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#1 of 46 Old 02-27-2008, 05:19 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Forgive me if this is not discussed or if this is not the place, but . . .
My sister is pregnant following hormone injections and insemination and at the 6 week u/s 4 embryos were seen -- only 2 heartbeats but doc said that this wasn't unusual and they could easily be beating at the 8 wk u/s. Doc is really pushing for a reduction saying that 4 babies would be very difficult to successfully bring into this world. Sis is Pro-Life, but incredibly pragmatic and would hate to do nothing and hurt all of them. I am hoping that at the 8 wk there are only 2 heartbeats but I don't think that she can bring herself to hope against life after working so hard to create it. When the doc said initially that he suggested a reduction, she said NO way. But then he stated that that would put all 4 in jeopardy. Any info or experience regarding such a difficult topic would be greatly appreciated. I hate that she is facing such a difficult decision and can only offer my support.
Also does anyone know where I might be able to direct her for data and stats so that she can see what kind of battle she may be facing with quads and what the success rates are with reductions, etc.??
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#2 of 46 Old 02-27-2008, 06:03 PM
 
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#3 of 46 Old 02-27-2008, 06:40 PM
 
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It's a really, really difficult decision, complicated by the fact that even doctors aren't 100% sure that reduction helps with newborn outcomes such as preterm delivery. For instance here is one study that I have found about reducing from triplets:

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/1...ubmed_RVDocSum

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We examined trichorionic triplet pregnancies with three live fetuses at 10-14 weeks of gestation that were managed expectantly [not reduced] or by embryo reduction. The two groups were compared for the rates of miscarriage, defined as pregnancy loss before 24 weeks, and preterm delivery prior to 32 weeks. ......CONCLUSIONS: In trichorionic triplets, ER to twins is associated with an increase in the risk of subsequent miscarriage and decrease in risk of early preterm birth.
I agree with the recommendations for her to start to read & follow the Barbara Luke program & diet ASAP, reductions or not. She does discuss the reductions issue in the book as well.

ETA if you want the full text of the above article PM me your email address & I will be happy to send.

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#4 of 46 Old 02-27-2008, 06:40 PM
 
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A women here in the DFW area just gave birth to quads at 29 weeks and they are doing FANTASTIC! I would hedge a bet she wasn't following Dr. Luke's recommendations, either. All four babies are now in the step down NICU at 6 weeks old, all breathing room air, and 3 are on full bottle feeding. I think the heaviest babe is up to 5 pounds. It's a wonderful success story. Of course, there is no guarantee that your sister will have such a wonderful outcome, but it IS possible.

ETA: Oh, and she's at least partially breastfeeding them because she talks about pumping for them on her blog.
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#5 of 46 Old 02-27-2008, 07:53 PM
 
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I got pregnant with triplets last fall and I was heavily heavily pushed to reduce to twins. The nurse at the infertility clinic, two peris, and my old OB all seemed to say reduce is better.

Statistically - the odds are better.

Emotionally - it wasn't worth it. It was NOT worth it.

Maybe. I really don't know. You can read my blog entry on it here - that was written during December's breakdown... I seem to have a serious breakdown every month or so because of it. It's like I'm pregnant now so I don't have menstrual cycles, but every 4 weeks or so I go off the deep end. (Last one was at 28 weeks so I'm due soon!) If you look in October 2007 archives there is some more stuff... It's just an impossible situation to explain, if you haven't been there. What you would or wouldn't do may seem so clear to you... I never thought I would do it but between my son and this pregnancy I had 3 miscarriages and I just couldn't convince myself then that *I* would be one of the ones to make it through a triplet pregnancy with all 3. I tried... I couldn't believe it. I didn't want to reduce... I was scared out of my mind not to reduce. I wanted to run away and not have to decide but I kept thinking of the Rush song that goes "If you choose not to decide you still have made a choice" and i thought I don't want to decide by not deciding...

