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Old 04-01-2003, 04:33 PM - Thread Starter
 
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We've all gotten some pretty stupid questions and comments from the general public (as well as family and friends!) about our multiples...I thought it would be fun to share some of the REALLY stupid ones that we've heard with each other.

The questions that drive me nuts are...

"Are they twins??" (and what else would they be?)
"Are they a boy and a girl??" (while both are dressed in all pink)
"Can you nurse them both at the same time??" (I do have two breasts, don't I?!)
"Did you know you were having twins??"

And if I hear this one more time I'm going to SCREAM!!

"You sure do have your hands full!"

Next.....

Karen - Mama to Haven (9/00) , Lillie & Faith (MZ - 12/02) and my first homebirthed baby, Willa (3/08)
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Old 04-01-2003, 04:42 PM
 
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While I don't have twins, I was pregnant with my second and had my 1 1/2 year-old in tow and received the dreaded "Wow, you sure have your hands full!!". My response was "Well, better full than empty!" I LOVE that response! It was handed down to me by a friend--with twins! Try that one and see those people suddenly turn quite shy and shut the @$&* up.

~Melissa
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Old 04-01-2003, 06:30 PM
 
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Melissa: I'm definitely going to use that response next time I get the "hands full" comment, probably tomorrow!

One stupid question I get all the time is: "Are they both yours?" I respond "Yep." And then the person will ask, "Are they twins?" I've twice now said, "No, they're a year apart."

I taught kindergarten until I was put on bedrest at 29 weeks. I got lots of "stupid" questions from my students, but coming from five year-olds they were really just cute, not annoying. Here is my favorite:

Ezekiel: "It looks like you have a baby in your tummy"
Me: "Actually, I have two babies in there."
Ezekiel: "Two babies! Wow! Do you think they might be twins?"
Me: "They are twins."
Ezekiel: "Do you think they might have the same birthday?!"
Me: "I think they probably will."

People are always asking "Are they both boys, or a boy and a girl?" I wonder which one they think might be a girl since, especially when bundled, they look pretty similar :.

Mindfully mothering SIX kids (ages 5, 6, 8, 9, 11 & 11) in a small house with a lot of love.
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Old 04-01-2003, 09:37 PM
 
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My favorite is "Are they your's?" You'd think they could tell by the spit up on my shirt, lack of make-up or "fixed" hair, and generally tired appearance . I'm not sure what it is about me that makes people assume I'm not their mother. I do look young for my age, but not THAT young (I haven't been carded for a couple of years now ). One that friends of mine get is "Are they identical?" when they are obviously brother and sister : .
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Old 04-01-2003, 09:45 PM
 
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"Did you know you were having twins??"

I know that seems like a stupid question, and I can't believe how often I get asked it, but you know, I actually did NOT know until the night my twins were born. It's actually embarrassing to me and I usually try to avoid the question. I feel like I get asked that SO much.

I've had two people ask me if I was using fertility drugs. (And my twins are identical.)
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Old 04-01-2003, 09:52 PM - Thread Starter
 
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MamaLeah - That's cool that you didn't know you were having twins until you actually gave birth!!! What an awesome surprise!! How did they miss the second one on the ultrasound? What was it like to find out about the second baby?! That's really, really neat!!!

Lex - How cute!!! Ezekiel sounds like a doll. I said to a girl once who asked me "Did you have twins?" "No...we stole the other one." LOL!!!! I've vowed that the next time my girls are both dressed in pink and someone asks if they are a girl and a boy I'm going to ask them which one they think is the boy.

Have you all seen the "Before You Even Ask" t-shirt? It's super cute...www.twinstuff.com.

Karen - Mama to Haven (9/00) , Lillie & Faith (MZ - 12/02) and my first homebirthed baby, Willa (3/08)
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Old 04-02-2003, 03:58 AM
 
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The negative ones really get to me know.Especiall now that the girls are old enough to UNDERSTAND some og the things ppl say.My thoughts are.Do you not know they can HEAR you!!!!!!!!

Just the other day one woman took one evil look at my kids and said,"GOD HELP YOU!" I turned on my heels and said,"I dont need Gods help with this one and I am pretty sure he knows it,because he is the one who decides I must be able to handle it,and GLADLY!"
She stammered, mumbling something about having my hands full....To which I replied yes,I do and my heart is full of love and Joy.She then realized she wasnt getting any negative agreeance from me and turned away.



Another one I love to hate is"Twins!Oh my God!How lucky!Wanna sell one?" Idiots.



