We had our twin panel at a club meeting... - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 4 Old 10-24-2005, 11:53 AM - Thread Starter
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You know, where older twins come back and tell us what it is like to grow up a twin. Not one person said that they minded being dressed alike or having to share toys or birthday parties. The only thing they said they minded was being labeled (ie good one/bad one, smart one/athletic one, outgoing one/shy one). They were pretty clear that they didn't really develop as individuals (despite their parents best efforts) until they went off to college.

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#2 of 4 Old 10-25-2005, 03:08 AM
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That is very interesting, Laralou, thank you for sharing it. I am always unsure what to say to friends and relatives who try to find a label for my girls (ID twins age 3.5 yo). I do know they are trying to find a way to give each girl an identity (twisted as that may be); and I also think that labels are a form of violence against the identity. What to say?

E.g., father in law is continually pointing out that one girl has bigger eyes (they are multiethnic and FIL is Chinese: bigger eyes is meant as a compliment). He's almost 50:50 with which one he thinks has bigger eyes. I have never figured out any response to this. Another e.g., "Who's the dominant one?" or "Oh, I see #2 is the dominant one!"

I hope my girls won't have to wait til college to really begin to develop as individuals.

Any more details you remember and want to post about that panel will be read by me!

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#3 of 4 Old 10-25-2005, 09:13 AM
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Most people who are around my (mz) girls with any regularity have recognized the futility of trying to label them (they "switch" who is more xyz all the time, dh's coworker w/ adult twin dd's (mz I think, but not positive) said his continued to "switch" all through childhood/teenage years). So I mostly deal w/ strangers in stores & such saying "well, i guess she's the friendly one" (or happy one, or shy one, or whatever) which is always SO based on their current moods, so my response is "sure, right this minute" and usually drop it, but that way if they want to pursue it I've left an opening to point out that no kid is friendly, happy, shy, grouchy, etc. all the time & just because one of them is in a better mood than the other isn't an indication of personality, just who got the better nap or ate a better lunch or whatever that day.
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#4 of 4 Old 10-25-2005, 10:46 AM - Thread Starter
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That is what we do too. When someone says, "Oh, Tabby is the friendly one", I usually say, "Today it is Tabby, tomorrow it will be Tristie. They're both friendly." If it is a negative label, like I percieve "dominant", I usually say, "No, no one really is the dominant one. They generally share power."

I was labeled constantly as a child and still have a hard time overcoming seeing myself in that way.
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