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#1 of 10 Old 11-04-2007, 01:05 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Good Day All,
I am in need of your advice once again. My twin girls are now 7 months old and on day 8 of colds. : They are exclusively breastfeed and spend some time sleeping with me and some time sleeping in swings (I never seem to have more than one babe in the bed at a time, since they always wake each other up). My husband is now sleeping in another room, so I'm pretty much running the show alone at night and for most of the day while he is at work. We have no family to help and most of friends work or have kids that keep them busy. As much as I want to be the perfect attached mom, whatever that is, I'm finding I am losing my patience more and more, am beginning to resent the fact that I have to feed these babies all the time (they will not take EBM from a bottle) and am no longer getting any kind of stretch of sleep, since they are up every hour or so, on different sleep schedules and want to nurse. It seems we are back to square one, when they were newborns. To top it all off, I'm sick too (though not as bad as they are) and I'm feeling really run down during the day. I guess my question is - how do I change this situation? How can I get a baby to take a bottle when I need to be away? I have been with them nonstop since their birth (with the exception of 4 - one hour massages) and I'm beginning to burn out. I need a nap. I need to talk a walk alone. Hell, in the new year I need gall bladder surgery. How can I do this when they feed every 2 - 3 hours and only sleep on the breast (we lost our daytime nap in the swing over 2 months ago). How can I do any of this when it seems the only person in the world that can keep them happy and feed them is me? Is it normal to feel trapped and resentful at times?
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#2 of 10 Old 11-04-2007, 03:16 PM
 
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Hugs to you Renesis. My babes are a week older than yours and aside from the colds I'm in the exact same boat as you. I don't have any advice to offer, but I could not read this and then not respond. I think it is normal to feel trapped and resentful at times.

I get my husband to take the babies out for a walk at least once a week so that I can have a nap. Having the bed to myself for even a short period of time is exquisite. Is there any way you can find a mother's helper to come and take the babies out for a walk while you get a nap?

As for getting them to take a bottle I still haven't figured out that part. I'd love to find out too.

As for your upcoming surgery, are you able to arrange some additional help now? I had gall bladder surgery a couple of years ago and I think that you will need help for a few days.

I'm sorry that you are having such a hard time. I wish that I lived closer to you. That way I could come over and give you a break.
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#3 of 10 Old 11-04-2007, 03:30 PM
 
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Oh momma, I feel your pain.

I may get crap for it, but I don't think you can be as attached to twins as you can with a singleton. It's just too much. It takes so much out of you.

My boys are almost 4 months and I have been trying to make them a little less dependant on me than their sister was, because with her it was exhausting and she was just one baby.

Ok, on the bottle thing. It is going to be extremely difficult for you to get them to take a bottle from you. They know that you are right there with the goods, why would they take a bottle? You will have to enlist your dh or someone else to give it a try. You can try all different kinds of bottles, their are ones that are shaped like a breast that my friend had success with. Or at their age you can try a sippy cup. Have you introduced solids at all? That is something a sitter could give them if you wanted to be away for a couple hours. It would fill them up so they weren't hungry.

Sleeping thing. Oh sister, I hear you on this problem. I have read just about every sleep book so far in order to prevent any major problems. My dd was a horrible sleeper. I suggest reading some of the books I have read and then developing a plan and course of action and getting dh involved. Yes, I know he's tired and needs to work, but you need to be able to function. They are his kids too. The No-Cry Sleep Solution, Lull-a-baby Sleep Plan, Healthy Sleep Habits-Happy Child, Dr. Sears- The Baby Sleep Book. I would recommend reading all of them if you can, but the No-Cry, Healthy Sleep Habits and Dr. Sears are the top choices. They all have a little bit different approach.

But if what you are doing is not working for you, then change it. I know that exhausted feeling, it sucks. I hate not having patience and feeling so run down. Find some help. Pay for help. Your church, your friends- even if they have kids- could manage an hour, right?

Hang in there momma! Sorry everyone is sick, that doesn't help at all!

Andrea mommy to G(2/97), S : (1/04), E & J (7/07)
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#4 of 10 Old 11-04-2007, 04:28 PM
 
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Okay, I think I can honestly say I have BTDT. Solo nightime parenting, no sleep, and babies who would not take any form of formula or expressed milk from ANYONE, no matter how long I was gone.

I too felt trapped and resentful. In retrospect, I really should have made more time for myself, no matter what.

I think that in all of this stuff about responding to babies needs in attachment parenting (which I totally support), the needs of the mom often get lost or overlooked.

At 7 months, yours are old enough to get along without you for a couple of hours. They might be crabby, but they will be fine without nursing for a short while.

