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#1 of 29 Old 08-25-2008, 03:49 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm 8 weeks along with twins now. These babies were very much wanted and we did need help (again) to acheive pregnancy. However, we never really expected it to be twins. I guess we were still in that "it won't happen to me" mindset. Now I'm completely terrified and upset. Then I'm upset that I'm upset. Our first pregnancy was so full of joy and excitement from the beginning. I feel like I'm robbing these little ones of the joy and thankfulness I should feel. But, I'm still scared. This is going to be such a life changing event. My dd was/is very high needs and I still remember having to nurse her 24/7 just to minimize the constant screaming. What am I going to do if I get two more like her? How is our marriage going to hold up? Also, my dd ended up being a c-section : and now it's going to be a huge uphill battle to even attempt a vaginal twin birth. I've started calling hospitals to get ob recommendations and two of them flat out said that none of the doctors would consider it. ::

I guess my question is, did any of you feel this way? How/when were you able to get past the fear and grieving to be able to truly rejoice in the pregnancy? I love my twins and now that I've seen them and heard the heartbeats, I really don't want to lose one. However, I do still think how much easier it would be with one. : How I wish these were my first two and I had no idea how difficult parenting is.

What does the (NPT) in signatures mean?

J A with DD1 7/06, lost twins 9/08
DD2 12/09 & DS1 12/09
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#2 of 29 Old 08-25-2008, 05:05 PM
 
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Hi!

You are experiencing twinshock- it's an actual term for the shock of being pregnant with twins and for having them as well.

I didn't have any negative thoughts about having twins, but I can understand yours, esp. since you already have a high needs child.

I actually LOVE having twins, and although it has its own set of issues (see my inquiries today about naps!) it is wonderful.

I wish you the best! Eat lots of protein, drink lots of water, aim to gain 24 lbs by week 24, and buy an EZ 2 Nurse pillow.

Mama to lovely twin girls 1/08
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#3 of 29 Old 08-25-2008, 05:43 PM
 
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I cried when I found out. Theirs was a very wanted pregnancy. But, like you, I had high needs children already and I knew what I was in for.
I had lots of love mingled with resentment and fear while pregnant. And I was lucky and I knew it. The pregnancy was absolutely exhausting and I battled PTL but I was never on bedrest and I carried to 37 weeks. They came home with me two days later.

Now, a little over a year in, I am madly in love with all four of my children and wouldn't have it any other way. : I do admit to wishing that the last two came in separate pregnancies :, but when I'm honest I know we wouldn't have HAD another pregnancy. When I'm overwhelmed (OK, that's daily) I still wish it had happened differently. That does make me sad, but I'm human and I think its normal to wish it was a bit easier day to day, minute to minute.

Still, know that you CAN do it (even if it may be difficult--you can). Also know that you can feel that ambivalence towards the twin pregnancy and the twin experience and be a loving and very normal mom.
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#4 of 29 Old 08-25-2008, 08:18 PM
 
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nak. Don't read if you only want rainbows and flowers.

I could have written your post, actually I think I posted something similar. We did ivf with no though to twins. I didn't want twins, heck by the time we got to ivf i wasn't even sure I wanted another child at all. I was miserable my entire pregnancy- depressed, uncomfortable, scared. Yes, I cried at the ultrasound at 10 weeks confirming twins. Yes, I thought about how if something went wrong maybe that would be for the better. (I had lost a previous pregnancy.) Birth was hard because I didn't really want to meet these babies. But my pregnancy was long, the babies were big and they were home with me in 24 hours.

They are 14 months old now and I wish I could say that we are thrilled beyond belief to have them. But I'm not. I'm exhausted (physically and emotionally), overwhelmed, depressed, and still think about what could have been. I'm angry with the baby I lost because if she had lived we never would have got to this point.

