Twin Tag-Team Wrestling Advice - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 9 Old 07-12-2005, 10:37 AM - Thread Starter
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My 14-month olds have recently begun to occasionally hit each other with their hands or toys. What are some approaches to stopping this behavior? I usually put my hand between the flying object and the child while telling the offender, "No" in a firm voice then taking their hand and placing it next to their body. Doesn't seem to help. Ben really scares me because he'll start hitting Sarah over the head with a toy which makes her cry and he'll be laughing. Any advice?
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#2 of 9 Old 07-14-2005, 05:56 PM - Thread Starter
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Ok, I guess no one has a problem with their twins hitting each other. Guess we'll just have to figure it out ourselves....
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#3 of 9 Old 07-14-2005, 07:37 PM
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I face this daily. Sorry you haven't gotten responses. I'll be back later to say what I do, right now two little ones are tugging at me.
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#4 of 9 Old 07-14-2005, 08:57 PM
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You might want to ask this in the Toddler forum as well. I always give an alternative. You may not throw toys but you may throw balls. You may not hit Sister but you may hit the couch...etc.

Analisa, Mama to Meg 12/12/01, Patrick 12/24/03, Catherine 12/24/03, Ben 2/26/06
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#5 of 9 Old 07-14-2005, 10:28 PM
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I pretty much let them duke it out--unless one is seriously hurting the other (smothering etc.). I have g/g twins. One is stronger and more bossy than the other, but the other one now swats her sister back. Most of the time they are just squabbling over a toy or something though and not bashing each other over the head. If one is seriously hurting the other I would say no, that hurts your sister and be firm about separating them when it happens.. But honestly, they really don't understand what they are doing yet--obviously or he wouldn't be laughing.
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#6 of 9 Old 07-14-2005, 10:59 PM
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Well my twins are almost 21 months old and we're still dealing with this. But I say "dealing with" loosely because I really try not to stress too much about it. One of my girls is more of a bully than the other, but her sister is almost as bad. One is a hitter and the other is a biter.

I try to redirect and/or remove the twin who is hurting her sister and explain that we don't hit sister, we love sister. They think it's funny when mama says no, but they seem to respond a little when I explain that it's not cool and why.

Honestly, I don't think you're going to stop it. But you can make sure the one being hit doesn't get hurt too badly. My hitter thinks it's funny to hit anyone (her sister, mommy, daddy, the dog, our late cat, grandma, etc.) when she's got something good to beat with (a spoon, for example). She really doesn't mean to hurt, she just thinks it's funny.

The biter is another story....But that's another thread. :LOL

Good luck. Don't stress too badly. It's one of the wonderful, crazy things we mamas of twins get to experience.
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#7 of 9 Old 07-15-2005, 05:04 PM
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IME, 14 months is far too young to do anything other than intervene, say firmly but respectfully "No hitting. Hitting hurts.", and redirect onto something else.

I think starting around age 2 we started with the natural consequences idea, which I think I actually got here on MDC in the Gentle Discipline forum. Basically, if one of them would hit or bite (etc.) the other one, I would say "No hitting. We do not hurt people." and instead of just 'here's a new toy to distract you', I would actually pick up the "offender" and remove him/her from the situation saying, "When you hit, you cannot play with us." and then put them (for 1-2 minutes here I'm talking) in the kitchen on the step there and make them sit there. This is NOT the same thing as a time out, which we don't do... this is simply the natural consequence for doing the most anti-social thing imaginable... harming someone else. If you have a booster seat or highchair with straps you could buckle them in there too, or get the Pack N Play back out and put it right outside the room where you spend most of your time. The idea is a very short confinement where they cannot just get up and run around having fun... again, not for the purpose of just randomly doling out time-outs but because when someone hits or bites, it is NOT okay and they must stop playing immediately.

This has worked remarkably well with us and is the approach we still use when tempers flare and someone starts being physically agressive like that. Now that they're 3, they talk so much more and understand much more abstract concepts, so when things have cooled off, we also talk about why hitting is wrong and other ways to solve problems, and role play how to ask for a toy or wait your turn or whatever. I also make a point of praising them when they ARE playing "nicely" together, saying something like "Boy we're having such a good time taking turns with the Sit N Spin" or "Isn't it fun to all play dollhouse together?" just to bring their attention to the fact that life IS a lot more fun when everyone cooperates and treats each other with respect.

Good luck. I know a lot of people, including myself who say the 15 months to 22 months stretch was BY FAR the hardest part of having twins, even harder than the newborn period in terms of exhaustion and feeling at the end of your rope. It really does get easier and that's not just something mamas of older twins say to blow smoke up y'all's you know what.
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#8 of 9 Old 07-19-2005, 03:45 PM
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I honestly don't remember this being a problem (doesn't mean it wasn't, though). Dd4 is 13 months and when she does this kind of thing I just put my hand over hers, turn her towards me and say no hitting. If she immediately turns back and starts up again (1/2 of the time, because she loves the response she gets from her sisters) then I repeat the no hitting, this time taking the toy from her or holding her hand against her body for a minute. If she goes back yet again then I pick her up and take her to another part of the room. This gives her sister the chance to escape, if she chooses, and quite often distracts the younger one. Lately she gets frustrated by this routine and smacks me, which I think is a good sign that she is starting to understand!

With the girls being 4 we haven't had too many all out fist-fights/wrestling fights anymore. Maybe it's their attitudes? They occasionally will smack or hit out of frustration, but most of the time they throw stuff and yell and scream and then stomp away. Drama queens to the core, I guess.
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#9 of 9 Old 07-19-2005, 05:53 PM
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I wish I had some good advice to offer. I'll just have to let you know that your twins aren't the only ones. My boys are 25 months and still hurting each ohter sometimes (hitting, hair pulling, biting). Actually, they are doing it less often now. There were times when I could not even leave them on the same side of the room together. I needed to stand right there and grab the hand as it travelled over to his brother's hair...
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