Twin thing? Boy thing? re: not into new baby - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 12 Old 10-25-2007, 10:17 PM - Thread Starter
 
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My twin boys are my oldest, they will be 5yo in January.

When my dd1 was born, they were 2yo. They paid absolutely no attention to her until they had to (ie, when she started getting mobile and getting into their stuff). Now that she is 2.5yo they are grudingly nice to her -- sometimes. But they really prefer playing with each other to anyone else.

I just had a baby about 10d ago, and the same thing -- they pay no attention to the new baby, they couldn't care less as long as their lives are relatively uninterrupted. They don't want to hold her or be around her.

My bff came over the other day, she has DZ girls who are 6w younger than my boys, and they were practically killing each other over who could hold the baby first, who could help burp her, who could touch her, etc.

Do I just have super-"twin-y" twins? Is this a boy thing? I don't mind exactly -- it's nice not having anyone hover over me while I'm bfing -- just curious.

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#2 of 12 Old 10-25-2007, 10:26 PM
 
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My children are B G B G and the 'older' children were always *very* interested in the new babies. Maybe they weren't saying "Here, play with and wreck my stuff" but they were very interested in helping to change, kiss, hold etc.

My oldest was 3, turning 4, when the next babe came along and he picked out a side -by- side stroller before she arrived. He wanted to hold her hand on walks. At the store he said, "This is a great stroller-- you can push us both. I can keep an eye on the baby, and I can hold her hand". When she arrived, he sat on my lap and said, "Say it, Mommy. Say, 'I love my two children ' '". He was totally into it, but he had no other sibs to amuse him.

However, I think all children are different, and sibling reactions will vary greatly. Do you have worries about your twins in other ways? If not, I would not fret. They are only 3. If their reactions to situations seem out-of-the-ordinary to you, you might ask your HCP for ideas.
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#3 of 12 Old 10-25-2007, 11:10 PM
 
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My dd was almost two when my boys arrived and she was completely indifferent to them for several months. Gradually, bit by bit, she warmed up to them and now enjoys playing with them quite a bit. (BTW, she's not into playing babies or dolls at all, either.) My 3yo nephew, however, has just gotten a baby sister and is completely inamored with her. I think some kids are just more into babies than others.

Cindi, mama to Hannah (7/04) :, Eli & Sam (6/06) :
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#4 of 12 Old 10-26-2007, 03:15 AM
 
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I'd chalk it up to personality difference. Just like some adults are not baby people (like myself, for instance, unless they're my own babies), some kids aren't baby crazy. Especially when they're so close together.

For my daughter, she didn't mind the babies but she didn't go gaga for them either. In fact, after they were home for two weeks, they were ho-hum and might as well have always been there. (She was 17 months when they were born, I suspect young-toddler sense of time/history factors in there)

She's still not interested in babies in general very much (there have been 2 I can think of who have captured her attention, but that was on an individual level, and they weren't her brothers). That's cool with me. Her brothers, however, do like babies and go nuts over them. (maybe because they've never lived with one younger than them? ) But I can see why in their personalities they'd be more into that.

Sometimes siblings aren't best friends, sometimes kids don't especially love babies. It's just a personality thing. And it could be a personality dynamic thing too...where two sibs who are especially close are that way because of a really good personality fit, or find it hard to get along because of very divergent (or too similar) personalities.

And keep in mind that the girls you had over may very well have reacted differently towards a baby that they had to live with 24/7, as opposed to just visiting.
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#5 of 12 Old 10-27-2007, 02:55 AM
 
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My b/b twins were 3.5 when their sister was born. (She's 22-months now.) They were very interested in the big brother presents. Interest in her? Not so much.