So, this isn't what you want to hear, but maybe knowing that you aren't alone is helpful? I know I wish I could talk to someone irl about how I feel. I love my babies and would never, ever want anything to happen to them. The older two adore them, perhaps too much. I'm sure that at some point I will turn that corner but I think it won't happen until I'm sleeping at least 3 hours at a time. It is hard, but doable.

Congratulations?!

Me.  With 1 spouse, 4 kids, 16 chickens, 74 matchbox cars, 968,562+ legos, a dishwasher waiting to be emptied, a washing machine waiting to be filled and a lost cup of tea in the house.

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#5 of 29 Old 08-25-2008, 08:54 PM
 
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Originally Posted by mumm View Post
I'm exhausted (physically and emotionally), overwhelmed, depressed, and still think about what could have been. ...

I'm sure that at some point I will turn that corner but I think it won't happen until I'm sleeping at least 3 hours at a time. It is hard, but doable.

s mama.
I'm all those things too. I just think it.is.hard. Especially on no sleep. Hard. I feel like I'm failing a lot of the time. But I believe it will be OK. We will sleep again and we will make it all OK.
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#6 of 29 Old 08-25-2008, 09:29 PM
 
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I feel like I'm failing a lot of the time. But I believe it will be OK. We will sleep again and we will make it all OK.
The feeling of failing can be so overwhelming. I do feel like nobody gets enough of me, including me. My mom always says my kids are great, that I am not "ruining" them like I fear. But I know they could stand to have soooo much more of me. (They have so much more than many children do, I know that.) I have a different childhood envision for them than I am giving them. They don't know the difference. And the babies haven't clue. Maybe the benign neglect they are getting really is useful?

I do hope, and think I believe, that someday it will be easier. That I won't feel overwhelmed, exhausted and lost. And my kids, myself, and my family will be fine.

But there are also days when I think, "Wow, have I got this under control." And I feel a bit of smug superiority to moms of singletons or those who only have twins or who have help, because I see my family working as a team. And I know my kids are better off for having to think of others, or help each other, or having to wait a bit.

Me.  With 1 spouse, 4 kids, 16 chickens, 74 matchbox cars, 968,562+ legos, a dishwasher waiting to be emptied, a washing machine waiting to be filled and a lost cup of tea in the house.

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#7 of 29 Old 08-26-2008, 12:18 AM
 
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I totally could have written your post, too. We didn't need help to conceive, but twins were definitely not at all expected. And we never really intended to have more than two children total. I also have a high needs DD and ended up with a C-section with her. Honestly, I think I'm in denial. I've been so focused on trying to get the best birth for them/me, that I push away all those "upset" feelings. I'm hoping it doesn't hit me all at once after I have them. I'm hoping the exact opposite will happen. I would guess that this pregnancy will be a roller coaster for you. Sometimes the special-ness of twins will make you so excited to be a part of it and then the next minute you will realize - again - how hard it's going to be. I don't have them here yet, so I can't let you know if it will get better, but I can tell you that the initial shock you're going through now does subside a bit and you learn to accept and sometimes be excited about the two little ones on their way. Good luck to us!

Kim, mom to : Katie (2/06), : Tommy & Amelia (10/08)
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#8 of 29 Old 08-26-2008, 12:24 AM
 
