Decision to have another baby? - Mothering Forums

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Old 09-22-2006, 04:35 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Any suggestions, encouragement, support etc. We have an 8 yr. 6yr daughters and 2 1/2 yr. old Idt.twin daughters. I certainly thought after twin I would want to have more children, as we all know they are handfull!! Now at 36 yr. old. I'm wondering and have thoughts of having another, but feeling weird about it. Questioning myself, am I too old? Am I really not realizing trying for a boy? What will people think of me having 5 children, people make lots of comments as it is? What if I have twins again? I just want to be sure of myself that I want a baby and not a trying for a boy (it feels selfish to me), but I'm sure deep down my husband and I do. I love my girls they are wonderful, they keep us smiling everyday! Just wondering if anyone had gone though these feeling?? Thanks for listening.:
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Old 09-22-2006, 05:35 PM
 
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I only have the twins but yes I do want more kids, if we had twins again I would feel double blessed again. I don't think you are crazy at all. IMHO the more people you have to love the more love you have to give. I grew up with 5 bros and sis we had 6 kids I never felt a lack of attention always had someone to play with. People who think that having more then 2 kids is a burden sometimes don't get how much joy children can bring to our lives. I say if you and DH want more go for it. My SIL thought they only wanted 2 got pg by suprise and now they can't imagine their lives without their youngest they always felt like somthing was missing in their lives b4 the youngest now they feel complete. I may be rambling a bit but I love big familys my uncle had 10 kids another 2 had 9 and all my cousins are happy well adjusted adults who love all thier bros and sis the one with 10 also had 4 special needs foster kids as well . A lot of people did think wow they have their hands full but they also saw how happy their family was and lots of people were jelous of all the love they had for each other
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Old 09-22-2006, 05:35 PM
 
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Just my opinion, but if you want another baby and think you can handle it ,then do it. Dont worry about what people say. They aren't the ones who raising the child. Also,there is a way to have a boy. If you really want a boy, go for it. Go and buy the book "how to choose the sex of your baby" . It comes down to science. Honestly, I had two boys and wanted two girls and read the book and did it to the 't' and got two wonderful girls. We did get a bonus girl in there but it worked. Fyi, we cant take all the credit though we did also pray for twin girls.
Another thing you mentioned was age. Well dont let age stop you. Look at all the people/celebrities having their first babies in their 40's. So go for it. ANd if you get a bonus baby (twins again) yay! you're doublely blessed again.
Anyways, hope that helps any.
take care
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ds2 (5.5)
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Old 09-22-2006, 06:39 PM
 
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I think large families are beautiful! I would love to have more children, my husband not so sure. If you and your husband agree, I say go for it! My aunt and uncle had 6 children, 5 girls and the last a boy. Her last was born when she was 42. She would have had more, but it didn't happen (they don't believe in birth control).

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Old 09-22-2006, 06:53 PM
 
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We knew we wanted more....just werent sure when.....but as you can tell from my siggy.....lol
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Old 09-22-2006, 06:55 PM
 
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We are planning on try when the girls turn 2. Naturally we wouldn't mind a boy (or two) but it isn't like I'd be heartbroken with another girl. DH insists that we will have twin boys next, but I'm happily dreaming on a nice, uncomplicated singleton pregnancy. If you want another, go for it! My mom had her last one at 36.

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Old 09-23-2006, 02:05 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Wow, thanks so much for all your comments. Makes me feel much better about my feelings and doubts. Although our families migtht not be so supportive of our decision I am so happy I can get here at MDC!
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Old 09-23-2006, 11:56 PM
 
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I agree that if you and DH are truely on board with this then go for it. Don't let your family stop you! It is your decision, not theirs. AND NO, you are not too old, but your chance for a second chance at twins is higher .

mama to Joshua (9), Lily (8), Jude (6) and Ava (6)

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Old 09-25-2006, 02:13 PM
 
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Actually your chances of twins only increase if your twins are fraternal. Fraternal twinning occurs when the mother releases two eggs in an ovulation cycle. Identical twinning is a "fluke" and has no genetic predisposition. So, since your twins, 4daughters, are identical, you have no more chance of having a second set than if you didn't have twins at all, ya know what I mean?

I on the other hand have frat. twin boys and my chances have quadrupled, making it a 1 in 20 chance to have twins again. I want one more baby so badly, but just not ready to do the twin thing again. Been there done that. I love my twins and I am very happy to be blessed with that gift of two babies, but 5 children is just a little scary to me!

We too are having a very hard time trying to decide whether or not to have more. I go back and forth almost every day! Most of the time I feel like I do, but the thought is a little scary, however the thought of not having one more baby is heartbreaking.......ugh, I even confuse myself.

Good luck with your decision and whatever decision you make will be the right one. And remember, If God brings you to it, he will bring you throught it!

Jessica Siczkowycz

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Old 09-25-2006, 02:43 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Funny thing is that my mom had fraternal twin boys, only one survived cause of complications, but Fraternal twins run in my family but I had Identical twins does that me there is still a chance of having twins again.