Get your dh to take them out and stroller around the mall for awhile so you can catch up on some sleep. Find a babysitter or mothers helper to take them on a walk so you can sleep. Contact your local senior center and see if there are any retirees who miss babies and are willing to help out so you can sleep. Drive them to sleep in the car, then park it and nap yourself. See a theme?

With twins especially, you have to find a balance that works for you. Your babies will be fine and they will benefit from a happier mom.

Hang in there, it does get better.
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#5 of 10 Old 11-04-2007, 10:08 PM
 
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I'm feeling your pain! I've got twins with colic. They haven't been happy since birth . I FINALLY got them to take a soothie bottle because they do take the soothie paci sometimes, and that has been a godsend for when I was sick and lost some supply. They're still not very good at it though so I don't feel comfortable leaving them home to go anywhere. Twins is the hardest thing i've ever had to do

Lucia , Poly )O( Lactation Counseling mama lady.gifvbac.gifto 5 yo Goobersuperhero.gif and 3 1/2 yo MZ twins twins.gif Peanut and Sweetpea and 1yo Pumpkinbabyf.gif mmm placenta.gif
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#6 of 10 Old 11-05-2007, 02:15 AM
 
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THANK YOU!!!!!!!!

Seriously, thank you for posting this... I've been feeling the same way! Well, different situation - but I've definitely been secretly feeling trapped/resentful at times lately.

And thanks to all that responded. My babes have not done well at all lately when I leave them (they won't take bottles either), I was starting to wonder if I should just stop leaving them altogether - but it's true... sometimes you just have to save your sanity at the cost of a few tears, especially with twins!

My new theory is AAP - attached as possible... with multiples, it's just different.

*HUGS* to you! We're gonna make it, right?
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#7 of 10 Old 11-05-2007, 08:31 AM
 
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AAP... I like that

Lucia , Poly )O( Lactation Counseling mama lady.gifvbac.gifto 5 yo Goobersuperhero.gif and 3 1/2 yo MZ twins twins.gif Peanut and Sweetpea and 1yo Pumpkinbabyf.gif mmm placenta.gif
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#8 of 10 Old 11-06-2007, 10:58 AM
 
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I too sometimes feel trapped. I am in a better position, though, because they both got bottles in the hospital. Raphi was in the NICU so I pumped for him, and Danny got the breast and then I had to supplement with formula. (Pleased to say that they haven't had formula since. *Go me!!*) What we did find helpful was the Haberman feeder. It has a one-way valve that lets the milk down slowly and mimics that of the breast. If they don't suck, they don't get milk. So it helped with nursing and there is less gas and spit-up. We have been using them since they came home a week after birth. I also find that my supply is low in the evening. The last time I nurse them is around 7 and I try and pump every time one of them is sleeping and they get bottles for the 10/11 o'clock feed. I also feel that this helps them sleep better and longer because I know how much they are getting and every so often I increase the cc's. I know that they will have to start solids soon as well. I also try and let DH sleep. Some nights it works, others it doesn't. Hang in there. Everyone says that it gets better, but my theory is that we just get used to how hard it is.

: wife to James, MoM to R babyboy.gif and D babyboy.gif  (Aug 2007) and E babygirl.gif (Nov 2009) and Y babyboy.gif (April 2012)

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#9 of 10 Old 11-06-2007, 06:52 PM
 
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Hi Renesis,

I don't have twins, but I do have a suggestion regarding the bottle issue. My son is 7.5 months old now and has been in day care for one month. He takes EBM from a sippy cup called a Nuby, with a very soft nipple-like spout that he can squish and suck from almost like me. It works for him! He never takes EBM from me, by the way. I am a single mom, and I had other people -- my older child, my close friends -- help him learn with the Nuby cup before we started day care. Now he takes it from our DCP with no problem!

Since my baby was past 6 months when I was going to be separated from him, it didn't make sense to start him on a bottle at that point, only to have to wean him to a cup eventually anyway.

Good luck! I hope you can work out a trade with another mom or something for you to get some time to yourself.....I don't have multiples, but as a single mom, I know what it's like to be "on" all the time.

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#10 of 10 Old 11-07-2007, 05:05 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you all for your suggestions. It never fails..just when you are at the end of your rope, things change again and it is suddenly manageable. The girls have slept for longer stretches in the swings at night, so I have caught up on some sleep. Yesterday, my hubby and a friend took the girls to the mall for two hours and I napped. Yay! We don't own a car, so it is hard to get the girls out to a location with someoone else before they need to eat again, but it worked yesterday. Today, my hubby test fed one of my girls with a new sippy cup, and she took the milk Things are looking up again! Till next time....
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