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I wonder how many people were "happy" straight away when they found out they were having twins? I know we were shocked, and all I could think about was how the heck we were going to do it, (financially, emotionally, and yes, with a high, high oh so high needs daughter to boot). But here we are, at 4 months, and I wouldn't have it any other way. The twins have actually helped to "change" DD1's personality, how, I don't know. But she can put some of her intensity into loving her sisters, and that is good. There are those days (like Friday) when DD1 has a crisis, and I have the babies as well, and it is hard!!! For us, we have really gone down a financial road I never thought we'd see, as a result of having twins. But I know that I needed these babies to come as a team, so that I would HAVE to give them the time and attention they deserved, as the pregnancy I lost before they were conceived was a bit sad, as I distinctly remember about a day before miscarrying, saying to my baby "Oh sweetie, you are going to have to be so much on your own. I just don't know how I can do this".
So now, I look at life with a much better attitude. I know that for me, everything happens exactly as it needs to, and that there is usually (always) a lesson for me in it.
The interesting part is that I had the loveliest birth with my twins, and with my singleton, I had her at 35 weeks and she was in the NICU for 2 weeks, learning how to eat. With the twins, we birthed at home, in our bathtub, and the sweet girls were in my arms immediately. I love my twins, and I love my life. Quite honestly, we are broker than broke right now, but I know that will change. Life ebbs and flows. Congratulations to you, and may you find peace with your pregnancy.
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#9 of 29 Old 08-26-2008, 11:55 AM
 
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don't feel bad for being freaked out - it's very heavy stuff!

i got pregnant via fertility meds, saw the number of eggs in my ovaries pre-ovulation and knew exactly what i could be getting myself into. but somehow i still didn't believe it could happen to me... until it did!

when i went in for my first ultrasound and the doctor said "it's twins!" i responded with "holy sh!t!"

i'm 10.5 weeks now, and go back and forth between being really excited and totally freaked out. will i have enough attention to give to two? will i be able to handle it when the husband is away? will i be able to nurse two without giving up? and don't even get me started on delivering these babes... that has been the biggest shocker. i was so hoping for a birth center birth, but that's not in the cards now. i'm absolutely terrified about the possibility of a c-section, and then having two infants to take care of while recovering!

not to mention the totally vain and superficial worries... will my skin stretch back? will my boobs look ok afterward? will i gain a million pounds?

so this is what goes through my head, and i think, oy vey! what have we done!

but then i remember how quickly time passes. and i assume that the older the twins get, the easier they will be to take care of. ok, the first few years will be crazy. but a few years go by so fast. and then i think about how lucky they will be to have each other - someone to hang out with when they're young, and someone to have a tight familial bond with when they're old...

it'll be good. you'll make it work. everything happens for a reason!
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#10 of 29 Old 08-26-2008, 01:16 PM
 
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What does the (NPT) in signatures mean?
That is just something those of us who have contributed content to www.naturallyparentingtwins.com put in our sigs to help us find each other over here!

Also, as a side note, there is a page over there where many of us posted our initial reactions to finding out it was twins, and you're definitely not alone in your feelings!

Wife of one and mom of five, including my HBAC twins!
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#11 of 29 Old 08-26-2008, 01:40 PM
 
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I so understand your mixed feelings! I really grieved hard, for months, over my twin pg. I grieved for how it was going to affect my older dd, how much harder it was going to be, how I wasn't sure that I could nurse twins, how my birth options seemed frustratingly limited at first, etc. etc.


How long did it last? It's so hard to say because my family went through so many changes during my twin pg that I don't know what sadness was due to which aspect. There were days I loved the extra excitement and specialness of expecting twins, and other days I felt very resentful about it. I never had just a final, "ah, now I'm excited and happy only" moment, but I know others did. And I remember feeling guilty for not being more happy.

But, the positives. Well, I DID have a vaginal birth in a birth center wing of a hospital with no IV, no OB present, etc. It took A LOT of looking to find the right person and place (and I grieved hard over not getting a homebirth) but it did work out. I would suggest you call a hb midwife, even if you're not looking to hb, to find more natural-birth friendly caregiver. That's how I found my CNM.

And the nursing thing worked out, too, for 32 months! And it all goes in waves of easy and terrifying and somewhere in between. And my ds twin was very fussy and high-needs, and somehow, you cope because you have to.

Anyway, I'll end by saying that you can do this. Try to just focus on growing healthy babies right now. The longer you carry them, the healthier they will be, and that means the easier it will be for all of you to find your groove when they come. Good luck as you continue on this incredible journey!