Right now I am 31+ weeks with twin girls and everything is great - I am in a lot of discomfort from carrying two babies but they are both measuring on target, I have no signs of labor, nothing like that. They're fine - except baby A has turned breech and now I am worried over a c-section, the avoidance of which was one (stupid) reason for reducing. (I have never even had a tooth filled - my son was natural childbirth - I was so wigged out over being cut open and having the babies removed while I was awake... It doesn't bother me so much now but I needed time to get used to it and you don't have the luxury of time when you are in this position)

It is EXTREMELY f'ed up to spend your entire pregnancy wishing things would go wrong so you'd feel justified in your decision but that is how I feel. I wish my water would break. I wish my cervix would shorten. For a while I even wished these babies would die because I felt like I deserved to lose them all - another side of the same coin is during one of my breakdowns I thought I will give the girls up for adoption when they are born and give my son up for adoption, too, because I don't deserve to be a mother. My son is FOUR! He worships me! You can't just give away a four year old kid but that's how crazy I was. I don't feel that way now but I do feel scared to death something yet WILL go wrong, during labor, birth, whatever - because even with twins there are a lot of scarey stories out there. I bounce between fearing a c-section and demanding one because that is the fastest, safest way to get them out. (And, maybe I feel the c-section is punishment I deserve, who knows)

All I feel like is a murderer and I think my HMO pushed for reductions to keep their costs down and their stats good. (Fertility was covered through my HMO - infertility clinics don't like having higher order multiples on record and HMOs don't want to pay for 3 preemies in NICU) The whole experience has totally destroyed my faith in the medical profession. I trusted my doctors - I trusted if this was being presented as "best," even though it seemed horrible, there must be a damn good reason, you know? And I found a LOT of horror stories to back up my fears in going through with the pregnancy. And the doctors are really, really slick in pushing other little small things on you - the risk of the marriage breaking up is a big one. Think of your older child is another. Vague references to developmental problems that won't show up until later. I read/post to some selective reduction boards and I just want to cry, women coming on trying to decide and being giving the same crappy bogus vague lines I was given. It's just, why can't they say "These things will be hard, here are some resources for help..." instead of "these things will be hard, reduce."

To be totally honest though I am still very conflicted. I mean, it's a moot point, because I can't have my baby back - but since my reduction, quite a few women on different boards I read who got pregnant with trips around the same time as me have lost the entire pregnancy. Part of me feels I would rather have that - lose all 3 and be blameless - than have THIS - certain guilt that my actions (or inactions) resulted in the death of a child. But I don't know. How would it REALLY feel to lose them all? I don't know. I hope to hell I never find out. I read unhappy endings and I just feel like throwing up, I feel like I am right back in that indecision stage.

I also know that 3 would have been really hard to care for. Right now my son (4) is in such a tantrumy 4-year-old phase that I think of 3 newborns on top of that and ... I know I would have cracked up. But OTOH the guilt I have over losing that 3rd... I'm not exactly sane from that.

I am trying to focus on how much more of myself I will be able to give... breastfeeding, holding, comforting... but was it right to do this? Is it better to give more of myself to 2 and nothing of myself to 1 than to give less of myself than I'd like to 3? Why was breastfeeding so important to me that I was unwilling to risk needing any formula at all? I don't know. I will never know. I will never know how things would have gone and that's a lot harder to deal with than I thought it would be.

Even having been through all this... even feeling now 100% it's not worth it to reduce triplets... quads are another story. The risks are greater with quads. More total pregnancy loss with quads than trips. Maybe I would reduce with quads - but maybe I'd reduce to trips, not twins.

There are doctors who don't push reduction of trips - it kills me I didn't get just one more opinion. It kills me that by the luck of the draw I got doctors who do push reduction for trips - some women are never even told to consider it. But after 4 opinions... I guess I gave up. I think more docs are in favor of reduction of quads and I think it is more justified.

I can't say to reduce or not reduce ... but I can say tell your sis to act as if there are 4 NOW... start looking for information NOW... start looking into different doctors and opinions NOW. And be sure to look for emotional/psychological support NOW - I was not told to, and never thought I needed to because I thought I was making a "medical" decision. Turns out you don't have an abortion without counselling beforehand - this should be no different. This IS abortion. The ends may justify the means, it may be more complicated than an unwanted pregnancy - but you are giving up a child and there are emotional repurcussions to be dealt with.

