2nd year of life with multiples SOO much harder than the first . . . .anyone else?? - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 25 Old 07-20-2006, 02:13 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hi guys -

Is anyone with me on this? They are in to everything - but hard to be on top of all 3. They are pre-verbal, so they can't express themselves fully and get frustrated. They fight with each other over toys - biting and hairpulling. They get bored in the house and need regular outtings - but they are so active its hard to take them on outtings - and almost impossible to take them by myself. They are frequently whiny and crying from teething pain. Because they are so active and need many outtings - they pick up a lot of bugs and get sick alot. And with triplets - sickness lasts 3x as long in our house as we ALWAYS get the bugs sequentially - not simultaneously. And caring for sick-multiples is SOOO much harder than caring for a sick singleton. We wake in the evenings often - and even if we each only wake once, mom is up 3x/night.

WE ARE HARD RIGHT NOW!

Anyone else with me? Anyone else have this experience too?

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#2 of 25 Old 07-20-2006, 02:19 PM
 
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I'm not there yet, but I've read that Trip moms are more likely to experience ppd in the 2nd year, so that would explain it! I can only imagine what a challenge things must be at this point for you. Do you do sign language with them? If not, that might help some of the frustration. My babes aren't old enough for it yet, but it really helped with my 2 older dd's.

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#3 of 25 Old 07-20-2006, 02:33 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by love_homebirthing
I'm not there yet, but I've read that Trip moms are more likely to experience ppd in the 2nd year, so that would explain it!
Karen Gromada mentioned this as well. I would love to see that research. Do you happen to have it or know where I can get it?

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#4 of 25 Old 07-20-2006, 02:37 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by love_homebirthing
Do you do sign language with them? If not, that might help some of the frustration. My babes aren't old enough for it yet, but it really helped with my 2 older dd's.
I get asked that a lot. I'm not sure it would work in my situation for a couple of reasons - time and language issues. I WOH 3 days/week and I have an older son. Most days I struggle just to provide them with their basic needs - signing is a little intimidating to me in terms of how and when I'd find the time to introduce it.

Also - my nannies are spanish speakers - so they are contending with 2 languages right now already - I'm not sure adding a 3rd - even if I could get my act together enough to do it - would be the best idea?

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#5 of 25 Old 07-20-2006, 04:22 PM
 
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Originally Posted by TripMom
I get asked that a lot. I'm not sure it would work in my situation for a couple of reasons - time and language issues. I WOH 3 days/week and I have an older son. Most days I struggle just to provide them with their basic needs - signing is a little intimidating to me in terms of how and when I'd find the time to introduce it.

Also - my nannies are spanish speakers - so they are contending with 2 languages right now already - I'm not sure adding a 3rd - even if I could get my act together enough to do it - would be the best idea?
Yes you can! The sign would be the same whether the Nanny was using it while speaking Spanish, or you speaking English. Also it takes very little time to introduce. The infant signs are very simple hand gestures. I and my DH were full time WOHM parents and we found in less than a month DD was using at least 10 signs and making our lives much easier. BTW, her daycare teachers spoke Spanish as well so our language issues were similar.

Check out the Garcia baby sign language book. It is inexpensive and easy to use. He also has a video, and there is also a video series called Signing Time that is pretty goos as well.

Mama to 4 darlings. A ('03), O and K ('06), A ('09), and wife to M since 2002.
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#6 of 25 Old 07-20-2006, 06:23 PM
 
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I'm very much struggling with the 3rd year. My boys are strong willed and strong and my patience dwindling. A local twin mom once said to me that she really didn't start loosing her mind until her kids were 2. I totally relate. My boys need outings, but we've had to leave 3 different parks early this week because they weren't following the rules (leaving the park, ahhh!). I have to chase them down, usually with the other in tow under my arm. I'm exhausted (crying as a write this). At the grocery store this week, I was putting one boy in the stroller and the other one took off running beside the car to the other lane of traffic. I had to LEAVE one and chase the other. I grabbed him the only way I could, and ran back as fast as I could. I try to never let go of hands, but this happened in a heartbeat. I'm so thankful nothing happened. I have fantasies of going back to work. Handling multiples is so difficult for me at this stage. Anyone know of support for older multiple issues? Oh, and the fighting ended for a little while, but is in full force again at my house.

