do you ever think some people are jealous of you and your twins? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 85 Old 06-26-2008, 07:22 PM - Thread Starter
 
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i sometimes wonder. our society seems so facinated by twins. i mean look at all the public attention people give twins and twin mommas when we're out and about. i know we've talked about that before here. and how many times have you heard "Oh, I wish I would have twins!" or some variation on the theme.

i always think to myself that they don't really know what they are asking for. (i do love having them despite the challenges don't get me wrong)

so i wonder if there are moms who are honestly jealous of our multiples and if so, what would be a kind response to this comment or to other mothers who seem to sort of have twin envy?

Crunchy Mama to the Triad of Chaos-- DD1 (9/03) & the Twinadoes- DS and DD2 (6/06)
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#2 of 85 Old 06-26-2008, 07:47 PM
 
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Well, yeah, I do see this happen. In fact, I was one of the jealous ones who wanted twins. I think a *nice* response would be something like, "Well, I hope you get your wish" while a less nice (although possibly more realistic response) would be, "I don't think you know what you're wishing for." {{{sigh}}}

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#3 of 85 Old 06-26-2008, 08:36 PM
 
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nobody is jealous of me and my zoo when they see us out in public!
i would invite them to my home to, you know, hang out for a day... while i slip away for a bit
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#4 of 85 Old 06-26-2008, 08:45 PM
 
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They can come babysit for a while and then see how they feel!

Seriously though, I did always want twins. Just not quite when/how it happened! I can't say I was jealous per se, but it was a desire I had from childhood on.
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#5 of 85 Old 06-26-2008, 09:06 PM
 
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I definitely think society is into twins, look at all the shows/movies/etc about twins. And I think there's a certain curiosity about a body that produces twins, ya know? I'm always wondering about that, about my little egg and how it divided and when and where and how etc. When I see pics of Angelina and J.Lo and others who have had twins I think, "Wow, how does her body get that big, to grow TWO people?!?!?!" And then I remember that my body did that too!

But, it drives me nuts when I see those occasional threads about "How do I get twins?" "I'm measuring 45w at only 6w pregnant, am I having twins?" "My hcg level is 15253623235462342523624 x n^5324645654 power at 11dpo. Do you think it's twins?" The only way to confirm twins is by an u/s. (I'm sure some mama will come in here and disagree with me. "But a twin can be missed on an u/s!" Then tell the tech that you think you're having twins and to please confirm that there's only one/three/eighteen babies in there.) If you think you're having twins, go get an u/s. My magic 8ball is still in a box in the garage.

I've had people sort of follow me around the grocery store and ask a lot of questions, and even argue with me over whether or not my kids are "identical." But I don't know about jealous.

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#6 of 85 Old 06-26-2008, 09:20 PM
 
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Well, yeah, I do see this happen. In fact, I was one of the jealous ones who wanted twins. I think a *nice* response would be something like, "Well, I hope you get your wish" while a less nice (although possibly more realistic response) would be, "I don't think you know what you're wishing for." {{{sigh}}}
Once in a while, if it's someone I feel friendly enough with, I'll just start to laugh and say "That's the kind of thing crazy people who've never had twins say."

Wife of one and mom of five, including my HBAC twins!
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#7 of 85 Old 06-26-2008, 09:54 PM
 
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I have a friend that has 7 kids (all singletons) and has said that she won't stop until she has twins b/c she always wanted twins. She tells me all the time how lucky I am and how jealous she is.....She'll probably get triplets instead

single mommy to identical twin girls (3/06) Non-traditional mama just : through life.
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#8 of 85 Old 06-26-2008, 10:00 PM
 
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I'll just start to laugh and say "That's the kind of thing crazy people who've never had twins say."
Yeah, I don't want to sound snarky so I rarely say that out loud, but I'm always thinking, "Spoken like someone who doesn't have twins."

I have a friend with quadruplets (!) and two of them are MZ, and I cannot even begin to imagine what people say to her!

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#9 of 85 Old 06-27-2008, 12:07 AM
 
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Once in a while, if it's someone I feel friendly enough with, I'll just start to laugh and say "That's the kind of thing crazy people who've never had twins say."



Love it!!!

One of my GFs, who was getting ready to go through IVF, said, "ooooh, I'd LOVE to have twins!!" This was said to myself, PG with twins at the time, and to my friend Kaye, who has ID twin girls. Kaye and I didn't say anything to her, but told each other later, we were thinking the same thing ....."she has no idea......."

It is/was the hardest thing I've done physically (pg) and mentally ..... but, BOY , am I starting to see the rewards already!!!:


And yes, I do think there are some jealous folk ....

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#10 of 85 Old 06-27-2008, 01:27 AM
 
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Love it!!!

