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Homebirthing Questions

796 views 16 replies 10 participants last post by  2+twins 
#1 ·
So, for all of you mama's that are planning a home birth, or have had a homebirth I was hoping I could get some help. My questions are actually about your family's support or lack thereof. My mom, who lives in the same town as me, and we are fairly close - at least in terms of seeing each other a lot. But she has been sooo negative about our choice to try for a homebirth. She likes to couch in terms of having twins, but she talked my sister out of a homebirth too so that is all just crap.

Anyway - I invited her to come for one of our appointments today in the hopes that she would get some of her worries calmed or at least some questions answered (because she wont come to me with her questions). I guess the hardest thing is that all of her questions were about whats going to happen when something goes wrong...how we are going to get to the hospital. It was so breathtaking that she just assumes something wrong is going to happen. I guess I was hoping it would improve our relationship, but it didnt.

Ok...so after all that my questions are these 1) did anyone else have a similar reaction from their families because of the twins thing? 2) Do you all have any good resources that I might be able to show my mom about the safety of homebirthing? and 3) can I just get some words of encouragement that my choice isnt totally out of control and that just because my mom isnt supportive, I can still have two happy healthy babies.

Are any of the pregnant twin mamas planning a homebirth too?
 
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#2 ·
Here here, mama!

Read: YOU. ARE. NOT. CRAZY.
The BTDT mamas on this board really helped me with my 'I'm not crazy, right?' doubts, as well. So many have home birthed their twins, with success.

Regarding your mom's lack of support/fear, I am sorry. As if carrying twins and planning for a HB isn't already 'renegade' enough, obvious doubts by folks you care about are not going to help you any.

Here is a study that I found helpful and have shared with people in my family: http://www.bmj.com/cgi/content/full/330/7505/1416?ehom
Also, Ina May Gaskin's rates of MW-attended births includes sets of twins - I'm sure you'll be able to find those numbers on the internet.

I hope that your Mom will come around after a bit more education and reassurance. If she doesn't, though, there's not much you can do about it but protect your birthing space, which might mean that discussions w/your mom regarding your choice of birthing plans become off-limits. I find that I do not talk with many people (even my own family - one of my brothers has no idea) about our plans to home birth, because most people would not understand. I cannot waste my energy defending myself or putting myself in a position that lends to itself to doubting our choice. My way of protecting my 'birthing space' is keeping quiet and focused.

Our parents are supportive of our choice, but are naturally worried (I recently had to ask my mom to stop emailing/phoning daily as I am in the 'final stretch'). The biggest turning point for my mom was when I explained to her the dichotomy of our choice in twin birth: it is either a scene in the OR or a home birth. There is no in-between choice, at least for us in this area of the country. I explained the risks of intervention, my feeling of uneasiness and doubt of whether I could birth in an OR setting, etc., vs. our plan with a super-experienced MW and her team. When my mom was here visiting, she went to a MW appt with us and was very impressed. My mom is also a nurse who believes in the body's ability to do its own thing well for the most part.

We also were extremely lucky to find an OB who agreed to act as our back-up. We wanted this security for several reasons: 1. We're first time parents, though I think that my DH needed the medical reassurance more than I; 2. Our twins may share a placenta and hence this usually calls for a bit more monitoring and risk; 3. We wanted to be sure that in the case of premature labor or transfer, we would not be treated punitively at the hospital for planning a HB with twins.

Here's a funny one for you: One day I was talking on the phone with my grandmother, who told me that she had been awake all night praying that I'd have my babies in the hospital. I tried to explain why that was NOT a good thing to be praying for (ie, would mean they were premature or that we had to transfer for some reason). Anyway, she's still scared sh*tless about the fact that I'm HBing, but we don't talk about it - different generations, different education levels, and very different perspectives. And here I was thinking she'd be okay with it for the very reason that she birthed her son at home... wrong. I was irked at first, but now I see it as funny!

So this is turning into a novel...
But yes, I believe that a HB with an uncomplicated twin pregnancy and skilled attendants is more than likely to result in two healthy babies! I definitely did a lot of fast, thorough learning to understand potential risks, complications, birthing positions for different presentations, etc., and then talked things through with DH and our MW, which has helped me to feel comfortable, too. I do visualizations daily of the twins growing and the birth how I want it to be. The visualizations have helped immeasurably to build positive feelings around the pregnancy, labor, and birth.

Hopefully I'll have a report back to you on our HB outcome sometime soon.


Trust your gut, mama.
 
