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#1 of 5 Old 11-22-2005, 10:44 PM - Thread Starter
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Hello All!

I found this site from a friend of mine and am so happy to have done so! I was on another mulitples board and often felt out of sync with the experiences and advice, so I am elated to have found a place where attachment rules!I have fraternal twin girls who will be 6 months on the 27th. I am breastfeeding and although it has been a struggle at times (a lot of times ) I am so happy that I have made the effort! These are my first and I am feeling like I want to be doing so much more for them than I am. I can't wear both at once- I've never gotten the hang of it- so even though I give them toys when they sit in thier bouncies and talk to them, I always feel like I am not giving them enough attention or "mommy time". I had a lot of help for the first couple of months, but now that I am on my own, housework has to goet done too, not to mention eating every now and then I try to read a lot, but everytime I read a Dr. Sears book, I start feeling guilty that I'm not foing everything I should be. In addition, one of my girls is high need and I have to hold/wear her much of the time (even when she's sleeping) making me feel like my other baby isn't getting as much attention. Then, I start resenting the high need one and I even feel myself getting angry with her . I hate it, but sometimes I get so frustrated I have to put her down and walk away, which makes me feel REALLY guilty, but when I'm so tired and hungry and frustrated, I don't know what else to do! Sometimes I feel like I am going insane. HELP! Has anyone else felt this way? Sorry to ramble, but I haven't been able to ask these questions anywhere else, becuase they would say that it is fine to just let my high need baby CIO, or that I am spoiling her, or other nonsense. How have you all managed to attachment parent with your twins and stay sane individuals? I want to enjoy this time and not feel so bad all the time? I am welcoming all and any suggestions! Thank You!!!!!
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#2 of 5 Old 11-23-2005, 12:47 AM
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I feel the same way about not being able to hold them as much I would like. I really feel bad for my easier baby that is perfectly happy just hanging out and will just go to sleep when he needs to. There is just no way to hold 2 babies all day, there are other things that need to get done also and I have a 2 year old also and I feel really bad for him these days. I don't have any advice, but you are definatly not alone. We all just have to do the best we can. It sounds like your babies are doing great!
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#3 of 5 Old 11-23-2005, 10:39 AM
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My 2 are 5 mos old and I also have a 2 year old and a 4 year old. I have totally given up on the house and I eat healthy snacks all day while it is just me and the kids. In the last week, I have bought an Ergo. I can wear one baby on my back in it, she always falls asleep, and I wear the other one on my front in a Mei Tai.

Good luck!
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#4 of 5 Old 11-23-2005, 01:49 PM
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Hi! I'm 12w pregnant with triplets and this was one of my first concerns when I found out. How could I AP 3 at once? I pretty much had to come to terms with the fact that my APing would be different than others.

I know, no real advice, but lots of and good wishes!

Miriam , mom to jumpers.gif
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#5 of 5 Old 11-23-2005, 02:52 PM
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Sorry that I don't have much advice, but I do want to let you know that you are not alone in how you feel. I definitely felt like I went insane for awhile, because of the constant sleep deprivation and the constant need all day long. I stopped going to a new mom's group, which was AP but I was the only one with twins, after the time I started laughing hysterically when a wonderful new mother shared her difficulties with only getting two three-hour chunks of sleep for the last couple of nights. I don't think I got even a single three hour uninterrupted sleep period until well after six months.

I never did figure out a solution, I just got through it best I could. It has taken a pretty heavy toll on my marriage too. And I feel all the things you mention, guilt and disappointment about not being able to do things the way I wanted to.

I guess my only advice would be:
1. Try to brainstorm about any way possible to get some help. I wish I had figured out some way to do this.
2. Broaden your "definition" of AP. If you have access, try out as many slings, strollers, bouncy seats, swings, etc. as possible. Maybe you will find one that your higher needs daughter actually enjoys, and then you might have some extra time to cuddle your other daughter.
3. It is ok to set your crying baby down to regroup mentally. We are not talking about leaving your baby to cry for an hour or even five or fifteen minutes every night because you think your babies needs to learn to be on her own. You are setting your baby down for a few minutes when you realize you are no longer able to cope with her. And then you are asking for advice about how to handle it next time. (Sorry I am not helping with that part.)

And just believe in yourself that you will get through this and it will get easier. Try to take lots of pictures (I never had much time to write anything down) and then you will be able to get some of the enjoyment in retrospect.

Hang in there! Wish I could do more than just commiserate.
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