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#1 of 7 Old 05-14-2003, 09:41 PM - Thread Starter
 
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My twin boys are almost a year old! Have somehow managed to survive the first year. How do you AP twin babies? I was just starting to look into AP while I was pregnant with the twins. I also have a three year-old and a four year-old. With no outside help and no help from dh.(Hasn't changed a diaper since they were two weeks old.)So this past year has been just a matter of survival. Honestly, I feel a bit cheated out of a lot of things because I had twins. I couldn't bf and really just sit down and spend the time with them that I wanted too. My two older ones have turned into a couple of wild things, because they know if mommy is busy with a baby she can't do anything. So how do I go about bringing things back around to the way I would like them. AP seems to call for a ton of intense one on one time and how am I suppose to do that times 4?What does AP mean to all of you as mothers of multiples?Are there any special things that you do to make time for all of the children?
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#2 of 7 Old 05-15-2003, 10:23 AM
 
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Hello, and Welcome!

My twins are only three months old, but I'll try to answer your questions. . . I guess it pretty much depends on your definition of AP, but I think that's different for everyone. So here's my perspective: APing multiples is not the same as APing just one baby. I mean, *maybe* if your twins were on completely different schedules, it could be possible to meet all of their needs right away. . . But, of course that would never happen. So, for me anyway, it's kind of like a modified version of AP. I am breast-feeding my babies "on-demand." Sometimes, they have to wait five or ten minutes while I get one baby set up to do something else so that I can breast-feed the hungry baby. Sometimes this means that the hungry baby screams for five or ten minutes. So, I'm not really feeding them on-demand, but rather "on-demand-as-soon-as-I-can." But this still feels better to me than, say, having the babies on a feeding schedule. I also try to carry, or wear, my babies as much as possible. Since they're getting kind of heavy (almost 30 lbs, combined ), I am mostly carrying them one-at-a-time. So one baby's in the stroller, or on the floor, or in the bouncy seat, and the other baby is strapped to me either in a sling or a baby bjorn. And I try to spend equal amounts of time holding each of them, but I'm not like writing down the hours or anything. At night, we co-sleep, so the babies get lots of extra snuggle-time then. Also, co-sleeping allows me to nurse them as soon as they wake to eat, and they rarely have to cry at night.

I gotta go, baby waking up. . .

HTH!

Lex

Mindfully mothering SIX kids (ages 4, 5, 7, 8, 11 & 11) in a small house with a lot of love.
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#3 of 7 Old 05-15-2003, 12:00 PM
 
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My situation was similar, but one child short of your situation.... their dad rarely did anything to help out (we have since divorced), when I got desperate he would occassionally pick up dinner on his way home from work. Anyway, let me tell you that your older children will be fine. It is going to start getting a whole bunch eaiser and soon they will feel all the love and attention and your time that they have been missing---you may still feel completely NUTS, but I assure you your are doing great!

The main thing I did to try to AP my children is to play with them and be --really be --- with them. We did a lot of weird things together that also helped me through my day. My oldest and I would spend a little while each day on the stairs teaching them to "turn around to go down", he was a huge part of their bathtime routine and feeding them was a lot of fun for him. For him (the older brother) I made sure that when we went to the park, or other similar places that his little brothers had to stay in the stroller for some of the time and he got to show them all that he could do as an older, 'more experienced' sibling. Nothing extreme, as you can see.

It is a matter of survival for awhile, so give yourself a break. Now that my twins are 3 1/2, they are giving me a break as they really do entertain each other and enjoy each others company. And their older brother now loves to boss them around, still , and attempt to maintain the upper hand all times.

The one thing that always - always brought me back to 'reality' was simply sitting down and playing with them. I still do it now. When they all start to drive me up the wall and I am about ready to blow my top, I just stop whatever I am doing and give them all of me. It works, they feel better and I end up back on a level plain.

Does this help at all.....
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#4 of 7 Old 05-15-2003, 06:31 PM
 
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I've found that if I give my dh a specific task to do it helps. Like saying "Take Ansil and change him while I feed Forrest" instead of just waiting for him to take the initiative (if you've already tried things like this with no results then maybe you and dh need a quiet time to really talk and find out why he isn't willing to "be" a parent). Getting out of the house really helps me on days where everything seems to be going wrong. Several malls in my area have play areas. I can sit and watch them play for a few minutes while I regroup and they get to let off some energy and play with other kids. There's usually enough distractions so that I can play with them individually while the other ones are occupied with the new surroundings. I also couldn't live without my sling. Being able to have at least one free hand lets me get **some** things done while still interacting with my dss. Being as organized as possible and doing chores when the kids are in bed helps too. Knowing that "X" will get done later helps me focus on the boys. Things go much faster when you don't stop and start every few minutes because someone needs you, too. I think the main point of AP is to try and respond to your children as best you can instead of making them conform to a world they know nothing about and don't understand. Each mother has a different idea of what that is and different things work for different families. Just try to remember that they won't be small for very long and you will be wishing for the days when all four of them wanted you at once.
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#5 of 7 Old 05-16-2003, 12:00 PM
 
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Hi Princess! I just wanted to say welcome. I don't have any good answers since mine are just 6 months as well and I am struggling with the same feelings you are having. Hang in there and these gals will have lots of good advice for you.
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#6 of 7 Old 05-24-2003, 11:58 AM
 
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Hi Princess,
Have you thought about getting a mother's helper? I had a neighborhood girl come in once or twice a week for about 18 months. One girl was 13, the other was 11...although sometimes I felt like I was parenting ANOTHER kid, usually it was a big help!

Usually, they were holding one baby while I held the other (both very high needs for holding!). Of course, there were tons of times when they both wanted only mommy, so then she would help me put in a load of wash, unload the dishwasher, or pick up toys.

I have also taken her to the playground with us, to the store on errands (sometimes she would sit in the car if one or both fell asleep while I ran in), etc.

Although I only have my two (they're 2 1/2), the biggest AP help for me has been to try and remember to BE with them. Play with them, sing/talk with them...especially if you can only hold one.
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#7 of 7 Old 05-24-2003, 04:13 PM
 
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hi and welcome- i'm new here too.

i remember having all of the same feelings when my boys were infants. trust me- i've had my fair share of "it just not FAIR feelings!" over the last 3 years (mostly in the last 6 months!) all they wanted was to be held, and i just couldn't hold both at once.

now that they are 2.5, things are alot easier- the boys are more independent, and meeting both of their needs is more doable.

but of course, now that things are calming down we are expecting another 2. i don't even want to think about what frustrations the future holds for us! i try to focus on the positives instead

to me, ap parenting is instinctual child-centered parenting. like someone said before, it might not be possible to be 100% attached to multiples without a good deal of help. all we can do is our best right?

good luck to you!

-krista
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