"We think we're gliding down the highway when in fact we're slip sliding away." Paul Simon
DD-7 & B-G twins, 5
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#12 of 29 Old 08-26-2008, 02:11 PM
 
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We had a week where the doctor thought there were two gestational sacs and when twins were confirmed. We did a lot of thinking and worrying in that week. At one point in that week, my husband said "I hope there is two. I want them both." And then twins were confirmed, and the rollercoaster ride really took off. There was the initial shock, both when newly pregnant and when they arrived. But it gets better. People told us that the first three years are the worst, someone else promised the first three months were the worst. Really, things do get better.
My advice, although you didn't ask for it: See if your partner can get family medical leave, even without pay, so he can be home for a few weeks. Especially if you have another c-section.
See if you can line up someone (your mother, a sister, anybody you trust) to come and be live in help for about 2 weeks. It is a life saver.
Read the book by Dr. Luke "When you're expecting twins, triplets,or quads"-- great info.
I second the EZ2nurse pillow. My twins nursed for 26 months.

Twins are twice as nice. It will be challenging, but there are blessings every day.
Best of luck.

Twin boys (2/05) and little sister (10/07)
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#13 of 29 Old 08-26-2008, 03:47 PM
 
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I also could have written much of what's been written. It is a really tough thing. My twins are 18 months now, and I still sometimes resent that I had twins, and think about how it would have been so much easier, or it would have been so much better if not... And look at my friends who just have one baby with much jealousy. And I feel guilty and ashamed of myself for it. Feel like my boys deserve better than that. And I felt that so much more strongly during my pregnancy. When we first found out, my husband and I were both pretty giddy. Then once it started to sink in, I really struggled with resentment and anger and disappointment and then guilt... And worried that in even daring to let myself think "it would be so much easier if I could just have one..." that I would make something happen. It was really really hard. And so many people just don't get it - they think 2 babies, how great, and twins - how cute! And just expect you to be thrilled.

I also struggled because we only wanted to have two kids, and here they were. I wasn't going to have a second chance - I had to do it all right (I struggle a lot with feeling like I'm failing, too - but I do in everyday life, so that's another story). And so much didn't happen the way I wanted to - they came 2 months early, and had to stay in the NICU for 11 days (which, really, is nothing, but it meant a c-section, and them being taken from me right away; the two of them not being able to be next to each other until they came home, breastfeeding struggles, etc.).

There are definitely times when I think it's so cool to have twins - that's getting to be the case a little more, now that they are starting to play together a lot. It's the most adorable thing I've seen when D runs after G with his arms outstretched saying "ticky ticky ticky", trying to corner G & tickle him.... And I think me being who I am, it's kind of good that I won't have to go through these first marathon years twice. So there truly are good points. I can't say that I don't still wish that I had had them separately, but at least I'm getting to the point where sometimes I don't wish that.

All I can say is try to let yourself be as real as you possibly can be - don't try to make yourself be happy about it when you're not, and if you can find even one person who you can be real with and who will listen and really hear you & understand, that will be a huge blessing & a really important release valve.

You will make it. Sometimes because you have no other choice, and sometimes because you learn so much and have so much more in you that you didn't know you had, and those will be good times.
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#14 of 29 Old 08-26-2008, 04:05 PM
 
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I didn't order one baby, much less two. So to say that I was unhappy about finding out I was pregnant again would be an understatement. A HUGE understatement. When I started spotting at 9 weeks (not knowing I was carrying twins) I was THRILLED and actually hoped for a miscarriage. Eventually I adjusted and got excited. Then at 20 weeks--another blow. We were having twins. I just got swept into this WHIRLWIND that being pregnant with twins is. I put my energy into blogging and that sort of took on a life of it's own. I really struggled emotionally but physically I carried them with literally NO issues. Like I was made to be a gestating capsule

They are now 3 months old. I ADORE the little people that they are and I'm so glad to know them and have them in my life. They've recently begun to become more "people" and less "squaking newborn" and that's nice. But if God came down here tomorrow and asked me if I wanted to go back and change that night I think I'd probably say no but I'd have to think about it for awhile. It can be utterly exhausting to have 6 kids six and under. I am so tapped out some days I can barely drag myself from the bed. Then I have others that I feel OH so blessed to have these amazing people in my life.