My time frame was kind of short. We had two sacs, no heartbeats at 6 weeks... then 3 sacs with heartbeats at 7. It was 10 before my first peri consult and they booked my reduction for 12 weeks - it was really like I had 2 weeks of crunch time. That's another tip - don't let the peri book your reduction at the consult. Mine did - which I knew even at the time was a mistake. I didn't want it. They said I could cancel though and I preferred to be the good, docile patient rather than refuse to book - I figured I'd call and cancel. Only I never could. I'd pick up the phone and panic and couldn't dial.

I hope she doesn't have to decide - I hope she stays with twins. But 6 weeks is early - like I said I only had 2 sacs then. Anything can happen by 8 weeks. It's too bad they are making her wait 2 more weeks to see - that's 1 week less of knowing for sure.

Good luck to her.

eta - i hate to go against the grain but I think the barbara luke book is bunk. I have read of many women who followed the advice and lost all 3 or 4 babies. I myself have been so depressed since the reduction that my eating habits are absolute crap - yet my babies are doing great. It's a crapshoot... it comes down to luck... which is one thing that makes it so hard. You can have this, this, and that going for you... and still be met with disaster. If someone could have looked into a crystal ball and told me everything would be great in the end - I'd never have reduced. But after three miscarriages and with all the bleeding I had early in this pregnancy - none since the reduction - I just couldn't believe I would be one of the lucky ones, no matter what I did.

eta again - this is a good site IMO... http://www.multiplebirthsfamilies.co...s/ber_q11.html - had I read that before the reduction it would have made it more clear. And based on that I would say quads are dicey. Somehow I missed that in all my digging between weeks 7 and 10 - it's not that I did NO digging then, I just was too scared to be focused and thinking clear... instead I read things like this linked to my HMO's website which I am so skeptical of now... there is a lot of misinformation out there and it's so hard to know what to believe, what to do. ack - can't find the article - but I know it claimed the 25% total loss rate with trips and claimed half of all triplet families experience death or disability... which scared the pants off of me... somehow it escaped me that by having the reduction I was signing up for a 100% chance of death... the doctors gloss over THAT and I wasn't thinking clearly. But again, quads are different...

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#6 of 46 Old 02-27-2008, 08:20 PM
 
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For me, the Luke recommendations were proven to accurate this week. I let myself go on protein and water for a week and my urine dip was complete crap on Monday. I won't let it slip again (and it was MINOR slippage).

Runnerduck, I just wanted to give you another I think you made the best choice you could at the time with the information you were given. I ache for your pain.
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#7 of 46 Old 02-27-2008, 09:34 PM
 
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There's something goofy with the 4 embies/2 heartbeats situation. It's highly likely that two are living (heartbeats) and two are not (still visible, but not viable).

It's way to early to decide on reduction or not. We were warned that our twins could easily turn into a singleton in those early weeks. I'd just sit tight and see what happens.

But definitely she should eat right and take care of herself, no matter how many babies!
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#8 of 46 Old 02-27-2008, 10:14 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Leslie in Chicago View Post
It's way to early to decide on reduction or not. We were warned that our twins could easily turn into a singleton in those early weeks. I'd just sit tight and see what happens.
This is true - they may not all develop and/or if they do there is vanishing twin syndrome thought to affect a certain percentage of multiples - not all embryos make it through the first trimester. (This is why reduction is done at the end of the first trimester, to allow nature some time to take its course)

HOWEVER - any time spent thinking "they won't all develop" or "they won't all make it" is time NOT spent considering the seriousness of a quad pregnancy. Once you NEED to decide - time goes quickly - so the more time you spend giving it serious thought, the better.

Before I got pregnant, I thought triplets would be wonderful - but I didn't really look into risks and so forth. So once I got pregnancy with trips, I got overwhelmed with facts, statistics, scare tactics, etc. I wish I had had more time to process things.

