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#1 of 19 Old 11-25-2005, 10:15 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I think I need the shock to return for a few days

We just found out on wednesday that we are having twins. I'm 34 weeks exatly today. I had finally felt really ok with one baby! It took us so long to concieve our daughter that we wanted to get going on #3 right away in hopes of having them be 2.5-3 years apart. My dd is only 19 months old right now! She was a year and nursing around the clock (nearly exclusively) and I concieved twins on my second pp AF and our very first try. How does that make any kind of sense???

I really do know that in a few years everything will be grand. My dh has about 2 years left until he graduates. He has great earning potential in a field that is scrambling for employees. Its making it through these, very poor, two years with 4 freaking kids. 3 of whom will be under 2 when they all arrive.

I do have quite a bit of support. It just all feels so out of control to me. I need someone to hold me while I cry and tell me it will all be ok. What's more is I need to believe them.

It is currently 5:10am and I can't sleep. A lot of the reason I can't sleep is that my body hurts the most when I'm lying down. Not being able to dream or think about anything but 2 babies isn't helping.

My husband described his feeling so well. He said "It feels like winning the lottery and having a death in the family on the same day". He said when he was calling friends and family with the news he felt like he was saying "So, Lindsay just lost an arm", "Yes, it is wonderful, thank-you".

Please don't feel like I am saying I don't want my children, its just feeling like we have NO time to adjust. I'm sure you all understand that here in the forum :

Thanks for listening. I'm going to go force some protien down my throat and then try to sleep for a couple more hours.
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#2 of 19 Old 11-25-2005, 12:15 PM
 
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You are going through the same thing that I did when I found out about the twins. The reality of it is overwhelming, but soon the blessing and joy will replace the feeling of hopelessness.

I still get nervous sometimes thinking about 3 under 3, but I know that we will cope in the best way we know how. to you mama.
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#3 of 19 Old 11-25-2005, 01:31 PM
 
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What you are feeling is totally understandable. I found out at 6 weeks that we were having trips (though I knew someplace deep inside that there was more than one) and that was 7 weeks ago. I do all the things I hear/read/learn about to get them big and healthy, but at the same time I am making lists of what I need to do before I get too big and what help I will need before and after and what supplies I need and how many diapers and I just start thinking that it is going to be so hard and I will never do it. Of course, all my friends say that if anyone could handle triplets without losing her mind, it is me.

All I really can do is sit and try to relax and tell myself that G-d wouldn't give me more than I can handle. I mean, if I were going to be some sort of terrible mom I wouldn't have been blessed with them.

Not much help, but lots of love and support!

Miriam , mom to jumpers.gif
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#4 of 19 Old 11-25-2005, 01:59 PM
 
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Your situations sounds very much like mine was.
I was 32 weeks along with a 13 month old at home when I found out I was having twins. I also planned on having 2 close together. I was surprised to get PG so quickly when my ds was 7 months old (and still nursing ALL the time!!) but I was doubly surprised to find out it was twins with so little time to get used to the idea (so I thought).
I cried and cried when I first suspected twins and I looked at the crazy triple stroller I knew I would need and I wondered if I would ever leave the house again.
That said, my twins are now 2 and have a 3 year old brother and they are all wonderful playmates!!
Things were tough in the beginning. And the more help you have around the house the better. But you can do it. And it is also very rewarding and I wouldnt trade my kids for anything.
Joline'
pm me if you want to talk about it.
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#5 of 19 Old 11-25-2005, 02:29 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank-you all so much for replying. It really helps to hear from all of you who have btdt.

johub, our situations are SO similar! You might start to get the feeling that I'm stalking you with all my questions j/k, but seriously, its comforting to hear how well things are going for you and that you made it through it all!

Thank goodness the baby stage is my favorite!
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#6 of 19 Old 11-25-2005, 04:37 PM
 
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Wow--now that is indeed a shock. And I think all of your feelings are completely natural. To pretend otherwise would be just that, pretending. My husband also is in grad school (just his diss left); I'm a writer. I only ever wanted two kids. I'm thrilled, but also very scared about what the future holds: emotionally, financially, etc. I lose my patience with one. How am I supposed to manage three and still keep the parts of me alive that are necessary to keep me sane and patient? And with you so close to the end, I can only imagine all of those feelings are...well...doubled.

Cry if you need to, scream and rejoice. No one says any of those three are mutually exclusive. And given the situation, all are very very natural.