#3 ·
Well, no twins here, but I just wanted to offer a
. Ive had 3 homebirths, but my mom still doesn't "get it". When I called her to tell her I was in labor with my first, she said to me, "Are you sure you still don't want to go to the hospital?" Way to be supportive, mom!!! UGH! And finding out I was pregnant with my 2nd, and even my 3rd, she'll say something like "So, you're gonna do the homebirth "thing" again?" It really
: me!!
 
#4 ·
I was lucky to have already "broken the mold" twice before getting knocked up with twins. I doubt my mom is very supportive of the idea, but she knows to not bring it up because we've already gone around about the choice to home birth at all. In fact, since I had an unassisted birth last time and didn't even tell her, she's probably just glad I've hired a midwife!


And you are NOT crazy. When we chose home birth, we did so with the full knowledge of the alternative, just like Kjoy2. No way am I giving birth in an OR hooked up to an epidural. I don't think that's "safe" as long as I stay low risk. My babies have two of everything and are gaining and growing well. They are in optimal birthing positions. As long as it all continues on that path and I get one more week into this pregnancy then I do believe home birth to be just as safe, and certainly more comfortable, than hospital.

It's hard to go against what our mothers think is best for us. Trust your instincts. And I agree with the above---make birth an off-limits topic and set that boundary with her firmly. You don't need to hear the negativity right now.
 
#5 ·
Whew!!! So good to hear all of this from you all! I just told my mother last nite (at 37 weeks, 4 days), that I might have the twins at home. It was in response to her question of "do I have a bag packed for the hospital?" I had been avoiding it, and it actually felt good to "come clean". I've had dual care with a perinatologist since January, and she has really connected to all the u/s and tests I've had. There's no talking to this woman about intuition, or trust in my body, etc. She is a nurse who really loves meds and doctors and the whole shebang. My sister is also a nurse and asked me a couple months ago if I was still considering homebirthing. I told her yes, that we were keeping all our options open, as I really was open to a hospital if anything showed that I needed it. I figured that she told my mom, which I'm sure she did, but maybe my mom just hoped that hb-ing was no longer an option.
I feel really blessed that in this last week several women have come forth and told me that they homebirthed. I tend not to share our plan, as I don't want to hear their horror thoughts. I really appreciated hearing so many hb stories this week, it really helped to ground me. I tried packing a bag for the hospital, and just can't do it. I am so not connected to that choice.
My mother's experience with homebirth is when she was in training as a nurse many moons ago (about 50 years). On the South side of Chicago, many women who lived in the ghetto had to homebirth as they did not have medical coverage for a hospital. My mother talks about using the kitchen table as it was the only place w/o cockroaches. So..... to her, it's a desperate situation that you are in if you "have" to homebirth. Not a really well-educated, intuitive conclusion that you have reached.
My family has not understood a lot from me in this pregnancy. Even the weight gain (which I've been so proud of- 70 pds now!) and the u/s weights of the babies earlier this week (6 lbs, 9 oz and 6 lbs., 14 oz), and even the gestation time (which I keep assuring them that is a good thing to keep going, no matter how big you get). It's baffling to me that two women in the healthcare field just rely on phrases like "twins always come early" and "twins are always small". It seems they don't *get* that big, healthy twins who make it to term is actually the goal

Okay, I could go on forever. I'm so glad to have this board for so many awesome stories. Yes, I think the hospital is a circus, too, and I also just learned that they would not let the twins co-bed with eachother. Final straw for me!
 
#6 ·
I ran into some resistance from my mother when planning my last birth too. Because I'd planned a homebirth that ended in a cesarean she was especially skeptical. Then when she found out I was in labor she freaked out and started asking about the hospital and calling every hour to check on me. Luckily DH fielded the calls so I had no idea that she was going crazy with worry. The birth went well though and now I think she feels a little more confident in me having a homebirth with this set of twins. She'll still worry, but hopefully not nearly as much. And she's 650 miles away so she won't be near me when I'm actually in labor either.
 
#7 ·
Wow, I am so glad this post came up!!

I too am planning to have my babies at home (like my last 3 births). I am 32 wks and at my appt yesterday, found out baby A is breech. My midwife is fine with still planning the homebirth (b/c of her knowledge of my past births) but has said it is ultimately my decision to be ok w/ the risks of the first baby being breech (if he remains that way). Baby B's head is right down near my pelvis so I guess it is possible she could slide by him and come out first-- anyone know if this has happened???????

I still feel like having these babies at home is our best/safest choice. My midwife will be calling The Farm to see what they say and what their experience has been (w/ first twin breech birth)-- it seems real hands on experience is different than what a text book may say. My only hesitation is that where I live, it has been illegal for twins and breech babies to be born at home -- it isn't now- but this means there are not many really experienced midwives who have not only dealt w/ a twin birth but a breech twin (except for a few surprise births).

