separating twins in school - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 16 Old 07-06-2006, 05:03 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I have twin boys 4 years old and they will start pre k this aug. I work at the school as a first grade teacher and have a little pull in their teacher assignments. I was asking the boys who they would like to have as their teacher, and each said someone different. Part of me thinks separating them would be good as one is a little less outgoing and I think it would build his confidence. But, the mommy of twins in me is a little nervous about them not being together. Any thoughts?
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#2 of 16 Old 07-06-2006, 10:23 PM
 
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My twins, who are 3.3, just started preschool this summer. They are in the same class. One was much more outgoing than the other, and I actually thought having them together would be a bonus because the less-outgoing twin would at least have a friend in his brother at first. Well, less-outgoing twin has totally BLOSSOMED since starting school. He is so much more self-confident, independent (in terms of getting his own clothes on and off, washing his hands, etc.) now. It's pretty crazy. His previously more-outgoing brother is still as outgoing as ever, but has actually had a much harder time with separation stuff, and it's been really nice for them to have a role reversal in terms of the previously less-outgoing twin now getting the chance to help his brother to feel safe in a situation (very commonly the other way around before). They have each made friends separately from each other, and the teacher says that they don't always play together at school (they can't stay away from each other at home, so I was really glad to hear this).

I can't imagine separating them anytime soon. They want to be in the same class, and I think their being twins is really an advantage to them at this point. I wouldn't separate them before first grade.

HTH!

Lex

Mindfully mothering SIX kids (ages 4, 5, 7, 8, 11 & 11) in a small house with a lot of love.
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#3 of 16 Old 07-07-2006, 12:25 AM
 
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I have thought about this very thing off and on for quite a while now. My final conclusion is that I will try to keep them in the same class for the first year or two and then reassess after that.

Les - Sooooooo good to see you here!! With my girls there is one who is more outgoing but yet when the chips are down she seems to need her sister more then her sister would need her. Funny how that works.

Karen - Mama to Haven (9/00) , Lillie & Faith (MZ - 12/02) and my first homebirthed baby, Willa (3/08)
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#4 of 16 Old 07-08-2006, 12:10 AM
 
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Hi, new here. I have 5 year old twin girls. They have been through 2 years of preschool together in public school. There was only one class at the school, so separating them wasn't even a question. But we had the option of separating them or not for kindergarten starting this fall, and we have decided to go ahead with separating them. Part of me wants them together, they are very close, and I know it may be strange for them at first to be apart. I guess the selfish part of me is used to the attention they get as twins, as much as I hate to admit that.
On the days in the past two years of preschool when one was sick and the other was not, they missed definitely missed each other. I am hoping that it will be good for them in the end to develop their own personalities and interests. I will definitely be watching them carefully to see how it affects them, and I am know that we will have the option of putting them back together again if it seems right
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#5 of 16 Old 07-08-2006, 11:47 AM
 
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My boys are 11 now. They were first separated in first grade. It's been a really great experience for them & I'm glad we didn't try to keep them together.
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#6 of 16 Old 08-04-2006, 09:59 AM
 
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#7 of 16 Old 08-05-2006, 05:14 PM
 
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I am seperating mine for the first time this year - going into 1st grade. I feel like they sort f held each other back last year

I'm Andrea - I have three boys - 12 year old twins & an 11 year old

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#8 of 16 Old 08-07-2006, 04:05 PM
 
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What a timely post since I'm having my own dilemma on this issue!

I feel the placement of twins in school should be decided on a case-by-case basis and if your twins want to be separated, maybe that's for the best. You know your twins better than anyone else though and should go with your gut decision. They're still so young that maybe you should keep them together another year and then see if they'd do better apart. It's a tricky situation . . .

I have 7-year-old twins who want to be kept together. They were together in kindergarten & first grade and did extremely well together. But, we just moved to a new house on the other side of town and my twin daughters will be starting second grade in a new school district. We did not think it would be a problem placing them in the same class since it wasn't a problem in the other school in the same town, however, the principal of our girls' new school will not honor the request. We've spoken with him four times and even had their first grade teacher speak with him to explain why she thinks it is for the best, yet he did not waiver.

Our pediatrician also agrees that the girls should be placed together and wrote a very detailed letter to the principal backed by all the current research on twins placement. She wrote in the letter that "they are likely to become more withdrawn and isolated if they are separated for the upcoming school year." We were convinced the principal would change his mind after reading the doctor's note, yet he's still sticking to his decision.