Chantel - thank you. I know I probably DID make the best decision I did, at the time... it's weird but as sure as I am now that it could have worked, I was positive then that it couldn't. So really... I don't know, what else could I do? Even if I was wrong, I was so sure... And for all I know, in the long term, maybe it was the best choice. I'll never know the answer to that. I will just have to do the best I can with the kids I still have.

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#9 of 46 Old 02-27-2008, 10:56 PM
 
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I've never had to make a decision on reduction but honestly, I couldnt do it. I would always wonder about the baby (or babies) I understand the doctors point, but there is a reason why 4 took, and if they all dont make it, then thats what would have to happen. But I couldnt look at my twins and wonder about the other 2 constantly....I would probably go mad thinking about it.

I wish her all the best in her decision. But she has think of how she will feel reducing the babies. Can she cope with that decision for her entire life?

single mommy to identical twin girls (3/06) Non-traditional mama just : through life.
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#10 of 46 Old 02-27-2008, 11:19 PM
 
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I second the Dr. Luke book. Great suggestions on nutrition to improve the odds.

And RunnerDuck-- I can't imagine the position you're in. I wish there were more providers who were sensitive to and supportive of mothers facing unexpected pregnancy situations-- whether it's an unplanned pregnancy or surprise triplets (or quads), women need more support and less fearmongering.

Wife of one and mom of five, including my HBAC twins!
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#11 of 46 Old 02-28-2008, 01:22 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you so much for your words. This is a decision that has no easy answer and either answer can be second guessed forever, but that will not help anyone to be a better parent. Runnerduck you have made a difficult decision for your family but you made the best decision you could make at the time. I wish you and your family peace. Thank you again for your help. Good luck to all of you with your families.
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#12 of 46 Old 02-28-2008, 02:01 AM
 
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My pregnacy started out as triplets. My RE did give us the option of reduction and I was against it from the beginning. He stated that our bodies are not meant to carry more than 1. I thought that since it took me 7 yrs to get pg in the first place, that we would deal with what God gave us.

At my 6 week u/s for viability, we showed 3 sacs (2 heartbeats could be seen), Baby C heartbeat could not been seen. We followed up at 7 weeks and all three had heartbeats, but Baby C's heartbeat was not as strong and A&B. I was told by my RE, to be prepared to lose Baby C, since the heartbeat was not as strong. That if I did lose Baby C, most likely my body would reabsorb it so I wouldn't have to go thru a miscarriage while being PG with the twins. Sometime between 10-12 weeks, I had a horrible bleeding episode and we think that it was Baby C.

I agree with what the other ladies say about the odds of the 2 out of the 4 not being viable. She will just have to wait and see what happens and make her decision from there.

I didn't see the Peri until I was 12 weeks and then I was with a high risk ob/gyn and the Peris. I delivered the twins at 31 weeks by emergency c-section since I had bad preeclampsia. They were born healthy and are now almost 4 yrs old.

I will keep your sister in my prayers and keep us posted.

Take care,
God Bless,
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#13 of 46 Old 02-28-2008, 12:02 PM
 
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A friend of mine has quads. She's actually a single mom of quads, you may have seen her on Oprah. She was implanted with 3, and all of them took and one split. She thought about reduction but decided against it. They're 4.5yo now.

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#14 of 46 Old 02-28-2008, 01:36 PM
 
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I am currently pregnant with twins, by way of a reduction from triplets that I underwent last week. It was a very difficult decision to make, but my partner and I did it mainly to reduce the morbidity associated with higher gestation pregnancies. Having two versus three lowered my risk for serious complications such as preeeclampsia and gestational diabetes, while decreasing the morbidity/complications often encountered with triplets and above. Mortality isn't as much of a concern now--we know that NICUs can keep babies alive, it's the morbidity that was a concern for us. Preterm labor, learning issues, plus a myriad of physical problems that can ensue from being a high order multiple. It was a very hard decision but we are glad we made it, to improve the odds of the other two (and me) of being healthy in the long term. It's a terrible decision to have to make, no doubt, but I believe we did the right thing. We never felt pressured by anyone, and I'd done a lot of reading of OB/peri journals before the decision was made. Good luck! Scd1978
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#15 of 46 Old 02-28-2008, 03:33 PM
 
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SCD - meased to pleat you.

