Anyone ever tell you that he/she favored one of your twins?? - Mothering Forums

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Old 05-24-2003, 11:43 AM - Thread Starter
 
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In the last week, three of our close friends have each told us that one of our babies is their favorite. Dp and I were so baffled that we didn't know how to respond! I'm not as baffled by the fact of the favoritism as I am by the fact that they thought we'd want to know. . . It's also interesting that they all chose the same baby. Anyway, I'd like to say something to them, and to anyone else who says anything like that in the future, but I can't think of what to say. Any ideas?

Thanks!

Lex

Mindfully mothering SIX kids (ages 5, 6, 8, 9, 11 & 11) in a small house with a lot of love.
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Old 05-24-2003, 05:13 PM
 
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Geez, do these people have children? I'd hate to have people tell me they prefer one of my children over the other even if they did. I adore all my children. I rarely find myself able to "pick favorites" among other people's kids since all children are so different and so amazing. Perhaps I'd say something like "good thing I adore them both." I think people often see twins as a "set" like as one unit and therefore they think that praising one is the same as praising both.
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Old 05-25-2003, 12:31 AM
 
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we haven't ever had our adult friends do that (i would be soo irritated!) but we had a 7 year old friend's daughter who obviously favored one over the other. it got to be really bad, and was so sad to see because the other guy really wanted to play with her too!

i said something to her mom, and they talked about it. it didn't seem to be a problem after that.

i would talk to your friends about it for sure. tell them how uncomfortable it makes you feel, and that it's really unfair to your children!

-krista
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Old 05-25-2003, 04:50 PM
 
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Yes, our first nanny told us one of our twins was special, and our next nanny obviously favored one of our twins, though she didn't say anything. Well, we obviously got rid of the first one, for a number of reasons--she was a total nightmare. The second one, I basically called her on it every time I sensed she was treating them differently, and now she treats them the same. We have also had the same thing where a niece favored one, but thankfully her sister favored the other. With little kids, they are so small, they don't know what they're doing might be hurtful.
I wold ahve no problem telling an adult where to get off.
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Old 05-26-2003, 02:47 PM
 
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Oooooooooooh, I HATE this!!!

This is my personal pet peeve.

Everyone seems to like one of my babies more because she is more receptive to strangers. Of course, she is more receptive to strangers because more people pay attention to her.

So when someone comments that she seems more friendly, I always say, "That is because people pay more attention to her. If they paid more attention to her sister, she would be friendly too." They get the point.
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Old 05-30-2003, 12:15 AM
 
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my best friend did this a couple of months ago and I have felt uncomfotable about it ever since.

I'm Andrea - I have three boys - 12 year old twins & an 11 year old

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Old 06-04-2003, 04:28 AM
 
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This drives me crazy. I wanted to slap my stepfather when he started calling one "the good twin" and the other "the evil twin" when we were visiting last week. Grrrrrrrrrr. The next person that does that is going to find out the real evil twin is mommy...
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Old 06-07-2003, 01:26 PM
 
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I've often heard ppl say they favored one of my twins over the other. It doesn't matter to me, as I love them both more than I can say. I see it as I don't like every person I meet the same, so why should anyone else? I wouldn't want someone to say that to my kids directly, and, certainly, if they were in charge of taking care of them, I would want equality in treatment. And, definitely, there are days when one of my kids is my fave and the others are less so...That's just a normal way of being. We're all human.
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