I am so glad to have stumbled onto this forum.
This has been a really important issue for us. My B/G twins are 10 months old and it's not getting any easier. In one sense, they can play by themselves for a little bit, and can be distracted for a little while (e.g., while I'm feeding the other), but then that's not really responding immediately to their needs and this bothers me.
I also found it extremely helpful to have someone help me during the day. It does cost a lot but we cut in other areas and think it is 100% worth it - otherwise, I felt just frazzled all day long, and worse, felt like I was constantly mothering as though I was working an assembly line!!! That didn't do anyone any good. Once she started, things got so much better, and the babies calmed down too.
I nurse them often, which is great, and they sleep together in the same room. I also made a point not to put them on a schedule, much less the same schedule - imho I wanted to make sure they were put down for a nap when they were tired, ate/nursed when they were hungry, etc... not according to a schedule that would make my life easier. But we never would have been able to do that had we not had help during the day, and I know that sometimes mothers of multiples just have to do what works, even if it's scheduling or whatever. We never did cosleeping because I didn't think that was the right choice for us (being honest here). What I found works is my spending as much time with them as I can - one-on-one "momma" time too - and treating them like individuals, really trying to respond to their own needs. It is frustrating sometimes when my friends are out and about with their young singletons, and I am at home most of the time. We (meaning me and dh) do babywearing, but now they are 17.5 and 21.5 lbs and it is getting backbreaking to do it tandem in the sling. Instead, I hip carry one in sling while I make dinner or some other chore, while the other plays nearby, and then switch. And me and dh wear them as much as possible on walks.
I thought it would get easier after the newborn stage, but instead I found it actually got harder for me. Because now they're little people who know what they want (me!), cry out for me, want to nurse when the other one is, get jealous of my attending to the other twin, etc etc. I feel like now I'm hurting their feelings when I can't respond promptly.
Anyone else have pre-toddlers?? How do you handle nursing jealousy? (I haven't tandem nursed since newborn stage... b/c I wanted the focus to be all on the one I was nursing, bonding, etc.).
I am so glad to hear it's not just me!!!