Frustrated with Family - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 9 Old 07-30-2005, 12:53 AM - Thread Starter
I am a new mommy of twin girls and I am totally in love! I am breastfeeding and cosleeping. What I am finding is that besides my husband, I have little support from others. My mom and sister say I should supplement them or at least pump and give them bottles so that I can have a break from them. Thing is, I don't want or need a break from them. They are five months and have not had a bottle b/c I am always with them. I love breastfeeding and I know it can't last forever, so I cherish my time with them. I am also forever hearing "when are you going to put them in their cribs" or "they will never go in their cribs if you keep letting them sleep with you". They also comment often on the fact that they have not had solids yet. I just feel as though they are not ready. They are also teething so now I hear, "why don't you give them tylenol, what do you want to see them in pain?". I just don't like to give them meds constantly. If their teeth seem to really be bothering me I will give it. If they are just chewing a lot, I don't want to. I know I should just let things roll off my back but it's difficult. I wish I had friends that had similar views as me. I want to breastfeed for at least a year and I want to go a lot longer but I can only imagine what my family would say. I love my family, I just wish they would accept my ideas on mothering.
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#2 of 9 Old 07-30-2005, 01:11 AM
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First of all, I would like to welcome you although I am not the mother of multiples, I do have a 5 month old dd (3rd girl.) I was almost 21 when my first was born and got a lot of flack from family about cosleeping and nursing. As I came into my own, it became easier to say "This is MY Baby, I am going to do things MY way."
Sounds like you are doing a great job, keep up the good work
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#3 of 9 Old 07-30-2005, 01:43 AM
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Just wanted to say welcome and give you a

My dd is 11 months and still sleeps with me and has never had a bottle. You rock doing it with twins! Keep telling the nay-sayers off.

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#4 of 9 Old 07-30-2005, 01:56 AM
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As long as you know you are doing a great job and that you are doing what is best for your babies that is all that really matters. That is great that you love being with them so much and don't feel like you need a break. I know how hard it is to deal with the comments, I got it a lot also with ds. I did find that after 1 year of nursing they quit saying things and just thought I was weird. Before that I was always getting the "when are you going to ween him" questions and looks. We did not give solids until about 9 months and we also got a lot of people bugging us about that and one person actually gave ds whipped cream! He did not have his own kids and I think just didn't know that a six month old shouldn't have it, but ds sure loved it. :LOL We also got it about co-sleeping. I just tell them that he will sleep on his own eventually, I mean really, how many 15 year olds still sleep with their parents? At some point they want to be on their own. Ds is 2.5 and still sleeps with us some of the night, he usually starts out in his room but that doesn't last long. You are doing a great job and just keep it up and keep doing what feels right for you babies and your family and not what everyone thinks is right for you.
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#5 of 9 Old 07-30-2005, 11:47 AM
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Hooray for you. My girls are almost 6 months and have only had a bottle or two, given by me when I thought we might give bottles occasionally so i could get out of the house but I'll never get out anyway so I stopped bothering!

My babies don't like to sleep with us anymore, they stay awake and party in our bed but drop off to sleep as soon as they go down in their cribs. They slept with us for the first four months. Even when they were premmies much to the chagrin of some!

Sounds like you are doing great. Congratulations!
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#6 of 9 Old 07-30-2005, 02:16 PM - Thread Starter
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#7 of 9 Old 07-30-2005, 09:24 PM
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My girls are almost 2 1/2 (how did THAT happen?). They were in NICU the first week & did get bottles then, but thankfully never had any issues w/ nipple confusion as a result. After that, for the first couple months, if I was going out for the day I would pump & bring a bottle of EBM in case they both wanted to eat at the same time (I'd nurse one & my mom, dh, or a friend, whoever was w/ me) but then they started refusing bottles so I stopped bothering (and figured out how to nurse them both in public LOL). What I found was that the hassles of washing bottles/pump parts, etc. were WAY worse than the "benefit" of letting someone else feed them. If your family/friends want to help, they can do everything else. For months my mom would do my laundry, dishes, fix food, clean, etc. whenever the girls were nursing (I miss it now that they're happy to play w/ "Mama" all day when she's here & I get stuck doing the household chores I don't have time for the rest of the time while she plays w/ kids LOL).

We never even had cribs, my dad built us a twin mattress sized cosleeper that's attached to our bed & they coslept until they were about 19 mo old. At that point we night weaned & they were sleeping through & seemed to not want to be touching anyone anyway so we moved them to twin mattresses on the floor in their own room & they did fine, so that's where they sleep now. If one of them wakes up she usually comes & gets in bed w/ us (we still have the cosleeper attached). Last night Ashlyn must have woken up sometime between 2am (when dh came to bed) & 3:30 (when I woke up to pee), but neither dh or I heard her. When I woke up to pee she was sleeping in the cosleeper (which means she climbed OVER me to get there LOL) & slept there the rest of the night.

Anyway . . . I have the advantage of my family being very supportive of breastfeeding (I have pictures hanging on the wall in my bedroom of my great grandmother nursing my grandmother, my grandmother nursing my dad, my mom nursing me & me nursing my girls), w/ the cosleeping I just made sure to always present it very matter of factly "here's what we're doing" if they asked I also presented them w/ quotes from Dr. Sears, etc supporting cosleeping. But in general I've found w/ most people if I'm confident (or portray confidence) about my parenting decisions they're less likely to try to talk me out of it (then again, people who know me know that I'm stubborn as a mule & trying to talk me out of it is just going to make me dig my heels in LOL).

I know it can be hard to go out w/ twin infants, but maybe look into the LLL meetings in your area or something along those lines (or check the "tribe" forums here & see if they have get togethers in your area) to find others in your area who have similar parenting styles, even if they don't have multiples, the parenting styles can be the same & the benefit of moms of singletons is they're more likely to have an extra hand to help you juggle your two
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#8 of 9 Old 07-30-2005, 09:54 PM
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First off - it sounds like you are doing GREAT!

I have 21 month old b/g twins and, while my family is somewhat supportive (or at least not negative about co-sleeping, etc.) I have had a great deal of difficulty finding a larger community of support for my "crazy" thoughts about extended breastfeeding, co-sleeping, etc.

Like the previous poster, I highly recommend finding a LLL group near you. I have not only gotten info that helps me explain my choices to strangers who are nosey (sp?) enough to ask, but have also met women who are making similar, or at least compatible choices regarding nursing, gentle discipline, etc.

Continued success to you!
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#9 of 9 Old 08-03-2005, 06:40 PM
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I know it can be hard listening to well intentioned (sometimes) friends and family. I have heard comments too. Especially about not starting solids at 4 months. My mom said I was STARVING my boys. It drove me crazy too. And although I tried to let it slide it did bother me sometimes. But you are doing a great job!! And you know what is best for your kiddos. I would agree, have you tried to find some groups that have similar outlooks as you? At least you know you can come here for support!
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