Did your twins hit milestones together? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 11 Old 04-07-2005, 06:51 PM - Thread Starter
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I know each baby is different but so far my daughter is doing things so much faster than my son. I feel kind of bad for Jay. He can sit on his own but he can't crawl. Sanna crawls all over the place pulls herself up on things and gets into everything. This morning she grabbed his toy away, crawled over him, and took off. Dd pretty much always wins out when they are vying for the same toy and she is 6 lbs lighter than ds. Jay is also pretty much breastfed but dd loves to eat food. She loves to feed herself bits of cooked veggies, soft fruit, cheerios,etc. Jay won't even put the stuff in his mouth. He might pick it up but won't do anything with it. He's my first boy and people keep saying that boys develop slower than girls but I can't help but feel bad for him. I can tell dd will be walking soon and he's not even crawling yet.

I don't think it's just that Jay is doing thing later than his sister but I think he gets ignored a lot. His sister is just so much more demanding than he is. For example when they first get up I always change her first because she is making so much noise. I will then go to change ds and she will not leave me alone. She keeps trying to stick her face in the diaper so once I get him changed I will take her. Or if I am nursing ds and dd wants attention. She will crawl over and if she can get to my lap then she will try to pull ds off or if I am sitting on the couch or something she will scream until ds stops nursing and I pick her up. Then ds can't nurse because she is distracting him. I actually put Sanna in her own room at night because she will constantly wake Jay up. Last night she was with us because she was teething and she woke him up 3 times.

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#2 of 11 Old 04-08-2005, 03:40 PM
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For the most part, my twins have, but they're mz which I think makes it more likely. My brother's fiancee has 4 yr old twins (dz girls) & I don't know about the early milestones, but I know now one is noticably "quicker" at things (puzzles, etc) than the other. So far it doesn't seem to have caused any hard feelings between them, but I worry about how that will affect the "slower" one's self-esteem as she gets older. I don't know that there's anything that can be done about it, other then hopefully as they get older there will be some areas that each excels in so the parent(s) can encourage them each to focus on their own strengths.

Anyway, no real help, but yes, I think it's perfectly "normal", afterall they are two different children (& since dz, no more "similar" than any other siblings), it's very common for siblings to hit milestones at different ages, just not quite so noticable since it's not happening simultaneously like it does with twins.

I don't know how old your twins are, but I think, even at a very young age, it's important to NOT let the more demanding one "get by with it" (for lack of a better word), I know she's not doing it to manipulate or anything, but it's still a fact of life that she has to share her mommy with her brother. If he's content to wait for his diaper change, that's fine, but if you're giving her undivided attention during her's, he deserves the same. It depends how things are set up, you mentioned she sleeps in her room, so I assume you have a crib. Maybe put her in the crib with some toys while you change his diaper in the same room on the floor or something. Not "punishing" her, but removing her enough to give him a chance for some one on one time.

Another option, especially as they get older would be to arrange to have someone come help play with them so someone can be giving them each one on one attention & you can switch off who gets YOUR attention during that time.

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#3 of 11 Old 04-09-2005, 03:26 PM
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I think it's a myth that boys develop slower than girls. I have 3 girls and 3 boys and with the exception of my autistic son, they all hit gross-motor and fine-motor milestones at around the same ages (within the norm for average). In fact, two of my boys were faster at rolling over, crawling and walking than my girls. They all started babbling and talking at the same time, too. Don't let people convince you that boys are slower to do everything. That's not true and if you believe it, you could miss picking up on important developmental lags that might occur (since developmental delays are more common in twins/multiples).

It could be that your son is just more laid-back than his sister (a difference in personality), but it could also be that he is developmentally delayed and you're noticing it a lot because his sister IS doing everything a baby ought to be doing and he isn't. My boy/girl twins developed at about the same rate until 6 months, when my son began lagging behind his sister. He was diagnosed with autism at a very young age (13.5 months) ~ part of the reason we picked up on it very quickly was because we had his sister to compare him to. She was doing everything a baby her age ought to do and he wasn't. The reason there ARE developmental milestone charts is because the majority of babies/children DO hit those milestones at about the same age (girls AND boys). Yes, some hit milestones earlier than average, and some get there later than average, but if your child is past the late side of average for doing things, it is prudent to get it checked out, imo.

Have you looked at a developmental website to see what the average baby is doing at your kids' age? Make sure your son is doing what is developmentally appropriate. If he is, then you know he's okay and your daughter is just a bit advanced for her age. If he's behind, you should get him evaluated by early intervention.

Regarding your daughter's more pushy personality compared to her brother's, I agree with the above poster that you need to not let her steamroll her brother, even if that means putting her in a playpen or her high chair so you can have some uninterrupted one-on-one time with your son.

HTH a bit! Enjoy your kiddos!
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#4 of 11 Old 04-10-2005, 01:03 AM
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My MZ twins hit milestones approx. 2 weeks apart, with everything. They have also always been 2 lbs. apart in weight, and 2" apart in height. Kind of funny, but that's how it is. I think Dylan is finally starting to catch Tom and surpass him in some developmental areas, just because they've been working on different things and different times--Tom's been walking a lot longer, but Dylan (due to not running around with his brother and sister for a long time) has always been more interested in fine motor stuff.

