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Old 12-04-2006, 03:19 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I haven't posted in quite awhile..life has been too stressful! I have several questions..hoping someone can help me out....

The twins are now 9mo..almost 7mo adjusted. One twin has severe medical issues and has been in and out of the hosp..right now that's where she is. Whenever she's gone the twin at home gets extremely irritable. I have been told that I have to be exaggerating because there's no way she would know that her sister isn't there..but I know that's why she's so upset. My question is what can I do for her? It breaks my heart that she's so upset. I am already feeling so helpless for my sick baby..but now this too. Not to mention my very demanding 3yo..and my 5yo has special needs. I just feel so torn..and worn-out..and like I can't do anything right for any of them. I feel like no one is getting what they need..and it's my fault. : Anyone else dealing w/one sick twin and one healthy one..or at least one that is really behind the other developmentally? How do you do it? And do you have other kiddos? Both my older girls are having a hard time right now. My 5yo is so worried about her sister..and my 3yo is just stressed out. I try to give them special momma time..I am nursing the twins and my 3yo..so they at least have that time w/me..but my 5yo doesn't have much momma time at all. I try so hard to be there for them..and help them deal w/all the changes and stress..but I find it hard when I can barely handle it myself. I know it will get easier..but that doesn't get me thru this until it does..kwim? I'm so angry at myself as well because I can't seem to get a grip on life right now..I feel so inadequate. It feels like one crisis after another for us..I know it's not..we have 4 beautiful little girls..and for that I'm so grateful..it's just so hard sometimes..and I really struggle with feeling like I can't be a good momma to my girls. Sorry..I don't mean to come across as "poor me".."nothing is ever good". We have certainly had our share of heartache..just life anyone..but we have lots of joy in our lives as well. It's funny how during the good times life just speeds by..but during the challenging times life seems to stand still. anyway..thanks for listening..guess I just needed to vent abit. I try to keep things together for my girls..but there are times when it just builds up too much.

momma to my girls (9) (7) (4) (3) (7m) &
my little ones held only in my heart 4/12-17/00~8/01-twins~11/04~3/05~11/08
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Old 12-04-2006, 04:03 AM
 
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I couldn't read your post and not reply. I too had a boy/girl twins where the girl was healthy and the boy was sick. On top of that I was separated from most of my family living in the Ronald McDonald House and trying the meet the needs of my 5 other dds some who were living in the RMH with me and some who I had to leave at home. I too felt like I was failing to meet some/ a lot of the most basic needs for my family. Mama you are doing the best you can in a very hard situation. Try not to worry that you don't sound upbeat enough. It is tough. Of course your twins know they are not together. Not only have they been together after birth but they also snuggled and lived constantly beside each other before birth. To bring some comfort to my twins I would bring them together as often as possible. Maybe you could make a recording of each twin for the other to see while they are separated. I also hung pictures of the other twin in their beds. You could also try to bring in a blanket to be next to the other twin to soak up their sent and then bring it to the opposite twin so they can still smell each other. I know my little ones missed each other terribly when they were separated and my son slept so much better when his sister was snuggled up beside him in the hospital bed.
I basically wanted to let you know you were heard and there was someone who has shared a similar circumstance. Please feel free to PM or email me any time. Hugs again.
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Old 12-04-2006, 06:43 AM
 
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Oh mama, I want to send big hugs your way! I completely believe that your daughter knows her twin is gone and feels sadness. My twins are only 8 weeks old and we have definitely noticed that they are more comfortable together than apart...especially in the evening.

I don't have experience with your situation, but I just wanted to say that it sound like you are doing all that you can do in that difficult situation. My 5yo is having difficulties adjusting to not getting enough attention with the new babies here. I have found that the more present and "in the moment" I am during the time we have together (even if it is very short) the more it helps. Sort of a quality vs quantity. The statement that I use in my mind is
"BE HERE NOW". This helps me to not feel so scattered when spending time with my children.

Your daughters are so lucky to have you as their mama. The I also encourage you to keep coming back to this forum for support! Keep letting us know how you are doing.

Mama to Ainsley (7/01) , Finley (10/06) and Jade (10/06)
 

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Old 12-04-2006, 12:52 PM
 
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SAHM married to with twin boys  and a girl .  
 
 
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Old 12-04-2006, 12:56 PM
 
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Don't have any advice but just wanted to give you support, hang in there and all us moms can do is are very best.
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Old 12-04-2006, 04:37 PM
 
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I think pps idea about a blanket that smells of the other twin is a great idea. And also, "Be Here Now" is a great mantra. It really helps you stay in the moment and focus on only what you can do, not what you should have done, or what you should do tomorrow. I know I am often overwhelmed when I think of the cumulative needs of my 4 kids, but when I just deal with whatever need is currently in front of me, things are much more manageable.

BTW, "Be Here Now" is a Mason Jennings song. It always makes me think of my kiddos.
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Old 12-04-2006, 10:13 PM
 
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I have one twin who is sick alot. He's been in and out of the hospital more times then I care to remember. My twins have a hard time not being together. We do the blanket that smells like the other and tape recordings of their voices. My oldest child does not understand why mom and his siblings leave for hours sometimes days at a time and hates to spend time in the hospital.

I'd love to share more with you but someone who posts here in the twin forum belongs to a former group I belonged to and I do not feel comfortable at all sharing private details online because of them anymore. Feel free to pm or email me and I'm more then willing to share some tips I've used.
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Old 12-05-2006, 11:10 AM - Thread Starter
 
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thank you all for the ideas and support

We tried the blanket thing and that helped some..and I've already had her pic so the other twin can see it.

I am really trying the be here now frame of mind. It seems to be helping.

well I have to get to the hosp..thanks again!

momma to my girls (9) (7) (4) (3) (7m) &
my little ones held only in my heart 4/12-17/00~8/01-twins~11/04~3/05~11/08
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Old 12-06-2006, 12:20 AM
 
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I don't have a sick baby, but when one of my girls is gone, the others definately notice and depending on the situation, they can be very irritated by their missing sister. So you aren't exxagerating and I hope that the pps ideas of the blanket and tape help. Good luck!

Miriam , mom to jumpers.gif
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