Anyone else sick to death of the public attention? - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 61 Old 10-10-2007, 08:24 AM - Thread Starter
 
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See, if one more person stands there watching me trying to navigate my crew into or out of a store, watching and not lifting a finger, and says to me, "wow, you have your hands full," I swear I'm going to take my big old booted foot and shove it right down their throat.

And what about that bit about are they twins, and I saw yes, and they're all like are you sure. Well no actually I think maybe that might have been a puppy in there kicking at me all those months, and maybe it got switched at birth for the second baby.

Geez people think before you make these dumb remarks.

And the worst is when the creepy old ladies try to TOUCH them.

And when they totally ignore poor DD1.

I used to enjoy all the public attention. It was a good remedy for postpartum blues to go out and get fussed over by random people. But I'm getting good and heartily SICK of it now. I want to live my life and not be a spectacle.

I can't imagine how parents of higher order multiples put up with it. Twins are common enough and still nobody leaves me alone, so it must be so much worse for them.

:

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#2 of 61 Old 10-10-2007, 10:44 AM
 
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Yep, hate it. Although I never enjoyed the attention. I'm sort of a private person, when I go to Target I just want to get my shopping done and get out of there. I really don't care if your cousin's neighbor's uncle's brother was a twin. Reallly I don't.

And yes, I have my hands full, but what mother doesn't.
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#3 of 61 Old 10-10-2007, 11:22 AM
 
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It never ends. My dh is a twin (identical) On the rare occasions he's out in public with his brother we get comments EVERY SINGLE TIME.

-Angela
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#4 of 61 Old 10-10-2007, 11:28 AM
 
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Oh, I hate it. HATE it.

Actually, it isn't so bad now because they are older and I radiate "leave me alone" vibes. Plus, twins are super common in my area so I am not special.

But the stupid things people say bug me. Hello - engage your brain before you open your mouth! And, multiples are not a freak show. I did a blog post about this with a cool video of a triplet family trying to go to the zoo and it really astonished me how many people wouldn't believe that, no, I REALLY don't like the attention. That asking pushy personal questions is RUDE. That sometimes people put their multiple children in a stroller to go out and get milk and bread, not attention.

Mostly sane mother to twins.
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#5 of 61 Old 10-10-2007, 12:56 PM
 
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I've found that it has slowed down a lot and even stopped as my boys have gotten older. Whenever I approach a twin mom I see that look of panic start to cross her face like oh no, not ANOTHER idiot coming to bother me but I usually just say I'm another mom of twins and that's it.

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#6 of 61 Old 10-10-2007, 02:53 PM
 
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Yes I'm a shy person and to have people stopping and wanting to talk all the time freaks me out. The wow your hands must be full is a comment I'd like to smack people for. I have to say the attention when they were younger is nothing compared to the attention we get now. My oldest is very small for his age and all three boys look to be about the same age so we get stopped all the time asking if they are triplets. I swear we can't go more than 5 feet without being asked. I'm very tempted to buy shirts that state that yes we are all the same size, no we aren't triplets, and no my mom doesn't like to talk to strangers.
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#7 of 61 Old 10-10-2007, 03:00 PM
 
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I remember those days. Shudder. If they're not ID and you don't dress them alike it will start to dissipate as they start to walk on their own when you're out. For us that was around 2 years. Now at 4 we never even get a second glance.

If they're ID I don't know. Sounds like Angela's experience is not so great...

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#8 of 61 Old 10-10-2007, 03:10 PM
 
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Mine are only 8 weeks and I'm already sick on having the same conversation everywhere I go.
Yes, they're twins.
Yes, both girls.
No, they're fraternal.
Yes, they were full term.
6 pounds, and 6 pounds, 2 ounces.
Yes, it was a surprise.
Yes, twins run in my family.

My favorite is when I have my boys with me also. My 8 year old is 4'5" and about 95 pounds. My 4 year old is about 3'10" and 45 pounds. I actually have been asked if they're twins as well. Uh, no.

Myfavorite answer to "Wow! You really have your hands full!" is "Better full than empty."
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#9 of 61 Old 10-10-2007, 03:27 PM
 
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I couldn't agree more with everyone. How about the god bless you or bless you, you really need it. I so hate that. One day in Target I heard it from ten different people. If it was meant in a kind way that would be different but usaually it's a I pity you tone. The worse is when everywhere we go people comment about the twins and my poor son gets his feelings hurt. I've started just walking past people like I don't hear them unless they corner me.

