How to transition them OUT of family bed? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 17 Old 10-23-2006, 11:29 PM - Thread Starter
 
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My twins are almost 3 yo and we are still co-sleeping, but I need to get them out of our bed. I am DONE.

I am so fried from their poor sleeping and nightwaking that I have been sleeping at my mom's house two nights a week to try and make a dent in my long term sleep deprivation.

Several nights that I have been gone, they have slept through the night. They have NEVER done this with me at home. This makes me think they might sleep better alone if we can transition them their own beds.

We got them twin beds in their own rooms this weekend, but neither of them are too interested in making a switch, and ds is downright against the idea.

So how do you make the transition when they don't want to? Plus, dh or I lie down with them while they fall asleep, which also needs to stop (since I really don't want to continue to spend two hours a day waiting for them to fall asleep at nap and nighttime while they crawl all over me). Anyway, there's no way I can lie down with both of them in different beds . . .

I've tried sleeping in a different place in our house, but if they know I'm home, the first time they wake up, they freak out until I'm back in the family bed.

Ideas? I'm not coming up with anything on my own and this is something that needs to happen or I will lose my mind. I really need my own space back, not to mention some serious sleep.
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#2 of 17 Old 10-23-2006, 11:35 PM
 
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It sounds like they have separate bedrooms, correct me if I'm wrong. If they do and they're used to sleeping together, maybe they'd be more interested in sharing a room. Could you put both of their beds in one room or even have them share a bed for a while, to get the transition started?

Mama to two crazy boys (8/05 & 9/07) and happy wife to one wonderful hubby.
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#3 of 17 Old 10-23-2006, 11:51 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Yeah, I thought about that, but I honestly don't think that sleeping together will give them any greater degree of comfort. They don't seem to care if the other one is in bed or not, only if I am in bed or not.
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#4 of 17 Old 10-24-2006, 12:00 PM
 
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My girls are needy sleepers, too. We have a king sized bed for me and dh and baby in our room and the girls sleep together on a full-sized mattress on the floor next to our bed. That works well for us. Most nights they sleep through the night without calling to me to come down to them. We tried them in separate rooms and together in one room and none of those really worked. They would wake up in the night and either call for me or walk into our room and crawl in our bed- the one on the floor wasn't appealing and they would only sleep there if i came down to that one, too, which defeated the purpose.
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#5 of 17 Old 10-24-2006, 02:49 PM
 
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My older DS is over 4 now - and showing no signs of wanting to give up the co-sleeping. And DH and I are really over it too -- he kicks us and flails all night long. Often flips from head to foot - its amazing how much we actually get kicked in the head! All this in a Cal King sized bed! My triplets are in their cribs - in one room - so far they have only wanted to co-sleep sporadically. I've only ever had older DS and 1 of the trips in bed with DH and I at one time - but even that is totally cramped. Looking for some good advice too . . . my suspicion is that it entails a lot of not sleeping and walking DS back to his room over and over again???

DH is really cracking. He has insomnia problems -and when DS kicks him awake he often can't get back to sleep.

And I am not willing to do the mattresses on the floor thing so we can all sleep in one room.

OK - rambling.

Hopefully someone has BTDT!

TripMom . . . . . loving mom : to DS (7) and BBG (4.5)
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#6 of 17 Old 10-24-2006, 09:32 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I mentioned today that they will be sleeping in their own beds soon. After the wailing and screaming "no! no!" died down, I asked if they would like to sleep together in one room. That was a no-go too . . .

Our room is only 9x9 feet, and is currently filled wall-to-wall with mattress. So there's not really another place for a bed for them in our room.

Yes tripmom, I think this transition will entail a lot of walking kids back to their beds in the middle of the night. (Or should I say, carrying them back kicking and screaming?). Ugh.
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#7 of 17 Old 10-24-2006, 10:29 PM
 
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I know. People keep telling me that he'll transition himself when he is ready. I just don't see it? And we are really cracking up from such poor quality sleep . . . . .

TripMom . . . . . loving mom : to DS (7) and BBG (4.5)
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#8 of 17 Old 10-25-2006, 12:14 AM
 
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Sounds rough! I was going to suggest them sharing a double bed but since they don't like that idea, then I don't know. I hope you all get some sleep soon.

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#9 of 17 Old 10-25-2006, 10:36 AM
 
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This book helped me tremendously, I wish I had it for my first child who slept with us until 5, I was like a zombie. Now she loves her bed and so do the rest of my children. Don't get me wrong I loved co-sleeping with all me kids but after a while I needed some space and time with dh and sleep. Getting kicked in the mouth or stomach or nose got frustrating after a while.

"Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Marc Weissbluth" -- I used from the book that worked for me and my family and everyone was happy in the long run. I also used the book for my twins. Good luck.
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#10 of 17 Old 10-25-2006, 01:26 PM
 
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Originally Posted by 4daughters View Post
This book helped me tremendously, I wish I had it for my first child who slept with us until 5, I was like a zombie. Now she loves her bed and so do the rest of my children. Don't get me wrong I loved co-sleeping with all me kids but after a while I needed some space and time with dh and sleep. Getting kicked in the mouth or stomach or nose got frustrating after a while.

"Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Marc Weissbluth" -- I used from the book that worked for me and my family and everyone was happy in the long run. I also used the book for my twins. Good luck.
Quick Q - does it tell you how to transition a child who has co-slept for years and doesn't want to transition to their own bed?

