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#1 of 10 Old 12-05-2006, 07:13 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I've just read that entire thread, and it had a lot of good stuff. Thanks. I feel like I can't take all of it and use it though, since I already have 3 kids in the house. I'm 12 weeks pg with twins and my kids are 6, 3 and 3 months. (The 3 month old is not a bio kid- I saw you scratching your heads!) I hope the baby will be out of our house well before the twins arrive. My partner is a pilot, and travels quite a bit. She typically sleeps at home 8 nights a month. Soo.....

I don't feel I can rest up after 6 months of pg, or that I'll be able to do nothing but nurse the babies and feed myself for a few weeks after they arrive. As for organizing ahead of time? I feel like I am barely getting by day to day now. I really wanted another child, but right now I am so scared that I am getting angry over stupid things. "Just put your damn socks on" came out of my mouth today. I just sat down and cried on the mudroom floor holding my 3 year old after that outburst. Not a great way to start the day for anyone.

I know I should probably hire out for help, but money is tight and it feels like I'm failing. My Job is to take care of the kids and the house, not hire someone to do it while I eat bonbons, kwim?

So I guess I'm looking for both words of encouragment (I need them! ) and advice from those who have been there/done that. How will I ever manage two babies if I can't even do it now with one? Thanks for listening to me cry!

Me.  With 1 spouse, 4 kids, 16 chickens, 74 matchbox cars, 968,562+ legos, a dishwasher waiting to be emptied, a washing machine waiting to be filled and a lost cup of tea in the house.

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#2 of 10 Old 12-05-2006, 10:46 PM
 
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I only have a minute to respond, but this struck me:

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Originally Posted by mumm View Post
I know I should probably hire out for help, but money is tight and it feels like I'm failing. My Job is to take care of the kids and the house, not hire someone to do it while I eat bonbons, kwim?
Trust me, after you have your twins (congratulations, BTW!) you can hire help (beg for it if you have to) and you still won't be eating bonbons! I would bet that you WILL want help--no, NEED help. And, yes, it is your job, but sometimes, as is the case with all "jobs" you need to offload/outsource/delegate/hire help. Call it whatever you want. With 2 or possibly 3 others, plus NB babies, line up some help. Just do it. I guarantee you won't regret having too much help. Do you have a relative that can help (who won't be a nuisance)? A friend? Community member? Churchgoer? High school student? College student? Middle school student? The kid that feeds your cats when you're away? The old lady that lives across the street? Find someone who is willing to help out at least for a few weeks.

I had a SIL stay for a week or so, then my parents came for a week or so, then I pieced people together so that I had help all day for the first 3 weeks. I wished I could have had more. It took me 6 weeks before I felt I had it "together" enough to get out of the house on a regular basis. Of course, everyone is different and every situation, birth, family is different. Just sharing my experience. Taking care of 2 NBs, nursing, and feeding yourself is a fulltime job. That leaves you with another fulltime job that needs to be done (your other children, the household, etc.). PLEASE don't feel like you need to do it all yourself because it is your job. It is okay to ask for help. That is one of the many lessons my babies have taught me already.
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#3 of 10 Old 12-05-2006, 11:16 PM
 
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You can do it! I took care of my girls by myself for 2 months and it was hard and I cried almost every day, but I got through it. Now we are blessed to have help M-F 9-5 and 2 school girls Tuesday pm for 2 hours. It is still a lot of work and I can't picture you with 2 kids and nb twins eating bonbons no matter how much help you have unless you delegate everything.

I would look around for mother's helpers for now and especially after the babies come. I found mine through a local private Jewish school that requires its students to have community service hours. Other religous schools may have similar requirements.

As for you, really listen to your body. I only did 2 days of bedrest (when I had some early spotting) and I swear it is because when my body said "no more" I listened. Figure out what HAS to be done and as long as that stuff is done you are good. Take out, ready-to-eat stuff, staying in your pjs all works if you can't do anymore. Pretty much everything else will wait. Have fun and enjoy this time!

Miriam , mom to jumpers.gif
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#4 of 10 Old 12-06-2006, 11:41 AM
 
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We've all had days like that, I regret loosing my temper plenty of times and yes it is stressful, just thinking about how you will manage, I know I did. First congratulations! You will be surprised how things will just fall into place. I'm the annal type who wants to do it all myself and always did handle it. But nursing and changing twins and taking care of two older kids, I started begging for help. My mom would come and do my laudry, My MIL cooked dinners for us, my sister would stop over and even strangers, neighbors ect. Luckily for me my family lives nearby. But if you don't have that then neighbors, even high school kids whoever can donate some time, call your church, perhaps. I had an 11 year old who love to come by and play with my 4 and 6 year old at the time, even that was helpful. My dh chipped in a lot as well, if it weren't for him, don't know how I would have managed. YOU CAN DO IT!
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#5 of 10 Old 12-06-2006, 12:45 PM
 
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This is a tough situation. I have always wondered how people carry twins while having young children in the house. I didn't have children while pregnant, so keep that in mind with this post!