Good luck to you. Know that you CAN do it. Have you considered home birth? I was really unhappy with twin protocols so I never even considered a hospital birth.
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#15 of 29 Old 08-26-2008, 04:53 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you all so much for your honest replies! I just wanted to spread some and around to all those that need them. It is a day by day struggle, but I do have faith that it will get easier. I think I've found the provider I'll use. He's not really phased by the idea of a vbac, but will not deliver a 2nd twin vaginally. So, some plus and some minus. I'll just have to work really hard for correct positioning and of course to carry them to term. I do have Barbara Luke's book and am trying to implement her diet suggestions. We're also setting up some marriage counseling for my dh and I to hopefully make our relationship as strong as possible before being assaulted with the care of these two new beings. He also alreaday has 2-3 weeks paid leave, thank God. So I will have help after the birth. It's when that leave ends that worries me. I am planning to stop working (I work part time now) when they're born. We still need to finalize the budget. This was the plan for a singleton, but now I'm a bit worried about more costs with two.

Thank you again. It does make me feel much better to get it out and hopefully I can work thru each issue as I'm able and be able to welcome them with love. Right now I just need to be able to get thru the "sharing of the news" as we are thinking of telling family soon.

J A with DD1 7/06, lost twins 9/08
DD2 12/09 & DS1 12/09
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#16 of 29 Old 08-26-2008, 05:23 PM
 
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Just wanted to say that it's great that you're being proactive w/marriage counseling - that's going to put you at an advantage.

It sounds like you're doing such a good job working through this!

And as for the budget, dh & I planned a budget for me to stay home with one baby. We've so far (year and a half) made it work with two. It's a little tighter, but really doable.
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#17 of 29 Old 08-26-2008, 08:57 PM
 
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Oh you are so brave to start this post. Thank you! I've felt so guilty for my feelings the past 6 weeks. We had our first u/s at 5d6w and I immediately saw the two sacks before the doc said twins. We knew we had a 30% chance of twins (IVF) but of course I didn't think it would really happen to us!

Before we had our 10 week u/s I kept thinking I should be so happy, but I'm not I'm overwhelmed. Then I would feel tremendous guilt and feel terrible if one "disappeared" as if I had wished it away. I was so relieved that both were on the screen for our u/s. I felt like a better mama when I was relieved. It eased some of my guilt.

I wanted a home birth - not going to happen with twins. I don't want help in my house not family not strangers. Can I do that with twins? With our son I was able to take him everywhere. I did so much, he and I were on the go without DH if need be.

With twins and a toddler, I'll have 3 under 3 and I just can't imagine I'll be able to be as active. I'm scared and overwhelmed and just trying not to think about it all.

I hope I get more excited soon. I am happy, but it all doesn't really feel real yet.

Deanna Mom to 3 boys! Jake (April 2006) & Twin Boobie Monsters Wesley & Nathan (Feb 2009)!  homeschool.gif nocirc.gif

 

 

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#18 of 29 Old 08-26-2008, 09:34 PM
 
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I still did a LOT with three under three but mine weren't two babies and a toddler. I had two toddlers and a baby. A good double stroller will save your life. Then you can stroll a twin and the toddler and wear the other twin. I still use this approach plus have three walking.
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#19 of 29 Old 08-27-2008, 02:04 AM
 
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I have so much respect for the posts before me. It takes so much honesty to write the hard stuff.

I too had hoped for a 'miracle' loss so I could go back to just one baby inside me. But tonight I sit here all alone. Husband is out of state on business and I had to take care of the twins and put them to sleep by myself. They are 19 months old.
We eventually got to sleep, in spite of missing Daddy and teething and colds.