Aradria SAHM to : ds 2003, ds and dd 2007 and ds Nov 2009. :
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#10 of 61 Old 10-10-2007, 04:00 PM
 
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I can completely relate to what you are all saying. My girls are now 6 months and all the attention is getting old. At least all the moronic attention is getting old. I love it when people come up to ask about my breastfeeding experiences with them but all other questions drive me nuts. When I'm wearing them both in slings and people say "wow, you've got your hands full" I respond "Actually, my hands are free!" and hold them up to demonstrate such! I've ordered a bag from a website at Cafepress that answers all the common questions regarding fraternal twins so I can just point to the bag whenever anyone asks me next time!
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#11 of 61 Old 10-10-2007, 04:02 PM
 
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It dissipates over time. Now that my boys don't use a stroller and are walking/helping me in the store with errands, I don't think people even notice. (they are MZ, but I pretty much nix them dressing alike on school days, and Dylan is about 4-6 months behind on the growth spurt than Tom, so right now they are noticeably different in height) I get more comments about having 3 kids in tow (generally complementary, since they're well mannered and extremely mellow by nature).

Occasionally someone will ask if they're twins, but it's not in the same ZOMG YOU POOR THING way as what happened when they were babies and toddlers.

I'm kind of expecting it to increase when they're teens, if my friends who happen to be a twin are any indication. I was friends with one MZ girl and one MZ guy, and if a group of us happened to be out and about and both twins were in a group, it was a traffic stopper.

But at least by then as a parent of a teen generally you're not going to be around to see it, and THEY get to deal with the inane commentary.
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#12 of 61 Old 10-10-2007, 04:16 PM
 
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We don't get much attention in public at all anymore. Most people don't even realize they are twins (boy/girl). I just look like a mom with a bunch of kids close together in age. But when they were little babies we got alot of questions. My favorite question was "Are they identical?" No, they are a boy and a girl. :

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#13 of 61 Old 10-10-2007, 04:18 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gemelos View Post
My favorite question was "Are they identical?" No, they are a boy and a girl. :
I will NEVER understand how people can think that a person with a penis and a person with a vagina can be identical. Seriously.

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#14 of 61 Old 10-10-2007, 04:30 PM
 
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Originally Posted by gemelos View Post
We don't get much attention in public at all anymore. Most people don't even realize they are twins (boy/girl). I just look like a mom with a bunch of kids close together in age. But when they were little babies we got alot of questions. My favorite question was "Are they identical?" No, they are a boy and a girl. :
hahaha, I used to nanny for boy/girl twins, and I'd get that question sometimes when I took them somewhere in public. After explaining that they were boy/girl twins to one woman, she said "oh....well, so, are they identical?" NO, LADY, ONE OF THEM HAS A PENIS!:::
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#15 of 61 Old 10-10-2007, 05:46 PM
 
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I think it definintely gets easier once they aren't so tiny and strapped into a stroller. Well, that and the "keep away" glare seems to make it possible to go out in public with much less ooohing and aaahing these days. But I well remember those early days, and what especially angered me was the way people ignored my beautiful, amazing, smart, patient older singleton son. Just talked right over his head. I would always work him into the answers of their (usually ridiculous) questions, but it just made me so mad. Like, hello, people, here's another human being here who is just as wonderful as these two who happen to look alike!

We eventually nixed the double stroller for the girls if we had to get in and out of a store quickly (or else carried a girl and had DS ride in the stroller). Much better that way.

I have to admit, though, there were days those early months when life was so hard that I would dress them in some of their adorable outfits they never wore and took them to the mall just to have people talk to me and admire my babes. : SOmething you can't do as successfully with a singleton!
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#16 of 61 Old 10-10-2007, 05:48 PM
 
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Everytime I tell my mom that I saw some other twins out and about, she always asked if I talked to them and never understands why I don't... If I've got the girls with me, I'll give a knowing smile, but it ends there.

Getting your crap done is hard enough with too babies!

BTW - my favorite comment is "Oh, so you're done (having kids) now, right?" from total strangers...
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#17 of 61 Old 10-10-2007, 05:58 PM
 
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What is weird for me is the difference in the reaction I get now that I'm in a different city. In Columbus I couldn't walk three feet in the store without someone stopping to comment. But once we moved to Akron no one seemed to notice us or care. We couldn't believe the first time we got through a grocery trip without one single comment. Usually though, I just plow the double stroller through the store like I'm in a big hurry and don't make eye contact with anyone. The pointing and whispering I see out of the corner of my eye is enough attention for me!
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#18 of 61 Old 10-10-2007, 10:04 PM
 
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Originally Posted by sarabrynn82 View Post

BTW - my favorite comment is "Oh, so you're done (having kids) now, right?" from total strangers...
Our twins aren't even on the outside yet and we get those comments from nearly everyone, except family (though some of them are rude too.) As soon as they find out we're having twins, it's like " You're going to stop then, right?!"

