline  
#25 of 26 Old 04-13-2005, 04:20 PM
 
DragonflyBlue's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Margaritaville
Posts: 2,600
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Congratulations on your twinkies!

My little ones will be 19 months old on the 15th. Both are still co-sleeping and nursing.

I will be honest and tell you that the first few months are h*ll. Like you said, all you do is nurse, nurse, nurse and then nurse some more. LOL But then at about 3.5 4 months things just change. The babes get content to lay on a blanket so you can shower, brush your teeth, feel semi-human. They also start to sleep a bit longe, stay awake a bit more and their personalities just blossom.

I look back on those early sleepless hazy days now and wonder how we made it, but we did and we thrived.

It has to be hard on your little guy, I am sure. One thing that helped here was that when I was able to lay the babies down for a few minutes, I'd tell them they had to wait a minute as I was helping Jimmy, Boo, or whoever. It helped the younger ones to see that it wasn't always them being told they had to wait while I took care of the twins.

Keep a basket of books close by where you sit to nurse. Have you son sit by you holding a book, so you can read. Or just sit next to you and talk with him. When hubby is home, take your son for a short walk, even if it is just down the street a few houses. Have him be a dinner helper. Helping with meals is often a good time for chit chat, even with a little one. They can do easy tasks, or sit on the counter next to you while you cook.

I kept mine on the same schedule as much as possible for feeds. If one woke, I woke the other and within a short span, both started waking at the same time and got on the same routine. Although now they sleep totally opposite of each other! HAHA

I bathed them every night before bed to help relax them, rubbed them down with lotion for a little massage, and then nursed them both. It also helped relax me as I knew we were getting close to night time and some bit of sleep!

It is hard right now, but I promise, it does get better!

Janis

:
DragonflyBlue is offline  
#26 of 26 Old 04-18-2005, 04:00 AM
 
CherylE's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: British Columbia, Canada
Posts: 399
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Things started to get easier around 3-4 months from what I remember. Those first months were just a blur. Mine had bad reflux so slept mostly in bouncies/swings or one at a time proped up on my arm next to me (I would sleep with one nursing and one in the bouncy next to the futon and then switch).

single mama to 5 (12.5, 11, 10, and 8 year old twins)

CherylE is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off