Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: Northampton, MA
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Before I got pregnant the first time around, much of my focus (beyond achieving the positive pregnancy test) was on giving birth. It was actually one of my main reasons for getting pregnant when I did (I wanted to be a homebirth midwife, but I wanted to experience pregnancy and birth first). I was 22 years old. I also had some idea of the kind of parent I wanted to be (I knew I would exclusively breastfeed, use cloth diapers, co-sleep, wear my baby, etc.), but the birth was the BIG THING.
In the end, I didn't get my dream homebirth (far from it, sadly), but I did get two healthy babies. Two healthy babies who needed to nurse around the clock and who I really struggled with caring for the way I wanted to in my heart (we were successful in exclusive breastfeeding. cloth diapering, co-sleeping, and baby-wearing, but none of it was easy like it would be with one baby). Birthing multiples is one thing, attachment parenting multiples is a whole other much, much BIGGER THING. The impact on your body is huge. The impact on your marriage is huge. I don't know a single mother of multiples in real life who is not envious of the ease in which friends with singletons move through their days.
If I were you, I would not be going into the embryo transfer thinking about "what will twins/triplets mean for my chances of a homebirth?" but rather focusing on what comes after the birth. I don't mean to downplay the importance of birth at all, and I do believe that a birth experience can have a very long lasting impact on a mother's life. But I think that most mothers of multiples, a couple weeks past birth, will be thinking more along the lines of "birth shmirth . . . OMG I have two (three, four, etc.) babies!"
I didn't fully appreciate all that I missed out on with my twins until I had my singleton. My experience may be extreme, but I still have yet to have a day go by where I don't wonder about what it would have been like if my twins had been born one at a time. And I do have a lot of sadness about the way things turned out (birth and beyond).
I took clomid to conceive my twins, and I admit that the increased possibility of twins was somewhat exciting and fun. I was thrilled to find out we were having two babies at once. But I really was very naive about it all, and I had no idea what having twins would really mean. Now I always cringe when I run into someone on the street who says, "oh, I wish I had twins!" Because I really doubt that they know exactly what they're wishing for.
Mindfully mothering SIX kids (ages 6, 7, 8, 10, 12 & 12) in a small house with a lot of love.