Tho, I was happy to find a French study last night showing that first twin breech births were no less safe than c-sections -- and actually, they found a higher incidence of maternal complications in the c-section group post-op.

Ok, sorry for the book.......and to get to the original question-- I like many here have not bothered to tell many family, friends, neighbors about having the babies at home b/c I have learned from past births it is just not worth the agony of constantly having to defend our choice. Mostly, only other homebirthers understand and are supportive.
 
#8 ·
carycaj, I had my babies move a lot between 36 and 38 weeks. Basically my Baby B went transverse under my breasts, then went head down again and looks like she is further down than A and will present first. The funny thing is, she was originally Baby A.
I would do a lot of those inversion exercises to try to turn your baby A and maybe try moxibustion. I know my mw did a twin breech birth, and I think that gemelos (a mama online here) had 2 breeches and did fine. There are risks, which I'm sure you know, but I'm sure a C-section sounds like a risk too. (it is to me, at least).
I know there is a thread about turning breech babies on here a while back, and some successes, and some not. I think moxibustion got the most movement for everyone, though. I think there is still time for movement, so you never know.
 
#11 ·
carycaj-My Baby A was originally my Baby B but slid past her sister sometime in those last few weeks. She also remained breech until 36 weeks and although I was ok with a breech Baby A, I was relieved when she finally turned. (Webster technique was what did it for us!)
 
#12 ·
I don't live near my family and I didn't really tell any of them except my mom. She asked the usual "what if something goes wrong" type questions but other than that she kept her mouth shut. Dh's family lives near us and they were very supportive. My twins are 2 years old now and I still haven't told my dad they were born at home. He would freak out.
 
#13 ·
Thanks everyone...It helps me to know that there are so many of us who are choosing/have chosen to hb. I too am faced with the birthing in the OR scenario or at home and while I have tried to explain that to my mom, it always comes across to her as if the OR is actually the right place to birth! Well, not if I can help it.

I think I am more disappointed than anything, but am getting over the anger. She was so mad that I didnt want her in the room when I birth ds that she didnt speak to me for two weeks after he was born. And you know, if the same thing happens again I guess that is just her loss. I just needed to be angry for a couple of days (and take a break from her too) and now I am feeling a little more calmed down. Although I am glad that I only have to wait two more weeks for my mw appt so I can rant to her then too.


At this point I am convinced that if things continue to go as well as they are, both babies head down, good sized and now almost 30 weeks, then I am on track for a good, healthy home birth. I have to say, I am actually really excited to hb. I wont have to go anywhere, I will have tons of support, and the babies get to come into this world in the house that they will grow up in. (Believe it or not, I was born at home and loved that I grew up in the house I was born it!)

Thanks Mama's!!!
 
#14 ·
We were just incredibly vague when people asked us questions about our birth plans. But in the end, we knew we just had to do what was right for us.

It's refreshing to see some twin homebirth discussion around here again!
 
#15 ·
Okay, I'm going to announce on another thread, but I just birthed my babies at home on Saturday, and I can't tell you how wonderful it was. I had dual care with a perinatologist the whole pregnancy, and that helped to satisfy many people in my life. The funny thing was, he was not freaked out by my potential choice of a homebirth, and the hospital that he is at does a lot of research, and has studied the outcomes of home vs. hospital birth, and so I would share those two things with people who expressed concern about homebirth. We really tried to stay open to all possibilities until the end, and to ultimately go with what felt right to us.
I have to say that there is no way I would have made it through labor and delivery of two babies naturally if it wasn't for the environment I was in (so safe and sweet), and the loving care (and expertise) of my midwife team. I didn't have to worry about time frames (water broke at 7 am and first babe birthed at 8:15pm) (second not for 3 hours after that!).
So.... I know birth is beautiful wherever it happens, but I have to say, that for us, the homebirth was the best choice ever.
 
#17 ·
I'm a little late to the discussion but I just wanted to say that I don't think you're crazy at all! I had my twins at home as well and it was an incredible experience. It happened just the way it was supposed to - nobody pushed me to do anything. I did everything myself as I felt that I should and the babies were each born in their own time. I had already had my previous 2 dc at home so the concept of me giving birth at home wasn't new to either of our families. My mom did ask me if it was safe to have them at home. I told her yes and probably explained how a transfer could/would happen (and safely) if necessary. She's not one to really ask too much about my business so there wasn't much discussion beyond that. Plus she knows that I'm not one to be swayed by what anyone else says. My mind was made up and that was that so I guess that ended the discussion. Good luck to you - you can do it!
 
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