29 weeks pregnant with twins... - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 8 Old 03-25-2007, 11:11 PM - Thread Starter
 
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hi,

i'm currently pregnant with twin b/g. i was pregnant with triplets but now it is twins. i went through a bad s/r to reduce my risks. this has been an extremely difficult pregnancy for me. i've had vaginal bleeding, ptl (currently on procardia, terbutaline and was on sulindec), cerclage, bedrest, gestational diabetes, fibroid pain,etc,etc. i had such horrible depression that i even considered late term abortion (family & husband talked me out of it.) i finally went to the hospital because i was so depressed anxious i wouldn't eat and would sometimes vomit what i ate. i never been bad in my life! i've struggled with depression and anxiety before but never so severe. the doctor at the hospital helped me alot (i tried to tellmy previous doctor i was having terrible thoughts and didn't feel right but she blew me off.) i'm now on zoloft.

now, i'm overwhelmed with the thought of raising twins. i wanted to have this nice singleton birth and be that crunchy mom (sling, breastfeeding, cloth diapering). i wanted to bond with that child and have time for myself and my husband. i guess i was asking too much. i worry about everything about my children dying in the future, about me getting old and dying. i worry about my marriage falling apart after the children. i worry about our finances (we have some money in our checking and savings account and are living off his unemployment). i've been thinking about adoption 9my husband won't allow it).

i have been on bedrest for 15 weeks so far. no baby showers, no shopping for baby items in the store, nothing. i feel alittle cheated. i worry that i will not bond with and come to resent them. i'm almost scared to bond with them. i want to be more positive and appreciative of things, but i'm having a hard time. i feel that i got to start parenting with no transition. i've had no freedom at all and now i will definitely have none.

SAHM to a set of beautiful twins :, one beautiful angel baby (baby c), and one crazy furbaby :
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#2 of 8 Old 03-26-2007, 01:40 AM
 
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I don't have enough time to give you the response you deserve, but I will come back when I do! But "Boopie" is one of my Baby A (Lillian's) nicknames, so how could I not give you a little internet hug, when you are having such a difficult time? Please hang in there and know that your feelings are normal, and you WILL get through this and you WILL bond with your twins. It probably won't be exactly as you always pictured it, but you will find new joys and unimaginable joys in multiple mommyhood, I promise.

Betsy, mama to beautiful, strong MZ twins Lillian and Kate, born 11 weeks early on January 10, 2006.
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#3 of 8 Old 03-26-2007, 02:08 AM
 
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I'm glad you are taking Zoloft. How long have you been on it? It takes a while to take effect..hang in there. Also, don't stop the meds after birth. You will bond with your babies but it may take longer. You'll make adjustments to your dreams and yes you won't be able to give them all the attention you could a singleton. But you will look at them and realize how blessed they are to have each other. They will never know anything different and that is still amazing to me at age 3. And the first time they laugh at each other, hug, chase each other around--you'll realize they are so lucky to be twins and it will melt your heart. Bedrest, complications, is really tough I know (was there starting at 24 weeks and you've been on so much longer ) Please try not to dwell on the future--you will manage it. Is there something, anything, that can occupy your time?

Rachelle, mommy to 8 year old boys! 

My Blog-free homeschooling finds and my lesson plans and link to the new User Agreement

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#4 of 8 Old 03-26-2007, 02:50 AM
 
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Wow... you have so much to deal with. I truly feel for you and really hope that things get better for you as time goes on. I'm sorry for the loss of one of your babies, it must be devastating.

I felt that in many ways the pregnancy was a lot harder than the mommy part has been, so maybe you'll have the same experience.

And keep in mind that just because you're having twins doesn't mean you can't do some of the "crunchy" stuff, too. I wear my boys in slings when we go on walks and I cloth diaper (granted, we use a service, but it's still cheaper than sposies) and I breastfeed, as do lots of moms here. You may not be able to do all of those things, everyone is different, but you don't have to completely give up on it, either. These mamas have been such an enormous help... hearing their stories and getting their advice has helped me through times of doubt so hopefully you can find support here, too.

Do you have any friends or family nearby? Is there a MoMs group in your area? Can you get help from a friend or family member for a few weeks after the babies arrive?

Multiples pregnancies are wrought with so much more anxiety than most singleton pregnancies and the stress can be really hard to deal with. I hope you can find support IRL in addition to the support you have hear. I know that these things can be hard to hear and accept when you're in a dark place, but just try to have faith and hold onto an image of a positive outcome. (Easier said than done, right.)