"That was my biggest fear,having twins." Lucky thing for them you didnt.



"Wow I`am glad its you and not me." "So am I"





To all those who get the are they identicle ?. My friend who has b/g twins always answers that one with .Umm......NO, He has a penis,she has a vagina!






I really do love the nice to hear things though!I worry my girls are going to get big heads though.

We ALWAYS,like everyday get someone telling us they look exactly like Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen.Not something an overprotective mother wants to hear.


Edited to add........
I for got to add one more favorite.
When they ask if I bf them both,I always reply. No, Just the favorite one:
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Old 04-02-2003, 11:27 AM
 
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here's my favorite stupid question

"did you plan to have twins?"

huh?

I'm Andrea - I have three boys - 12 year old twins & an 11 year old

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Old 04-02-2003, 01:39 PM
 
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Well. I've had someone argue with me in the checkout line whether my boys are identical or not. (like I, the mother would not know and they, the total stranger would.) Btw, my boys look nothing alike. They also have 2 different blood types.
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Old 04-02-2003, 04:44 PM
 
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My boys don't look anything alike either. In fact, one has always been a clothing size ahead of his brother so, especially when they were little, people didn't realize they were twins. I guess they just thought I'd gotten pg really quickly with ds#2 after ds#1 was born because I was always asked "so how far apart are they???" When I'd say "16 minutes" people were always stunned "so they're twins?? are they identical??"

And the dreaded "you sure have your hands full" finally stopped when the boys were about 6 & dd was 2.
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Old 04-03-2003, 02:56 AM
 
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I told my friend about the "you sure have your hands full" comment and she said she didn't understand why anyone would be offended by that. She said it might be said sympathetically. What do you think? I don't see her point of view. The comment has ALWAYS bothered me!
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Old 04-03-2003, 03:07 AM
 
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I dont want ANYBODIES sympathy!!!

My gosh they are our children!
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Old 04-03-2003, 01:01 PM
 
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I think the stupidest question we get asked all the time is "Are they identical" right after I've told them that one is a boy and one is a girl!!!

Hellooooo? Anyone pay attention in high-school biology class?? :LOL It's not possible to have a boy and a girl share the exact same chromosomes!

My second runner-up recently has been "Do they play together?" Uh, no... we like to keep them apart as much as possible.

OK, I'm on a roll now. Third runner up: "Wow, I don't know what I'd do with twins!" to which my favorite reply if I'm feeling sassy is "I bet you don't!"

Wow, this felt good! Thanks!!
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Old 04-03-2003, 02:14 PM
 
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I get the "You sure have your hands full" comment fairly often but it is usually said with a smile, like it's a positive thing. When I can tell they mean it negatively I just say "Yes I do!" as happily as I can and move on :
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Old 04-03-2003, 09:41 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Melissa - My mom doesn't understand why the "hands full" comment bothers me either. I guess you just don't get it until you've heard it for the millionth time in one day.

Most of the time when I hear it it's said in a nice tone of voice but it's what they really want to say that bothers me. Know what I mean?

Karen - Mama to Haven (9/00) , Lillie & Faith (MZ - 12/02) and my first homebirthed baby, Willa (3/08)
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Old 04-03-2003, 11:41 PM
 
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Not to harp, but I just don't understand why anyone would say such a stupid thing!! There are much better--and nicer--things to say to parents who have children!! Esp. if they seem to be having trouble at the moment! AAHHH!!!
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Old 04-04-2003, 02:58 AM
 
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Actually in the newest edition of Twins mag, they explain how MZ twins can be boy/girl. If the original egg has Klinefelter's (sp) syndrome, then it splits, then one egg drops the extra X, and the other drops the Y, it can happen. It is rare, but it is possible. I love nerdy trivia like that so I am sure I'll be sharing that with lots of people at the grocery store. Dh says nerdy trivia is one of my vices.
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Old 04-04-2003, 12:12 PM
 
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Laralou - that's right... except then they DON'T share the same chromosomes. So MZ boy/girl twins are not "identical" or having the same genes, regardless of how they started out. Along those lines, DZ twins are also not always "fraternal" -- sometimes "identical" twins (same egg/sperm) can be in 2 sacs. A lot of people, myself included, think the trend toward calling twins MZ/DZ is still missing the mark, though are glad to at least not be using the more offensive term "identical".