DS T 11/16/03 DDs K & E 3/28/08
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#16 of 46 Old 02-28-2008, 03:47 PM
 
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Originally Posted by DoomaYula View Post
A friend of mine has quads. She's actually a single mom of quads, you may have seen her on Oprah. She was implanted with 3, and all of them took and one split. She thought about reduction but decided against it. They're 4.5yo now.
YES! I did see her. I thought she was amazing how she was able to take care of all 4 alone. She has to be super woman. How are her babies (not babies anymore ) doing now?

single mommy to identical twin girls (3/06) Non-traditional mama just : through life.
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#17 of 46 Old 02-28-2008, 03:50 PM
 
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A friend of a friend was pg with quads (through fertility treatments) and she opted to select down to 3. She miscarried one and ended up with two healthy twins.
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#18 of 46 Old 02-28-2008, 09:00 PM
 
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RunnerDuck, my heart and love go out to you.

I too was pressured to reduce because my donor twin (my boys had TTTS) looked like he was on the brink of death for much of the pregnancy. You are right, even if you choose to do "nothing", there is a lot of pain in that decision.

It's only after 4 years that I don't experience daily pain looking at my son who was the healthier of the two and know that I was willing to let him die too rather than make the decision to reduce. Even with a happy ending, that decision (or indecision, in my case) can be so haunting.

You are not an evil person. We all do the best we can. Having to make a decision like that while pregnant and all the high hormones and emotions that entails is something that I would not wish on my worst enemy. I'm so sorry you have to go through this. I hope that in time you will be able to find true peace with the decision you made, but until then please be gentle and loving with yourself, mama. You deserve it.
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#19 of 46 Old 02-29-2008, 02:02 PM
 
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My heart goes out to all of you who have faced this decision. We had some question early on in my pregnancy about whether one twin might have a condition that would bring up the reduction question - luckily for us it turned out not to be so and the thought was never more than an outside possibility. Even with that experience behind me, I cannot say what I would do when faced with the situations you've described. There is so much involved and so many emotions, and I wish no one ever had to even think about all of this. Runnerduck, I wish you strength and healthy babies, and healing for yourself.

Betsy, mama to beautiful, strong MZ twins Lillian and Kate, born 11 weeks early on January 10, 2006.
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#20 of 46 Old 02-29-2008, 03:16 PM
 
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I'm glad people are being supportive here. I went through the horrible decision to reduce from triplets to twins. At the time I was so scared to have triplets and deal with all of the things that could go wrong with the pregnancy. My pregnancy was an IVF-icsi pregnancy and it took so much money to get pregnant. I was so afraid to lose all of my babies. I was also so afraid that I would not be able emotionally and mentally care for three babies at once. I also was afraid of the financial costs of a twin pregnancy (my husband and I got laid off from our jobs after I found out I was pregnant). For weeks I prayed that one baby would die so I would not have to make the decision and I also prayed that I would not go to hell if I did reduce. I made the extremely painful decision to reduce and it was very traumatic for me. I cried for weeks before the procedure. I never thought I was I was one to do that, but I was trying to do what was best for the family. I became extremely depressed after and had a difficult time carrying( a lot of intervention), but I made 34 weeks and 4 days with my twins.

It's been over a year since the reduction and I still mourn the loss of baby C. Almost everyday I think of the other baby, especially when we are having fun as I family.

If I had to do over again, would I? Probably yes. I really believe that it made a difference in the survival of my other two. They are so happy and healthy now. I made it to over 34 weeks. I almost lost them at 20 weeks and had to have a cerclage put in. I had an incompetent cervix, a very large fibroid, and preterm labor. I was told that if I had one more baby I possibly would have lost all of the them. I know I would have definitely lost my little Bella (she was baby A at the bottom).

I can't say to do it one way or the other. It is decision only she can make. You just make the best decision you can at the time. I'm so sorry she is in this situation. Very few people understand it unless they have been there.

