Jealous of twins? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 8 Old 06-24-2003, 12:44 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Not the kids, the mamas. Have you ever noticed other mamas of babies getting jealous of the attention your babies get?
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#2 of 8 Old 06-26-2003, 03:31 AM
 
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You know, now that you mention it, I do remember that happening. My twins are 8 1/2 now, so it's been a while. But in any gathering, my babies were the central focus, and it was hard for the other moms. In fact, I remember one mom, who I had never seen before, confronting me one day when I was out for a walk with my babies. She went on and on about how her kids were just a year apart, and there was no way it was harder to have twins. It was so odd, I don't think I even said anything to her. Somehow I presented a challenge to her that she felt she needed to address. Another time in Target, a complete stranger said, "Well it's easier to have twins because they keep each other company." Again, I just thought it was so odd. What was easy about having three month-old twins? They sure weren't keeping each other occupied yet!

Interesting post, now I'm reminiscing...
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#3 of 8 Old 06-26-2003, 12:00 PM - Thread Starter
 
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My dh is the one who noticed it. But as soon as he mentioned it, I realized that is why I was getting the cold shoulder. Some mamas are used to their babies getting all the attention, then when I walk up, it becomes all about my babies. I ask about other people's kids, but people just naturally focus on mine.

I wanted to shout- it isn't my fault!!!

I remember reading something about an older twin recounting times in his childhood. He said when he went out alone he didn't get any attention and it was hard to go from all that attention to zero.
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#4 of 8 Old 06-27-2003, 12:10 AM
 
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I remember when I first called one of my good friends to tell her that I was having twins. The first thing she said to me was "You're always trying to one-up me, aren't you?" Then she laughed like she was trying to be funny but I knew better. It took her a year to conceive her first child and finally did so on Clomid so she thought for sure she'd have twins. I conceived my first within 4 cycles of trying as well as my second pregnancy (twins)...both without any type of fertility. I've also had many people make comments about always wanting twins, etc.

Karen - Mama to Haven (9/00) , Lillie & Faith (MZ - 12/02) and my first homebirthed baby, Willa (3/08)
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#5 of 8 Old 06-29-2003, 01:38 PM
 
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I feel guilty about this issue. Last time I went out with my friend and her dd, for some reason everybody thought they were ALL mine, and I had triplets (I shudder to think--two is more than enough!). I don't know what she thought about this, because she kept her mouth shut. I thought it was kind of amusing. But I think maybe this is a sensitive issue in general because it strikes that "she's more of a mom than me" nerve. We're all moms doing the best we can, but I think there is a certain perception that twin moms are Super Mom. To be honest, when people call me that I don't really protest. It feels good to hear that when I'm working so damned hard, and especially when I'm feeling sorry for myself. And sometimes the jealousy works the other way: I wish I could go out as easy as singleton moms, and not be so fearful about a scene in public, only have one diaper to change, etc. etc. I really have to watch myself that I don't whine too much to my friends about various difficulties with dealing with the twins, because they can't relate and I'm sure the martyr trip gets annoying. This is where twin mom groups are helpful, because you don't feel like such a sideshow and they can relate to your experience!

On a personal level I can relate to what 1Plus2 said, because my sister had to take Clomid to get pregnant after many miscarriages, and I think the news that I not only didn't have trouble but was going to have two must have been a little...difficult.

I get the "oh I always wanted to have twins" comment all the time." (Suuuuuuuure!). My response now is to ask them to babysit
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#6 of 8 Old 07-05-2003, 02:34 AM
 
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I thought it was just me, but maybe your post sheds some light. Many times when I'm out with my 13 month old daughters, I feel self conscious (everyone seems to notice the twins) and smile, but sometimes I get actual glares back from other moms. OTOH, DH gets nothing but coos and ahhs from the moms. I thought maybe I looked like I was too proud (could be, since I'm positively crazy smitten with my daughters).

Do you other twins moms avoid or meet the eye contact so many people make? Do you smile?

Curiously,
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#7 of 8 Old 07-10-2003, 11:06 PM
 
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I avoid it Curly Top

well the good news it ends eventually. I still get plenty of attention but nothing like I used to get.

I'm Andrea - I have three boys - 12 year old twins & an 11 year old

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#8 of 8 Old 07-13-2003, 06:40 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally posted by CurlyTop
Do you other twins moms avoid or meet the eye contact so many people make? Do you smile?
When I have time, I smile, make eye contact and stop and talk if they are inclined to chat. When I am in a hurry, I try to avoid eye contact or just smile and nod while we rush past them.

The only real trouble I've had is when I am in a group of moms I know. But I think it is isolated to just the ultra-competetive moms, not most moms.
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