I go back and forth everyday with the decision too, but we do have a lot of love to give. I guess the scary thing is my chances of having twins again.
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Old 09-26-2006, 11:55 AM
 
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Well, yeah, your chances of having twins again are only because fraternal twinning runs in your family. Are you sure that you girls are identical and not fraternal? We were told that our boys were identical at birth, but it's obvious that they are not, and then we got a pathology report on the placenta and it was found to be 2 fused placentas instead of one, as originally thought. Therefore, they are fraternal.

I totally know about the going back and forth thing! Story of my life these days! The real problem is that hubby is less enthusiastic about having more than I am. I see one more as a piece of cake compared to having twins! Plus, the boys will be in 1/2 day kindergarten when the baby would be born, so for part of the day, it would be like having only one again. That was much easier than having twins, so that doesn't really scare me at all! But, now I am starting a ver fulfilling labor assistant career and possible some home birth assisting for my midwife and that is just awesome! I can't decide........:

Jessica Siczkowycz

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Old 09-26-2006, 01:53 PM
 
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We were originally going to TTC when the girls were 2, but Rivka came along when they were 17 months old : but it has been the biggest blessing having them so close togehter. We (read me dh wants to wait a bit longer) wanted to TTC when Rivka turned 1, but we are going back to the states for a time and plans are uncertain so it's not a good time to TTC at the moment. Also dh is not ready for 4 under 4. Our girls are frat (not officially but they look nothing alike so we assume) and I would love to be blessed with twins again. I was slightly dissapointed Rivka was a singleton. Almost felt like a let down, just *one* baby. Anyway that is a long winded (do we have a smiley for that) way of saying Yes, we would like more kids, yes I would be thrilled if we had twins again, and I think we will TTC within the next year or so, making our twins a bit over 4 and Rivka 2.5 - 3 when the new one will come.

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Old 09-26-2006, 04:54 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Perhaps you can have a career and new baby, not easy but doable. Pretty sure my twins are identical, same blood type, in one membrane, but separate sacs, one placenta and they look exactly the same except one is thinner.
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Old 09-26-2006, 10:04 PM
 
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My kids are pretty close in age to yours and I'm 25 weeks pregnant with #5. Honestly the comments haven't been very nice this time but I really don't care (usually someone mentioning that either dh or I need to get fixed). One of my twins is a boy so at least I don't have to hear lots of comments about 'trying for that boy' like I did last time. I'm 30 so I'd love to have a few more although sometimes I think I lost my mind. I'm pretty happy about only having 1 baby this time though. My twin pregnancy was so rough.

My kids are 8 yog, 6 yog, and almost 2.5 yo b/g twins.

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Old 09-27-2006, 06:42 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Wow they are the same ages! I guess those are the comments I'm afraid of, but as long and we're okay with it I guess I really should't care what everyone else thinks. right! Why do I? If I do get pregnant I don't think I'll tell anyone until I have no choice. I think I'm crazy too sometimes, but it is what it is.
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Old 09-28-2006, 03:24 AM
 
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Perhaps you can have a career and new baby, not easy but doable. Pretty sure my twins are identical, same blood type, in one membrane, but separate sacs, one placenta and they look exactly the same except one is thinner.
definately identical then -- if the babies share *anything* they are identical..and even if they share nothing, there is still roughly a 25% chance that they are identical. The cheek swab test removes all doubt in the latter cases.

There are cases of ID twins running in families -- like the lady a year or two back who had identical quad girls...she was an identical twin herself with it running all through their family.
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Old 09-28-2006, 03:43 PM
 
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I had DS - and so enjoyed him - but was much more mainstream in my approach to everything then. Then the triplets came along - all of a sudden I became very AP in my parenting style - but it was so difficult to parent that way with the higher order multiples. Now - even though the kids are sucking the life out of me most days (see my many many posts on that topic) - I find myself pining away for another singleton. A baby that I can sling all day, nurse on demand, extended BF, co-sleep, really truly bond with on a very deep level . . . . then I think of the downsides . . . not fitting in our minivan? . . .everything that frustrates my now being that much more frustrating (difficulty going out, going to playgroups or parks, socializing at all really) . . .and the hardest part is my frustration about getting so little time with any individual child . . .and I think how I would be further cheating my triplets . . .and poor older DS .. . by putting another baby's demands on me and their dad . . . .

Anyone else?

TripMom . . . . . loving mom : to DS (7) and BBG (4.5)
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Old 09-28-2006, 03:46 PM
 
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Originally Posted by lilgsmommy View Post
We knew we wanted more....just werent sure when.....but as you can tell from my siggy.....lol
Is it Twins again?