It's not easy but we find what we need inside ourselves and slog through. And the hours peel away into morning when you see not one but two beautiful faces so happy that it's you they get to awake to. At some point you begin to appreciate what a gift you have. It's not easy, but it's special. Enjoy this time and expect the best-it will help you through the worst.
(PS, I'm NPT)
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#20 of 29 Old 08-27-2008, 10:00 AM
 
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We found out at our 6 week ultrasound that there were two in there. I actually intuitively knew that it was more than one, and quite frankly, I thought it may be triplets. So when the technician said that there were two, I was so pleased! I actually cheered and then asked "only two?" believe it or not. DH on the other hand went into shock for about an hour. The pregnancy and babies were so wanted and so loved even before we even knew there were two that it was a wonderful experience, I have no complaints, just memories.

Now, a year later, I wouldn't change anything for the world. We have two little angels living in our house. One baby is definately high needs and will keep us on our toes and one will just raise himself They both started walking just days before their first birthday and have a vocabulary of about 6-8 words which is great. BUT......

I still don't get more than 4 hours of sleep at a time at night. My high needs baby is seriously high needs and didn't get the memo that nap time was for sleeping, not screeming. We just bought our first house with familial help and are so broke we make the church mice look like millionaires. There are times when one baby just has to cry, or wait his turn. It is really hard, but the pay - off is so great. I wouldn't have it any other way. We may be one of the weird ones, but we would love another set of twins (girls this time). We have already talked about trying for another in a couple of months.

: wife to James, MoM to R babyboy.gif and D babyboy.gif  (Aug 2007) and E babygirl.gif (Nov 2009) and Y babyboy.gif (April 2012)

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#21 of 29 Old 08-27-2008, 10:31 AM
 
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You will make it. Sometimes because you have no other choice, and sometimes because you learn so much and have so much more in you that you didn't know you had, and those will be good times.
I love this peacechief you know, it even sums up the whole of life for me!!!

I cried with happiness that there was no problem when I first saw mine at 7/8 weeks, ( I can't even remember what the gestation was already. lol. but it wasn't 6 or 9. my brain, my brain), and gratitude and all sorts of good vibes, but somewhere along the line I realised this was going to demand more of me than I had bargained for and *then* went into delayed shock. I think it's healthier to go shock from the beginning

At 26+6 weeks today, I'm just shifting gear to getting excited about the birth....and terrified about the ever after. lol. I've had a lot of people around me have bereavements with multiples, in every trimester, so those all weigh heavy on my mind. I guess there's a part of me still in denial that there will be two healthy babies to bring home/ birth at home.

How am I going to cope!?!?
....by taking each day at a time and not thinking too much

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#22 of 29 Old 08-27-2008, 11:32 AM
 
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Well, I was lucky in that I didn't know we were having twins until they came out...talk about sticker shock!!

And I was VERY depressed for quite awhile. I had envisioned that my third (I had two older ones, almost 5 and 3 at the time) would be the easiest as I had the hang of things now.

Not so. With two infants who were breastfed exclusively, and rather high needs, I couldn't go to the grocery store on my own with all of them until after 6 months. I couldn't go on 2 miles walks around my neighborhood until I got a 4 person stroller. I couldn't even play outside with my kids because both babies wanted held all the time.

There was and still is a lot I couldn't do. But now that they are 14 months old it is a lot easier and I know we'll make it.

To be honest, I wouldn't do it if I had a choice, but on the other hand, at least now I have four kids without having to go through another pregnancy (they aren't easy on me!)

Deb
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#23 of 29 Old 08-27-2008, 03:35 PM
 
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Not so. With two infants who were breastfed exclusively, and rather high needs, I couldn't go to the grocery store on my own with all of them until after 6 months. I couldn't go on 2 miles walks around my neighborhood until I got a 4 person stroller. I couldn't even play outside with my kids because both babies wanted held all the time.

