My 22 month old twins won't listen HELP - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 6 Old 11-23-2006, 08:59 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I am at wits end.: I am a stay-at-home mom and my twins are out of control and I don't know what to do. They climb on tables, spit out their drinks, bite (you name it, they do it): . I know much of are phases, BUT they don't listen to me when I ask them to stop - I have tried everything...redirecting...time out... they just go right back to what I don't want them to do and they smile at me. As you know, it gets stressful b/c it is times two. I have a 4 year old who was never like this so I am clueless and stressed. Looking for any tips you have.

TIA,
Melanie
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#2 of 6 Old 11-23-2006, 03:00 PM
 
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I'm just subbing. I dont have any advice really. I'm going through the same thing with my twins, but they are only 15 months. My dd bites her brother and HARD. He is covered in tiny dine size bruises. And my ds screams like crazy every time you put him in the high chair.
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#3 of 6 Old 11-23-2006, 04:19 PM
 
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Ah 22 months! Oh the flashbacks - er, memories!

Hugs to you, it's SOOOOO hard. You will survive. It won't be easy, sorry to say, but you will survive. The good news is you will block out most of it from your memory later.:

OK, so I don't remember much from that age (biting, screaming, dangerous stunts do come back to me though now you remind me - thanks!) but here are a few things I do recall:

1. At this age I started insisting on "me" time. For our family this worked out as me getting a 45-minute walk around the block early every morning, while DH twin-wrangled and fed them breakfast. I've read a variety of ways mamas do this here on MDC, from monthly to weekly to daily ways mama can get some time for herself. I found it was essential to my sanity - and frankly, still is. I must say I really had to INSIST on this. Simply stating it was not enough. To DH's credit, he has since taken on the role with gusto.

2. Simple toddler-proofing as you may recall from your singleton's days will not be sufficient. Put away anything they can climb on and destroy themselves on. We put away the livingroom furniture (all of it, yes, all of it); dining room chairs (some people bungee chord the chairs to the tables when not in use); used the most challenging child locks we could find on every possible opening in the house; built in custom gating so that they could have a HUGE free zone for toys and play. You get the idea. If they're climbing on it, throwing it, tearing it up, digging it out, destroying it, then get it out of sight. Later you can teach them about impulse control. Right now you must survive. The house will be bare. Except for the explosion of toys.

3. Track them, track them, track them. Learn what triggers the bites - it's such a common problem for multiples. Are they tired, hungry, bored, teething, etc? Saying "no" is probably not enough, you will have to go pick them up - try to get them before the bite happens. This is not always possible I know, you do have to pee sometimes... sigh... I got a UTI about this age because I was trying so hard to keep the biting down.

4. Get out and go places where they can run around or will be content corralled in a stroller or whatever they like to do. Do this every single day if at all possible. We have a big park with no slides or other stuff like that, just nature, that saved me during this time. The mall in our area was also good, in the hours before opening. I'd set 'em down and say "RUN!!!" Our mall is small, of course.

5. I found anything resembling a time out only worked when I used it on me. I did so freely. In other words, when you get to the end of your rope for the 100 millionth time that day, get them into as safe a location as you can and take 5-10 minutes away for yourself. Check email, do MDC, eat chocolate, whatever. Unless you hear signs of 911-calling-level distress, just take a few minutes to calm down and then head back into the fray. Don't forget to breathe.

It's hard. It's really really really hard. No one can imagine how hard if they haven't lived through it. You will live through it. I promise you will. I remember coming on here about that age and people would tell me I would survive and I couldn't imagine how, I just couldn't. But here we all are at a little over 3 years and all still alive. The livingroom is back in place, as are the dining room chairs, and we can finally relax some (NOT ALL!!!) of our childproofing. One thing that helped me was Dr. Josh Coleman, who used to write for Twins Magazine, and is also a father of five including a set of twins, said once that until age 4 or 5, with twins it's all about survival. He further pointed out that with young twins, every single day parents are stretched beyond their breaking point.

The picture is not always this grim, of course. They are cute little buggers and APing helps. We understand their personhood even when they themselves don't seem to. And we have a community of support here.

You can do it. You really can. Hang in there. More hugs.

ETA: I just ran this by DH who agreed with me and added that the combo of toddlerproofing and constant continuous redirecting was the basis of our overall strategy. Redirecting seems as if it's doing nothing at this age, but over time it works. Really. LOL
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#4 of 6 Old 11-23-2006, 07:06 PM
 
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Thank you so much for such a great post, AmyY!

SAHM married to with twin boys  and a girl .  
 
 
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#5 of 6 Old 11-23-2006, 07:41 PM
 
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"Teeth are not for biting" I bought this book a few months ago on recommendations from other twin parents. It has at least HELPED them to know that biting is bad : Seriously it is one of their favorite books, and I think it is helping to curb the biting

http://www.amazon.com/Teeth-Are-Biti...e=UTF8&s=books

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Face the rear for MORE than a year! Toddlers' necks are safest in a rear facing carseat
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#6 of 6 Old 11-25-2006, 05:14 AM
 
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Redirecting does work, but VERY SLOWLY at this age (it took me about 6 weeks to keep them off the table). It get hard following through, but they are learning your limits and boundaries.

I have showed them that their teeth hurt by putting their own hands in their own mouths and pushin down (not too hard, but enoug to feel it). That seemed to help. But they aren't big biter's unless tired.

You will make it Momma!!

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They're not typos. . . I can't spell!
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