TripMom . . . . . loving mom : to DS (7) and BBG (4.5)
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Old 09-29-2006, 12:32 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Oh sure tripmom, I feel the same, don't know about you but my twins fight over me all the time. If one lays on me the other tries to pull the other off of me so she could have me all to herself. Don't get me wrong I love every minute of it, but when I think of have another I feel like you said having one and slinging, BFing etc. THen the frustration sets in my 4 bedrooms are full. Do I force my older kids to share a room? Finances? How would I spend time with them. They already feel like I favor the twins over them. AHHH! But someone told me if your in it you'll have no choice but to do it and everything will fall into place. Still pining....
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Old 09-29-2006, 07:27 PM
 
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It took me a while to feel ready again, and by 3.5 I said I'm as ready as i'll ever be LOL. I got pg and had a m/c, then got pg again a few motnhs later, so my guys will be almost 5 when their baby brother is born. I think this timing is the best for us, but you ahve to decide what you're ready for.
And don't worry about what other people think - they probably think you're nuts for haivng 4 already. I know people looked at me and were surprised I wasn't "done."

Christine, mama to Daniel & Abby, 9 and Patrick, 4. Wife to a rockin' train engineer. Gluten and nightshade-free. Multiple kiddie food sensitivities.

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Old 10-27-2006, 05:08 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Oh man, now dh is undecided, financial reasons, don't know why he has doubts otherwise. I going more toward yes and now he's going toward no:
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Old 10-27-2006, 06:27 PM
 
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Well, I had twins first, then a singleton when they were 2.5yo. What I feel like I missed out on is the REAL "babymoon" where you can just stay in bed all day and nurse and play. With my twins, I was a single mom and just exhausted all the time, and then when I got married and had my singleton, I already had two little toddler boys who also needed my attention. So I'm kind of bummed that I'll never get a babymoon. But oh well. We want to have another someday, but won't start ttc til the boys are 5yo.

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Old 10-29-2006, 05:44 PM
 
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I'm glad to see other multiples mommies wanting more children. My boys are 3 now and I REALLY want to start planning #3. I also have this urge to sling a singleton everywhere I go! I would love to experience a girl and if not a girl then save another foreskin!! I want to experience 1 baby. I would have more than 3 children if finances and dh would allow it. Infact, that's what holds me back from baby #3.....my dh. He's not so sure he wants our family to be any bigger. 4daughters, will you try to "talk him into it"? That's my current problem. I'm afraid to even talk to dh about another, because what do I do if he doesn't want another?

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Old 10-29-2006, 07:30 PM
 
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I want another one once dh graduates and gets a "real" job. Somedays I think to myself "NO way do I want another", but most days I do. Dh is willing to do whatever I'd like.

I too say, if you want more and can handle them -- go for it! I hope your dh gets back on board.
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Old 10-29-2006, 11:17 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm glad to see other multiples mommies wanting more children. My boys are 3 now and I REALLY want to start planning #3. I also have this urge to sling a singleton everywhere I go! I would love to experience a girl and if not a girl then save another foreskin!! I want to experience 1 baby. I would have more than 3 children if finances and dh would allow it. Infact, that's what holds me back from baby #3.....my dh. He's not so sure he wants our family to be any bigger. 4daughters, will you try to "talk him into it"? That's my current problem. I'm afraid to even talk to dh about another, because what do I do if he doesn't want another?
I'm sort of keeping off the subject for now and maybe bring it up again in a couple of months, I don't want to push it too much and want dh to make the desicion w/me and it not be one sided.
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Old 10-30-2006, 07:28 AM
 
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We decided to TTC this bub shortly after my boys turned two.

Mine are ID so I wasn't too concerned about multiples. If you feel reasy for it, I say go for it.

I personally didn't feel ready until my boys were about two because they were still so very dependent on me and I was concerned that I may be overwhelmed. They'll be three and three months when this bub is due and I feel that's perfect. They're so enthusiastic about a baby coming and they talk about "Baby Sol" all the time and are obsessed with babies. I'm going to have two fantastic helpers methinks!
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Old 11-06-2006, 12:35 PM - Thread Starter
 
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That's funny, cause my twins are obsessed with babies, everywhere we go they make a b-line to any babies they see and are so motherly toward them it amazes me. And makes me want another, crazy huh.
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Old 11-06-2006, 02:22 PM
 
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We have a 3 year old and 10 month old twins and we'd like more kids one day. Probably start TTC when the twins are 3, which means I would around 30. I would like a singleton boy next, then after him another set of boy/girl twins. I have it all planned out.

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Old 11-06-2006, 10:50 PM
 
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We haven't done anything permanent, but these days I am super glad I have an IUD! I *think* maybe we will talk about another child when the twins are 4-5 years old. I too feel like I will have missed a lot of the cool times with a singleton since Meagan and Morgan arrived when Rachel was 16 months old.

It all depends on what I want to do with my photography career. My husband seems to be of the accord that it's my decision since I'm the one that would be dedicating more years to an infant/toddler. I don't think he would mind either way.
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Old 11-07-2006, 03:31 AM
 
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We were told that our boys were identical at birth, but it's obvious that they are not, and then we got a pathology report on the placenta and it was found to be 2 fused placentas instead of one, as originally thought. Therefore, they are fraternal.
Identical twins more often then not have separate placentas. Just b/c yours had 2 doesn't mean they're fraternal for sure. You'd have to have them tested to know for certain.

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