One of my GFs, who was getting ready to go through IVF, said, "ooooh, I'd LOVE to have twins!!" This was said to myself, PG with twins at the time, and to my friend Kaye, who has ID twin girls. Kaye and I didn't say anything to her, but told each other later, we were thinking the same thing ....."she has no idea......."

It is/was the hardest thing I've done physically (pg) and mentally ..... but, BOY , am I starting to see the rewards already!!!:


And yes, I do think there are some jealous folk ....
My twins are from IVF & I totally wanted twins when we were TTC. I went through 2 years of total hell trying to get pregnant, my husband gave me shots of hormones daily, many of them with long needles, I had more transvaginal ultrasounds than I can count, and I cried myself to sleep so many times. So twins seemed like the best possible outcome -- I could have two children, which I wanted, without having to go through a third, fourth or fifth round of IVF. I, obviously, had no idea what I was in for, but when I had the ultrasound that showed twins, it was the happiest day of my life. I feel grateful for the experience now because having twins is great and probably wouldn't have happened to me otherwise and I certainly would not have had my Phoebe & Fiona. So, that maybe why your friend wants twins.

I don't know if anyone has ever been jealous. I mean I've had people tell me they always wanted twins, etc, but I've never thought that they were envious. I have felt like Moms with singletons are competitive sometimes about who has it harder.

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#11 of 85 Old 06-27-2008, 01:46 AM
 
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Jennifer Lopez and Angelina Jolie can both kiss my tushie.: I had my twin girls before they had theirs, JLo had a boy/girl, Angie's having twins and there ain't no darn way that their twins are any cuter than mine. 2 little ringlet covered girls??.........come on!! We get stares a plenty in our local grocery store, some of the cashiers know them by how many times they've seen them. When they were under a year old we never got thru a mall without being stopped for the ogling session.

But then they haven't had to do the round the clock care that our girls needed when first born, the colic, the feedings, the dipes, the laundry. They're pretty to look at but they took a LOT of work to get that way.

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#12 of 85 Old 06-27-2008, 06:18 AM
 
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I have felt like Moms with singletons are competitive sometimes about who has it harder.
interestingly I've had quite a bit of moms say something like "Well I have 2 within a year of each other so it's just like I have twins!" and "You have it easier cause they are the same age group" etc. These comments irk me.

also I get hounded by people who are CONVINCED they are identical (when we actually had a test that proved fraternal/sororal). AND some person had the gall to tell me in Target while I was in line that one of my girls is "definitely a boy" !

I don't understand people who tell me they wish they had twins

Melanie, vegan mommy to twin girls born Dec. 2007, and another little girl born Sept. 25th, 2009!
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#13 of 85 Old 06-27-2008, 07:37 AM
 
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My twins are from IVF & I totally wanted twins when we were TTC. I went through 2 years of total hell trying to get pregnant, my husband gave me shots of hormones daily, many of them with long needles, I had more transvaginal ultrasounds than I can count, and I cried myself to sleep so many times. So twins seemed like the best possible outcome -- I could have two children, which I wanted, without having to go through a third, fourth or fifth round of IVF. I, obviously, had no idea what I was in for, but when I had the ultrasound that showed twins, it was the happiest day of my life. I feel grateful for the experience now because having twins is great and probably wouldn't have happened to me otherwise and I certainly would not have had my Phoebe & Fiona. So, that maybe why your friend wants twins.

I don't know if anyone has ever been jealous. I mean I've had people tell me they always wanted twins, etc, but I've never thought that they were envious. I have felt like Moms with singletons are competitive sometimes about who has it harder.
I hope that my post did not come across snarky/insensitive/mean, etc. I certainly didn't intend for it to be, and I apologize if I hurt anyone's feelings.

With my GF, I'm glad to now be in a position where I can be a resource/support to her, much as my other GF with twins is a resource to me. It helps (me, anyway) to have someone to say, "yup .. been there, and you will get through it."

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#14 of 85 Old 06-27-2008, 07:55 AM
 
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I never wished I'd have them. I always thought I would, ( NO idea why!?!?!), when I saw them on the screen at 8 weeks I cried with joy and NOW I'm
TERRIFIED and actually grieving a whole pile of stuff - it's like a mountain from the preg onwards it seems. Sigh.

I reply to other ppl who I know pray with 'may God bless you with healthy twins also', and in my personal prayer I continue to ask for twins for them. I figure there is a prayer in there for mine to be well too! Some people totally ignored my news when I told them it's twins and went onto another topic - I think that's possibly jealousy? I certainly felt uncomfortable as if I was to blame for what I'd said iykwim.

From what I've read, here and elsewhere, it sounds as if it's so much more than multiple children that parents end up with - there is a whole character transformation going on too that doesn't happen in quite the same way even with many singletons. I don't know, but I do want some of that good character and compassion to drop into me, I tell ya!!!