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#7 of 25 Old 07-20-2006, 07:28 PM
 
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I fully agree. Somedays I wish that they were newborns again. I just spent the night in the hospital last night with one of the twins and it was a nice break, although not one I'd like to repeat.
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#8 of 25 Old 07-20-2006, 11:05 PM
 
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I fully agree. I've just decided to go back to work part time and leave the boys with my Mom for 20 hours a week. They just turned 2 and I am burnt out! I never thought going to work would feel like a break but I am at my wit's end. They fight, they whine, they cry, they drive me nuts!!!

Don't get me wrong, there are precious moments that make it all worth it. But I am just not a very effective Mommy these days when I am with them for 24 hours a day 7 days a week, and my husband works 60+ hours a week and is often at work until the wee hours of the morning so I am home alone with them most nights for dinner, baths and the infamous bedtime struggle. They still night nurse as well so many nights I don't get much sleep. If they nap they are impossible to get to sleep at night, if they don't nap they are hellions from about 4 PM on.

*sigh*
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#9 of 25 Old 07-21-2006, 12:07 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TripMom
I get asked that a lot. I'm not sure it would work in my situation for a couple of reasons - time and language issues. I WOH 3 days/week and I have an older son. Most days I struggle just to provide them with their basic needs - signing is a little intimidating to me in terms of how and when I'd find the time to introduce it.

Also - my nannies are spanish speakers - so they are contending with 2 languages right now already - I'm not sure adding a 3rd - even if I could get my act together enough to do it - would be the best idea?
I have to say, I don't get the whole signing trend. My kids are very verbal when it comes to singal words and have no problem speaking them. But they cannot express complicated ideas and that frustrates them. I don't see how signing can help that.
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#10 of 25 Old 07-21-2006, 12:19 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by nathansmom
I fully agree. Somedays I wish that they were newborns again. I just spent the night in the hospital last night with one of the twins and it was a nice break, although not one I'd like to repeat.
Oh. I've had that exact thought - and fact I've told people that exact thing "Sometimes I wish they were newborns again" -- my 19 month old was awake every hour on the hour crying last night and coughing with the cold du jour. At least with newborns they eat every 2 to 3 hours and you get a reliable break in between.

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#11 of 25 Old 07-21-2006, 01:45 AM
 
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[QUOTE=hillaryjudd]I fully agree. I've just decided to go back to work part time and leave the boys with my Mom for 20 hours a week. They just turned 2 and I am burnt out! I never thought going to work would feel like a break but I am at my wit's end. They fight, they whine, they cry, they drive me nuts!!!

Don't get me wrong, there are precious moments that make it all worth it. But I am just not a very effective Mommy these days when I am with them for 24 hours a day 7 days a week, and my husband works 60+ hours a week and is often at work until the wee hours of the morning so I am home alone with them most nights for dinner, baths and the infamous bedtime struggle. They still night nurse as well so many nights I don't get much sleep. If they nap they are impossible to get to sleep at night, if they don't nap they are hellions from about 4 PM on.




I know where you're coming from. My boys still nurse at night and they are 2 years 9 months. I thought for sure they would have weaned by now, but I see no end in sight. I really don't have complaints about that, other than lack of sleep some nights (actually many nights). I will probably start part time work this fall as well. I just don't have the patience to deal 24/7 anymore! I literally never get a break, either. We've never used a babysitter and all family is 2500 miles away. We are considering moving closer to have family close.

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#12 of 25 Old 07-21-2006, 07:49 PM
 
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I thought the second year was the hardest yet (as compared to the first year, the third year, and now halfway through the fourth year). I did feel like signing helped with some of the frustration. . . my favorite sign was "help" because that's often what they needed and would express with whines/meltdowns before they knew the sign. Even after they had verbal language for many basic words (eat, drink, more, help), when they were really tired/upset sometimes it was easier to get them to tell me what they wanted with signs rather than words. You definitely don't need to spend a lot of time incorporating signs into your life for it to work. I would start with three signs, and just use them when you think of it. They will pick it up *very* quickly at their age, probably just after seeing you use it a few times.