Deb
Four person stroller? Link?!

Oh and I can really relate. I still feel like we can't play outside much. Going to the park alone with all four...still makes me sweat from anxiety and exhaustion.
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#24 of 29 Old 08-27-2008, 11:01 PM
 
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Four person stroller? Link?!

Oh and I can really relate. I still feel like we can't play outside much. Going to the park alone with all four...still makes me sweat from anxiety and exhaustion.
I don't attempt a playground by myself, yet...they just run off in two different directions and I know they'll fall off something! (unless they are in swings...but that doesn't last long...) Maybe next year...though I'll still sweat with anxiety!

The stroller was off ebay and is a Foundations brand:

http://www.foundations.com/quad-stroller.html

I use it almost daily, and it was used, of course, and high shipping, but worth it! My older two just can't walk that far yet, and I can't wait for DH to get home because it is too late, or supper time, or I want to be with him and not away, etc. We've also used it at the zoo and for a trip to the city. I even walk the dog with us. We get a lot of looks! But it's the one thing I WAS able to reclaim....

Deb
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#25 of 29 Old 08-28-2008, 03:42 PM
 
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I don't want help in my house not family not strangers. Can I do that with twins?
I don't know what your situation is, so I can't really say one way or another for you. But I can tell you that when I was pregnant with my twins, I can remember vividly having a conversation with my husband about how I did not want to have people over all the time. I'm very much an introvert and it's hard for me to be "on" all the time, and I just hated the thought of having my parents or my mother-in-law over all the time. But at the same time, I "knew" that we were going to need help and that it wasn't just about me, that if I refused to let anyone come over, it would affect J, too, because for one thing I'd be even more exhausted and for another, I'd be getting nothing done, which J would have to the pitch in on, on top of everything else.

So, after J had to go back to work, we fell into a routine where my parents came twice a week for about four hours and J's mom came for two other days for four or so hours. And I was able to, at first, rest and not have to do laundry or dishes, etc. And then later on, be able to start taking more of the household chores back on while whoever was here watched the boys and gave me a break from that work.

I can't say it's been all good. My mother-in-law and I are not on real good terms anymore. But that is because of how she chose to tell (or not tell, to be more specific) me that she wasn't going to come anymore. But that's another story My parents are actually still coming twice a week, which is a huge blessing. There are some rocky things there, too, with how they do certain things, but it really is a life-saver for me. I'm sure I would have made it without having the help, but I would have been in a lot worse shape than I'm in (which still is not particularly good shape ). So I'm definitely glad I gave in & accepted the help.

One thing I would say, if you do decide to accept help like that, is try to keep the communication as open as possible and be clear (going both ways) about what the expectations or assumptions are, and what it is that you are looking for help with (and how that changes as time goes on).
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#26 of 29 Old 08-28-2008, 04:24 PM
 
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I wonder how many people were "happy" straight away when they found out they were having twins?
We were. I was at the 13-week ultrasound myself and just started beaming and laughing. We had talked so many times about how great it would be to have twins that I jokingly tell people that I wished them into existence. My husband was shocked when I told him. But an hour or so after, "F@#$% me!" "Really?" "No!!" he was pretty excited too.

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How/when were you able to get past the fear and grieving to be able to truly rejoice in the pregnancy?
We were rejoicing for the first few days. Then all the fear-mongering of the medical community set in and we spent the pregnancy angry, depressed, and afraid that we wouldn't even get the opportunity for our boys to have a natural birth. It was awful.

What changed? Well, by the last 6-8 weeks we were truly at the end of our rope. Then I found DoomaYula and this board. Her experience validated our philosophy and gave us a lot of strength. I can never repay what I owe Erika!! : :

A little off-topic but did you miss the word "breech" (or something else) in here?
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I think I've found the provider I'll use. He's not really phased by the idea of a vbac, but will not deliver a 2nd twin vaginally.
I've never heard of a doctor who plans to do a vaginal first twin and and c-sectioned second twin simply because it's a vbac.