And I love saying, "No, actually, we'd like about a dozen or so..."

Catholic Homeschooling mama to DS (6), DD (4), twin DDs (2), DD (7 months), and someone new 7/31/10!
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#19 of 61 Old 10-10-2007, 11:51 PM
 
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I'll admit that for the first few months or so I enjoyed it, but now it absolutely drives me bananas!

I find myself dressing my MZ twins alike when we go out so I don't get asked AS MUCH - although I do get asked quite a bit. I started giving people the "Are you stupid?" look before I answered but have since decided it's a waste of my energy.

I want to say, "No, we had this one cloned. Or was it this one...."

I've even had, "How far apart are their ages?" "6 minutes" "Oh they're twins?"

What is it about multiples that turns you into a freak show??? Even with my own family, my mom's family even (this is the 4th set of twins) makes this huge production when we walk through the door. I mean, come on. They're just two (or more) kids born at the same time. What's the big attraction?

I really give off "Don't mess with me vibes" when I go shopping. That seems to help. Look like you're really busy. I had a cashier come up to me (at the self-check out) and say, "Okay, so who is more outgoing?" I said, "They're two different people, I don't compare them." "Oh I know! Just my brother has twins and one is more outgoing than the other so I just wondered if it was the same with yours." Never met this woman in my life and here she is waiting for an answer still. I just shrugged my shoulders.

She'd never ask me that question about two kids born years apart.

When people say "I'm glad it's you and not me!" I say "So am I!" When people tell me "You have your hands full!" or "I bet they keep you busy" I say "Oh, but they're a lot of fun!" I hate these comments. They make it seem like having multiples is something that's not to be desired. I love my girls and their twinness makes them unique and special. They'd be different girls if they hadn't come 6 minutes apart and I love them for it. Wouldn't want it any other way. And when they get old enough to understand these comments from strangers I'm going to be a little more pushy with my answers
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#20 of 61 Old 10-11-2007, 12:14 AM
 
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i just smile, say thanks, and look away. if i make eye contact with the "talker" too long then they'll have me standing there a half hour.
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#21 of 61 Old 10-11-2007, 02:14 AM
 
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I find that if I just smile in response and not say a word, they move on quickly.

It's not so bad now that my twins are nearing five years old. I still get asked if they are twins. I just say yes and move along. I sometimes get asked if I have triplets, but my DD is 20 months younger and OBVIOUSLY not a triplet .. she is big for her age, but not near as big as the boys and you can just tell they aren't the same age. So I find that funny.

I still remember taking our twins into Target when they were two months old. A simple shopping trip turned into a circus. I was so mad and so was DH. We were just trying to Christmas shop a tiny bit and get out. And all I wanted was to get out of the house, as I had been stuck in the house for so long it seemed like..
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#22 of 61 Old 10-11-2007, 04:19 AM
 
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I never would have believe how stupid/rude people could be until I had my babies. I have no new comments to add that others haven't already posted about. I have B/G twins and I get the "so are the identical" comment often and I do reply "nope, one has a penis and the other has a vagina". This usually shuts them up. I've had a few people get flustered and reply that they meant to ask if they were similar looking, but really don't most siblings look similar?? Shouldn't most people know the difference between identical and similar?

I also get comments about how I "must be done now" since I have a boy and a girl. What business is it to this stranger about plans for my family?

I have mastered a don't f8ck with me look when we go out. I usually barrel through the store when I go out. The last time I went to the market I ran into another twin mama who has B/G twins a few months older than mine and I was so entrenched in the thought of getting out of the store as quickly as possible it didn't dawn on me until the walk home that I should have been a bit nicer and perhaps I could have made friends with this woman.

Gees, can you tell that this bugs me? Perhaps I wouldn't be bothered so much by it if I weren't so sleep deprived? Only time will tell.
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#23 of 61 Old 10-11-2007, 06:07 AM
 
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Try living as white foreigners in an Asian country where twins are very rare. Add to that, that it's very good luck to see a set of twins and even better luck to touch them.... : Seriously, our neighbors went out and bought lottery tickets the day they were born!