So, yeah, I'd say lots of jealousy - 'more' and 'bigger is better' in this society. LOL. especially for those people who don't think of the practical consequences...

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#15 of 85 Old 06-27-2008, 10:25 AM
 
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I was that crazy person that always wanted twins! I would still love another set one day, although I am glad this baby is a singleton. It will be like a vacation just having one baby!

I try not to let those comments bother me, but I can just feel my pressure rise when people say they had their kids 15 months apart and I am lucky I had twins because it would be so much easier.

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#16 of 85 Old 06-27-2008, 10:52 AM
 
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I still think having twins is easier (ON ME personally) than having them 17 months apart. But perhaps my perspective is a bit screwed up since my twins ARE 17 months younger than their older sister!? There is something to be said for the "not having to chase another one" part of having two non-mobile people. Nursing two babies and having my daughter run, arms open, into trouble is a huge PITA.
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#17 of 85 Old 06-27-2008, 12:39 PM
 
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I'm jealous of you all! But I get more sleep, so neener neener.

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#18 of 85 Old 06-27-2008, 05:06 PM
 
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I had feedback today from a friend (expecting her 8th singleton) who spoke to a mother of 8 with two sets of twins, that both her sets of twins were easier than all the singletons, apparently because they always had a close relationship with each other.

Well, I hope she doesn't tell everyone around me about this because I'm not feeling like it's going to be easier right now, and I'm really hoping someone or somefew are actually going to feel inclined to help me a bit!!!!!

Eeeek.

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#19 of 85 Old 06-27-2008, 05:43 PM
 
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I had feedback today from a friend (expecting her 8th singleton) who spoke to a mother of 8 with two sets of twins, that both her sets of twins were easier than all the singletons, apparently because they always had a close relationship with each other.

Well, I hope she doesn't tell everyone around me about this because I'm not feeling like it's going to be easier right now, and I'm really hoping someone or somefew are actually going to feel inclined to help me a bit!!!!!

Eeeek.
I can't imagine she means their infancy was easier! Maybe she had a lot of help? I don't know but this past year has been MUCH more difficult than the first year of either of my singletons. I could do pretty much anything wearing one baby and almost nothing trying to wear or hold both.
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#20 of 85 Old 06-27-2008, 05:54 PM
 
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I had feedback today from a friend (expecting her 8th singleton) who spoke to a mother of 8 with two sets of twins, that both her sets of twins were easier than all the singletons, apparently because they always had a close relationship with each other.

Well, I hope she doesn't tell everyone around me about this because I'm not feeling like it's going to be easier right now, and I'm really hoping someone or somefew are actually going to feel inclined to help me a bit!!!!!

Eeeek.
It also makes a difference whether or not she is AP. I know a mother of 8 children and her twins were her 6th and 7th. She said it was very easy but I know she sleep trains and is not AP. I think having twins wouldn't be so bad if you didn't care if they cried, sleep trained them, passed them off to others to feed, etc.

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#21 of 85 Old 06-27-2008, 05:57 PM
 
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Oh, and to answer the OP, I don't think anyone is jealous that I have twins. Most people kind of have the attitude of "thank goodness it's not me." Maybe I make having twins look really hard?

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#22 of 85 Old 06-27-2008, 08:25 PM
 
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I think some people are jealous but I think most people are just glad it is not them!
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#23 of 85 Old 06-27-2008, 08:41 PM
 
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I mostly get the typical, 'better you than me" kind of remarks, but I do think there is a certain amount of jealousy. Perhaps the competitiveness mentioned earlier is a part of it too. Everyone wants to have the best kid ever that also gives you the worst time ever when it suits you. How can they compete with my 2 angelic boys, (that are so much easier than their sister so far) who on the rare day the planets are aligned right, manage to pull of such feats of twin terrorism, that store managers page extra staff to help me to my car at Target? It just isn't possible.

Mama to 4 darlings. A ('03), O and K ('06), A ('09), and wife to M since 2002.
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#24 of 85 Old 06-27-2008, 09:57 PM
 
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People are jealous when they are all happy and wearing cute clothes and playing nicely, or when they spontaneously hug each other on the playground, or kiss each other's booboos. When I'm maneuvering the giant car cart with screaming children through the checkout lane at Stop'n'Shop, jealousy doesn't seem to be the top emotion.