SAHM to a set of beautiful twins :, one beautiful angel baby (baby c), and one crazy furbaby :
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#21 of 46 Old 03-03-2008, 01:26 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Chantelhayes View Post
A women here in the DFW area just gave birth to quads at 29 weeks and they are doing FANTASTIC! I would hedge a bet she wasn't following Dr. Luke's recommendations, either. All four babies are now in the step down NICU at 6 weeks old, all breathing room air, and 3 are on full bottle feeding. I think the heaviest babe is up to 5 pounds. It's a wonderful success story. Of course, there is no guarantee that your sister will have such a wonderful outcome, but it IS possible.

ETA: Oh, and she's at least partially breastfeeding them because she talks about pumping for them on her blog.
It's wayyy too early to say if this will be a good outcome or not. Preemies are strange creatures! I hope everything turns out for the best though. My girls are former 29-weekers who are now 2 and I'm just now thinking that we have beaten the prematurity beast. Only time (and school-age activities) will tell!
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#22 of 46 Old 03-03-2008, 12:46 PM
 
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It's wayyy too early to say if this will be a good outcome or not. Preemies are strange creatures! I hope everything turns out for the best though. My girls are former 29-weekers who are now 2 and I'm just now thinking that we have beaten the prematurity beast. Only time (and school-age activities) will tell!
Sorry, I didn't mean to imply that they were out of the woods, just that everything was looking good for them and that not every higher order multiple pregnancy is going to end up with dead babies.
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#23 of 46 Old 03-03-2008, 05:16 PM
 
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Threads like this make me so sad. It's weird... and medical technology helps us so much sometimes and then the same technology -- whether vaccines, antibiotics, infertility treatments -- can hurt us so much.

Humans weren't meant to deliver large order multiples and that fact alone would make me seriously unlikely to go for a high-order (and specifically, I mean more than triplets) pregnancy. I tend to think that way though, i.e., look at what we were meant to do from an evolutionary perspective.
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#24 of 46 Old 03-03-2008, 10:29 PM
 
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Humans weren't meant to deliver large order multiples and that fact alone would make me seriously unlikely to go for a high-order (and specifically, I mean more than triplets) pregnancy. I tend to think that way though, i.e., look at what we were meant to do from an evolutionary perspective.


I hope I never have to make a decision like this, but it's hard to look at the "success" stories of higher order multiples and not wonder how it would be for the kids if they hadn't come in such numbers. For example, the sextuptlets on "Jon and Kate plus 8" are an amazing success, even though they were early and 4 of them suffer from asthma. But....how much attention do any of those kids get on a daily basis? How much of their baby/toddlerhood hasn't been rushed, hurried, and how much do the parents actually remember?? That's probably not a very good reason to consider reduction, but it's something I think about. Quality over quantity.
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#25 of 46 Old 03-03-2008, 10:39 PM
 
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I agree. It took everything that I am and everything that I have (literally... including money to hire help) to raise my twins AP. And then I had a third full-term healthy singleton and it was like, "OHhhh.... THIS is what they meant by ______" (pick one: demand feeding, instant mother-baby bond, supply-and-demand for milk supply, true babywearing, etc etc ETC.). I mean, I've made peace with that to some extent and I did the absolute best I could, but it is what it is. And that was JUST twins! Good lord. Now I'm willing to admit that it is possible there are perhaps a handful of superheroes out there (all of whom are here on MDC! ) who can do it with triplets or whatever, but like 4, 5, 6+ babies? Forget it.
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#26 of 46 Old 03-04-2008, 03:57 AM
 
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I don't think a person's happy childhood is affected much by what their *parents* remember. It's what the person remembers.

I'm sure my parents probably think they remember every second of my (only) childhood. It still sucked, and they're kind of in a bit of denial.

Give me parents who don't remember everything about my childhood or (horror of horrors) may not have even kept a baby book about me, but still had plenty of love to go around and who helped ME make good memories.

Sometimes I think we overintellectualize our children's childhood and make it all about US. I think to some degree it's probably good for parents to get over themselves in that regard.