I think it's important to make sure everyone gets one-on-one time. But it's also very important for you as a parent to try not to compare. If something "feels wrong", not because of a comparison, but because of just something you detect in your son as an individual, that's one thing. But I think it's very important for parents to try not to compare ANY siblings, and as twin parents we have to be even more on guard about this.
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#5 of 11 Old 04-10-2005, 10:10 PM
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I'm another MZ Mama so my boys do tend to hit most of their milestones pretty close together. Of course, they are only 9 months old so they have only hit a handful of milestones this far. But they seem to split who does what first - Tristan rolled over, sat up and started making consonant sounds first while Lucas got the first tooth, pulled up to standing first and has more hair
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#6 of 11 Old 04-10-2005, 10:44 PM
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I have fraternal boys and they have hit milestones at very different times. One has always been a considerable amount faster than the other--I feel bad for my slow guy too but he seems to eventually catch up so we are not too concerned. Also, their personalities are very different--the faster learner is very outgoing and determined where my slower twinkie has always been my little mellow fellow , he is content to be an observer of his goofball brother :LOL
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#7 of 11 Old 04-11-2005, 01:18 PM
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One of the bits of advice I found said it's a good idea to address the quieter twin's needs first. Perhaps the thinking is that the noisier one won't let you forget her? I try to alternate, or ask my Hubby for help.l

My daughter's always been more fiesty than my son, but he's got his own ways of getting his needs met. A lot of people think she's cuter, though, so strangers give her more attention, which makes me sad. OTOH, he's not at all shy with people, he's actually a big flirt - at the playground he walked right up to a couple of older girls. Like he was hitting on them or something!

It's hard not to worry, but is it possible your daughter's just going through a high-needs phase b/c of where she is developmentally? And that your son will be that way himself soon?

My b/g twins are 14 months old and developing in their own separate ways. He rolled over at 4 months, long before she did, and spent a couple of months laying on his belly doing "airplane", or flapping. We kept waiting for him to crawl & he'd just lay there flapping at us. Finally he started crawling, then cruising, and at 10 months started walking.

My daughter (who'd been frustrated at not getting around & quite irritable) went from sitting to crawling for about a day before she switched to cruising. Seriously, she did not crawl much at all. She walked at 11 months, having totally skipped the flapping phase.

My daughter has a different body shape, her head is much bigger and she's got tiny feet, where my son is a beanpole with big feet. I've thought that had a lot to do with their development.

Right now my son is in a big "read to me" phase, and my daughter is climbing everything. Today she scribbled for the first time. She does a great job of imitating the sounds I make (the whole Mr. Brown Can Moo repertoire) and loves to dance. He has a better understanding of push toys and stacking blocks, and loves to help unload the dishwasher.

I don't know if this helped them, but I only used the Exersaucer for months 4-9. As soon as they could sit on their own reasonably well, I started plunking them in it for short periods. And once they started crawling it was out of here. I used playpens instead when I needed to contain them (now that they're climbing that's no longer an option).

For the most part I've encouraged their freedom & just put up with having a dirty house & not being able to do much about it.
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#8 of 11 Old 04-14-2005, 07:17 PM
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My B/G twins are on entirely different timelines too but mine are opposite.
Aidan was crawling by the time Branwyn was rolling over. He was cruising when she was just sitting up. For a very short time they were both crawling but then he started walking at 12 months and she did not walk until she was 16 months old. However up until recently she blew him out of the water verbally. She was speaking in 3-4 word sentances well before him.
When one of my twins are being needier than the other they do get a big more attention but I make sure to try to balance it out later. Neither of them want the other to nurse without them.
It was very sad when Aidan was crawling and he would crawl off to play with his older brother and leave his twin sitting there immobile.
I would not worry so much about his milestones, however I would make it a priority to make sure he has as much special mommy time as she does. He needs you just as much as she does even if she is more vocal about it. Let her wait once in a while.
Good luck
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#9 of 11 Old 04-18-2005, 04:04 AM
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Maribeth hits EVERY milestone 2-4 weeks behind Maribeth. She was also IUGR and was measuring about 4 weeks behind Maribeth during the pregnancy. Every baby is different and I've noticed mine switch off who is more demanding of attention.

single mama to 5 (12.5, 11, 10, and 8 year old twins)

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#10 of 11 Old 04-18-2005, 02:36 PM
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My twins are MZ so they've hit every milestone within the same week of each other. Except Sophia has two bottom teeth that she's had for over 2 months now and her sister still has no signs of them. Very odd.
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#11 of 11 Old 05-07-2005, 09:29 PM
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My MZ girls hit every milestone in the same week. Right down to their teeth. Until this month when one started her period and one didn't. I was just floored. I was sure they'd hit this milestone together too.
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