Singleton siblings? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 5 Old 03-18-2003, 07:47 PM - Thread Starter
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I find that Taylor has sacrificed so much. I was just thinking that now he puts himself to bed and gets himself up and ready for school all by himself. We used to have a long bedtime routine and now that is all blown. How did you make up the time and energy to your singleton when you had twins (if you had a single child first)?
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#2 of 5 Old 03-20-2003, 02:00 AM
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I'm sorry you don't have any responses yet! My singleton was born after my twins, so I don't really have a great answer for you. My boys are in the 2nd grade this year & they too get up & get ready for school by themselves so maybe that's just a maturational step?? I do tuck them into bed at night, but there isn't any prolonged bedtime ritual. What about dinnertime--are you able to have a family sit-down dinnertime at all? That's a nice way to spend time & focus on their events of the day. Another nice thing would be if maybe Dad could stay with the babies while you & ds went to do the grocery shopping on the weekend. My boys like it when I take just one of them with me--we get to spend some alone time & talk without others around that way. Sometimes dh will do that same sort of thing--take just one of the boys out with him for a little alone time.
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#3 of 5 Old 03-20-2003, 03:22 AM
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My dd was almost 3 when my triplets were born. How old is your son? Whenever my dh or I ran out of the house to do errands or get take out, we'd always take her with us. I would try to spend time with her everyday away from the babies, by just going into another room to read books etc. when my dh would get home from work, I'd take her outside to play, just the two of us for a little while. It will become easier when your babies are a little older & more predictable when they want to nurse, that you can find that chunk of time for your son. I had a mother's helper come in the afternoon & once my babes were nursed a lot of times I'd go take a nap with my dd or we could go into another room & do puzzles etc. like I said above. (I don't know if this is an option for you or not) We also would have popcorn nights maybe twice a month where once i had my three to sleep, my dd & I would watch a movie & eat popcorn-she loved that! Once my babes were about 7 months old i could get them napping together for about an hour in the am & hour & 1/2 in the afternoon, so we got even more time then. I always nursed my three down to sleep but didn't stay in their room for their nap, because of my dd. She has done great. Hang in there!
Beth Mom to Megan(almost 5), Rachel, Zach, & Ashley-25 months
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#4 of 5 Old 03-21-2003, 03:57 AM
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There are three years between my singleton and my twins. F is 4.5 years and the babies are 18mos. I have never really been able to make up the time for her. I do whatever I can whenever I can. I work her into the hectic life of taking care of twins. She brushes the babies hair in the AM and helps get them ready for the day. It slows things down but makes her feel part of the crowd and we do it together.
My husband and I spend Saturday night after the babies have gone to bed doing whatever she wants.............the last six weeks have been popcorn and Cinderella. I take her to gymnastics on Saturday AM and then usually for hot chocolate. I read to her whenever time permits. We ( the babies, myself and F.) all sit down at lunch and dinner and I talk to her about her day while feeding the twins. At this point the in their developement the babies play nicely on their own alot of the time so I get to squeeze in a game of Pretty Pretty Princess or do a craft project with her. Otherwise she is a very independent player, which breaks my heart some days. I hope some of this is helpful.

I invite palydates over about once a week and we have a playground group that gets together three afternoons a week. Her best friends meet her at the playground and she is entertained, I get to see her interact with her peers and get help with the twins on the playground. Somedays I even get to play tag or something with her because the other parents can help out with watching the twins.

I feel the loss of my singleton everyday. I believe it is my biggest emotional challenge, the hardest thing about having had twins. We used to spend countless hours together and I really enjoy her company. The twins were a total shock for us so it has not been easy.........especilly for my eldest. Everyone asks if it has been difficult for me and my standard reply is "not as hard as it has been for F." She is a trooper and goes to Montessori preschool 5 AMs a week (also a compomise, I hate the idea of her being in school 9-12 M-F). It has been good for her to have her own thing away from the twins and for me to have some one on one with the twins.

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#5 of 5 Old 03-26-2003, 06:50 PM
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My daughter was 27-months old when her twin sisters were born. I was - and still am - very concerned about her getting the short end of the stick. DH and I try our hardest to make her feel special and loved every single day. She's still involved in all of her "pre-twin" activities from playgroup to gymnastics. I'm nursing the new babies so when I'm nursing I try to take that time to talk to my oldest daughter about just any old thing. We read, watch a movie, etc. I also like to spend extra time with her giving her a bath just rehashing the day and being silly.

It is hard trying to balance an older sibling and their needs with the needs of TWO new babies. I think that the attention that is lacking now is well worth it for the gift that they have by having siblings.

Haven 9/2000
Lillie & Faith (MZ) 12/2002

Karen - Mama to Haven (9/00) , Lillie & Faith (MZ - 12/02) and my first homebirthed baby, Willa (3/08)
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