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#5 of 8 Old 03-26-2007, 04:26 AM
 
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I am so sorry that this hasn't been the experience that you thought you were going to get. I hope that you have people surrounding you that can carry you through this time. Please know that the ladies here are so very supportive. I find that it can be quite uplifting to know that there are others who have gone before me.

I wish that I could say something more meaningful.

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#6 of 8 Old 03-26-2007, 11:34 AM
 
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Do hang in there. Nothing I've experienced during this pregnancy comes close to yours, but I do understand the fear of losing one's chance to parent the way we'd like to. We discovered our twins at 21 weeks and even though ALL of my friends think I'm nuts, I still plan to exclusively BF, to wear my babies (till they get too big for even my strong back) and CD. Only my Mom has hung in there and continued to say, yes, you can do it.

That said, the only way I can even imagine going through with this plan is to be very, very kind and tolerant of myself and what I am realistically able to do once my cubs (been feeling like a big, fierce momma bear...) are here.

So I don't know if this helps, but you're not alone. Twins definitely changes things, but it doesn't have to be bad. Remember, be kind to yourself, whatever it takes--a happy, healthy momma will make for happy kids.
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#7 of 8 Old 03-26-2007, 03:51 PM
 
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have you contacted http://www.sidelines.org/? They have a hotline and support for women who are on long term bedrest. I'm so sorry you are having such a rough time. Pregnancy is rough and twin pregnancy is even tougher. Don't give up your dreams of being "crunchy"! Today's cloth diapers are just as easy as disposables and it's just as easy to do a double load of laundry (or better yet have a helper do it) then it is to do a load for a singleton. You can and Many women have breastfeed twins. You really can do everything you had planned for a singleton once they arrive. Get some help around the house (Try your local girl scouts, high schools, and churches for people needing/wanting to volunteer), enlist family and friends (only ones who are helpful), and make task lists of things people can do to help (With a promise of getting to hold the babies after the chore is done). You will get through this! Bedrest and hormones and a S/R are a difficult combo, but the Zoloft will help and in the end you'll have beautiful twins. It is really worth it in the end. Lots of *hugs* coming to you.

Lucia , Poly )O( Lactation Counseling mama lady.gifvbac.gifto 5 yo Goobersuperhero.gif and 3 1/2 yo MZ twins twins.gif Peanut and Sweetpea and 1yo Pumpkinbabyf.gif mmm placenta.gif
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#8 of 8 Old 03-26-2007, 07:52 PM
 
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i just want you to know you arent alone. i had scary/severe depression during my twin pregnancy. alsp ptl (on bedrest at 21 wks, meds at 26 wks, hospital bedrest at 28 wks, preterm birth st 30 wks), im a diabetic as well.

i got through it but it was very difficult. once i was put in the hospital i really freaked. my husband is the only reason i made it through, seriously. after the babes were born i started feeling a little better. the anxiety improved, etc...i was in survival mode i think, as my babes spent 4 weeks in the nicu.

my twins are 4 months old now & the depression and anxiety is getting bad again. im being treated for it tho. im scared to be alone with my babies because im overwhelmed by the thought of meeting both their needs at the same time.i absolutley 100% love and adore these babies but im afraid to be 'in charge' of them. im fine as long as dh or my sister is here to help and take charge if i need it, but when its just me and the babies i really get anxious and scared. like, what if they are both screaming and i cant help them both at the same time? what if they are both hungry at the same time? im okay as long as they are both asleep LOL but even when 1 is awake i am anxious because the other could wake up at any time.

i think what scares me the most, during my pregnancy and now, is knowing it can get worse. i think about the women who have suffered from post partum psychosis and im so terrified of things getting that bad. i dont have any desire to hurt myself or anyone else, i LOVE my children, they bring me happiness and joy and i am delighted to have them. im just really, really SCARED. and also sometimes have no desire to meet their needs (another reason im afraid to be alone with them). im very sleep deprived, have major emotional issues with things not going 'as planned', etc. i was switched from zoloft to cymbalta bc the zoloft wasnt working and my dr is keeping close tabs on me (seeing me 1x a week for now!) and i pray i feel back to normal again very soon.

im sharing this with you because i KNOW how scared you are. Theres so much more i could type, but i have a baby boy on my lap who doesnt want mama typing right now. i didnt mean to make this about myself, but i really want you to know you ARE NOT alone. And there IS help out there for you. Be sure you communicate your feelings/fears/etc with your husband and your doctor!!! And anyone else you are comfortable with. My whole family is aware of whats going on so they knopw to step in and help when i need it, without making me feel like a looser.

Lots of love hon. We'll get through this!
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