I think when most people ask, "are they identical" they mean, "do they have the same genes"? I don't take offense to that question, just seems stupid when they're boy/girl twins! Since it is not possible for them to have the same chromosomes, therefore, obviously they're not identical!
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Old 04-04-2003, 01:15 PM
 
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I really don't mind the "you have your hands full" comment. I only get this one when I am double slinging so it is really true. I may mind more when they are old enough to hear and understand. It bugs me more when people say "I wish I had twins" because I am irritated that someone would want to have two infants at once for the cuteness factor. While people do recognize the sacrifices I must make, no one thinks about the babies and what they sacrifice having to share Mommy those first 6 months. I think my reaction has to do with my guilt at not being able to meet all of their needs all the time and parent each of them "perfectly" as was the plan when I chose to have a second child.

I do get irritated when people make guesses about their gender that totally disregards what clothes they are in. It isn't offensive, just irritating. For some reason whenever one baby is in any color that isn't pink, even if it is lavender or orange or a floral print, she is a "boy".

The thing that bothers me the most though is when total strangers have to tell me their twin story, and it is usually that they were supposed to have twins but one or both died. It isn't that I am not sympathetic. It is just that I don't know these people. It just makes me uncomfortable.

On the zygosity: DZ doesn't mean di/di. It refers to how many zygotes there were in the beginning (prior to egg splitting if it took place). If there were two eggs, they are DZ or "fraternal". If there was one, they are MZ or "identical". How they develop after that point determines their sac status (mono/mono, mono/di, di/di) which can help determine zygosity but doesn't define it.

All MZ/"identicals" lose genetic information after the split, so really no twins are "identical" and that is how us moms can tell them apart. I know you know all this. Just wanted to clear up any confusion. I just use "identical" because otherwise I'd have to give my zygosity dissertation everytime.
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Old 04-04-2003, 01:27 PM
 
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Laralou - yup. This sums it up! Still funny to think B/G twins are exactly the same (chromosomes), don't you think?! The whole X vs. Y thing must be lost on a lot of people!!!

I forgot about the clothes color thing. That bugs me too. It's like they're not really looking sometimes - even if dd is in pink and flowers, I still get "is that a girl?". God forbid she wears blue jeans or something, everyone always thinks she's a boy!!
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Old 04-04-2003, 03:16 PM
 
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I agree, TM. Most people are just wanting an easy answer to that question (and don't get even the basic rudiments of it like the B/G thing) but I seem incapable of giving a basic answer. Like when people ask me if we have twins in the family, I give them all the details they don't really care about like yes, we do but genetics isn't an issue with MZ twins like it is with fraternal, and that the dad's side of the family doesn't matter, etc. etc. etc. Then I proceed to list all the things that increase the chance of twins, like being older, getting pregnant the first month off the pill, etc. They look at me like, "Dang, lady! I didn't really want to know all that!" If I just give a simple "yes" I somehow feel like I am being dishonest by not giving the whole story.

On the gender thing, I have had people fuss at me when they guess wrong, like it is my fault. "Well, you have them in blue!" Nope, that is lavender, and anyway it has flowers and bows all over it!
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Old 04-04-2003, 05:34 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Laralou - When I was working before having my dd my coworkers called me "The Queen of Useless Information" because I was always spouting facts I'd read. It sounds like you and I are a lot alike! I too read the article in Twins magazine about MZ twins being b/g pairs. The other way they can be a b/g pair is if the boy is a normal healthy boy and the girl loses her "boy chromosome" and becomes a girl with Turner's Syndrome. I also feel like I have to educate everyone on twins and how they are formed, etc.

Oh...and don't get me started on clothes and people guessing their gender. I once had my dd, Haven dressed in a sweet denim dress and hat to get her pictures taken. I ran into a man I knew and he commented on how cute "he" was. I said that he was a she and this man got VERY offended and said "Well...she's dressed in blue!" and I said "But it's a blue DRESS!!"

My girls each had their own chorion, amnion and placentas but through DNA testing we found out that they are indeed MZ. I've also read that 25-33% of MZ twins don't share anything in the womb. That's a pretty high precentage.