Six kids, sixth sense, six degrees of separation. . . from sanity!
Not sure that I'm crunchy, but definitely a "tough chew".
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#27 of 29 Old 09-01-2008, 05:30 PM
 
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I love the honesty - it's so great to hear other people's experiences.

We found out at 6 weeks, and I cried at the ultrasound. It was a wanted pregnancy, but just the thought of twins was mortifying. I just thought 'no no no no no'. It took about a month or so to get over the shock and to really start getting excited about it.

Mine are just turning 3 months now, and we have a toddler. It's been hard at times, but so much easier because it's not the first time round. Your life has already adjusted having a child, so it might not be as hectic as you expect.

I was also worried about the strain on our relationship, but it's been totally different this time. We still bicker at those exhausted moments, but we both are much more relaxed about parenthood and gentler with each other.
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#28 of 29 Old 09-03-2008, 10:52 AM - Thread Starter
 
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A little off-topic but did you miss the word "breech" (or something else) in here?

I've never heard of a doctor who plans to do a vaginal first twin and and c-sectioned second twin simply because it's a vbac.
Oops. Yes, I did miss the work breech. However, he did say something about the possibility of an external version, which he didn't sound real keen on but it was a possibility. (At least I think, it's awfully hard to hear and concentrate when my toddler is also pulling at my skirt demanding attention. )

Thanks for all the honest replies ladies! I think I am starting to get excited. Still a bit overwhelmed, but on the way. We shared the news with our parents this weekend and I think some of their excitement is contagious. My parents are just thrilled, and really don't see the drawbacks. His parents are more concerned and understand more of the difficulties. Although, his Mom is one of those perfectionist supermom's that couldn't have kids any closer than 4 years apart in order to maintain perfect order. I'm sure the idea of 3 under 3 is overwhelming.

So, I'll keep chipping away at my fears and just pray that all are healthy. The next appt isn't for 2 more weeks, which seems forever. At that point, we'll be past the most critical development, so I'll feel safer telling everyone else.

J A with DD1 7/06, lost twins 9/08
DD2 12/09 & DS1 12/09
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#29 of 29 Old 09-04-2008, 11:37 PM
 
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Add one more to the shocked and resentful group. It took me a LONG time to bond with my twins even though nursing went great and we went full term and all. I gave up nursing my toddler (he was 11 months when they were conceived), gave up my homebirth for a c-section, and got two EXTREMELY colicy babies. I had serious thoughts of sending them to the police station with a note. The guilt and feeling of failure is terrible sometimes. I do have to say though, it does get better. Once mine started crawling they really brightened up in temperament. Now my three kids really do adore each other and I do really love and adore them. If I had it to do over I'd have still TTC that month, I'd have just lined up more help LOL!

Now they are 13 months old and while life isn't EASY it's better. My DS just unweaned so I feel so happy about getting that relationship back with him. We have a rhythm down where they will nap at a reasonably consistant time if in the car. They still wake every 3 hours all night long, but they wake me up with kisses and hugs and then they kiss and hug each other in the morning and it's just so lovely it's hard to be crabby. I do have to say I did need help for PPD and I also found that taking DHA and omega 3/6/9 supplements really helped me too as well as talking to other MOMs and to a therapist. It's hard and nothing but time is going to make it easier but you adapt and they change and before you know it you're in love with them. There is nothing in the world like watching your twins grow up, they amaze me every day.

Congrats on your little miracles, whether you feel that way or not yet. :

Lucia , Poly )O( Lactation Counseling mama lady.gifvbac.gifto 5 yo Goobersuperhero.gif and 3 1/2 yo MZ twins twins.gif Peanut and Sweetpea and 1yo Pumpkinbabyf.gif mmm placenta.gif
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