18 months was the absolute hardest for me. I posted a thread about it, and got a lot of great advice. So, now I'll bump that thread up for you. It's called "18-month-old twins. . . very tired mama."

HTH!

Lex

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#13 of 25 Old 07-22-2006, 12:14 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pumpkingirl71
I have to say, I don't get the whole signing trend. My kids are very verbal when it comes to singal words and have no problem speaking them. But they cannot express complicated ideas and that frustrates them. I don't see how signing can help that.
Well, my daughter can say "eat", but she can sign "eat banana with peanut butter and milk". She was able to tell me that she was not cold, but the wind was cold when we were outside once when she was only 14 months old. She wasn't even able to talk at that point.

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#14 of 25 Old 07-22-2006, 04:29 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by lexbeach
18 months was the absolute hardest for me.
You said it. The difficult days are so brutal right now. And sometimes it seems like you have 100 difficult days for every 1 good day. On the good days though I so enjoy my kids and feel so lucky and privileged to be there mom . . . . give me strength.

Do you recall when the 18 month difficulties began to lessen and feel a little easier (before new challenges set in, that is?)? I've already been through the 3 year old phase with DS #1 - and have to say - I'm hoping we at least get some sort of a break before that rains down on us!

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#15 of 25 Old 07-22-2006, 07:04 PM
 
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Originally Posted by TripMom
Do you recall when the 18 month difficulties began to lessen and feel a little easier (before new challenges set in, that is?)? I've already been through the 3 year old phase with DS #1 - and have to say - I'm hoping we at least get some sort of a break before that rains down on us!
Oh, it will definitely get easier again soon. I thought right around the second birthday things were pretty lovely. Communication really picked up then, and sleeping got better too (although my guys still wake up once a night, but for the most part they don't wake us up, they just come into our bed. At 18 months they were waking up several times a night, so once a night was a huge improvement).

In general, I think things go really well around the boys' birthdays, and are more difficult around the half-birthdays. But I have actually found 3 to be quite enjoyable, and relatively easy compared to all the other ages we've gone through so far. Things are a little trickier in our house now than they were a few months ago (my boys will be 3.5 in a month), but it's still much easier than 2.5 was. My friends of singletons think age 3 is much harder than 2, but I completely disagree. There are still fights daily of course, but my kids are also really able to talk things through with each other which makes all the difference in the world. Plus, their play is so much more sophisticated now, and they can keep each other entertained for really long periods of time. I'm actually thinking it will be harder to have a singleton three-year-old than twin three-year-olds just because 3-year-olds seem to really love having playmates. So, if I were you I wouldn't dread the 3-year-old stage too much. I think the next few months will probably be the hardest you go through for a really long time (maybe until adolesence?).

HTH!

Lex

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#16 of 25 Old 07-23-2006, 06:00 AM
 
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ITA that 2yo-3yo was by far the roughest time for me with my twins. I was also pregnant for most of it!

Parks were the worst. They NEEDED the activity, and therefore I took them to a park nearly every day, but I'm seriously surprised they survived. One or both was always running for the street, cars, etc, and once I almost had to choose which of them to save, because they were both headed toward oncoming traffic. : Yet when we stayed home, I think all 3 of us were out of our minds with boredom.

However, something just changed when they turned 3yo. I think they now have enough language and understanding to have more self-control. Also, they are back from that independent stage to loving mommy like crazy, so they fight to stay near me when we're out.

This too will pass.
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#17 of 25 Old 07-24-2006, 04:16 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by lexbeach
At 18 months they were waking up several times a night, so once a night was a huge improvement).
OK. Thank you. What is up with the night waking? We are sick right now - so I can't really compare. But my guys regularly cry for me at least 3 to 4x/night. Some nights its like 6, 7, 8x! I am more exhausted now than the newborn stage. At least a newborn gives you a fairly reliable 2 to 3 hour break after feeding!