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But, it drives me nuts when I see those occasional threads about "How do I get twins?" "I'm measuring 45w at only 6w pregnant, am I having twins?" "My hcg level is 15253623235462342523624 x n^5324645654 power at 11dpo. Do you think it's twins?" The only way to confirm twins is by an u/s. (I'm sure some mama will come in here and disagree with me. "But a twin can be missed on an u/s!" Then tell the tech that you think you're having twins and to please confirm that there's only one/three/eighteen babies in there.) If you think you're having twins, go get an u/s. My magic 8ball is still in a box in the garage.
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It also makes a difference whether or not she is AP. I know a mother of 8 children and her twins were her 6th and 7th. She said it was very easy but I know she sleep trains and is not AP. I think having twins wouldn't be so bad if you didn't care if they cried, sleep trained them, passed them off to others to feed, etc.
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#25 of 85 Old 06-28-2008, 01:27 AM
 
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It also makes a difference whether or not she is AP. I know a mother of 8 children and her twins were her 6th and 7th. She said it was very easy but I know she sleep trains and is not AP. I think having twins wouldn't be so bad if you didn't care if they cried, sleep trained them, passed them off to others to feed, etc.

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#26 of 85 Old 06-28-2008, 01:39 AM
 
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I'm one of those who wishes she had twins, but I actually have multiple reasons.
First off, my first miscarriage was twins.
Secondly, I have twin brothers, twin aunts and my great-great grandma was a twin.
Third... Well, I've always just wanted multiples! When I was a little girl, I used to walk around with 2 "babies" in my stroller and one in a sling (which I fashioned myself- my mom was not an AP). I'd even pretend they were all crying at once because they were hungry/tired/dirty and ask my mom to feed one (with a bottle, I'd never seen a baby be bf) while I "changed" another one and rocked one in the stroller with my foot. I know it's a far cry from the real deal, but yeah.
Of course, I am also naturally odd, so it could just be that.

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#27 of 85 Old 06-28-2008, 01:43 AM
 
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I'm one of those who wishes she had twins, but I actually have multiple reasons.
First off, my first miscarriage was twins.
Secondly, I have twin brothers, twin aunts and my great-great grandma was a twin.
Third... Well, I've always just wanted multiples! When I was a little girl, I used to walk around with 2 "babies" in my stroller and one in a sling (which I fashioned myself- my mom was not an AP). I'd even pretend they were all crying at once because they were hungry/tired/dirty and ask my mom to feed one (with a bottle, I'd never seen a baby be bf) while I "changed" another one and rocked one in the stroller with my foot. I know it's a far cry from the real deal, but yeah.
Of course, I am also naturally odd, so it could just be that.
That's really cute!

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#28 of 85 Old 06-28-2008, 04:32 AM
 
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I can't imagine she means their infancy was easier! Maybe she had a lot of help? I don't know but this past year has been MUCH more difficult than the first year of either of my singletons. I could do pretty much anything wearing one baby and almost nothing trying to wear or hold both.
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It also makes a difference whether or not she is AP. I know a mother of 8 children and her twins were her 6th and 7th. She said it was very easy but I know she sleep trains and is not AP. I think having twins wouldn't be so bad if you didn't care if they cried, sleep trained them, passed them off to others to feed, etc.
Yeah, I did wonder both those points. I *can't function* with crying baby, so I know I'm totally in for it. LOL. Although this time round if the older siblings are somewhat obliging and upset by the crying as much as I am, then I might be in with some willing arms and extra slingers to rock a babe!?! I can see having older children will be a help to some extent, depending on how they take to their siblings. The eldest is adamant he's not impressed about the whole shebang, the next is also 'boy' and kind of indifferent, but also into cuddles, so may be persuaded!!! Just about to turn 6 year old declares she's going to be half the mummy and dd age 4 ( edit: poor child, I'm already making her older than she is. weep. and blush. she' still my baby 3 year old but I keep thinking how old they'll be by the time babies arrive. bad, bad mummy), is pretty tearful at the already disappearing lap - she has been queen of babyhood and had twice as much time being the youngest compared to the others, so that's going to be interesting too...

I might add the 6 year old is mega annoying as a half mother, lol, but I'm hoping she'll start to listen to the babies a bit better than she did when she was in her 2's and her sister arrived!!! I love the fact that she perceives motherhood to be the world's best and most fulfilling career when I have struggled so much to surrender to be being at home with children.

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#29 of 85 Old 06-28-2008, 12:56 PM
 
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Heyyyyy....I was one of those 46w at 6w ladies...lol jk.

Cari-mama to Eriq, Lile, Paikea, Kaidyn, and Mieke is here!! 2/9/10
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#30 of 85 Old 06-28-2008, 02:21 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Intertwined View Post
I still think having twins is easier (ON ME personally) than having them 17 months apart. But perhaps my perspective is a bit screwed up since my twins ARE 17 months younger than their older sister!? There is something to be said for the "not having to chase another one" part of having two non-mobile people. Nursing two babies and having my daughter run, arms open, into trouble is a huge PITA.
You just wait till your twins are mobile! LOL I am one of the ones who thinks my closely spaced singletons are much easier than twins.

Heather, Army wife & Mama to M (10), J (9), L & S (my HBAC babies are 7!), N & R (5), and A (born 11/30/12 UBA2C)
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