Twins and friendships/playmates? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 10 Old 01-22-2007, 01:55 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Mom of a singleton here, with a question for parents of multiples....

I am familiar with a seemingly wonderful family with 4 year old twins. My daughter is almost 4, and has really liked meeting the children on those few occasions we have had to get together. I'm wondering, however, how difficult it can be for a pair of sisters so close in age to share a friend, at this age in particular. Any feedback? I'm thinking of perhaps pursuing a better friendship with this family, but I am very unfamiliar with dynamics of multiples and fear it just may not go well at this point. Please pardon my ignorance. I am trying to learn.

TIA!
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#2 of 10 Old 01-24-2007, 04:16 AM
 
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My twins are too young to speak from experience, but I have read a little about stuff like this. Mostly I read that twins are often very popular as young children because they are better at sharing than many other children their age. Your best bet is to probably just ask the parents what they think about it. I'd be curious to know what happens and what you learn!
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#3 of 10 Old 01-24-2007, 10:49 AM
 
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I found it easier at that age for my boys to share friends. They are now about to be 7 and the lines are being drawn a bit more ... they each have a friend the other doesn't like. Back then though, all they knew were sharing friends and they loved the chance to play with someone other than their brother!
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#4 of 10 Old 01-24-2007, 12:03 PM
 
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My twins are only 3 yo, but they don't currently have any friends of their "own", individually.

My gut tells me that they won't begin to differentiate too much (between "my" friend and "your" friend) until they are more school-age.

So basically, if they all enjoy playing together - go for it
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#5 of 10 Old 01-24-2007, 12:45 PM
 
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I have 4-yr. old twin girls. At this point, they have only shared friends and done it well. I guess it's fair to say we kind of have "family friends". Most of their 4yr. old girl-friends have another sibling (or some do)that comes along to play as well, though there's definitely more of a connection with the child their age. I have wrestled with this a little bit, as of late. My girls are starting to differentiate their personalities/likes/dislikes. I have noticed that usually, one of my girls is left out on occasion, but it's not the same one all the time...depends on their mood and the particular friend we're with. I have also noticed that it's hard for my girls to move from the type of interaction they're used to with each other, to being able to "come out of their imagination" enough to play with the friend. I don't know if that makes sense, but in the way that they ALWAYS know what the other is talking about, can switch from what they're playing pretty freely and have a history of play with each other. Sometimes, the friend doesn't know what they're talking about (and thinks they're kind of goofy ) or they don't get what the friend is talking about (something she typically plays at home). The only other thing I've noticed, is that's it's hard for one of our friends that is more shy to warm up to the girls right away. I think it's overwhelming for her to have these two, very enthusiastic people wanting to engage her. I've had to talk to the girls about how to give people space (something they don't get).

I would say...pursue this friendship, if even slowly. I've felt a couple times that my girls don't get invited for playdates as often, b/c there are two. Moms kind of seem to be drawn to one "best girlfriend" for their dd and sometimes I feel left out of that scene. I haven't yet figured out how to do separate "friends" yet. They have had separate play-dates a couple times. You could do that, too. Invite one of the girls over and then the other a couple days afterwards (not a couple weeks). Let your dd get to know them separately. That would be special for the twins, too. Have fun!
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#6 of 10 Old 01-24-2007, 02:28 PM
 
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I've actually been thinking about this (with a little twist) myself quite a bit lately. My twins are only 4 months old right now, but Im wondering how they will get along with other children when they get to be old enough to play with them. My twins are a boy and a girl and I'm wondring if that would make things any more difficult. Once they get to the age where they recognize gender differences, would I have to invite a boy over for my son if my daughter has a girl over and visa versa? Or do b/g twins typically just get along and play well with other kids regardless of the gender difference?
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#7 of 10 Old 01-24-2007, 08:13 PM
 
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To the above post (sorry, if a little off topic), but from what I've heard and a little of what I've observed is that since kids mostly parallel play until they're about 4-5 yrs. they're able to play quite well together despite gender differences. Granted, my girls' dearest friends are other little girls, but they have lots of boy friends, too and enjoy them. The boys kind of do their thing and my girls work them into their fairy-tale land. All they have to do is say, "Prince, where's your horse, sword, etc?" and the boy goes running around the house on his "horse" and swinging things around....perfectly happy and the girls are MORE than pleased. They, of course, have unicorns, not horses, but they all seem to have a GREAT time. Other times, boys really enjoy our play cookware too and enjoy making pizzas as much as the next guy (or girl). We also have our share of tools (dh is a carpenter) and the girls play with those things, too.

Sometimes, gender roles come out very strong if a boy is pretty rough and tumble and my girls are not at all....they're a little intimidated, but other than that...there's LOTS of fun years where there is no competition, no jealousy, etc. between boys and girls.
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#8 of 10 Old 01-25-2007, 06:36 AM
 
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My little brother's best friends are identical twin boys. They are now 15 and the 3 of them have been best friends since they were young kids. They still all get along great.

Mama to DS & DD, 4 years old TWINS 
Birthing/Postpartum RN on my "free time".
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#9 of 10 Old 01-25-2007, 07:30 AM
 
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I don't have twins, but my girls are only 16m apart and we have many of the same issues with sharing friends. What usually ends up happening is that either they all play together and DD1 is annoyed that DD2 "tagged along" or DD2 is upset at being left out. The inverse doesn't seem to happen though. And when I let them each invite a friend simultaneously, it's usually the 4 of them playing together and we often have disputes if the friends don't get along well with each other.

Ruth, single mommy to Leah, 19 (in Israel for another school year), Hannah, 18 (commuting to college), and Jack, 12(homeschooled)
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#10 of 10 Old 01-26-2007, 12:10 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks for your replies and thoughts.

I think I may pursue this, but may offer to host one at a time. The twins seem to have strikingly different personalities, and I can't say that I've ever seen them play together. So I'm afraid competition/rejection is the most likely outcome of the three of them being together.

I would think that the one at a time option might be welcomed by the parents, who then might choose to spend some quality one-on-one time with the other twin. Will have to enquire about this.

Thanks again!
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