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#18 of 25 Old 07-24-2006, 07:16 PM
 
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My babes are pre-walking right now, and will be 1 in 3 weeks. For me, the second year has been WAY harder than the first (and three is harder than two, but so far four is okay) with both my older kids, so I am kind of stressing out about their birthday. They are already all over the place, hard to contain, and tantrum-prone. Plus they just started fighting. Up until now they'd just pass the toy back and forth. Livie got sick of that and will now snatch the toy and hide it or crawl as fast as she can away from him. He got so PO'ed he screamed in her face, then grabbed her head and tried to bite her! : I have no idea what to do, they are both so aggressive and so young!
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#19 of 25 Old 08-01-2006, 07:28 PM
 
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I'm in the 2nd year too! It's pretty rough, they are just into everything and very resourceful. And now they fight not only with eachother but with their two older siblings so I feel like a referee all day. aaaah
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#20 of 25 Old 08-02-2006, 09:56 PM
 
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My two (18 mos) get along very well but my house is trashed. We moved almost all the furniture to the basement so there's not as much stuff to climb on or destroy.
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#21 of 25 Old 08-04-2006, 11:53 PM
 
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It gets better I promise! My boys are 3 and it's so much easier.....My best advice for having 2 2year olds? Safety Gates.. Lots of safety gates..... LOL

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#22 of 25 Old 08-08-2006, 11:20 AM
 
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Originally Posted by multiplemomma78
It gets better I promise! My boys are 3 and it's so much easier.....My best advice for having 2 2year olds? Safety Gates.. Lots of safety gates..... LOL
My whole house has become airlock after airlock after airlock...

Also the old fashioned hook and eye clasps over each door (such as a basement or 1/2 bath) is a great help too!

If you have an electric stove, remove the knobs and shut off the entire appliance from the circuit breaker. You may need to use the microwave for a spell.

We sign primarily because my hearing stinks, but not deaf enough to get hearing aids yet. It really worked in keeping most tantrums at bay. I work full time and using the signs of 'more' 'please' 'milk' 'drink' 'cookie' at mealtimes work great. In fact, that is where we use the signs the most. 'Dog' 'cat' 'bug' 'cow' 'flower' 'airplane', etc., those can come later.

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#23 of 25 Old 08-08-2006, 11:43 AM
 
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NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You are not supposed to put posts like this out there for moms whose babies have not passed their first year yet! We need to hear you say things like: Oh wow, the second year is a BREEZE compared to the first - and I'm getting sooooo much sleep now.

So says the mommy of two yummy almost one year olds who is getting very little sleep and whose babies do not nap and is currently fighting a plugged duct and yesterday spent the day counting down until bedtime (for the big boys) - which is just very sad.

Rivka, mommy to 3 big boys and a set of b/g twins
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#24 of 25 Old 08-08-2006, 07:02 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by tikva18
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You are not supposed to put posts like this out there for moms whose babies have not passed their first year yet! We need to hear you say things like: Oh wow, the second year is a BREEZE compared to the first - and I'm getting sooooo much sleep now.

So says the mommy of two yummy almost one year olds who is getting very little sleep and whose babies do not nap and is currently fighting a plugged duct and yesterday spent the day counting down until bedtime (for the big boys) - which is just very sad.
SORRY. Don't mean to upset you -- I know when my triplets were newborn - I thought nothing could be harder than that! I thought that once they sleep throught the night - I'll be able to handle anything. Oops -- hellow - we are 19 months and DH and I must have each been up 5 or 6x last night. I am delirious today . . . . again. Right now - a night of complete sleep is such a rarity . .. . .

I'm looking forward to PP telling me that 3 is so much easier. Please GOD let it be true!

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#25 of 25 Old 08-08-2006, 07:09 PM
 
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I've only had singletons, but ITA- the second year is much harder than the first!! By the time I had "one toddling this way, and the other crawling that way" the toddler was 2yo and capable of a small amount of reason already! I'm trying to imagine 3 1yos crawling/toddling in different directions.... :

I can tell you this much from experience- it DOES get easier. Having a 10yo and an 11yo (which I imagine isn't too much different from having 2 10yos or 2 11yos) is MUCH easier than having two toddlers! By the time they were both in school my life was a lot saner (of course, that's when I had baby #3....)

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