During my pregnancy, it was the most important thing in my life. I stopped working at 6 1/2 months (teacher- so summer break). I tried to go back to work in the fall and it put me in the hospital with labor. Mind you, this was one day with NO children in the classroom! My body was very sensitive to any activity. I live out in the boonies and the nearest NICU is 80 miles away, so I was super careful not to go into labor early. I know pre-term labor is out of many people's control, but I DO believe a multiples pregnancy requires some major changes for most people. This was a far cry different from my "dream" pregnancy of exercising, natural childbirth, and eventually breastfeeding!! My twins were solely breastfed and are still nursing at 3 years old, but I was terrified about the challenges and demands breastfeeding would place on me (plus I had never done it!). Anyway, back to pregnancy, it's so important to rest, rest, rest. My advice would be to find the money and get yourself some help. You will need it in the coming months. You can think of it as helping you do your job better. I can't stress the importance of taking care of those babies while they are in utero, so they don't have the stressful start of the NICU. If you had some outside help for household tasks, some entertainment for the older children, some meals made and frozen.....any little thing that keeps you off your feet in those later months. I know it's easier said than done, I live 2500 miles away from all family as well. This is my advice coming from my experience. Ask for any help possible so you can concentrate on babies. Have your partner get ready, too! I couldn't have done so well with my situation if Dh hadn't helped like he did! For at least one year he made ALL the dinners, cleaned, helped with the boys (bedtime was very hard). We both were "on" 24/7. It sounds bad, but it really brought us closer and we gained a lot of respect for each other during that time.

Good luck! I would love to have twins again, 2 girls this time!! I love my boys and I love having twins! Congratulations.

SAHM married to with twin boys  and a girl .  
 
 
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#6 of 10 Old 12-06-2006, 01:28 PM
 
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very quick reply, no time! My twins are 7 weeks old and I also have a 2yo son(3 in January). I found it was easier than I had anticipated in many ways. The hardest part being the new distance from my oldest. My dh is military and gone often. You will find a way and make it work. Do whatever you need to get the job done and try to keep the big picture in mind. I too have trouble asking for help but it was awesome to have set up some help for the first week in advance of the birth. There is so much more joy than pain, despite what many people advised us! It helps to have a positve outlook even on those hard days. In just a short time, you will have so much to be proud of yourself for!!!
Paige
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#7 of 10 Old 12-06-2006, 02:11 PM
 
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chances are you will have a huge amount of people who want to help... church members are great for coordination....
dont be afraid to ask for help NOW....
i have a group of 7-8 women who help coordinate 3 at a time to watch all my kids so i can get out 3x week for errands etc...
they are all volunteers but also very very close friends of ours...

bon bons?? eat?? who has time to eat... and who can remember to pick up bon bons at the store??
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#8 of 10 Old 12-07-2006, 02:31 AM
 
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Hugs to you mamma!!

So many people come up to me and say,"I just don't know how you do it?" Hmm, well. .. I don't remember!!

Seriously, you ARE going to need help, so get a support system set up. Call churches, colleges, friends, family and get ready. You could end up on MONTHS of bedrest or have sick babies, so be prepared NOW.

Things that you can do now. . . when you make dinner - double it or tripple it and freeze the extra.

Buy extra toilet paper, soap, garbage bags, etc.

Get a Costco membership.

Ask for a digital camera for xmas.

Get comforable shopping online

Go visit people that care about you and your children. By keeping in touch now, it will make asking for help later, easier.

Make a jar of chores people can pull out and complete when they visit.

Join at least ONE multiples group NOW.

Call your local DOula or post-partum doula organization and ask for free help (YOU WILL GET IT!!)

Anyhow, you are getting the idea. You will be fine and so will your kids, but it will be smoother if you try to work on things now.

Courtney wife to geek.gif and mom to 4 boys: chicken3.gif   . I need caffix.gif !
They're not typos. . . I can't spell!
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#9 of 10 Old 12-07-2006, 06:56 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks for the replies. I am such an emotional basketcase right now! I'll blame it on hormones.

Quote:
Originally Posted by cdahlgrd View Post

Join at least ONE multiples group NOW.

Call your local DOula or post-partum doula organization and ask for free help (YOU WILL GET IT!!)

.

I had thought about joining the local mothers of twins, just to meet up with others and get their real life advice.

Will a doula really offer their services just for the twin experience? I had a great doula with my eldest, but didn't feel the need after that since I was more confident then. I'll try to see what I could get, since I'm not so confident again.



Quote:
Originally Posted by 1growingsprout View Post
bon bons?? eat?? who has time to eat... and who can remember to pick up bon bons at the store??
I don't even think I know what a bon bon really is. I can't even remember the last time ate a meal without a child on my lap.


I know it will work, because you do what you have to do. But, I don't want to wish my life away because each day feels like a chore, or something to get through and that is my fear. And I want to give each of my kids the world- my time playing on the floor, reading books, doing crafts, experiences like traveling, taking a zillion different classes, just to explore. I don't want to fail them too.

I'll keep reading to learn from you all here.

thanks.

Me.  With 1 spouse, 4 kids, 16 chickens, 74 matchbox cars, 968,562+ legos, a dishwasher waiting to be emptied, a washing machine waiting to be filled and a lost cup of tea in the house.

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#10 of 10 Old 12-11-2006, 03:31 AM
 
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Yes Yes Yes Join a multiples group we have a doula in ours she is a member so has firsthand knowledge of a twin pregency she is a big help. Lots of moms can give you BTDT advise and hints for getting by day to day.I am the president of ours and a big help on bf, making meals in advance to freeze. Ask if they have a meeting just for expecting moms and moms in the first year lots of clubs have this just to help you out. I did the first 3 months with my guys solo DH was working in a diffrent state. If you have a kitchen to kitchen type store take coupons and friends go and stock up on some meals right now.
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