I don't remember much of anything about the first 6 weeks of my boys' life. (Come to think of it, the daily details of my singleton's first couple of weeks are getting fuzzy.) So what? I wrote it down, we've got pictures, THEY know our family stories passed on, we make new memories and have fun together. I'm sure that my kids will be pissed at me about something someday, and you know, I've made worse parenting mistakes since then than not keeping a total recall of everything about their first year even. I'm also fairly confident that I will eff up even more times between now and when my kids are adults.

Numbers do not ensure quality. All they ensure is that the more you have the harder you have to work your rear off to ensure that quality. Which means that while your kids may have memories, your brain was firing on more cylinders and you may just not have laid down the long term memories. And why would your kid even care about that, when they can say to their brother/sister "Hey, do you remember that time when we made mama do the crazy lady dance when she thought we were doing X but really we snuck upstairs and filled up the toilet with baking soda and vinegar?" If they don't remember enough to reminisce with each other, they probably won't care if you don't know either. Because they forgot just like you. :P
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#27 of 46 Old 03-06-2008, 08:36 PM
 
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I wasn't trying to say that it matters to the child whether or not I remember their upbringing, I was just trying to imply that if I'm so harried that I can't even remember what we had for breakfast then I don't think I'm going to be a very good parent. Certainly all parents are sleep-deprived, stressed, etc. But I think quality is what counts, and it's harder to come by when you have such numbers, KWIM?
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#28 of 46 Old 03-06-2008, 10:35 PM
 
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My kids seem to have a pretty good life. I had 4 in 4 years and it's sometimes so harried I don't remember what we had for breakfast. When the twins get here it's going to be absolutely insane, but I wouldn't trade me life, or them, for the whole world.
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#29 of 46 Old 03-06-2008, 10:53 PM
 
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The only problem with reduction is it's not as cut and dry as "Oh I love my kids, I can give enough of myself to ____ kids at once..."

It's ___ NEWBORNS - who need SO much... and who will only even be around to need to much IF you make it through the pregnancy. You need to weigh whether or not you can possibly be a good enough mother to that many kids... can you live up to your own standards... are you willing to compromise... (and let me say how glad I am to see all you twin moms say how hard it is! because it makes me feel like less of a doofus...) ... but you also need to weigh will you make it through the pregnancy? In my case I had years of infertility... treatments... shots... pills... tests... 3 miscarriages... tons of bleeding early in my triplet pregnancy... I was terrified I wouldn 't make it through the pregnancy. I didn't think I could parent 3 children at once to the best of my ability but more than that I was afraid I'd end up with 3 dead babies or 3 babies with disabilities... which doesn't happen as often as I was freaked out over... but which DOES happen...

It's not just a matter of someone dropping off 3 or more healthy kids on your doorstep and you having to deal with it - you need to get through the pregnancy, too - and a lot of times, things go wrong.

Jon & Kate + 8 is a show that really sticks in my craw... not just because of my own struggles but because 6 at once all healthy really is NOT reality. Just last year there was a couple in Minnesota who lost 5/6 of their babies and a couple in San Jose that lost 3/6. (This was at the same hospital I had my son and where I would have had these babies had I not switched OBs - so it really hit close to home) No one gave those couples a TV show. Probably no one is even talking about them now.

No one talks about the countless triplet and quad pregnancies that go south. It's only the miraculous successes you hear about.

So it's not just the parenting... 3 would have been really hard for me at once but I COULD have dealt with it... but the realities of the pregnancy are pretty scary, too. I wish I could have just run on blind faith - I wish "reduce" had never been mentioned and thus got the ball of fear rolling - but these are valid considerations.

DS T 11/16/03 DDs K & E 3/28/08
nak DS S 4/1/11
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#30 of 46 Old 03-06-2008, 10:56 PM
 
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For me it would be a all or nothing situation. I could never decide who lives and who dies. and if I were to loose them all then that would be what was ment to be.

I strongly feel you wont be given more than you can handle so there would be no reason to reduce.

 
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