Hugs and a virtual shoulder.
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#7 of 19 Old 11-25-2005, 07:18 PM
 
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You can do it.
Your youngest will be a great playmate for the babies in a short while.
Your eldest will be a huge help and have a chance to contribute to the family in ways a lot of kids don't get to.
You will be busy and overwhelmed and filled with fear and immense joy all at the same time.
You will not remember a lot of the hard stuff - and you will be grateful that you are an experienced mum with other kids so you have learned to roll w the punches so to speak.
You will not remember some of the good stuff so try to write some things down or get someone else to for you.
Your twins will amaze you every day.
Your older ones will amaze you every day.
You will look back and be amazed yourself that you made it through.
Little old ladies will tell you that you are amazing just for going to the grocery store.
You will learn to ask for help when you need it - and you will figure out when you really need it.
You will see opportunities for helping others in a way you probably haven't until now.
You will develop a confidence and a can do attitude that will serve you well the rest of your life.

This is the gift of twins.
Good luck
Karen.

Blessed partner to a great guy, and mama to 4 amazing kids. Unfortunate target of an irrationally angry IRL stalker.

Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. ~ Buddha

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#8 of 19 Old 11-25-2005, 11:47 PM
 
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Hey Lindsay - it's me jaye!

I didn't realize your dd was only 19 mos - wow mama! Three under 2! BUT - your ds will be a wonderful help for sure.

Lindsay - that is great that your dh will hopefully be making some money in a few years - knowing that makes it a little easier in case you need to go into a bit of debt for the next year.

The reason I maintained my sanity was because we hired a wonderful older woman to come in 3 days a week, 4 hours each time, to help me. I LIVED for those 12 hours a week! She straightened up the kitchen, kept laundry going, swept the floors, changed sheets, held babies while I showered or napped - and when the babies were older, I would sneak out for 30 minutes to run to the store or pick up my son without having to load everyone in the car. We didn't really have the $$ to do this but I would have lost my mind if we didn't! I am so lucky to have had her help.

We have a dog that sheds a lot so having the floor swept was so great. And since we were co-sleeping, our sheets would get so dirty from pee, breastmilk, spit-up - to have someone change the sheets was like winning the lottery

Sometimes friends think you need help with the babies, but if you are in bed breastfeeding them and then you all fall asleep, you really need more help with the house than the babies, yk?

anyway, i could forever - and please pm or email me anytime. Do you know about the yahoo group apmultiples? Karen K Gromada answers tons of posts there and she is wonderful especially with breastfeeding advice.

:
so excited for you!!!
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#9 of 19 Old 11-26-2005, 02:38 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jaye
Sometimes friends think you need help with the babies, but if you are in bed breastfeeding them and then you all fall asleep, you really need more help with the house than the babies, yk?
I TOTALLY agree with this! Totally. My girls were 2 months early and it took 3 months for them to learn to nurse, so I was nursing as much as possible, pumping 6-8 times a day, changing diapers, trying to sleep...etc. So the house was the LAST thing I could think about taking care of. And cooking. I remember several times dp and I realized we were completely out of food only after we ate everthing.

Try to get as much help with the household stuff. I found that in the beginning I had a lot of guilt because I didn't feel like I was bonding with either of the babies because I was too freaking busy to sit down and bond with them. The last thing I wanted was someone to come in and take them away from me. If I had a spare moment, I wanted to just sit and hold them. I definitely didn't want to clean the toilet or wash the dishes!

You can do this! You can. It's hard, but it's possible. Take this from someone who had premature twins who spent 2 weeks in the NICU, who wouldn't nurse for 3 months and who had full blown colic. I thought they'd kill me, but I'm still here!! Relatively sane and very happy.

You can call, email or pm me anytime, mama. I hope you know that.

ETA: , because I think you need one right now.
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#10 of 19 Old 11-26-2005, 02:45 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks everyone for the support. If this had happend before the advent of the internet I think I'd die I have found such tremendous support on line and it means the world to me.

Everything you all had to say is very encouraging. I haven't cried since about 1 o'clock, so that's good! I also got a really long nap this afternoon, which helped a ton.