Last night we went out on a rare visit to a mall, and I finally had to tell my DH to keep the stroller as a moving target, because as soon as we stop, we're surrounded by like 30 people. I just smile and keep on walking. I swear they say, "psst, there're twins here, pass it on." By the time we leave the mall, everyone has come to take a peek. My DD yells at them, NO TOUCH! And my DS says, "MY baby!" They're quite protective, almost like guards on each side of the stroller

The word for twins is "faa fat". My daughter keeps asking me why people are calling the babies fat. While I do like a little bit of attention, I much prefer to get my shopping done quickly. Right now my girls share a single stroller and lay down in it, but now that they're looking around and slightly propped up, everyone can see them. I need to buy a double stroller but know what attention I'll be getting...

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#24 of 61 Old 10-11-2007, 03:30 PM
 
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Yeah, I don't like it one bit when people go touching my babies! I would *never* presume that it's okay to go around touching some strangers kid! Plus my boys are like, "who the hell are you and why on earth are you touching me???" It's not like they like it. And I get all.the.time the question about whether or not they're twins. Just the other day I was somewhere and this guy says (all joking like), "oh look at the twins!" and then he pauses and says, "wait - they aren't twins, right?" and I'm like, "uh, yeah" and he says (about my larger twin) "how much bigger is he?" and I say, "9 lbs." and he says, "no, how much larger?" "9 LBS." I guess he thought that was his total weight and not his weight difference (which is really 11 lbs - we just rechecked). Anyway, b/c of the weight difference people really disbelieve me when I say they're twins. And then when I have the nerve to tell them that the (much) smaller of the two is the older brother, they're really dumbfounded. ha People are weird. Still, I generally like the attention - at least it's adults talking to me!

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#25 of 61 Old 10-11-2007, 04:18 PM - Thread Starter
 
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The ones that really kill me are the ones that say, "oh, they can't be twins. They don't look a bit alike." :

Or the ones that want all the personal details of their conception-- did I conceive them "naturally," did I take fertility drugs, do twins run in my family, etc. Like it's any of their business.

And why is it that everybody seems to think I CARE that their second cousin is a twin, or their grandmother's sister had twins, or they live next door to twins, or they once went to school with a set of triplets. They really honestly think I care.

Thanks all. At least I feel better knowing it's not just me who's fed up. My mom gives me a hard time and says I should be "nicer" to people because "they just want to be friendly" or "it doesn't hurt you to stop and talk to them." : So I started to think maybe it was just me.

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#26 of 61 Old 10-11-2007, 06:13 PM
 
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Oh, I thought of another weird comment. This one lady was like "oh, he is big-he must hog all the formula." I told her they were breastfed and she was like "oh, I am a TOTAL breastfeeding proponent." Two things I thought were weird. First, how does a baby "hog" all the formula? Wouldn't I just make 2 bottles? : Secondly, why did she assume they were formula fed if she is such a proponent of breastfeeding?

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#27 of 61 Old 10-11-2007, 06:38 PM
 
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I had a complete stranger want to know if they were delievered "natually" or if I had a c-section.

I should have asked her what had come out of her vagina lately :
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#28 of 61 Old 10-11-2007, 06:41 PM
 
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I get asked that question, too, but it doesn't bother me. I love getting to tell people I had my twins at home.

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#29 of 61 Old 10-11-2007, 07:06 PM
 
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I've also found that it gets better as your twins get older. Mine are so very fraternal, too, that some people are genuinely surprised that they're both mine, let alone twins. I think having them out of a stroller helps, too. It's pretty obvious to even the most obtuse that you can't stop to chat while you're chasing down two 2-year olds.

Being PG with a third with two year old twins who do keep me running after them has inspired a lot of inane comments, though.

I never know what to say when people tell me that they're neighbor has 7-year old twins. About all I can come up with is, "Oh." I do like talking to people who are twins themselves & have gleaned things from them regarding parenting twins that have been helpful, or people with adult twins. I met a woman at the airport who had twins as her youngest of 5 children, all under 6. Made me stop whining about what 3 under 3 will be like.

SAHM to F & P, : fraternal twins born 3/05, : I, born 12/07 & at 5 weeks in July 2009
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#30 of 61 Old 10-11-2007, 07:12 PM
 
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Originally Posted by wendyjoe View Post
I had a complete stranger want to know if they were delievered "natually" or if I had a c-section.

I should have asked her what had come out of her vagina lately :
I am cracking up!!! That is too funny....I'll have to remember that one...



Goodness, I am already getting comments/looks and my babes aren't even born yet. It'll be interesting to see what things people say in the months to come.
Today though was the oddest comment. I was checking out at the grocery store and the cashier asked me 'Are you having your baby today?' And I am thinking to myself, yup I came to buy some eggs and chicken then on my way home I'll swing by the hospital. I mean, come on people! Usually I get asked when am I due - which doesn't bother me one bit. But am I having my baby today????? WTF?

Christine - mama to my 4 boys
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