Please tell me this gets better... - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 38 Old 04-23-2007, 08:44 PM
 
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I know it gets better eventually because my mom is a wonderful, sane, happy woman despite having my sisters in winter when I was 27 mo. My dad was a cop in a small town in Idaho. My grandma the alcoholic came to "help" but mom kept finding signs she'd been drinking and didn't want her anywhere near the babies so she sent her away.

Her church community was of great help to her, though, particularly one lady with teenaged daughters who before long was borrowing the twins for 4-H babysitting training classes.

Do whatever you can to get the help you need--tell your DH he needs to get with the program, too!

breastfeeding, babywearing, homeschooling Heathen parent to my little Wanderer, 7 1/2 , and baby Elf-stone, 3/11!

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#32 of 38 Old 04-24-2007, 12:24 AM
 
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Hi appleseed: I admittedly haven't had a chance to read ALL these posts to you - but I did read all of your. I DID walk out. I put my 19month old in a pack and play. I fed, diapers and made sure th babies were in safe places and I slammed the door and walked to the end of the drive to get the paper. i sat and cried my eyes out at the edge of the driveway. I never wanted twins. There are no twins on my family, I didn't use any ART. i was pi$$'d when people exclaimed how "lucky" I was. Who the Hell are they to walk in my shoes and proclaim some sort of jubilee?? and I have NEVER said this but what the hell..... We had sex once and neither of us even "got off" that night. We were so tired from a long day we "called off the festivities". Imagine our shock when I was preggo again....then imagine the rage and anger when I found out at 20 weeks it was twins and my homebirth was hitting the toilet. (although in the end I did work that out ) My point is give yourself the "time out" if you need to. Allow yourself to feel the anger just structure it so everyone is safe. That day after crying and crying I took a deep breath, came up with a "plan" and opened the door again. The babies were still fussing - but nobody was dead. Not a very AP kind of moment - but I think it saved my toddlers life - or at elast it felt that way at the time. One of the best pieces of advice anyone gave me was "Allow yourself the time to become the mother of twins" I'm still not sure I can say that without a sinking feeling in my throat. i am still working through a lot of things - but it has gotten much better. The crying is less, the pooping is less, the nursing is less and my ability to problem solve the three children is better.

Big hugs to you! PM if you like..anytime,

Erika
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#33 of 38 Old 04-24-2007, 11:11 AM
 
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Hey, appleseed, just checking in on you today. Hope it's a good one!

"We think we're gliding down the highway when in fact we're slip sliding away." Paul Simon
DD-7 & B-G twins, 5
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#34 of 38 Old 04-24-2007, 07:04 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hey, appleseed, just checking in on you today. Hope it's a good one!
Whoo boy. : My older DD has rotavirus and she's at the doctor with her daddy now seeing if we need to take her to the hospital or not... enough said there. Poor kiddo. I feel like a horrible person because I have fleeting thoughts that A) she's MUCH less rowdy when she's sick B) I'm glad because DH is taking a vacation day just in case she needs to go to the hospital :

full time, single, slightly soggy WOHM to Juliet (12.31.2004 @ 36w5d) and Willow & Adam (2.22.2007 @ 39w5d, HBAC transfer) and... expecting my little womb warrior Eowyn Susanne in September
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#35 of 38 Old 04-25-2007, 06:45 AM
 
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Whoo boy. : My older DD has rotavirus and she's at the doctor with her daddy now seeing if we need to take her to the hospital or not... enough said there. Poor kiddo. I feel like a horrible person because I have fleeting thoughts that A) she's MUCH less rowdy when she's sick B) I'm glad because DH is taking a vacation day just in case she needs to go to the hospital :
Hugs to you and your DD. And moms of multiples know how to be thankful for small blessings!
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#36 of 38 Old 04-25-2007, 03:25 PM
 
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I seriously am at the point where I fantasize daily about just walking out and leaving the kids with my husband and not coming back. .
Just to chime in . . . .but I did this once . . .not the "not coming back" part -- I just went for the day . . . .but it was soooooo rejuvenating. I actually highly recommend. Here was the scenario. The triplets were about 4 months old - and my older son was about 2.5. I drug myself downstairs one Sat morning in April. The sun was shining and it was promising to be a beautiful day. And I started to sink into a funk that was getting lower and lower -- all I could think about was how beautiful the day outside was going to be -- and how I was going to be trapped in the house - yet again - doing feeding after feeding after feeding -- in endless rotation -- while I watched my DH and older DS jaunt off to the park and other outings here and there all day - carefree and free as a bird.

Anyway - DH came down and said something to me that probably wasn't all that bad - but I took immediate offense in my state of mind. In 30 seconds, I announced that I was taking my older DS to Disneyland for the day. In 30 min I packed up the whole house and my breast pump -- and piled him in the car not to return until 10 pm that night! DS and I had a GREAT DAY! I still think on that day with fondness. Meanwhile . . .DH also ended up having a great day with the babies. What started out as me depressed, etc and wanting to "teach DH what its like to deal with the babies all day" . . . turned out to be great bonding for dad too.

Not to hijack here . . . .but my point is: Find a way to take a break momma -- even if you have to "force it" on your DH. You likely severely need it. If you do something like what I did - your 2 year old likely needs a bit of your undivided attention as well. And never hurts a DH to get a healthy understanding of what a day in the life is actually like . . .

TripMom . . . . . loving mom : to DS (7) and BBG (4.5)
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#37 of 38 Old 04-26-2007, 07:16 PM
 
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Hi-

I don't have time to read all the replies and maybe someone has already mentioned this but maybe your twins are fussy because of colic, which is directly affected by what you eat. My diet was so limited while I was nursing and they were still fussy, so I took them to a doctor that does muscle testing. It helped so much! The effects where instant! It was amazing! It turned out they had food intolerance that where making their tummies hurt and after their treatment they were sleeping so much better and just generally happier. I also gave them some homeopathic and a herbal tea that help a lot too! If you want more info please PM me! There are ways to make them and you feel better and yes it does get better! I am sorry you are having such a hard time! The beginning was so hard I can sympathize with you! Just remember that this is just a phase and it will pass!

Single mom to twin boys ('06)
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#38 of 38 Old 04-27-2007, 01:12 AM
 
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I just skimmed the other posts, but wanted to echo that YES, it does get better. I felt much like you at that point. Getting out of the house helped. And accepting help wherever I could find it. Try really hard to make eating (you, not them!) a priority. Is there a friend or neighbor who could bring you a sandwich? Or is there a restaurant or grocery store that delivers? Maybe your dh could call in the morning & place an order, then some decent food would be delivered to you during the day. Or are there any kids groups/playgroups/etc that could offer some support, sanity, and maybe a coffee cake. As for your older dc, is there a teenager that might like to stop by after school to play with her for an hour a few times a week? Some outside playtime with individualized attention might help her cooperate more during the day (or not, but it will still give you an hour). Many, many hugs to you. Hang in there. It'll get better.
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