Dawg - premature AND colicky twins? I have no words. 's to you too!
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#11 of 19 Old 11-26-2005, 05:49 AM
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I found out at about 7 weeks about twins, and I think I'm STILL where you are, emotionally, some days! It's just crazy. Sometimes I think about "what if I just had one?" and I get so sad; I really am attached to both babies in a weird way already. Other times I think about having two babies, and I get so angry with myself for "letting" this happen. It's very hard, I think when everyone only wants to congratulate. Of course it's great news, but it's great news you don't expect, and you want some people to see that somehow....but not really.... Anyway it's a tough thing. I didn't really get to the point of buying things and organizing my life and plans around twins until very recently. Now, however, I think I"m doing ok. A few days ago we bought our two carseats
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#12 of 19 Old 11-26-2005, 07:16 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by kir
It's very hard, I think when everyone only wants to congratulate. Of course it's great news, but it's great news you don't expect, and you want some people to see that somehow....but not really.... Anyway it's a tough thing.
Yes! That is so true. And I know people are really just trying to be supportive, and it is something to congratulate...but its also a loss in some ways.

I talked with one friend today who really got where I am. It was so nice to talk with her. Right before we hung up she said "Well, congratulations, and I'm sorry" She has two kids (3yrs and 18 months) and is unexpectedly pregnant with number 3. She knows that feeling of elation and being overwhelmed at the same time.

I hope everything goes well for kir as you approach these final weeks 's
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#13 of 19 Old 11-27-2005, 05:55 AM
 
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you know you can email or PM me ANYTIME and I will call you for chattytime

Thinking of you every day!

Maya
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#14 of 19 Old 11-27-2005, 06:51 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks Maya

I didn't cry at all yesterday Thats a good sign!
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#15 of 19 Old 11-27-2005, 06:54 AM
 
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Congrats on your babies! That is wonderful! I can't even imagine the shock....

Mama to 9 so far:Mother of Joey (20), Dominick (13), Abigail (11), Angelo (8), Mylee (6), Delainey (3), Colton (2) and Baby 8 and Baby 9 coming sometime in July 2013.   If evolution were true, mothers would have three arms!

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#16 of 19 Old 11-27-2005, 10:38 PM
 
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oh the shock! i recall that part vividly! i too found out later in my pregnancy we were to have two, and all that after an early ulltrasound saying the baby was fine at 6 weeks. HA! babies at over 20 weeks we find out.

you will get through this. you will need to gather your troops right now tho!
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#17 of 19 Old 11-27-2005, 11:29 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by charmarty
oh the shick! i recall that part vividly! i too found out later in my pregnancy we were to have two, and all that after an early ulltrasound saying the baby was fine at 6 weeks. HA! babies at over 20 weeks we find out.

you will get through this. you will need to gather your troops right now tho!
We are gathering fast

We are super lucky to have my mom coming to stay full-time from next wed. through january. After that she can come up 4 days a week. My dh's parents are in town too and plan to spend a lot of time with my older son and toddler.

We have so much support compared to some people. I feel really lucky. I'm still overwhelmed and scared, but I know we are equipped for this.

Thanks for the kind words everyone!
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#18 of 19 Old 11-28-2005, 12:04 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Karenwith4
You can do it.
Your youngest will be a great playmate for the babies in a short while.
Your eldest will be a huge help and have a chance to contribute to the family in ways a lot of kids don't get to.
You will be busy and overwhelmed and filled with fear and immense joy all at the same time.
You will not remember a lot of the hard stuff - and you will be grateful that you are an experienced mum with other kids so you have learned to roll w the punches so to speak.
You will not remember some of the good stuff so try to write some things down or get someone else to for you.
Your twins will amaze you every day.
Your older ones will amaze you every day.
You will look back and be amazed yourself that you made it through.
Little old ladies will tell you that you are amazing just for going to the grocery store.
You will learn to ask for help when you need it - and you will figure out when you really need it.
You will see opportunities for helping others in a way you probably haven't until now.
You will develop a confidence and a can do attitude that will serve you well the rest of your life.

This is the gift of twins.
Good luck
Karen.
WOW!! All of what she said...all of it!!
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#19 of 19 Old 11-29-2005, 08:18 AM
 
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Oh I think the way you are feeling is totally normal and understandable. I remember the shock and feelings of being totally overwhelmed and we found out early in my PG about the boys. So finding out later in a PG that your having two babies instead of one has to be more frightening and overwhelming only because you have no time to prepare for that 2nd baby, or at least it would seem.
Dont worry though as you'll find a way to accomidate and you'll bounce back from these feelings and start looking forward to finally seeing those sweet faces looking up at you and already being a Mom your heart will just melt again only twice as much LOL
Just know that your not alone because all of us twin mommies have been there, dont that and felt exactly what your feeling, and believe me, you come out on the other side of these emotions stronger and knowing that you'll do a wonderful job!!!!
Everything will be just fine, you'll see
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