Karen - Mama to Haven (9/00) , Lillie & Faith (MZ - 12/02) and my first homebirthed baby, Willa (3/08)
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Old 04-04-2003, 05:46 PM
 
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T
Karen, how did you come to do the DNA testing? We are fairly certain our boys are fraternal but to be 100% sure we would have to do DNA tests. We've thought about it and figure it's probably just too expensive to mess with. Sorry if this is too personal .
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Old 04-04-2003, 07:54 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hi, DeeDee. Your question isn't personal at all. We decided to do the DNA test after our girls were born and finding out that their blood type was the same. We were pretty sure they were fraternal since #1 they didn't share anything and #2 statistically we had a higher chance of having fraternal twins (2/3 of twins are fraternal). Once we found out the babies were the same sex we knew we'd have to do a bit more research to find out their zygosity. When they were born their ped ordered the blood typing test and it came back with them both being A+. If they would have had different blood types then we would have known for sure they were fraternal. We said we were going to wait until they got older before ordering the DNA test but I got anxious to know plus I got tired of not knowing what to tell people when they asked. The test wasn't that expensive...$150 total plus it was SUPER easy to perform. We're really tight on money but it was worth every penny for us to know for sure. We got our results back almost 2 weeks ago and I was truly shocked that the girls are identical. They do resemble each other but there are differences. Lillie has more hair and Faith is quite a bit heavier. But, if you put hats on them they are almost impossible to tell apart. Anyway...long story short....it truly is worth it to know for sure what your babies' zygosity is. If you and your dh are debating on what your boys are then I say go for it!

By the way...we used Proactive Genetics (www.proactivegenetics.com) but there are plenty of other companies to choose from.

Karen - Mama to Haven (9/00) , Lillie & Faith (MZ - 12/02) and my first homebirthed baby, Willa (3/08)
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Old 04-05-2003, 02:04 PM
 
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My favorite irritating comment of all time was when I was pushing the double stroller with 7-week old infants, and some very well-meaning woman looked at my huge post-partum self and asked when my next one was due!!!!

When people say they can't imagine having twins, I smile and say, "No, you can't. And I can't imagine having triplets!"
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Old 04-09-2003, 12:46 AM
 
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" You are so lucky, I want to have twins!!"

This pushes some very sensitive buttons for me.People just don't get it. I never wanted twins. I understood completely (or so I thought; reality is so much more REALwhen it happens to you) how difficult the journey would be. My sister has idnetical girls and my cousin has fratenal boys. I watched them struggle ....

The button the comment pushes is the emotional one of not ever being able to do for or know my beautiful babies as well as my singleton. It is just physically impossible for me to have that kind of connection with two babies at the same time. For the good and well being of the babies I must depend on the help of others to help me raise the twins. I want to cry evertime I have to choose between them. I want to scream every time some one says this because of the pain in my heart of knowing I am "missing" something and that the twins are not getting all of me.

Yes Yes I know they have "each other", this by the way is my second pet peeve comment, but that does not help my heart. Logically I know they are fine but it is something in me that aches everytime I am reminded of the fact that I have twins. I usually will kindly tell people that they are better off having their babies one at a time.

Julianne
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Old 04-09-2003, 10:17 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Julianne - I know what you are feeling all too well. My first dd is my soul mate. She and I are so connected and so close. She hardly had to ever shed a tear because I never had my hands full and wasn't able to comfort her. My two little ones don't have to cry very often but it's more often then I'm happy with. There are too many times that I just can't make them both happy and that just breaks my heart. So many people comment on how sweet it is that the babies suck their thumbs. To me it's not so sweet. My oldest didn't *have* to suck her thumb...she could comfort nurse whenever. These two have had to find ways to soothe themselves. I hate that at not even 4-months they've had to learn that already.

A big pet peeve of mine is when someone tells me that they have two children very close in age and so it must be the same as having twins. I very politely tell them that it's not even close.

Karen - Mama to Haven (9/00) , Lillie & Faith (MZ - 12/02) and my first homebirthed baby, Willa (3/08)
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Old 04-10-2003, 01:57 AM
 
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Why do peolpe feel the need to comiserate or compete with twins/triplets/quads. Having two babies even 9 mos apart is not the same as two babies the same age. I was in a playgroup with a women who had adopted one baby and then became pregnant the same month her adopted baby was born. She was always comparing her experience to mine and explaining to me exactly how hers was so much more difficult. Meanwhile her oldest is rolling on the floor, sitting up, taking steps, holding a sippy cup, eating solid foods. We all know what I was doing, I did not last in this playgroup for very long.

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Old 04-10-2003, 02:15 AM
 
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I hate that one! The lady across the street keeps telling me that she had 3 in diapers so she knows how I feel. I know she has good intentions, but it is not the same. I want to scream that it isn't the diapers!

But you said exactly what I felt Julianne. Exactly. I don't want to seem ungrateful, but I think how much we all are sacrificing - me, dh, ds and the girls- and I just want to pop people that say that they want twins.
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Old 04-10-2003, 03:20 AM
 
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Laralou
If only it were just the diapers!!!! This made me laugh. Thanks for the levity.
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