TripMom . . . . . loving mom : to DS (7) and BBG (4.5)
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#11 of 17 Old 10-25-2006, 02:52 PM
 
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Originally Posted by TripMom View Post
Quick Q - does it tell you how to transition a child who has co-slept for years and doesn't want to transition to their own bed?
Yes, I believe the book goes from newborn to 5 years old. I remember something about co-sleeping ...The book had two methods A and B--I haven't read in a while but I think method B was more strict. Like I said I took from the book what worked for us and I knew would work for my children (personality wise). I read the whole thing got a good understanding and it took 4 nights for my 5 year old to transition (it wasn't easy she has a very strong personality) after that she slept in her bed happily. My 3 year old transitioned in 2 nights and only whimpered. And my twins at 10 mos. slept in their own cribs with this method at 5:30 am they would come in my bed to nurse, until they weened at 27 mos. and now go to bed at 7pm and wake between 7 and 8 am. Of course I would let them all in my bed in the AM which I loved--I just needed to sleep at night.
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#12 of 17 Old 10-25-2006, 04:03 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Ooops. I just gave that book away to rummage. I guess I should have had a second look at it.

I do recall it helped me learn to time naps better when mine were really little (good info about sleep patterns and such), but the rest of the stuff was a lot of CIO tips as I recall. I will take another look at it at the library I guess and see what it says about older kids.
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#13 of 17 Old 10-30-2006, 03:47 AM
 
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Also looking for some tips here! My girls are only 17 months, but I am 6 weeks pregnant and am in DESPERATE need of sleep. I have night weaned them (I was feeling some uncomfortable cramping when they were at it all night) which is helping a bit, but as I get bigger I am going to need my own space. Also, I intend to co-sleep with the next little munchkin and would like a little rest period where my bed is just mine and dh's for a little bit! ANy suggestions welcome!
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#14 of 17 Old 10-30-2006, 11:37 AM
 
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Here are some reviews on the book Healthy sleep habbits healthy baby. I used it for help with naps, sleep and when they got older as well.

The book changed our life!
Thank God for this book! I was ejucated about colic, about sleep needs for infants and older children and teenagers! After having a fussy baby for 2.5 months the book helped us teach our daughter to fall and stay asleep without having to listen to her cry for hours! Her naps got long, she is sleeping through the night and she is finally a HAPPY little baby! And she goes to sleep without a minute of cry!!!
I am going to get this book for whoever is expecting a baby! Or whoever strugles with putting their children to sleep.
VITAL INFO!

The ONLY book to read on this subject !
Having read and followed the superb advice (based not only on extensive research but old proven techniques), this book is the bible for raising babies. Simple but oh so effective, it guides you through all the techniques to train (yes train) your baby to sleep-something which is most important for babies (and adults!). The advice may seem hard to follow (if you read some of the so called "new-age" theories which believe babies are born with this ability to sleep), but rest assured they are right on the mark !

The results are not just a very happy/healthy baby who is full of energy every day, but very well rested/happy parents. You can enjoy raising children as it should be-with a smile on your face. Buy it and you need no other book on this subject.

Read and enjoy the book-and enjoy your babies from day one !!

Healthy Sleep for sleep-deprived parents too!
I highly recommend this book and wish we had known about this book earlier than at our 3 month olds birthday. This is without a doubt allowed us as new parents to feel like we had control over the situation. Read the book cover to cover and it will start to make sense to you as you are able to interpret your baby's sleepy signs.
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#15 of 17 Old 10-30-2006, 12:43 PM
 
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I've heard good things about that book. I have never co-slept, so I'm no help.

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#16 of 17 Old 10-30-2006, 09:22 PM
 
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Our twin girls are going to be 4 in January and they are transitioning to their own bed since I am pregnant and just needed more room in our queen bed. These are some of the steps that we took: instead of using their twin beds separately, we pushed them together and got a new pair of sheets that they were really excited about. Then we were given a new lamp that's kind-of a cross between a night light and a lamp. It's brighter than a real night light but not too too bright. Then during the day we would talk about a lot about them being ready to sleep by themselves and that if they felt like they needed me to call then they could but that they should just stay in bed and I would come. At first I would go in and lay with them while they went back to sleep (and of course, occasionally send up in there all night) but after a couple of weeks I started to work with them on not staying, just going in to give a little comfort and then leaving. Well....this transition began about a month ago and last night was the first time they did not call me in at all. The amount that they call me in has been shrinking every week and at first I thought I was going to go crazy because it is so much more difficult to walk to another room to comfort a child than it is to just roll over and comfort them. I think that it is working, though. They seem to be relying on each other more than they are relying on me which was is great. This morning when they woke up I could hear them talking with each other over the monitor but they didn't call me and eventually they just came into our room to say they were ready for breakfast. I'm hoping for a repeat tonight
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#17 of 17 Old 10-30-2006, 10:28 PM
 
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We just transitioned our almost 3 year olds about a month ago. What worked for us was redecorating their room (up until then we'd had a king bed in it which is where I slept with them). We painted the room, got them twin mattresses (on the floor, no bedframes) with sheets they loved and a few new toys. They were really jazzed about having their own beds! At the same time, we were moving our 5 1/2 yr old out of "our" bed (she and dh slept in dh and my room) into her room/bed - that involved a sticker chart with a big reward at the end of 10 days in her own bed. My twins still nurse to sleep and it takes almost no time to get them down so I have no advice there. They don't sleep through the night and at least one of the three of them always ends up in our bed but what was important to me was that the evening they be in their own beds and that in the middle of the night they not disturb us too much - now they just walk in and crawl into bed instead of waking me up
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