We hate confrontation and are not out on a "crusade," however, we're going to fight this as much as possible just due to the sole fact that we want to do what's best for our twins. I really do not want other parents of twins to have to fight this same battle in the future and believe a law really should be put in place allowing parents of multiples the right to decide what is right for their children regarding classroom placement. Several other states have already
adopted this legislation and I hope NH will be next. I feel it isn't fair for a principal to set down a rule without taking into consideration the individuals.

So, enough of my story -- sorry for going on and on -- I just hope you will sign this petition and forward to ANYONE you may know who'd be interested. You do not have to be a resident of NH to sign this, you just have to support this cause.

Of course, I also welcome any other feedback. Thanks!

http://www.petitiononline.com/NewTwins/petition.html
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#9 of 16 Old 08-07-2006, 05:20 PM
 
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That is terrible. Are you going to the school board or superintendent next? Is there another elementary school in the same district you could transfer into? I would be MAD. I signed your petition.
allie
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#10 of 16 Old 08-07-2006, 05:26 PM
 
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Yes, I just sent the superintendent all the research on this, along with a cover letter basically stating how the principal refuses to read the research or listen to the dr's recommendations.

I'm so MAD -- I never thought this would become such an issue. I wasn't looking to become an activist, but I have to be the advocate for what I believe is best for my kids and I guess it has come to this!

Thanks for signing the petition!
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#11 of 16 Old 08-07-2006, 05:29 PM
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I signed your petition.
Have you written to the Board of Directors? They have a lot of power.
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#12 of 16 Old 08-09-2006, 02:24 PM
 
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That's frightening. If we ran into that and moving wasn't an option, dh and I would be talking seriously about home schooling. I'd fear that a principal so unwilling to bend would make school miserable in other ways, even if we weren't trying to get him to change his mind or going over his head, yk?

To the OP, I want my girls together. Up until a year or so ago I thought it wouldn't matter, but now I do think it does. Separating them seems so unnatural. The school my girls would attend prides itself on working with parents and finding the optimal learning environment for *all* students so I'm hopeful that they are able to comply with my request.
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#13 of 16 Old 08-09-2006, 03:57 PM
 
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I signed your petition. I have worked in public schools for 7 years, and your principal sounds like a real %$#@#! If homeschooling is not your thing I would definitely petition to move to another school within your district. You don't need to deal with that kind of attitude for the next 5 years of their schooling. Good luck mama!

Mama to 4 darlings. A ('03), O and K ('06), A ('09), and wife to M since 2002.
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#14 of 16 Old 08-20-2006, 12:33 AM
 
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I feel for you.. I have recently gone through something similar to that in my school district. the principal did give in with the Dr's note. I had already planned ahead though because i did anticipate the principal would continue to hold her ground. I figured if she did not give in with the Dr's note I would go to a child psychologist next and I would write a letter to the editor of our local news paper and I would set up petitons in front of the local wal-mart and our mall. weather any of that would have made a difference I don't know but I was ready to fight for my Kids, they wanted to be together and i do feel like that is best for them. They are Boy/girl and I was not sure when to seperate thier bedrooms but about a year ago they let me know they were ready and there has been no problems. I never thought I was an activist either but I do know what is best for my kids and I was not going to give up on this. I figured the school board was next and then an attorney. I do not have the funds to fight out a battle in court but I figured that if I made enough noise that the principal would understand that I was not going away. Keep up the fight!!!
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#15 of 16 Old 08-20-2006, 11:46 AM
 
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Nikki - I just signed the petition.
I live in the same town as you and I am wondering what district you are in. I am curious if you are in ours. We just started public school half way through last year (we were homeschooling before that) and I am wondering if these guys will be giving me the same hard time as you. Please feel free to PM me if you don't want to put that info on here.
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#16 of 16 Old 09-07-2006, 12:09 AM
 
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i am a twin so i've been through this. i also know 6 sets of twins some stayed in the same classes some were seperated. anyway from my personal experiance my mother insisted we didn't have 1 class together starting from kindergarten. it was a little harder for me in the begining because i was the clingy one. it did me a lot of good to be independant and make my own friends. of the other twins that were seperated, they agreed. don't get me wrong it's fun to be a twin and all but sometimes it's nice to do your own thing. as for the twins that had almost all their classes together, they act as if they are conjoined. i know a set of twins that wont do anything without each other. they decided to go to college for the same thing, work at the same place, and move in together. even date sister. i know they are just one extreme case but i have a feeling they wouldn't have been so dependant on each other if they had gotten the opportunity to have their own time to be one person and not two.

Jarrod & Nataleigh Est. 2004
DD Jayde 2005
DS William 2007
DD Lilleigh 2008
DS Edward 2010
DS Mikah 2012
Due July 2013
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