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#31 of 45 Old 03-19-2008, 12:30 PM
 
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My sil adopted a little girl from China that is three weeks older than her youngest daughter. She calls them twins and dresses them alike and says they act just like twins. She says it is called Twinning. I do not care what it is called, they aren't and never will be twins. I would like to know how, they do not act anything like mine. They act like to sisters who play together. They do not have the twin connection that mine have. Everyone just laughs at her and say "Twins, NOT!" They also say she couldn't handle the fact that my children were cuter, sweeter, better behaved and my children got more attention than hers.
Three weeks apart makes them just about the same age as twins....I think adoption is a beautiful thing and if she wants to dress them alike and call them twins, I think that is a wonderful thing. I would love to adopt a child one day and integrate them into my family and show them the same love I show my kids that I birthed. but I don't know your story......
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#32 of 45 Old 03-19-2008, 07:41 PM
 
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I read on a blog once a mama who said that she will never take advice from anyone who has less children than her or whose kids are younger than hers. It sounds kind of snippy but she is right. Someone with 2 young children really has no business offering advice to a mother with 6 children. Same with singleton mamas offering advice to twin mamas. Now, if someone ASKS for advice, then by all means, please share. But I think it is rude and slightly offensive to be offered advice by someone who has never been in my shoes. It is like my mother who never breastfed trying to give me breastfeeding advice. I just laughed at her and I think she realized she was out of line.

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#33 of 45 Old 03-20-2008, 12:36 AM
 
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I understand those saying closely-spaced kids were harder than twins, but I cannot imagine anything being harder than my twin experience.

If I had my children 13 months apart as singletons, I doubt they would have both arrived at 29 weeks and spent 2 months in the NICU and I probably wouldn't have had to take one home on oxygen, and take care of that on top of all the other newborn stuff. And if I did have one at 29 weeks, I bet I would've managed to get her on the breast, since I wouldn't have had another child to teach to nurse at the same time, and wouldn't have had to pump 24x7.

I would not trade my twins for anything in the world. I marvel at them day and night (and night and night and night...) But I can guarantee you it would have been easier to have them a year or so apart.

Betsy, mama to beautiful, strong MZ twins Lillian and Kate, born 11 weeks early on January 10, 2006.
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#34 of 45 Old 03-20-2008, 08:14 AM
 
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#35 of 45 Old 03-20-2008, 05:46 PM
 
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Originally Posted by mamaloveseee View Post
My sil adopted a little girl from China that is three weeks older than her youngest daughter. She calls them twins and dresses them alike and says they act just like twins. She says it is called Twinning. I do not care what it is called, they aren't and never will be twins. I would like to know how, they do not act anything like mine. They act like to sisters who play together. They do not have the twin connection that mine have. Everyone just laughs at her and say "Twins, NOT!" They also say she couldn't handle the fact that my children were cuter, sweeter, better behaved and my children got more attention than hers.
This post was a bit OT, but I can't not respond to it...

It seems like your SIL might have unmet needs to feel included and loved to help boost her feelings of self and family worth. It might help your relationship with her, along with the cousins' relationships in the future, if you really step back and take a critical look at why your sister is acting the way that she is. And then, accept her with love instead of competition. You seem a bit threatened by her desire to have twins, just like you - but imitation is the greatest form of flattery! Pushing aside your SIL's desires for a beautiful family will only further frustrate you and her and create a wider gulf; helping her to realize her dreams (even if, in your eyes, they aren't valid) will be much more healing for all of you. Be the 'bigger' sister here, and you might end up with an extended family love that you never expected. Good luck, mama.

Mama to twin girls Adele and Nadia, born 5/2008
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#36 of 45 Old 03-20-2008, 06:42 PM
 
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Just continuing the "close in age same as twins" rant. But I just don't get it! Why can't people say "oh, I had my children close in age" instead of trying to make it sound like they are twins? My MIL said the other day about SIL "oh, she had her twins 13 months apart!" : No, she had her children 13 months apart. A 13 month old and a newborn are NOTHING alike. This 13 month old walks, eats solid food, is weaned, goes on the potty and is starting to talk. How in the world is that like a newborn who can do absolutely nothing for himself? I just don't get it. I had another lady tell me when I was pregnant that she had her kids a year apart but it would have been easier to just have twins. Whatever.