Just tonight they wrote signs for their room that essentially said "No Sister Allowed." To be fair, they made a similar sign for her room that says "No Brothers." They're not mean to her, and use an appropriate tone with her when they talk to her, but they rarely actively play with her. I've always thought it was a personality thing for them, rather than a twin issue. But now you have me wondering. I do believe they'll play together when she's a bit older. (I hope!)
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#6 of 12 Old 10-27-2007, 03:02 AM
 
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my twin sister and i were always much closer to eachother than to our younger sister. it is still that way.
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#7 of 12 Old 10-29-2007, 12:19 AM
 
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My boys are 8 and 4 and my twin girls are 2 1/2 months. The boys treat them like amusing pets. They'll pet their heads when they walk by, they help out when asked (fetching a diaper, putting in a pacifier), but are generally not that interested.
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#8 of 12 Old 10-29-2007, 02:32 AM
 
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Congrats on the birth of your baby!

The way your sons are is the way I'm imagining my girls will be. One of my friends who does not have twins, in fact her 3 kids are widely spaced apart, was telling me how they'll all play together. I honestly can't imagine that -- why would a 4 year old want to play with a 1 year old when they have another 4 year old to play with? KWIM? I can see with siblings that they play together out of necessity, but if they have a choice, wouldn't most kids prefer to play with someone on their own wavelength?

About being into babies or not, I think that's probably personality. Fiona is very interested in babies, but Phoebe not so much. They both like to read the baby on the way books I got them, but Fiona will notice babies if we're out and wants to see her baby pictures every day.

SAHM to F & P, : fraternal twins born 3/05, : I, born 12/07 & at 5 weeks in July 2009
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#9 of 12 Old 10-29-2007, 12:09 PM
 
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My twins love playing with their baby brother. He's 3 years and 9 months younger. They've always been interested in him, and I think they are more into him as he's gotten older. It may help that we've always referred to the baby as "your baby," even when I was pregnant. Unfortunately, they do sometimes treat him like he's their toy, but for the most part they're gentle enough and baby Zeb LOVES it.

We set up a small room in our house (it's 8 x 10) as Luke and Jasper's "office." It has all the toys that they don't want Zeben to mess up (like blocks, train tracks, etc.). There's a baby gate on the door that L & J can jump over, and Z just stands at the gate, happily watching his big brothers play.

I think it will probably be more of an issue when the twins are like 7, and Zeben is 3. But maybe we've just lucked out and depsite the big age gap, all the kids will play well together. I think we need to have another baby for Zeb, though .

I should mention that my twins are so very fraternal in every possible way (totally different personalities, ways of seeing the world, etc.), and so the only thing twinish about them is that they have the same birthday. It's possible that one or the other or both of them will be a better fit personality-wise with their younger brother. They both look more like their younger brother than they do like each other, and I see bits of each of them in the way he acts. Perhaps if the two of them were a better match, they'd be less interested in the baby.



Congrats on your new baby, YumaDoula!



Lex

Mindfully mothering SIX kids (ages 4, 5, 7, 8, 11 & 11) in a small house with a lot of love.
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#10 of 12 Old 10-31-2007, 10:52 AM
 
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Congratulations on your new baby! My twin boys were 6.5 when their sister was born. They checked her out right away and then kind of left her alone for a few months. Once she could start interacting with them they really got into playing with her. My twin sister and I fawned all over our brother when he was born. We were about three at the time. I think it's all a matter of personality.

+ (13 years together)= (9), (9), (2) and
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#11 of 12 Old 11-04-2007, 02:57 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by skyezy View Post
My boys are 8 and 4 and my twin girls are 2 1/2 months. The boys treat them like amusing pets. They'll pet their heads when they walk by, they help out when asked (fetching a diaper, putting in a pacifier), but are generally not that interested.
My boys were very much that way with my twin girls (they sometimes play with them now, just because they like to make them laugh). I vote for a mixture of being boys (many tend toward being less interested in babies), being twins (they don't feel the need for anyone else to connect with), and not being baby people. But I wouldn't worry about it.
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#12 of 12 Old 11-04-2007, 09:50 PM
 
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CONGRATZ on your new little one!

I think it's just your sons' personalities. My son is a singleton and LOVES his sisters, so I can say it's not necessarily a boy thing.

Lucia , Poly )O( Lactation Counseling mama lady.gifvbac.gifto 5 yo Goobersuperhero.gif and 3 1/2 yo MZ twins twins.gif Peanut and Sweetpea and 1yo Pumpkinbabyf.gif mmm placenta.gif
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