Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: Seattle Eastside
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Although this is a pretty irrational fear, I guess...in a way I would be surprised if everyone didn't have a least a twinge of it.
But still. I've been in the hospital 2 times in the last two weeks for dehydration from vomiting/diarrhea, it's terrifying to eat, I'm starting to get twin-big now with all the discomforts that go along with that. Add to that all the medical interventions that have been going on with these guys, and I feel so worn out. The last time I was in the hospital I almost wished for it to be over right then and there, because I'm maxing out on what I can take.
Now it looks like I'll have even more monitoring, because my liver enzymes are up, and I'm experiencing really slow healing of bruises, ect. My blood pressure is up a smidgin but not much, so my doctor is not freaking out about pre-ecclampsia/HELLP, but she's wanting to be cautious. I just feel like I can't take anymore. Had to schedule a amnio for lung maturity in a few weeks, and because Tom is breech-transverse (he's the one closest to my cervix) and Dylan is full out transverse we are going the way of scheduled c-section (though my OB wants me to do an ultrasound right before, just to make sure they don't turn on their own...I think she is worried about the bleeding issue and would really prefer me not to have a cesarean, but my body is...well...getting sicker and sicker, so we have a limited time frame here).
I am starting to get angry, too. This is supposed to be a normal, natural function of my body. Why the hell can't it get something right? Why does it feel like it's falling apart? And why am I being continually blessed by running into people who either A) don't understand/harshly judge all medical interventions, regardless of need...or B) don't understand why I would be upset/disappointed over any of them? Luckily my OB went through a difficult time with her first, so there is someone I can talk to face to face and just bitch/vent to...but...bleah. It feels like I'm already suffering from PPD, and the real work (two newborns + a 16 mo. old) hasn't even started yet. :/