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#37 of 45 Old 03-21-2008, 12:27 AM
 
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A 13 month old and a newborn are NOTHING alike. This 13 month old walks, eats solid food, is weaned, goes on the potty and is starting to talk.
A 13 month old goes on the potty??
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#38 of 45 Old 03-21-2008, 12:29 AM
 
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What I hate the most (at least this week!) is the "double trouble" commnets.

"No, they're not trouble, thank you."

Seriously, I don't want my kids hearing that. I don't want them to see strangers pity me just because they decided to come as a set. It's not their fault.
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#39 of 45 Old 03-21-2008, 07:28 AM
 
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I used to hear "Double Trouble" all of the time as well. I always responsed with, "No, God just blessed me twice and what a blessing they are." I used to get some not so nice looks.
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#40 of 45 Old 03-21-2008, 03:11 PM
 
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A 13 month old goes on the potty??
Not 100% of the time, but I would say at least half the time she does. They've been putting her on the potty since she was a few months old.

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#41 of 45 Old 03-22-2008, 12:18 AM
 
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Originally Posted by mamaloveseee View Post
I used to hear "Double Trouble" all of the time as well. I always responsed with, "No, God just blessed me twice and what a blessing they are." I used to get some not so nice looks.
I usually respond similarly, saying how lucky I am. Of course we all know the truth is they are often quite a lot of trouble, but only the Mommies are allowed to say it. Everyone else needs to sit back and be quiet, except for admiring comments.

Betsy, mama to beautiful, strong MZ twins Lillian and Kate, born 11 weeks early on January 10, 2006.
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#42 of 45 Old 03-22-2008, 11:32 AM
 
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... Of course we all know the truth is they are often quite a lot of trouble, but only the Mommies are allowed to say it. Everyone else needs to sit back and be quiet, except for admiring comments.
So true, so true
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#43 of 45 Old 03-27-2008, 12:21 PM
 
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I would have to agree with the people who say it is all personality.
My twins were pretty harrowing at first, and still are sometimes, with gerd etc. But I still find my almost-five-year-old the most challenging of all three kids. The twins are 15mo and they do get into stuff and fight sometimes etc. But it is NOTHING like my oldest. She just needs constant attention and always did. She is super sensitive has food issues, sensory intergration, and pretty big temper to top it off. THose wouldn't really qualify as special needs but I found even being with her one-on-one (and still do) more difficult than dealing with newborn twins.
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#44 of 45 Old 06-14-2013, 02:20 PM
 
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Hello! 

 

I am pregnant with Identical Twin Boys and I have 2 months to go until their arrival.  I am getting so annoyed, all be it pissed off at mothers who have one baby and tell me "They know what I'm going through" or "they've been there".  I am just like "Umm no you don't know carrying twins is a whole different animal than carrying one so please don't tell me that you know how I feel or what I'm going through because you really haven't a clue".  Also people who try and tell me what I;m going to want to do once they are born, like they know what it's like having two at once or something.  It is just so frusterating I am seriously considering making a massive post on Facebook telling people that if they come in contact with me, to please refrain from giving me your unsoliceted advice on having twins, being pregnant with twins or anythiing related to twins unless you've actually had them yourself because I just might blow up at the next person who does!  Would that be too mean? :) Anyways I just had to vent, because I don't feel like anyone understands what I am actually going through and I really don't want them too, I just would like them to leave me alone and stop giving me advice about what you know nothing about.

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#45 of 45 Old 06-19-2013, 11:31 AM
 
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Hang in there Candace.  It sucks to get all the unsolicited advice, because truly, having twins (or other multiples) is one of those things that you just can't understand until it happens to you.  As a mom of twins, I would certainly never begin to presume to know what it is like to have triplets...right?!  Oh well. People just love to talk...that's what I find.  They speak without thinking, or think it is coming from a kind place.  And really, the big thing I have learned so far, 8 1/2 months into this adventure, is to remember that..."it's all hard." That's my new catch-phrase.  It's pointless for anyone (even us twin moms) to play the misery poker game.  Who's to say who has it harder, ya know?  Parenting is hard...period.  Sometimes when people feel the need to remind me "you have your hands full!"  I want to say, "no shit Sherlock!" ROTFLMAO.gif  But I just breathe and go on my way.  xhugsx


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